We left the church silently, my mother seemed confused by my silence both now and before when I didn't sing but she didn't press further, even as I hopped into the car that we drove home in.
"Your mother told me that you have been offered a new job?" Joseph said between bites of his lamb shank, he didn't rush his words letting them linger and once he had finished his words he went back to eating. My mother looked a bit scared having been unintentionally called out but I didn't hold it against her. And Jacob without a care.
"I have yes. But I would have to leave to follow it. So I didn't think it was worth it." I replied as nonchalontly as possible as i tried to keep my food down as the memories came flooding back.
"Why Didn't you ask?" He asked.
"How?" I ask not able to eat anymore but still have to keep my head down to pretend my voice didn't break.
"How what?" Finally Looking up from his meal and meeting my eyes I see genuine sadness in his eyes. He
"How do I tell you, how do I say there is an opportunity, something that may never come again, something life-changing but something that would require me to leave home for I don't know how long I would be gone for." my voice breaking even as I try and push it down and my eyes begin to blur and even with the strength of aura
"like this. Mom, Joseph I have some news." His eyes deepen even through my blurred vision as I try and hold them onto his and hold back my tears.
"I know this is sudden but u have an opportunity" he continued as my mother made her way around to me to try and comfort me as much as she could.
"But I think is an opportunity I won't get again, and I feel called to it."
"I would like to go." His final words were all it took for the tears to start. He made his way around to try and help but the crying set Jacob off and he started crying to. we cut lunch short and spent most of the evening trying to calm Jacob down, putting on his favorite, the Lego movie, and spending that time with him, as much time as i had left as I began explaining to mom and Joseph, all the lies I rememberd. About the non prophet, about the outreach and about the fact that I would have to leave soon but they supported me. They told me about how proud they were and about how diffrent I had been acting since they hade come to town. explaining it to Jacob made him cry again but after a while we managed to get everything sorted again and carried out the rest of the day.
***
Waking up on Monday morning the reality of everything was made known in the silence within and without leaving me with only one thing left, I rolled off my bed and onto my knees.
"Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be Thy name. Please, please let it get better I don't want to hurt anybody again, I don't want to kill anybody again... Amen." Staying in the silence I closed my eyes and tried despretly to hear anything but the silence was the only thing that spoke back. Getting up, getting dressed in my casual wear and grabbing my packed bag I made when I couldnt fall asleep last night. making my way out I spent some time with Jacob, he fought hard not to go to school so I did what I could for him while i was still here.
But even that didn't last long as a ring at the door that mom answered was the sigh of all that i was about to lose, but I couldnt stop it. I grabbed evything I could and made my way to the frount to see adam waiting there for me. turning around and making her way to me my mother hugged me before pulling backing and looking into my eyes.
"Are you Ready" she asked me with a trembbling voice. all I could do was knod to try and keep it together, if I was to speek she would have been able to see through my lie.
"Take Care" My mother hugged me closely and Jacob held on even tighter onto my leg only Joseph was absent having left early for work. But after a bit i had to shake him off and made my way to adam. Passing the threshhold and looking back to see my mother holding back tears as my step brother held onto her balling his eyes out but I closed the door and set off to my new life.