After being in so much pain, I plunged through the darkness into a warm light where I found myself in my safety net. Even though I knew what had happened, I ran to hide within myself.
I know it was a cowardly move, but I couldn't stand the thought of Alijah hating me. It was worse than dying itself.
However, it didn't change the fact that my choice would allow someone to use my body for their needs.
Not that it matters. I can't ever resist the blood lust. I'm sure they figured out a way to quell me. There's no reason for me to stay in the world of the living. I'd rather be in my dreams, with the you who loves me no matter what happens.
I had tarnished everything that gave me hope to make Alijah hate me.
The fate of being stabbed and killed was just karma heading in my direction. Everything I touch, I destroy, and I'm better off anywhere where I can't see how much you loathe me.
After all, I broke my promise, and that ended my life, which was fine.
Knowing I've hurt you, I don't deserve to be by your side, let alone breathe after what I… No… don't think! Forget it! It's the past now! No one in this world wants me! Not Vera, Caden, Aiden, or my parents! I'm just a burden to everyone, so I must stay here where I can't hurt anyone.
So, I built a wall around it to lock myself in my mind, blissfully locking away the memories that kept me tethered to the other world. After this last time, I could harm no one anymore. Most people called me stupid, but I could also be clever, even though my emotions drove me to accomplish this more than my mind.
My very own prison… This way, everyone will be safe from me, especially Alijah.
In the end, he was all that mattered to me, though I hoped my family would treat him right after they took me down. He wasn't the same man they feared all those months ago. When I sealed myself in this cage, I created a version of him to keep me company in this isolation.
I didn't know how much time had passed since I locked myself in.
But by this time, Alijah and Lilith, along with everyone else, must've been happy, right? No… Wait, something is wrong with that. After I was stabbed, what happened? That elf... said something to me, didn't she?
Why are those last moments so blurry for me? Yet the previous night was so vivid in my mind. Everything I did to Alijah. Yes… I don't deserve to live.
Unlike the world of the living, in this space, reality was what I made it to be. There were no sides, just mine, which I was okay with. Even when I wanted to cry and scream in pain, I didn't deserve it. After what I had done to my beloved wolf, I wasn't worthy of the happiness I was creating for myself, but I couldn't help it.
I needed it. So, instead of trying to fight to stay with the truth that I would always be alone. I pushed away my sanity, pretending this was the only world that mattered. Thus, I indulged myself in every part of this fake world with a phony beloved wolf to keep me company.
Most of the time, it was blissful, which allowed me to forget this was false. All that mattered to me was that he was there with me and wanted me. After all, nothing awaited me in the outside world.
My freedom's gone, and so is my love.
Of course, my guilt would sometimes try to eat me alive since those memories were so engraved in me that I couldn't entirely forget them. Over time, it got easier not to think about where I really was. I tried to concentrate on what I wanted rather than what I felt.
Eventually, even though I slipped through sometimes, I managed to create a space where peace surrounded me. With a swing of the arm, the scenery would change at my command, allowing me to manifest everything I wished. This allowed me to revisit places and spots I had never seen.
Today, though, it was a special place in Azear that I had never been able to visit when we were there. It was a beach with pink sand on its shores and crystal-clear waters. There were pretty shells everywhere, too.
I always wanted to see it with Alijah, and this was my shot. By this point, I had lost touch with reality and was fully invested in this realm.
"Oi... what are we doing here?" My grumpy wolf asked, surprised to see the ocean before him.
"You'll see!" I grabbed onto his hand and tugged him along.
Here... There was no bond keeping us together.
However, my intentions for being at the beach were not entirely altruistic.
Today will be my chance to admire everything this little wolf offers.
I couldn't help but drool as my mind ran wild.
"You're going to try on some bathing suits I got for you!" I declared with a giant grin on my lips.
Of course, as always, he didn't seem pleased by my selection of events for the day.
A good fake, huh? Grumpy as ever. I wouldn't change him for the world!
"What? Why would I do that?" Alijah grumbled, rolling his eyes.
I pushed him into the changing stalls quickly, not giving him a chance to escape his predicament. I would see him in trunks, even if it were the last thing I did.
It's a shame I never got to… No… forget that.
Shaking away that thought, I stared at Alijah, who rested against the door frame. My shove wasn't enough to put this Lycan where I wanted him to be. Instead, he scowled at me disapprovingly from his position.
"Come on... please? There aren't any speedos in there!" I whined to the crimson-eyed wolf, who cocked his head.
Oh, right, in your era...
"Speedos?" Alijah mumbled, tilting his ears along with the movement.
Adorable…
I giggled, unable to help myself.
I mean, there's no one around... Can I see you in one? No... No! Rem, bad girl! Don't assault the poor man like that! Though... I had already...
Breaking away from that, I gazed at him.
"It's like the underwear you usually take off from me when we do it. Please, I promise the clothes are everyday things people wear to the beach." I tried to keep a hold on to my inner pervert.
Alijah sighed, closing the door with some more grumbles.
Yes! Victory!
My entire being bubbled with jitters, and I couldn't hold myself still. I did my little triumph dance, only to trip and land on the sand below. It should have hurt, but it didn't. Instead, I gazed up towards the sky, excited to see him like that.
Though, I didn't know why I was so thrilled.
I've memorized all your features, but there's something sexy about seeing you in swimwear! Another silly wish, I guess.
By the time Alijah emerged from the stall, he was wearing some red swimming trunks that fit him perfectly, accentuating his crimson gaze. He had let his hair loose, too, making me wish to grab onto him and drag him into the stall for some loving.
Unable to keep my hands to myself, I stood up from the floor and grabbed onto his hand, pulling him out.
Beach first, Rem!
I was already wearing a sweater with a hoodie, hiding my swimsuit underneath it.
Or… screw it. Maybe a little taste won't hurt.
Before he knew it, I caused him to tumble onto the sand below. He growled momentarily before I found my way onto his lap and placed my arms around his neck. I gazed at him, also wanting to commit this moment to memory.
A nervous chuckle left his lips, and he stared at me like I was at him.
"Little dove, don't tempt me," He warned, grabbing my hips.
I smirked in response, feeling my heartbeat loudly. No matter how many times we were in each other's arms. I could never get enough of this wolf.
"But what if I want you to unravel me?" I purred, biting my lip and reaching for the zipper of my sweater.
A soft smile rose on his lips as I leaned toward him, dragging the only thing keeping my bathing suit from his gaze. He went for me only to stop mid-way before gasping and covering his face with his hands.
"Huh? Wolf?" I called out the nickname I always used while in my dreams, yet it seemed my words weren't reaching him.
Wait?!Did I break you somehow?! Oh, by the gods... I knew men were fragile, but I didn't expect this.
I pouted a bit, grabbing onto his shoulders before shaking him.
"Oi, Wolf!" I called out louder.
This isn't funny…
He shook his head before fluttering his eyes open, only for them to widen the moment he spotted me. His expression instantly changed to desperation, and he suddenly grabbed my head, pressing his forehead against mine.
"Rem!" Alijah called out to me, out of breath, eyes dazed.
Huh? Why do you sound so different?
However, the following kiss almost drowned me before I could gather my thoughts entirely. I couldn't help but pull away, gasping for air, but before I could get away, he yanked me again into another, and I found myself on the sand.
He towered over me, pinning me where I was. This one was difficult to get away from. The way he kissed me differed from all the other times, too. It was frantic and longing, leaving me bewildered as I couldn't understand why he was so affectionate.
Finding the strength within me, I tugged myself away yet again.
This... Wait, did you just call me by my actual name?
"What has gotten into you?" I panted for air.
I tried to get up, but Alijah licked his lips and grabbed onto my arm before I could get away from him.
"I came for you." He declared.
I stared at him like he had gone crazy. The only ridiculous person was me, though.
"What?" I mumbled.
He slowly rose from his position to meet me straight.
"It's me, Rem." Alijah declared, sternly gripping onto me tighter.
Eh… Something isn't right.
This wasn't an illusion, but I wasn't ready to accept it.
There's no way you would come for me. Not when she was out there for you. She who...
A sting came from my abdomen as I tried to fight off what was happening.
"What are you talking about?! Of course, it's you!" I pointed out the obvious, trying to pull away but couldn't.
He shook his head, and I noticed this wasn't the same Alijah I had been with. His hair was different, short enough not to touch his jawline yet long enough to flutter slightly in the air.
Huh? When… did…
"Rem… You have no idea everything that has happened for me to get to you." He smiled, gripping onto me tighter.
Tied to his wrist was a pendant that shimmered slightly, as everything around me seemed to take on a red hue.
"Why are you calling me by that name?" I asked, feeling my body run cold.
He narrowed his eyes. "Because it's time for you to return home, Rem."
I instinctively yanked away from him as the scenery around us began to crack. Taking a few steps away from him, I gazed around me to notice all the fissures that had formed in the spell that kept me safe.
Ah… Right... Right... This has always been fake, but why are you... No… This has to be another facade. A slip? Probably my parents... There's no way you're here for me. Not after... I... Nothing awaits me out of here.
They have to leave me alone! I don't want to go back!
"Back home?" I breathed, trying to resist the truth, trying to reach me.
Instead of letting me get away, he followed me, even though his steps were sluggish behind me.
"No! I..." I began, glancing around as everything was shattering.
Why's this happening? Why can't they leave me in this piece of nirvana? I don't want to live without you. You're my everything! Even if all I can have is a fake! It's all I need to live!
"There isn't anything waiting for me back there! This is home!" I yelled at Alijah, who tried to pull me towards him.
I slapped his arm away, "Stay away from me!"
This isn't happening. This isn't real. This is just a screwed up slip. Yes, it has to be. All I have to do is endure it. It'll fix itself soon enough.
"Please, Rem, listen to me." Alijah tried to reach me again, but I wasn't interested.
None of you will trick me into giving this up! No one will take my nirvana from me!