Weiss stifled a yawn, struggling to keep her focus as she and Velvet scrolled through parenting videos. Cocoa, meanwhile, was knee-deep in baby outfit catalogs, muttering indecipherably about color schemes.
It was only a little past eight—not exactly late by normal standards—but after last week's incident in the docks of Vale, Weiss felt she was more than entitled to a long, uninterrupted rest.
Unfortunately, her so-called "harem society" had other plans.
She loved them—she truly did. But it was the kind of love reserved for an overzealous stray dog that chewed your shoes, drooled on your bed, and somehow still managed to worm its way into your heart.
Shizuo's harem was exactly like that.
"So begins the first meeting of our illustrious Shizuo-Harem-Society!"
Ruby declared with far too much enthusiasm, perched cross-legged in the middle of the room. Surrounding her on the floor were Blake, Yang, Nora, Ren, Pyrrha, Ilia, and the Malachite twins, Melanie and Miltia. Absent from this chaos were Tsune, Neo, and Glynda—something Weiss silently counted as a blessing.
Weiss, Velvet, and Cocoa had wisely chosen to sit on her bed. Four perfectly good mattresses were available, but Ruby, in her infinite wisdom, had deemed the cold, hard floor the perfect venue for their "important" meeting. Why? Only Ruby could answer that.
Ruby clapped her hands, cutting through the idle chatter.
"Alright! Let's get this meeting underway. Agent Ilia, report on our numbers!"
Ilia sighed, her patience clearly wearing thin, but nonetheless complied.
"At present, there are sixteen confirmed members in Shizuo's harem."
She paused, swiping through her scroll.
"Recently, however, he's been… active. He's slept with Kate—"
"The squirrel Faunus from Team CAKK, right?"
Weiss interjected, raising a skeptical brow.
"Correct."
Ilia nodded and held up an image of a chipper-looking Faunus girl on her scroll.
"She's been showing signs of morning sickness for the last few days but hasn't taken a test yet. Whether she—or her team—plans to join us remains uncertain."
"What about Penny Polendina?"
Blake asked, adjusting her position.
Ilia hesitated before pulling up another image.
"That one's… complicated. She's General Ironwood's goddaughter and has lived a very sheltered life. After the docks incident, she was sent back to Atlas. I can't confirm if she's pregnant, but…"
She trailed off, grimacing.
"Given the timing and circumstances, there's a good chance."
A heavy silence fell over the room as the group processed the update.
Yang broke the tension with a mischievous grin.
"So what you're saying is… we've got Yangpetition?"
"Oh, for Dust's sake, no, Yang!"
Weiss groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Ruby, undeterred, puffed up her chest and cut in with the overconfidence of a self-appointed leader, her voice brimming with determination.
"No, Yang."
She declared, a glint of mischief in her silver eyes.
"What we've got is… recruits."
Her proclamation hung in the air, as though she'd just announced the discovery of a new Dust vein. It was met with a mixture of groans, eye rolls, and barely contained laughter.
Yang groaned audibly, while Weiss rolled her eyes so hard it was a wonder they didn't fall out of her head. Blake muttered something under her breath about Ruby taking this way too seriously, others clearly enjoying her antics.
Weiss sighed and sank deeper into the bed, already regretting her decision to stay in the room.
"Recruits."
she echoed flatly, staring at Ruby with an expression that could only be described as done.
"Are we an Atlassian unit now, or is this just another excuse for you to play pretend leader?"
Ruby ignored the jab, her excitement unshaken.
"Both! We need structure, Weiss. Organization! If we're going to properly manage Shizuo's harem, we need to be prepared for anything!"
Velvet shot Weiss a glance, her ears twitching as if to say, You're the one who let this happen. Cocoa, flipping a page in her catalog, didn't even look up.
"Anything, huh?"
Yang leaned forward with a smirk.
"Does that include drafting a constitution for our little group? Maybe electing officers?"
"Exactly!"
Ruby exclaimed, missing the sarcasm entirely.
"I was thinking we could assign roles—scouting, recruitment, logistics—"
"Ruby."
Weiss interrupted, pinching the bridge of her nose again.
"This isn't a military campaign. It's a disaster. A loud, chaotic, embarrassing disaster."
Ruby pouted, her enthusiasm faltering for a moment before she rallied.
"That's where you're wrong, Weiss! Disasters are just unorganized success waiting to happen."
"That..."
Blake said dryly.
"Might be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."
"And yet..."
Ilia muttered, rubbing her temples.
"It's somehow fitting for this group."
The room fell into a brief, contemplative silence before Nora raised her hand excitedly.
"Can I be in charge of the snacks?"
Ruby grinned.
"Absolutely!"
Cocoa finally looked up from her catalog, pushing her glasses up her nose with a sigh.
"Please tell me you're not drafting a flowchart for this."
Ruby froze, visibly torn between admitting to her intentions and playing coy.
"...Not yet."
She muttered.
"Great. Let me know when you do."
Cocoa said dryly.
"I'll set it on fire."
The room broke into laughter, the absurdity of their so-called "harem society" sinking in once again. Even Blake, usually the most composed of the group, allowed a small smirk to creep onto her face.
Velvet chuckled softly, shaking her head as she closed the parenting video she had been half-watching.
"I don't know what's worse—this entire conversation or the fact that I'm not even surprised anymore."
Cocoa finally set her catalog aside, her lips twitching in amusement.
"Oh, it's definitely this conversation. Though, I have to admit, the idea of 'recruits' is entertaining. Does that mean we're going to start holding interviews?"
Ruby's eyes lit up at the suggestion.
"That's brilliant! We can create a checklist—personality compatibility, willingness to participate, combat skills—"
"Ruby!"
Weiss snapped, cutting her off before she could spiral further.
"We are not holding interviews. This entire… situation is already ridiculous enough without formalizing it!"
Yang leaned back, hands behind her head, her grin widening.
"Aw, come on, Weiss. Don't you think it'd be fun? We could even set up a tournament. 'So you wanna join Shizuo's harem?'"
Nora clapped her hands together, eyes sparkling with excitement.
"Yes! And the winner gets a trophy for having Shizuo's baby! Or maybe a lifetime supply of pancakes!"
Ren sighed, though the faintest hint of a smile tugged at her lips.
"Let's not give her ideas, Yang."
The laughter reignited, filling the room with a chaotic warmth that almost made Weiss smile. Almost.
She let out a long, exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose as she muttered to herself.
"This is my life now. Why do I even bother?"
Ruby, oblivious to Weiss's mounting frustration, clapped her hands again to regain control of the group.
"Alright, everyone! Back to business! We still need to discuss—"
But Weiss had already tuned her out, burying her face in a pillow as the others continued to laugh and chatter. The chaos in the room surged on, Ruby's voice cutting through the cacophony like an overenthusiastic event planner at a children's birthday party.
Weiss, half-buried in her pillow, weighed her options. She could try to enforce some semblance of order—but that felt as futile as trying to herd a pack of Beowolves through a Dust minefield. Or she could surrender to the inevitable and let the madness unfold.
"Alright!"
Ruby's silver eyes sparkled with determination as she took center stage—or rather, the middle of the room, surrounded by mismatched rugs and questionable snacks.
"Our next order of business: group morale! We need a bonding activity to strengthen our teamwork and unity!"
"Bonding activity?"
Blake asked, her tone flat as she perched on the edge of a nearby chair.
"Ruby, the last time you suggested a 'bonding activity,' we ended up getting chased by a Nevermore because someone—"
Her amber eyes flicked to Nora.
"—Thought it would be fun to try and ride it."
"It was fun!"
Nora chirped, unrepentant.
"...For the first few seconds, anyway."
Yang laughed, clapping Nora on the back.
"Hey, I'd call that a success. We all worked together to not die. That's what bonding's all about, right?"
Weiss groaned audibly, sitting up and fixing Ruby with her trademark icy glare.
"Please, for the love of sanity, tell me this 'bonding activity' doesn't involve combat or anything remotely life-threatening."
"Of course not, Weiss!"
Ruby replied, beaming.
"I was thinking something fun and harmless, like karaoke!"
The room fell silent. For a brief moment, it seemed as though the idea might actually take hold—until Cocoa let out a quiet snort, her lips curling into a smirk.
"Karaoke?"
She repeated, clearly amused.
"With this group? Half of us are tone-deaf, and the other half would just argue over song choices."
"Not true!"
Ruby protested, crossing her arms.
"I'm a great singer! Right, Yang?"
Yang, biting back laughter, gave her little sister a thumbs-up.
"You've got... spirit, Rubes. That's what counts."
Blake rubbed her temples, clearly regretting her decision to stay.
"I'd rather face another Nevermore than listen to this."
Nora's eyes lit up.
"Ooh! What if we combine karaoke and fighting? Like a battle of the bands, but with actual battles!"
Ren gave her a sideways glance.
"That sounds… incredibly dangerous."
"Exactly!"
Nora said, grinning from ear to ear.
Weiss, sensing her fragile grip on reality slipping further, rose to her feet and clapped her hands.
"Enough! This meeting is over. I'm declaring it null and void."
"You can't do that!"
Ruby gasped, looking genuinely betrayed.
"I'm the leader, Weiss! That's my call to make!"
"And as the only semblance of reason in this room, I'm overruling you."
Weiss shot back, her tone sharp.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put all our babies to bed with a lullaby."
The room erupted into protests, but Weiss ignored them, sweeping toward the door with all the poise and dignity of a Schnee who had absolutely had enough. Just as she reached the threshold, she paused, casting one last icy look over her shoulder.
"And for the record."
She added.
"If any of you wake up the babies for any reason, you'll wish a Nevermore was the worst of your problems."
With that, she left to take care of the babies, the door clicking shut behind her. The room fell silent for a beat before Ruby, undeterred, puffed up her chest again and declared:
"Alright, new plan! Karaoke after Weiss puts our kids to sleep!"