Ned had been less than pleased when his brother came looking for him in the dead of night. Robert's offer to become Hand of the King, coupled with Lysa's letter warning Cat about the Lannisters' involvement in Jon Arryn's death, weighed heavily on Ned's mind. He had never been a man to believe in signs, but the image of the dead direwolf in the woods, killed by the antler of a stag, kept returning to him. It was a troubling coincidence, if nothing else.
He believed Robert would never harm him. But that was before. The man he once called brother had changed. And now, his own blood brother had brought him another headache. Worst of all, it was about Jon.
"A knight anointed in the name of the Seven?" Ned repeated, the disbelief evident in his voice. He rubbed his eyes and glanced toward the bed where Cat slept, steady and undisturbed. At least she had the comfort of sleep, while his thoughts churned.
"Jon's still a boy," Ned said plainly. "He can't compete in tourneys or melees. He'll only get himself hurt, or worse."
Benjen rested his back against the stone wall, his expression tired. "The boy has ambition. He believes his time at Winterfell is almost over. He thinks you'll head south to King's Landing as the new Hand of the King."
Ned sighed. The position was a burden he did not welcome, yet Robert expected him to accept it. Cat was convinced he had no choice. And Jon…Jon seemed to assume he would leave Winterfell behind, abandoning him to Cat's care.
"No, Jon's safe here. She won't hurt him."
Benjen didn't meet his gaze, and Ned could sense the unease beneath his words. "You know he can't stay here. Secrets can't be kept forever, Ned. Whether it's Catelyn, or Maester Luwin, or even Jon himself. I'm afraid Catelyn will start digging for the truth once you leave. If anyone finds out..."
Benjen held his tongue for fear of saying something he shouldn't. They both knew. They always had. But they never let the words leave their mouths. They couldn't, not even here.
Ned's voice hardened. "Then what do you propose I do? Listen to the boy and send him south? To who? To Robert? Who would be willing to take Jon as their squire? A northern bastard has no place being a southern knight's squire."
Benjen shook his head slowly, the lines on his face deepening. "He not just a northern bastard. He's your bastard. The bastard of Eddard Stark, Hand of the King. Once he's in King's Landing, he'll be around plenty of knights willing to take him under their wing."
"So you're going to tell me the same thing I've heard all day, that I should abandon Winterfell and go south? My place is here, and so is Jon's."
Benjen's gaze was firm. "You won't be able to stop him, Ned. Whether you like it or not, one day Jon will spread his wings. Catelyn and he can't live under the same roof forever, and only one of them can leave. Best you help him, or who knows what that brash boy might do."
Ned knew. The feeling had only grown stronger as the years went by. No matter how well he treated Jon, Winterfell would never fully accept him. Not to mention Catelyn. Even his own children treated him differently. Ever since Sansa was old enough to understand what a bastard was, she had never called Jon her brother, only her half-brother. That boundary had deeply affected Jon, he wanted to be loved like the rest of his siblings, but he was also intelligent enough to know that he never would be. He needed to find his own home, his own family, where he could loved and respected like he dreamed.
Could Jon find what he was looking for in King's Landing? Ned didn't think so, but if Jon didn't want to join Benjen on the Wall, what else could he do? At least, if he brought Jon with him to King's Landing, the knights and nobles wouldn't mistreat him. Not as long as he was Hand of the King.
As long as he was Hand of the King? The thought was pushed away as soon as it came up.
Ned broke the silence and finally responded. "Tell Jon I want to see him in the morning. If his skill isn't up to par, I won't agree to his request. He'll have until we leave to prove he has what it takes. If he can't, he can't go."
Benjen nodded, though there was doubt in his eyes. "You're doing what you think is right."
When Benjen left, Ned sat alone in the quiet room, the fire burning low. His thoughts were clashing between duty and family. He knew the path ahead was uncertain. Jon's future was not decided yet, but whatever happened, Ned understood that the choices he made now would have consequences, for Jon, for Cat, and for Winterfell.
Who Jon squired for was important. He had half a mind to ask Robert, before he realized how grave a mistake it would be. Ser Barristan would be the best option, he was skilled, experienced, fiercely loyal and an honorable man. But men like that were proud, would he ever accept Jon as his squire? It didn't seem likely. Jaime...
The mere thought of it made him disgusted. Even if the Kingslayer wanted Jon to be his squire, Ned would never agree. Jaime Lannister was no knight. It was a crime he was still a member of the Kingsguard.
Ned finally gave up and went under the covers. In the morning, he would call Ser Rodrik to the yard and have him test Jon's skill. Truthfully, he knew Jon would fail. The boy had never been great with a sword in his hands.
"I hope he won't take it too hard. He's still a boy." His voice waned as he closed his eyes. "Still a boy..."