What is wrong with me! Nemia screamed inside her mind, staying a few paces ahead of Dorian as they made their way back to his home. They had already made it about half way back now and the whole time it's been silent between the two of them. Mainly due to her being a stubborn as a bull but, she couldn't talk to him right now even if she wanted to.
Every time she thought about trying to bring up a topic of conversation, she'd faulter before she managed to say a word. Their last few moments burning a whole through her memories.
He stopped. She was ready and he just... Stopped.
He was being noble. Adira retorted to her own thoughts.
But I...
No buts this time. He is honorable. You have made your intentions clear. You wanted time. Adira interjected, aggravation carrying through her tone.
Nemia exhaled a low sigh. But I was ready.
She could feel Adira shaking her head. No, you were hurting. I'm all for you completing our bond. But like he said, we want no regrets the next morning when your head plummets back to reality.
Nemia knew she was right. That he was right. But... She did feel ready.
The memory of his heated lips on hers and him pressing between her thighs. She shivered.
"Are you cold?" Dorian asked, still staying a few paces behind. She paused mid step and he did too. The crunching behind her stopping abruptly told her so. She half glanced over her shoulder, unable to bring herself to turn completely around and truly look at him. "No." She meant to sound firm, cold even, in tone. Instead, however, it came out in a shaky, choked squeak.
Just as she was about to resume her step, she heard the crunching of him walking up closer behind her. Stopping again once he was beside her, turning her to look at him. When she didn't, he put a curled finger under her chin and tipped it up to force his face into her sights, though gently executed.
Her gaze focused on his eyes as he searched her face. He must've been looking for something specific, but didn't announce anything.
"What are you doing, Dorian?" She asked with a sigh.
"Looking." He said simply.
His answer wasn't what she expected, though she wasn't sure what she expected his answer to be. She blinked, confusion etching across her face and she bit her bottom lip, trying to contain her nerves. Her fingers twitched toward him but she stopped herself from actually reaching out.
With his pointer still tucked under her chin, he used his thumb to trace the corner of her lips and pulled her lip from between her teeth.
"You need to stop." She couldn't breath. She needed to pull away, should pull away. Her plea the only defense she was able to muster however.
"I know." He breathed, his voice barely a whisper. Even as he agreed, his thumb still swept across her bottom lip again and another shiver coarsed through her just like a moment ago, that caused him to ask if she was cold. "This is definitely a long walk back." He muttered as he pulled away.
The cool spring weather replacing where he was touching caused an emptiness to form in her chest. She frowned and broke eye contact. "Yeah.. a long walk." She agreed softly, turning they both started walking again.
**
When the two of them finally arrived back at the castle, it was around four in the morning. Both of them had been silent the rest of the trip and it has only caused Nemia to spiral even more. But in a more constructive way, trying to work out whatever she was feeling inside herself. Trying to decide if what she had felt had been just a whim to try and stuff the pain she has felt down or if it was real.
They entered through the front and both walked quietly to the stairs. Nik and Julia was sitting on the third to last step. Well, Nik was sitting. Julia had seemingly fell asleep and had laid her head on Nik's knees.
Nik flashed a bright grin as they walked up. "About time you two got back. Trying to keep her here was nearly impossible. She wanted to go after you after about three hours. Was demanding to go after you." He chuckled and put a gentle hand on her shoulder, giving her a light shake to wake her up. "She's back Julia, they both are."
Nemia smiled softly. "Thank you for not letting her." She gave her graces to Nik as Julia groggily opened her eyes, sitting up blinking slowly. After a moment, her eyes focused and they widened as she launched herself off the stairs at Nemia.
"Nemia!" Julia cried out with relief, wrapping herself around Nemia.
She hugged her back just as tightly, and holding onto her resolve just as tight.
Julia pulled back, holding her at arms distance. Scanning for anything of note to make sure she was physically okay, like always. Nemia tried to give her a big bright smile but it fell short and she knew it never even got close to reaching her eyes. Julia frowned slightly.
"We shall leave you two to it then. Have a good rest, Julia." Dorian spoke. Giving her a brief nod and a toothy grin that softened as his eyes fell back on Nemia. "To you as well, Nemia."
"Wait, Dorian!" Julia called out just as he turned to make his way up the stairs. He stopped, looking down at them and she quickly let go of Nemia and rushed Dorian into a hug. "Thank you for getting her back in good shape."
He softly patted her back. "I'll always ensure her safety, don't you worry." Dorian responded, his gaze unwavering from Nemia's and she felt the heat rising in her cheeks. She caught the small smirk he gave her and winked just as Julia let him go. "Goodnight." He bowed his head and started back up the stairs, Nik following on behind him after wishing them a goodnight as well and verifying they could make it back to their bedrooms. Which they could, easily enough though Nemia wasn't sure if sleep was even an option for her tonight.
"Nemia. Are you okay? What Don-" Nemia put up a hand to stifle what Julia was about to say.
"Don't say the bastards name, please." She half begged and Julia nodded, mimicking zipping and locking her mouth shut then throwing away the key. Nemia smiled a bit easier then. "Thank you. But yes, I... I think I'm okay." She answered the initial question, looking up into the stairs where Dorian has disappeared to.
Julia seemed to track the path of her gaze and swiveled her head back to Nemia's. "Did.. something happen?" She asked, stepping up two steps to become a slight bit taller than Nemia. Her hand settling on her hip with a pointed look.
Nemia felt the heat rise in her cheeks, thinking about their shared moment in the forest. But the memory ended the same each time. "He stopped." She muttered softly and her face fell.
"He stopped? What?" Julia asked as the confusion of the statement drew her brows close together.
Nemia sighed and spun to sit down on the stairs. "He stopped. I advanced but he stopped it."
"You advanced? Nemia honey, please make sense." Julia groaned.
"When he found me, after I got done being weak and crying into his chest.. I told him to mark me. Make me forget all else from the night.." Nemia paused and glanced over at Julia who was now sitting with her mouth agape. "But just as fast as things start to... Heat.. he pulled back. He.." She sighed. "He said we needed to wait till my head was clear. That he didn't want me to regret doing it the next morning.."
"That's... So sweet though.. are you really upset he told you no?" Julia proded.
Nemia shook her head. "No, I'm not upset I'm just... Confused. Okay and maybe a little upset because I really did want it, but he didn't seem to believe me."
"Nemia, honey... You just found out something that changed how you've felt for the last ten years and you were put in the head space of it all being your fault. Of course he couldn't believe you tonight. Especially if you really did sob into his chest. That was very noble of him, I'm sure it took a lot out of him to stop. Take a few days to sit on the feeling and if that is how you feel, you tell him then." Julia gently squeezed her shoulder. "Let's head up to bed though, I need beauty sleep now and these stairs are not comfy to sleep on."
Nemia chewed on the inside of her cheek but gave Julia a nod, rising up and heading up the stairs with her.
Julia wrapped an arm around Nemia and smiled. "I am happy that you are back though, and that you've made it another step into what's meant to be your fate."
Nemia scoffed. Why did Fate have to intervene with her life? "Yeah, fate. Wonderful thing, isn't it.." She rolled her eyes.
Julia squeezed her and giggled. "I can't wait for all of this to come full circle. And I get front row seats." She giggled again, slightly louder.
It didn't take them too long to make it up the three flights of stairs and head to their designated rooms. Saying goodnight to each other even though the suns morning rays is closing in on the night. Its not like Nemia ever sleeps long anyways though.
She collapsed onto her bed after shutting the bedroom door and quickly drifted off to sleep. Though this night, her dream changed for the first time in ten years. Tonight, instead of reliving that night over again. She relived another moment. The moment she realized that she wanted Dorian. Wanted to be his mate.
She was back against the tree, Dorian being just as he was. Tasting her and sliding his fingertips across her skin. Her body hummed to life at his touch. This time, however, he didn't stop at her breasts. He dipped lower and lower till his fingertips brushed across her core. Wedging itself between their hips and starting to move in slow, tight circles around the sensitive bud of nerves.
Her back arches and she lets out a moan, her hips grinding against his hand. "Please Dorian." She moans again and his long fingers slip down, circling her entrance before one starts to dip in.
A rush of euphoria washes over her body and her muscles clench as heat pours out of her.
She opens her eyes, dazed momentarily before realization struck.
Shit. It was just a dream.