Cherreads

Chapter 3 - 3 - Crimson Thread

Exhaustion drags at Cael's bones like iron chains. The tower room offers what might pass for safety—stone walls thick enough to muffle sound, a single entrance he can watch, height that provides warning of approaching danger. His sword rests across his knees, its familiar weight small comfort after the chaos in the armory below.

Three years of running have taught him to sleep light and wake fast, to rest without truly relaxing. But the adrenaline that kept him moving is fading, leaving behind the bone-deep weariness that makes even vigilance feel like too much effort. His ribs throb where the beast's shoulder caught him, each breath a reminder of how close he came to being crushed.

His eyes drift closed despite every instinct screaming against it. Just for a moment. Just to gather strength for whatever comes next.

The dreams come immediately, as they always do. The mountain road in winter, snow turned red with noble blood. His father's voice commanding guards who are already dead. His mother's scream cutting through the clash of steel. His sister—

"Such restless sleep for someone who claims to be a survivor."

The voice cuts through his dreams like a blade through silk. Cael's eyes snap open to find death crouched directly in front of him, close enough that he can see the silver flecks in eyes that belong to winter itself.

She's tall and lean, built like a hunting cat, with silver hair that catches what little moonlight filters through the window. Her features are sharp enough to cut glass, beautiful in the way poisonous flowers are beautiful—best appreciated from a distance. The same elf who'd tried to kill him in the soul thread chamber now sits within arm's reach, studying him like a particularly interesting specimen.

How long has she been watching him sleep? The thought sends ice through his veins. His hand moves toward his sword, muscle memory taking over where conscious thought fails.

"I wouldn't."

She hasn't moved, hasn't even shifted her weight, but something in her tone makes his hand freeze. This close, he can see the daggers at her sides, the way her position allows for instant violence, the complete lack of tension that marks someone supremely confident in their ability to kill.

"You're an assassin."

Not a question. Everything about her screams professional killer, from her soundless arrival to the way she studies him with the detached interest of someone calculating the most efficient way to end a life.

"I am." She tilts her head slightly, winter eyes taking in details with mechanical precision. "Cael Xerion. Twenty-six years old. Second son of a minor noble house that met an unfortunate end three years ago. Currently making a living as a third-rate sellsword in a backwater town."

Each word lands like a physical blow. His careful anonymity, the false names and changed appearance, the constant movement—all of it meaningless. She knows exactly who he is. His jaw clenches, and he forces his breathing to remain steady.

"Though I must admit, you've proven more resourceful than expected. Most targets don't survive this long."

"Let me guess. Someone with deep pockets wants me dead."

"Someone with very specific interests in ensuring certain bloodlines end permanently." She shifts her weight slightly, the movement so fluid it seems to defy physics. The moonlight catches on her daggers, revealing blades that seem to drink light rather than reflect it. "Your family was investigating things better left buried. Asking questions about birthrights and bloodline magic that made powerful people nervous."

"So they were murdered for curiosity." The words come out bitter, edged with three years of suppressed rage.

"They were eliminated for threatening the current balance of power. You were supposed to die with them."

The casual way she discusses his family's slaughter makes his hands curl into fists. Through the window, wind howls around the tower's ancient stones, providing an eerie soundtrack to what's about to happen. His bloodline gift stirs beneath his skin, ready to flood his system with enhanced strength and speed if he triggers it.

"I suppose you're here to correct that oversight."

"That is the general idea, yes." She rises from her crouch with liquid grace, daggers appearing in her hands without visible effort. No flourish, no dramatic gesture, just smooth transition from conversation to imminent violence. "Though I am curious how you survived. The attack was quite thorough."

"Lucky, I guess." He grips his sword hilt, calculating distances and angles. The room is small, which limits her mobility but also his. No real room to maneuver.

"I don't believe in luck." Her stance shifts subtly, weight distributing for optimal attack patterns. "Show me."

Her attack comes without warning—no telegraphed motion, no dramatic pause, just instant transition from stillness to lethal motion. The blade whispers through air where his head had been a heartbeat before, close enough that he feels the wind of its passage ruffle his hair.

Cael rolls sideways, hand closing on his sword's grip as trained reflexes take over. He brings the blade up in a desperate arc that catches her follow-up strike with a ring of steel that fills the small chamber. The impact jars his arm to the shoulder, confirming what he'd suspected in the soul thread chamber—she's stronger than her build suggests.

She flows around his guard like water, daggers weaving patterns that force him backward. Each exchange pushes him toward the chamber's walls, limiting his options further. Her face remains calm, almost serene, as she works. This is just another job to her, another bloodline to end.

"Decent form." Her voice remains conversational even as her blades seek his life. "Your tutors weren't completely incompetent."

"Thanks for the assessment." He manages to deflect a thrust that would have opened his throat, but the effort leaves him overextended.

She exploits the opening instantly, her off-hand dagger scoring a line across his ribs that parts leather and skin with equal ease. First blood to her, and they both know it's just the beginning.

"Though you rely too much on strength," she continues, as if giving a lesson rather than trying to kill him. "Against a faster opponent, that's a fatal weakness."

As if to prove her point, she accelerates her attacks. Where before she was testing, now she demonstrates the gulf between talented amateur and consummate professional. His sword work is good—three years of constant practice have honed his skills beyond what noble tutors instilled. But she operates on an entirely different level.

Still, he has advantages of his own. Desperation, for one. The absolute certainty that failure means death tends to focus the mind wonderfully. Youth and stamina, though she shows no signs of tiring. And something else, something that burns in his blood when death comes calling.

The Xerion bloodline carries more than just a noble name. His father had spoken of it in hushed tones, gifts that manifested in times of great need. Cael had felt it once, three years ago, when a blade meant to kill had instead awakened something sleeping in his veins.

He feels it stirring now, heat building beneath his skin as their deadly dance continues.

"Interesting." She must notice something—a change in his speed, perhaps, or the way his movements become more fluid. Her attacks intensify, probing for weaknesses with surgical precision. "Bloodline gift?"

He doesn't answer, focused on survival rather than conversation. The enhancement flows through him, lending speed and strength beyond normal human limits. His next parry actually forces her back a step, and he sees surprise flicker in those winter eyes.

"Very interesting indeed."

The confined space works against them both. Cael uses the room's sparse furniture as obstacles, forcing her to adjust angles of attack. A desperate leap carries him over the narrow cot that serves as the room's only comfort, buying precious seconds as she flows around it like water.

But seconds are all he gains. She's herding him, he realizes, controlling the flow of combat with the patience of someone who's done this countless times before. Each exchange leaves him with fewer options, less room to maneuver.

"You can't win this," she observes, her breathing still controlled while his comes in gasps.

"Maybe not. But I can make it cost you."

His counterattack comes with the recklessness of someone with nothing left to lose. The bloodline heat surges through him, lending speed and strength that surprise them both. His blade carves through her guard, opening a line across her ribs that mirrors the wound she gave him.

First blood to him, finally.

She touches the wound with her free hand, examining the red that comes away with something like approval. The first emotion she's shown beyond professional detachment.

"Very interesting indeed. No wonder they wanted your entire line dead."

Her next assault abandons all pretense of testing. She moves like liquid shadow, daggers becoming extensions of her will as she drives him back with overwhelming force. The nick he'd managed seems only to have sharpened her focus, turned a professional execution into something more personal.

The fight spills from the guard chamber into the stairwell beyond. Ancient steps worn smooth by centuries provide treacherous footing as they continue their deadly dance vertical. She drives him upward, using the confined space to limit his sword's effectiveness while her daggers find every gap in his defense.

Cael's ribs scream protest from the beast's earlier abuse, and exhaustion drags at his limbs like lead weights. The bloodline enhancement can only do so much, and he's burning through reserves he doesn't have. But stopping means dying, so he climbs and parries and tries to find some advantage in architecture that seems designed to kill him as surely as she does.

The stairs end at another chamber—the tower's upper reaches, where windows on three sides offer views of moonlit forest. More space to fight properly, but also nowhere left to run. He's been herded exactly where she wanted him, and they both know it.

"End of the line." She stands silhouetted against one window, a figure carved from moonlight and menace. "Nowhere left to run."

"Good. I was getting tired of the stairs anyway." The quip comes out breathless, but he's not giving her the satisfaction of seeing fear.

What happens next is combat stripped to its purest form. No environmental advantages, no tricks or surprises, just skill against skill in a test that only one will survive. She comes at him with combinations that flow like deadly poetry, while he responds with the desperate innovation of someone who knows they're outmatched but refuses to yield.

The ancient stones beneath their feet begin to crack under the violence of their passage. Neither notices, too focused on the immediate challenge of staying alive another heartbeat. The tower sways slightly, architecture stressed beyond design limits by their combat and the beast's rampage below.

It's during one particularly vicious exchange that disaster strikes. Cael's foot comes down on a section of floor weakened by time and their combat. The stones give way with a grinding crack, and suddenly he's falling backward into darkness.

She's falling too, their momentum having carried them both onto the compromised section. The drop seems to last forever, punctuated by impacts against broken stone and rotting timber. Cael tries to control his fall, tries to protect his head and vital organs, but gravity cares nothing for technique.

The landing drives all breath from his lungs and sets stars exploding across his vision. Pain blooms everywhere at once, making it impossible to catalog specific injuries. Beside him, he hears the assassin's own impact, followed by silence that might mean unconsciousness or might mean she's gathering herself to finish what the fall started.

When his vision finally clears, he finds himself in a chamber that shouldn't exist.

Perfectly circular, carved from stone so black it seems to absorb light rather than reflect it. The walls are covered in symbols that hurt to look at directly, script that writhes and shifts when observed peripherally, as if the words themselves are alive and trying to escape notice. The air here thrums with power that makes his bloodline gift respond like a struck chord.

But it's what occupies the chamber's center that captures attention with hooks of terrible fascination.

A pedestal of the same light-eating stone rises from the floor, its surface polished to mirror perfection. Resting there, pulsing with inner radiance like a visible heartbeat, lies a single crimson thread.

The artifact. It has to be. The thing Lord Aldwin's scholars mentioned, that they believed could channel ley line energy. It throbs with each pulse, sending waves through the air that bypass physical senses to speak directly to something deeper. His bloodline gift burns hotter with each pulse, recognizing something ancient and powerful.

"Well." The assassin's voice comes from his left, strained but conscious. Through the gloom, he can see her pushing herself upright, one hand pressed to her side where the fall has aggravated his earlier strike. "This is unexpected."

They regard each other across the chamber, both injured, both wary, both very aware that their situation has changed dramatically. The crimson thread pulses between them like a heartbeat made visible, its light casting dancing shadows on the walls.

"The artifact Lord Aldwin wanted." His voice comes out rough, throat dry from exertion and stone dust.

"Artifact?" Her laugh carries no humor. "That's what he told you? That thing isn't just an artifact. It's a soul thread. A binding focus from before the Sundering Wars."

"You know what it is?" He pushes himself to sitting position, every movement sending fresh waves of pain through bruised muscles.

"I know what it does. Binds souls together permanently. The old empire used them to create unbreakable loyalty among elite units." She eyes the thread with what might be genuine wariness, the first time he's seen her show concern about anything. "They were all supposed to be destroyed."

The thread pulses brighter, as if responding to recognition. Each throb sends sensation through the chamber that makes his teeth ache and his bloodline burn hotter. It's calling to them both, he realizes. Not just to him but to her as well, tendrils of energy reaching out like invisible hands.

"Don't touch it." Her warning comes sharp with genuine alarm, the first real emotion he's heard from her beyond professional satisfaction. "Whatever you do, don't—"

But the thread is already acting. Tendrils of energy flow from the artifact, invisible but undeniable, wrapping around them with patient insistence. Cael tries to resist, tries to pull away, but his feet slide across the stone floor as if it's become frictionless. She's fighting too, genuine desperation replacing her earlier control.

"This is your fault!" Her accusation comes through gritted teeth as they both struggle against the supernatural compulsion.

"You were trying to kill me!" He digs his heels in, but the smooth stone offers no purchase.

"I still am!"

But the argument becomes moot as the energy tendrils contract violently, slamming them both against the pedestal. The impact drives thought from minds, leaving only the overwhelming presence of the artifact inches from their faces.

This close, details become visible. The thread isn't truly thread but something that exists partially in this reality and partially elsewhere. It shifts between states, sometimes solid enough to cast shadows, sometimes translucent as smoke. Symbols flow along its length in languages that predate human speech, meanings that bypass conscious thought to speak directly to the soul.

Their hands move without conscious control, reaching for the artifact with matching motion. The thread pulses faster, its light growing blinding as their fingers approach. Cael tries to stop, tries to pull back, but his body no longer obeys his commands. Beside him, he can hear her cursing in a language he doesn't recognize, her control finally cracking.

They touch it simultaneously.

Reality breaks.

Power floods through Cael like molten metal poured directly into his veins. But this isn't just energy—it's connection. Another consciousness crashes into his own with the subtlety of a sledgehammer through glass. Her thoughts. Her emotions. Her memories. Her very self suddenly trying to exist in the same space as his.

The violation is absolute. Every mental barrier he's built over three years of running, every private corner of his mind where he's hidden his guilt and fear and desperate hope—all of it laid bare to someone who was trying to kill him moments ago. And worse—so much worse—he's in her mind too, drowning in alien thoughts and cold professionalism and something underneath that might be fear.

Get out get out GET OUT—

He can't tell which of them is screaming, mentally or physically. Their identities blur at the edges where they're being forced together, two separate people trying to occupy space meant for one. The sensation is beyond pain, beyond violation—it's wrongness on a fundamental level that makes his soul rebel.

The crimson thread flares bright enough to blind, then vanishes. Simply gone, as if it never existed. In its place, something materializes in the air before them—a translucent display of flowing text that writes itself in languages that shift and flow but somehow remain comprehensible:

Soul Thread Binding - Complete

Bond Integrity: 100%

Status: Permanent

Warning: Severance by force will result in spiritual dissolution

"No."

Her denial comes out raw, scraped from a throat that's been screaming. She pushes herself away from the pedestal, but the movement feels wrong. When she shifts left, he feels the impulse to mirror it. When he reaches for his sword out of instinct, her hand twitches toward her daggers.

Through their new connection—and gods, he can feel it, like a rope of fire between their minds—her horror washes over him in waves. Professional control shattered by something that violates every principle of survival she's learned.

"This can't be happening." She staggers to her feet, movements jerky with panic.

"What did you do?" He rounds on her, his own horror mixing with hers until he can't tell which emotions belong to whom.

"Me? You're the one who led us here!"

"While you were trying to kill me!"

They glare at each other across the chamber, but the anger feels strange when each can sense the other's emotions bleeding through their connection. Her fury mingles with his own until individual ownership becomes meaningless. It's like being angry at himself, which only makes him angrier.

"I'll kill you." She draws a dagger with shaking hands, winter eyes wild with something beyond professional composure. "I'll find a way around whatever protection this gives you and I'll kill you slowly."

"Get in line." The bravado sounds hollow when she can feel his terror through their bond. The display had been clear—severance means spiritual dissolution. Death. "Though I'm pretty sure killing me kills you now too."

The truth of it hangs between them like a blade. They're bound, permanently, two souls chained together by magic older than kingdoms. Every attempt to rebuild mental walls only emphasizes their absence. Privacy has become an extinct concept in the space of heartbeats.

Through their connection comes the sound of scales on stone. The guardian beast, drawn by the soul thread's activation or the noise of their fall. They both turn toward the entrance, and the synchronized movement makes them freeze.

"Stop that," she snaps.

"I'm not doing anything!"

"You're moving when I move."

"You're moving when I move!"

The argument dies as a massive head pushes through the chamber entrance. The beast from the dining hall, somehow even more terrifying in the confined space. Its crimson eyes fix on them with intelligence that suggests it understands exactly what just happened.

"We need to move," she says, professional assessment overriding personal crisis.

"Together?" The word tastes like ash in his mouth.

"Unless you'd prefer to be eaten separately." She sheathes her dagger with visible reluctance. "The binding might make us stronger together. Most magical connections do."

"Comforting." But he can feel the logic through their bond, her tactical mind already working through implications. "Any ideas?"

"Run. Fight if cornered. Try not to die."

"Brilliant strategy."

"Do you have a better one?"

The beast pushes further into the chamber, scales scraping against stone. Its mouth opens, revealing those rows of dagger teeth, and the smell of rotting meat washes over them.

They move simultaneously, diving in opposite directions as the creature lunges. But something's different now. He knows where she'll be before she gets there. She anticipates his movements without looking. They're not coordinated—that would require communication. They're synchronized, moving in unconscious harmony.

The beast snaps at empty air, confused by prey that moves as one despite being two. Its tail lashes out, and they both duck without discussing it. When it spins to face him, she's already moving to flank. When it turns on her, his sword is waiting.

The shared awareness is nauseating. Every thought doubles. Every sensation echoes. Fighting while experiencing combat from two perspectives makes his head spin. But it's effective—their blades find gaps in the creature's defenses that neither could have exploited alone.

"Left!" They say it simultaneously, moving before the word fully forms. The beast's claw whistles through space they'd just vacated.

The creature grows frustrated, its attacks becoming wilder. It's used to prey that panics, that makes mistakes. But their shared awareness eliminates the blind spots predators usually exploit. Every angle is covered. Every attack anticipated through two sets of eyes.

Finally, inevitably, they land a decisive blow. His sword pierces the beast's chest while her daggers find its throat. The creature staggers, crimson eyes dimming as it realizes its ancient vigil has ended. It collapses with a final rumble that might be approval or might be relief.

They stand over its corpse, breathing hard, trying desperately to reestablish individual thought. The effort is futile. Every attempt to build mental walls only emphasizes their absence.

"We need to leave," she says, wiping her blades clean with professional efficiency. Through their bond, he feels her mind already cataloging exits, calculating routes, planning contingencies.

"I need to get back to Moxx—my horse."

"Our horse now, apparently." The bitterness in her voice matches his own. "Since separation is impossible."

The display had been clear about that. Physical separation would bring pain, eventually death. They're chained together more thoroughly than any metal shackles could achieve.

They navigate the hold's corridors by shared memory, her professional assessment of architecture combining with his recent exploration. Neither speaks. What would be the point when every thought broadcasts itself? Her cold evaluation of their situation mixes with his desperate search for solutions, creating a feedback loop of frustration.

The main hall seems larger with synchronized perception. Every shadow registers twice. Every sound echoes through two sets of ears. The sensory overlap makes him stumble, and she catches his arm without thinking. The physical contact amplifies their connection, thoughts flowing faster than water.

Both jerk apart as if burned.

"Don't touch me," she says.

"Mutual."

Outside, dawn is breaking over the forest. The normal world seems surreal after the hold's otherworldly atmosphere. Birds sing morning songs, unaware that two people have just had their existences forcibly merged.

Moxx whickers nervously as they approach, ears flat against her skull. Animals always know when something's wrong. She shies away until Cael soothes her with familiar words and touches. Even then, she eyes Seraphine with deep suspicion.

"We need shelter," Seraphine says, her tactical mind already working. "Somewhere defensible where we can figure out our next move."

"There's a hunting cabin about two miles north. I saw it on the way here."

"You mean I told you about it." Through their bond comes the memory—but from her perspective. Scouting his route days ago, noting potential shelters and ambush sites. The violation of having his memories corrected by hers makes his jaw clench.

"Fine. You knew about it. Does it matter?"

"Everything matters when your thoughts aren't your own anymore."

They set off through the forest, maintaining as much physical distance as the terrain allows. It doesn't help. The mental connection remains constant, a rope of fire between their minds that burns with every shared thought.

Neither speaks during the walk. Conversation requires energy they don't have, and besides, what would they say that isn't already bleeding through their connection? Her cold professionalism mixing with his desperate emotions, creating a soup of sensation that belongs to neither fully.

The cabin appears through the trees exactly where she knew it would be. It's small, basic, but intact—four walls and a roof that promise shelter if not comfort. They approach with shared wariness, old habits making them check for other occupants despite the obvious abandonment.

Inside is dusty but serviceable. A single room with stone fireplace, rough wooden furniture, and a bed sized for one that makes them both freeze as implications hit. Through their bond comes mutual recognition of how impossible close quarters will be when they can't escape each other even mentally.

"I'll take the floor."

"I'll take the chair."

They speak simultaneously, shared thought producing identical rejection of the bed. The synchronized speech makes them both flinch.

"We need rules." She sets down her pack with movements that speak of exhaustion beyond the physical. Through their bond, he feels how the constant mental invasion is wearing on her, professional control cracking under the strain. "Boundaries. Ways to... minimize this."

"You think rules will help when I can feel you thinking right now?" The despair in his voice surprises them both.

"I think without rules we'll kill each other within a day, bond or no bond." She moves to the fireplace, movements sharp with suppressed violence. "And stop projecting your emotions so loudly. It's like being trapped in a room with a screaming child."

"Your ice-cold control isn't exactly pleasant either. It's like having winter take up residence in my skull."

"At least I have control."

"Had. Past tense. I can feel it cracking."

She spins to face him, and for a moment he thinks she might actually try to stab him again. Through their bond comes the serious consideration of whether the pain would be worth it to make him shut up. But also the rational knowledge that hurting him means hurting herself.

"Fine. Rule one: no deliberately projecting thoughts at each other."

"Agreed. Rule two: maintain physical distance whenever possible."

"Rule three: no accessing memories without permission."

"Can we even control that?"

As if to prove the point, a stray thought of his brings image of her brother—pulled from her memories, a boy with silver hair and laughing eyes she hasn't let herself picture in years. The pain that flashes through her hits him like a physical blow.

"We have to try," she says, voice carefully controlled again.

They spend the remaining daylight establishing their pathetic boundaries. Separate corners of the cabin. Scheduled times for tasks to minimize interaction. Desperate attempts to build mental walls that crumble the moment either feels strong emotion.

As night falls, they sit in their designated corners, close enough to share warmth from the fire but far enough to maintain illusion of separation. Through their bond flows exhaustion that goes beyond physical—the mental strain of fighting a connection that only grows stronger with resistance.

"I dream of them," he says suddenly, not sure why he's speaking. Maybe because she already knows through their connection, feels the guilt that gnaws at him constantly. "My family. Every night. Their faces. Their screams. The blood."

"Dreams are just the mind processing trauma." Her response is clinical, but through their bond he feels something underneath. Her own dreams, carefully suppressed. Faces she's trained herself not to see.

"Do you dream of the people you've killed?"

"No." The lie is impossible. He can feel the truth through their connection—not dreams but memories, filed away with professional detachment that doesn't quite hide the cost.

"I used to." The admission surprises them both. Through their bond comes a flash of her younger, less controlled, bothered by the weight of lives taken. "Before I learned to lock such feelings away."

"What changed?"

"I did." She stares into the fire, and through their connection he feels the walls she's built around old pain. "Survival requires adaptation. Even if it means becoming someone you wouldn't recognize."

"Like my family would recognize me now? Running, hiding, taking coin from petty nobles to raid tombs?"

"At least you're still trying to be who they raised. I became what the job required." The bitterness in that thought cuts deeper than any blade.

They lapse into silence, but it's not empty. Their thoughts continue to bleed between them—his guilt mixing with her trained coldness, creating something neither recognizes. The bond doesn't just share thoughts; it's beginning to change them, each personality bleeding into the other.

"This is going to destroy us." Her observation carries the weight of professional assessment. "Not the magic. The connection. We're too different. Oil and water forced to mix."

"So we find a way to break it."

"Or we adapt."

"I won't become like you."

"And I won't become like you. Which leaves us nowhere."

Through their bond comes shared recognition of the impossible situation. Two people who can't coexist forced to share not just space but consciousness itself. The magic that binds them cares nothing for compatibility.

"Get some sleep. We'll need to move tomorrow."

"How can I sleep when your thoughts won't stop?"

"The same way I'm ignoring your constant emotional noise. Practice." But through their bond, he feels her own doubt. Neither of them has slept properly since the binding, minds too entangled to find real rest.

They settle into their corners, pretending at rest while minds remain connected. Every shift in position echoes. Every stray thought broadcasts. Privacy has become a memory as distant as their lives before the binding.

The fire burns low, casting shadows that dance on rough walls. In the darkness, two enemies share unwilling space, bound by magic that makes separation impossible and coexistence unbearable.

Tomorrow will bring new challenges—her contract unfulfilled, his quest for answers interrupted, and the constant torment of sharing thoughts with someone they'd rather see dead. But tonight, they simply endure. Two minds forced to occupy overlapping space, fighting for individuality while magic pulls them inexorably together.

The soul thread has done its work, binding them with chains that exist beyond the physical. What they'll become—allies, enemies, or something between—remains unwritten. But the binding is complete, permanent, and growing stronger with each shared breath.

In the dying firelight, assassin and target share unwilling vigil, counting the hours until dawn brings movement and the illusion of escape from each other.

An illusion, because the truth burns between them with every heartbeat: there is no escape. There is only adaptation or madness.

For now, they choose adaptation. But the night is long, and morning seems very far away.

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