'I think I used to really hate people.
Or at least, that's what I always told myself. Especially the kind ones.
The nice girls with warm smiles and gentle words.
But looking back now… I don't think it was ever a hatred. It was just a fear.
A quiet, constant fear of being pulled into something that looked like connection, only to find out I was the only one who thought it meant anything.
Kind people… they move through the world in a way I still don't understand much.
They give parts of themselves so effortlessly a passing smile, a gentle word, the simple act of remembering your name when no one else does.
They leave traces and for someone like me, even those simple traces can feel like they carry some deeper meaning.
But the truth is, they never really meant anything deeper.
And for a long time, I took that personally.
I used to think it was cruel how easily they gave, how quickly they moved on. But it's not cruelty.
It's just… how they are and how I am. I feel too much, even when I try not to.
A small act of kindness sticks with me longer than it should. A gentle word echoes for days. Not because I'm fragile, but because I'm built that way. Because when you've lived without warmth, even a little can feel like fire.
That's why this small, sincere gesture from Wang-san—
"When I turned you down that day, I felt bad about it. So… please take this. It's just my way of making up for that. I really mean it."
—Couldn't help but rekindle the similar feeling from a long time ago. a feeling I hadn't let myself revisit in a long time.
But this time, I understand that kindness like this isn't a promise. Most of the time, it doesn't mean anything beyond that single moment.
And that's really okay.
Maybe it was Wang-san's quiet sincerity, but it brought something back to the surface, words from someone I respected, words I still remember clearly to this day.
"I'm not saying this as your counsellor. I'm saying this as someone who sees the good kid behind all that awkwardness and overthinking. Just… try to remember that."
"Because you, Hikigaya my boy never really hated kindness. What you hated was how easily it disappeared the moment you started to believe it meant something for you. But just because it doesn't last doesn't mean it doesn't matter."
"After you leave this detention centre… I hope you won't turn away from the gentle things. Even if they're fleeting. Even if they end up hurting later."
"The truth is, the real you need it more than you let on. And… it'll make your sister happy too. You can definitely believe that. so, if nothing else, just try to believe that."
That's why I decided a long time ago —
To no longer reject it anymore.
If someone offers me kindness, I'll take it. Not because I believe it will last but because I don't want to look back one day and regret turning away from something good just because I was afraid it wouldn't stay.
I'm prepared for it to hurt. I expect it to fade. And when it does, I won't fall apart.
One more hurt won't change anything for me. It'll just settle quietly with the rest of the quiet disappointments I've learned to live with.
So, no…
I don't think I ever really hated nice people… maybe just a little, back then.
But now, I've seen enough to know better than to confuse their kindness with anything deeper.'
Hikigaya looked down at the study materials, and as the thought settled, there was a strange lightness in his chest. It wasn't joy or hope or anything like that just something faint, probably closer to gratitude.
He let out a quiet sigh, barely noticing it.
'I guess it hit harder because, aside from MAX Coffee, this might be the first good moment I've had in this shitty little prison we call a school.'
"…I see," he muttered at last.
'She really means it… And honestly, I'd be an idiot to turn it down. There's too much to cover in one month anyway…'
He closed the pouch gently, as if acknowledging what it represented, and offered a small, deliberate bow.
"…Guess I don't really have an excuse to refuse, huh? Thanks, Wang-san. I owe you one for this."
Both Wang and Kushida blinked in complete surprise.
Her posture stiffened slightly, unsure how to respond, as Hikigaya's small bow had clearly caught her off guard. She hadn't expected that kind of formal gratitude over simply lending him study materials.
"I… um, you really don't have to thank me that much," she said softly, barely above a whisper. "I didn't do anything special. I just… shared some old study materials."
Hikigaya straightened, scratching the back of his neck with a faintly awkward look.
"…Still. You didn't have to go out of your way like this. But you did. So yeah… I'll remember that, Wang-san. I'll repay you for it. Somehow."
"...You're welcome, Hikigaya-san," she murmured.
Wang gave a small nod, "It's really fine, Hikigaya-san," she said. "Just do your best I suppose."
Kushida's smile twitched ever so slightly as she watched the entire exchange.
Hikigaya let the silence linger for a moment longer before shifting his attention to Kushida. 'I still can't tell what her actual deal is… but the least I can do is thank her. If she hadn't come along, I doubt Wang-san would've approached me at all.'
"And you too… Kushida-san thanks for coming along," he added, his voice a little awkward but earnest enough to be taken seriously.
In response to that, Kushida smiled at him, though a slight flicker passed through her eyes.
Normally, a line like that being directly thanked, especially by someone as socially aloof as Hikigaya would've made her feel pleasantly validated. Recognition, appreciation those were the reactions she'd built her entire persona around.
But instead of that usual flutter of satisfaction, all she felt was an irritating tightness in her chest.
'Tch… now he's a goody two-shoes? Right after acting like a complete jerk five minutes ago?'
It wasn't enough to break her expression. Her smile still remained flawless, her posture composed.
"Ahaha, no need to thank me, really," she replied cheerfully, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I just came along to support Mii-chan. That's all."
Kushida tilted her head slightly and asked him, "Though… I am a little curious, Hikigaya-kun. You were asking other students for help in class, right? So why didn't you ask me too? I would've helped if you'd just said something, you know."
Even Wang turned toward him, her eyes wide with mild curiosity. She didn't say anything, but the question seemed to hang in the air between the three of them.
Hikigaya blinked, pausing for a moment before shifting his gaze away.
'Why didn't I ask her?'
'Because she seems like a troublesome person. Always surrounded by people. Someone who was always trying to be in the spotlight and attracted attention without even trying. I already got enough stares just by raising my hand in class. I didn't need the added heat of being seen next to someone like that too. No thanks.'
But instead of spelling it out, he just replied flatly:
"…You just looked kind of busy all the time."
Kushida blinked. "Eh?"
"You know always talking with people, moving around, doing stuff. I figured you had better things to do than explain basic factoring to someone like me."
"Eh? That's not true," she said in a sweet voice, "If you would have asked me, I would have definitely tried to find time for you no matter what, Hikigaya-kun."
She added with a light giggle, "After all, it's my dream to be friends with everyone. That includes you too."
'Does she even realize how misleading that sounded? Or is she doing it on purpose? Either way, seriously stop saying things like that, dammit.'
Even Wang nodded slightly beside her. "Kikyou really means it, Hikigaya-kun. She's always been that way. She helped me a lot when I first got here too."
He cast a quick look between the two, nodded once without a word, then lowered his gaze to the pouch again. "…Right," he muttered. "I'll keep that in mind then."
His tone was noncommittal neither accepting nor rejecting. Just enough to acknowledge it, nothing more.
Hikigaya then pushed his chair back slightly preparing to stand up.
"Well… if that's all, I should probably get going," he said, already beginning to rise. "Lunch break's almost over anyway."
But before he could fully stand, Kushida raised her hand slightly, tilting her head with a small, hesitant smile. It looked annoyingly cute on her too.
"Ah wait, um… there was actually something I wanted to ask you, Hikigaya-kun."
He paused, his brow shifting slightly as he looked down at her. "…Go on, then."
"I'll just ask you outright then Hikigaya-kun, have you seen Horikita-san smile even once?"
Hikigaya suddenly blinked. 'Horikita? Smile? The heck is she talking?'
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As the lunch break came to an end, Hikigaya made his way back to the classroom alone and entered thorough back door.
But the moment he started moving towards his seat he could feel it: the gazes trailing after him. A few of them laughed as they said something about him.
It had become the usual background noise since the day he started openly questioning things in class. Naturally, that didn't sit well with some of his classmates.
Some of the louder voices, predictably came from Ike and Yamauchi's side. As Hikigaya passed by their row, he heard them clearly.
"Heh, teacher's little pet finally came back," Ike whispered with a smirk.
Yamauchi snorted. "Pet? More like the class clown, man. Did you see him yesterday? Dude was practically begging to every teacher. I laughed so hard."
Sudo and the other boys around them laughed like trained background extras, tossing out weird jabs and cheap shots in his direction.
Hikigaya didn't flinch as he walked past their desks, he cast a single glance with his usual dead fish eyes completely detached with dull look.
It was the kind of look that made it obvious he knew they were trying to provoke him... and that he simply didn't care.
'Guess I'm the clown now. How fitting, I suppose… this class already feels like a circus full of monkeys desperate for applause. Heh.'
The thought genuinely amused him. Before he even noticed, a tiny smirk had appeared onto his face.
Combined with his lifeless gaze, that faint smile gave him an oddly off-putting appearance something almost making him look bit unnervingly creepy.
That was enough to make Ike and the others pause for a moment, their laughter faltering just slightly. All except Yamauchi, who kept yapping, completely unaware or uncaring of how pathetic he sounded.
Sudo scowled, clearly irritated by the smug look Hikigaya had given them. "Oi… what the hell are you smirking at?"
There was no answer.
Hikigaya didn't bother answering without even looking back, he simply turned around and started slowly walking toward his seat, completely unfazed.
That silent dismissal only added fuel to the fire.
"Tch—hey! You ignoring me, huh? You think you're better than me or something!?" Sudo snapped, pushing back his chair loudly as he stood up. "You lookin' down on me, bastard!?"
A few other students turned to look at him as he passed some with confusion, others with thinly veiled disgust, like his very presence had suddenly ruined the fun mood around them.
Even Ayanokoji looked up from where he sat with his usual idiot trio of friends. As always, his face gave away nothing, but there was a quiet interest behind his gaze.
Hikigaya reached his seat without so much as a glance in Sudo's direction, completely unfazed by the noise trailing behind him. He could hear the heavy footsteps closing in, Sudo still spouting something about "teaching him a lesson."
From the corner of his eye, he also noticed Hirata and Ayanokoji getting up from their seat, clearly moving to intercept Sudo likely trying to calm him down before things escalated.
Just as Sudo neared Hikigaya's desk, footsteps loud and posture tense like he was ready to start something
But before he could do anything.
"Alright. Take your seats, students." Chabashira-sensei announced as she stepped inside the class, her heels clicking against the floor.
The timing couldn't have been more precise.
Sudo froze mid-step. one glance at Chabashira's unimpressed stare was enough to suck the heat out of the moment. He clicked his tongue in frustration, muttering something like "I'll deal with him later" under his breath, before reluctantly turning back to his seat
Hirata and Ayanokoji returned to their seats as well, though Hirata paused for a moment, casting Hikigaya a complicated look before heading back too.
Hikigaya, already seated, hadn't even bothered to look up through the entire commotion.
Then, without a word, he casually opened his notebook and finally glanced over at Sudo, Ike, and Yamauchi—who still looked irritated, probably grumbling about him.
'Tch. Noisy as ever. But that's fine.'
He let his pen hover over the page, not writing anything yet just thinking.
'Looks like the bait just worked. They bit faster than I thought.'
'Honestly, I wasn't expecting much. The whole setup's still half-baked, but… with morons like these, this plan might just work.'
He exhaled quietly, somewhere between tired and resigned.
'Let's hope it works. Otherwise, I might end up in more trouble than it's worth.'