Gareth was her long-time crush who she always saw herself dating and being annoyingly happy with. They had gone to prep-school together and after spotting him at a concert night in Grade 2, Ona's mom teased her that he would be her boyfriend. That was out of character because as a black mom, she vehemently discouraged dating at that age - or any age before graduating high school. At age eight, Ona protested with a funny face and went about her preparation for her contribution to the talent showcase.
Why would she like him? A lanky awkward kid who lowkey terrorised the kids around him, although he was cordial with her. Gareth was a bullet on the athletics track, so much so that he transferred to an all boys' private school midyear known for sport. The eight year olds barely kept in touch until one Saturday afternoon in grade 9 they locked eyes across the carpark with the smell of boerewors and cooked onions in the air. A local highschool was hosting a sporting derby day with knockout tournaments for different sports throughout the day. Ona was never the best at sports which required running- she was a water baby at heart with a love for the water but she loved to participate.
After locking eyes with Gareth, she did not recognise him at first and did not understand why she was drawn to this stranger… And then she remembered him. The recollection sent shock waves through her system as her teenage body felt something unfamiliar for someone who was vaguely familiar. His gaze was intense, as if desperately searching his mental hardrive for the file with her face and name attached to it. She shyly looked away uncomfortable when faced with the intensity of his gaze. It was as if his three companions didn't exist and neither did the gaggle of girls who made up her netball team she strolled in the opposite direction alongside. After that she does not remember who friended who on Facebook, but it was most likely Ona who friended him.
So Gareth was hot now!???
***
Ona was no expert when it came to boys… although she had grown up as a rose amongst the thorns she had no idea how to interact with a boy she actually liked in a more than friends type of vibe. She had often considered her sexuality and asked herself when was the moment she knew she was straight, and not queer. Entering university, she was a virgin who had only gone as far as tongue kissing a boy a month before she turned 16 because her friend Zuri had put pressure on her to kiss someone and relinquish her status of being 'green'. She knew that she had never felt about a girl the way she felt about whichever boy was ruling the orbit of the solar system in her subconscious at any given time. She was definitely a heterosexual woman attracted to men, but were they attracted to her? As a first year, she got a lot of attention from boys around her, but did she like them?
Ona was an outspoken person- not the loudest in the room but capable of holding her own. Putting herself out there when it came to boys didn't come easily because she was bitterly afraid of being rejected, despite the rhetoric around her that women can go for the guy they wanted. It never felt quite right, but she would do what she could and rely on her friends to speak for her. If all else failed, she would send that risky text and liquid courage was always an option!
Gareth was one person who brought out the best side to her at 18 going on 19 and was an important introduction to dating. She did not know if it was because she was always so sure that she liked him or just dedication to the possibility of them. Her past had shown that she had an inclination to boys who did not like her as much or did not want to commit in some way but Gareth was different.
In high school, Gareth was so different to the black boys she went to school with- he was focused on his future, easy to get to know while simultaneously being an enigma. He was unattainable in some ways, which excited her because she did not like the idea of being with someone who was accessible to everybody. Whenever she developed deep feelings for someone, she often found out they were Capricorns which fed her star sign obsession - despite her mother warning her that astrology was a segway to satanism. Her belief was not in the predictions per se, she focused more on the traits attributed to each sign which often seemed accurate, despite the Cancerian attribution of manipulation which she did not identify with. Being a crybaby she could identify with though.
***
Following becoming friends with him on Facebook, Ona began a talking stage with Gareth on BlackBerry Messenger (or BBM). They were both in Grade 10 and it was all very casual but it never quite went anywhere. One of the boys in Ona's grade at her school named Brandon was said to like her at the same time. She was put under a lot of pressure to like someone and get a boyfriend by the girls in her squad, but she did not like Brandon. He was a nerdy, stocky boy with a deep cool complexion. Brandon was nice enough and socially awkward in an annoying way for a boy set to graduate a STEM degree in his future but Ona did not see herself interested in him and it was not sure if he liked her because he had never said it directly to her. Her measure for compatibility was the weather condition she felt each boy exuded in her presence. Brandon was a warm Autumn afternoon when the trees fell to the ground on the path followed by a burst of rain- awkward, harmless but not quite right.
The pressure from the girlies and the rejection of the Ona and Brandon forever narrative inspired her to activate her dialogue with Gareth. He was a certified deep warm hottie after all! She was not opposed to interracial dating although the white boys always friendzoned her so that was no vanilla love for her! Ona did not like (or see herself with) any of the boys of colour at her school. How she longed to have a boyfriend... named Gareth!