I lay still on the bed, my body weak, my breath shallow. The room was silent except for the sound of the air conditioning and John's soft breathing as he sat nearby, watching over me. But even with him here… I felt alone.
Deep inside me, that familiar voice echoed once again — my conscience — the only thing that stayed with me through it all.
"You look tired... broken... Do you even recognize yourself anymore?" the voice spoke softly, almost sadly.
I blinked slowly, tears rolling down the side of my face. "I don't... I really don't... I'm just... tired... so tired," I whispered back, my lips barely moving.
The voice chuckled bitterly. "Tired... of what? Life? Pain? Or the mistakes you refuse to forget?"
I felt my chest tighten, the lump in my throat growing bigger. "All... I'm tired of it all... tired of loving... tired of fighting... tired of waking up every day hoping it will be better..."
"You blame yourself for everything... don't you?" the voice asked.
I sniffed, staring blankly at the ceiling. "Isn't it my fault? I destroyed every friendship... I broke hearts... I even pushed away my own family... I'm the reason I'm here... dying slowly..."
The voice stayed silent for a moment, then sighed deeply. "Maybe... maybe you did push people away. Maybe you did make mistakes... but who didn't? The difference is... you never forgave yourself."
I shut my eyes tightly. "How could I? I hurt everyone... even John... I don't even know why he's here... I don't deserve him..."
"But he stayed," the voice reminded me. "Even after seeing you like this... he stayed... why do you think that is?"
I bit my lip hard. "I don't know... maybe... maybe he pities me..."
The voice laughed, but it was a sad laugh. "No, stupid girl... He loves you... more than anyone ever did... but you're so lost in your pain that you can't see it."
More tears escaped my eyes. "I just... I don't know how to love... not anymore... I forgot how it feels..."
The voice grew softer. "Then let him teach you... stop fighting... stop punishing yourself... stop living in a dungeon you created... Let someone... just once... pull you out..."
I turned my head weakly, looking at John. He had fallen asleep on the chair, his head leaning against the wall. Even in sleep, his face looked worried.
"I don't want to lose him... but I'm scared... what if I destroy him too?" I whispered.
The voice sighed, almost lovingly. "You won't... because this time... you'll try... for once, you'll try to heal... and you won't be alone... I'm here... and so is he..."
I closed my eyes, tears still falling. My heart ached… but for the first time, there was a tiny... very tiny... warmth.
"Promise me... you won't give up yet..." the voice said.
I nodded weakly, breathing out the only word I could manage... "Promise..."
And with that… I drifted off… not into a nightmare… but into a quiet, empty sleep.
I don't know how long I slept. The dreams didn't haunt me this time… just darkness… cold and heavy.
I felt a warm hand stroke my cheek gently. "Wake up… please," his voice whispered.
My eyes fluttered open slowly. Everything felt blurry… like I was floating between life and death.
"John…?" I croaked out, my throat dry.
He leaned closer, his eyes red, like he hadn't slept. "Yes… I'm here. I'm right here… I made you something… you need to eat."
I shook my head weakly. "I can't… I don't feel like eating…"
John sighed, his hand gripping mine. "You've been in bed too long… just a little, please… for me."
His voice… it sounded like he was begging. My heart ached. I didn't want him to beg for me.
With all the strength I had left, I nodded. "Okay… just a little."
A small smile curved his lips. "That's my girl…" he whispered.
He helped me sit up slowly, placing pillows behind me. Then he brought a small bowl of porridge, feeding me carefully like I was fragile glass.
"You used to be so strong," he whispered, forcing a smile. "Now look at you… but don't worry, I'll get you back… I promise."
I looked at him, my lips trembling. "Why… why are you doing this for me…?"
John chuckled, wiping a tear from my cheek. "Because I love you… isn't that enough?"
The moment he said those words, my heart broke again… but this time… it felt different.
I leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. "Don't… don't leave me, John… please… I'm scared…"
He kissed the top of my head softly. "I'm not going anywhere… I've always been yours, you just never saw it."
We stayed like that for a while. The pain didn't go away… but somehow, it felt lighter… like carrying it together made it easier.
John pulled the blanket over me again. "Sleep… I'll be right here. No more nightmares… not when I'm here."
And slowly… I drifted back to sleep… this time, holding his hand tightly.