Konohagakure, Root Division.
Lately, Danzō had been plagued with headaches.
According to reports from his subordinates, a suspicious number of strangers had recently appeared in the village. They posed as tourists, but all they ever did was snoop around asking questions about him and the Shimura clan.
Naturally, Danzō wasn't someone to take things lying down. Furious, he ordered their arrest under various pretexts.
Then the rumors started spreading like wildfire.
Things like, "Danzō Shimura was the mastermind behind the Raw Iron Crisis," or "His younger brother was just a puppet he propped up."
It got worse—rumors even claimed that Konohagakure was abusing and arbitrarily imprisoning tourists.
His reputation tanked. Across many areas in the Land of Hot Water, people had begun printing a series of doujin titled "The Tragedy of Danzō."
In them, the poor Lord Danzō starred as a delicate and swooning heroine.
It was ridiculous.
As night fell, Danzō left the Root Division with a deep scowl and headed home.
Unlike his former classmate Sarutobi, middle-aged Danzō had no beloved wife, no crystal ball.
His lifelong goal was to become Hokage—to seize true power.
But power was a vague thing, and that made his execution… sloppy.
To put it plainly, Danzō Shimura wasn't a lecherous old man, but he still lacked what it took to be Hokage.
His house was cold and empty. Besides the shinobi lurking in the shadows to protect him, there was no one else.
He boiled water alone. Made tea alone. Sat in the tearoom like a lonely, aging bachelor, sipping silently.
Then—out of nowhere—a kunai pressed cold against his neck, and a chilling voice followed.
"Lord Danzō, mind telling me where your brother is?"
The moment he heard that, Danzō's hand froze on the teacup. He slowly set it down, his expression turning downright murderous.
Thirty-ninth time.
This was the thirty-ninth assassination attempt!
He'd already spent 980,000 ryō on home repairs!
Couldn't these damn assassins choose somewhere else? Why always his house?!
Why couldn't they try it during work hours? Then at least he could charge Sarutobi extra under the guise of "base reconstruction"!
As these thoughts churned, Danzō's face turned darker and darker.
Enough was enough.
With a sudden slap, he smashed the table and threw his right arm back with force.
Behind him, Kakuzu hadn't expected this guy to resist so boldly. Without hesitation, he stabbed forward with the kunai.
Didn't matter. Danzō's head was worth ten million at the Bounty Station.
Not much, but better than nothing.
The kunai struck—only for Danzō's body to burst into a puff of white smoke.
"Substitution Technique."
Seeing this, Kakuzu didn't hesitate for a second. He immediately retreated, preparing to flee.
An assassin never lingered after a failed attempt. That was the key to Kakuzu's long survival.
After all, true brutes either destroyed the world—or ended up six feet under with weeds growing over their graves.
But Danzō had no intention of letting him get away. Even if fighting inside his house would rack up another repair bill—
He was a shinobi. No room for restraint.
In a flash, Danzō burst from the house, forming hand seals rapidly, his chest rising as he inhaled deeply.
"Wind Release: Vacuum Great Sphere!"
A massive air projectile blasted out of his mouth and crashed into the tea room.
Boom!
With a deafening explosion, the recently repaired tea room collapsed again, clouds of dust rising in thick waves.
Suddenly, a flicker of orange lit up through the haze.
"Fire Release: Searing Migraine!"
A split second later, sparks surged and rapidly spread, roaring forward in a blazing wave.
Outside, Danzō's eyelids twitched violently.
Damn it! That bastard's trying to burn my house down!
Just then, a familiar voice rang out.
"Water Release: Water Formation Wall!"
With a sharp shout, a figure landed swiftly beside Danzō, unleashing a torrent of water from his mouth that stopped the incoming flames in their tracks.
It was the Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi—passing by on his way home from work.
The clash of fire and water sent a thick mist billowing across the area.
Using the moment of obscured vision, Hiruzen hurled three or four shuriken toward the ruins of the house and quickly formed a one-handed seal.
"Ninja Art: Shuriken Shadow Clone Technique!"
Glancing at Hiruzen by his side, Danzō Shimura—feeling the rush of battle he hadn't felt in ages—instinctively shifted his position, ready to coordinate with his old rival to take down the assassin.
In the wreckage of the tea room, Kakuzu's brow furrowed.
He could sense it—someone extremely troublesome had entered the scene. His target was also repositioning, likely preparing to flank him.
Worse yet, a swarm of ANBU were closing in fast.
After days of investigation, the relatively young Kakuzu had believed he had Danzō's strength figured out.
He hadn't expected that, after so many assassination attempts, Danzō had become an expert at slipping away unnoticed using the Substitution Technique.
Now, Kakuzu had no choice but to abandon one of his hearts and retreat.
He immediately split off four of his hearts, launching a wild barrage of jutsu.
Wind Release, Lightning Release, Fire Release, Water Release—fired off in every direction.
Some were even aimed at nearby civilian homes.
At that, Hiruzen and the others could no longer keep their composure.
On a foreign battlefield, collateral damage might be ignored—but this was Konoha. If the Hokage himself couldn't protect civilian lives, it would be an utter disgrace.
Instantly, walls of earth and water sprang up, shielding the village from the chaos.
Using the confusion, Kakuzu's real body slipped away into the night, vanishing behind the smoke and mist.
Behind him, his four heart clones continued launching ninjutsu, buying him precious seconds.
Before long, the battle ended. All four hearts had been destroyed.
Standing in his ruined home, surrounded by shattered walls and debris, Danzō looked around in silent despair.
Another night sleeping at the office.
Another day calling the renovation crew.
Damn it, he was practically a platinum member of Konoha's construction service at this point.
And wasn't that renovation company run by Reiji Sakuhō's "Konoha Unlimited Liability Company"?
The thought alone made Danzō's heart clench in pain.
Nearby, Hiruzen scratched his head awkwardly, chuckling to himself.
He may have had a hand in this mess…
After all, it was his idea to have Danzō take the fall.
With that realization, Hiruzen suddenly put on an exaggerated look of urgency, smacked his forehead, and groaned.
"Danzō! I just remembered—Biwako sent me out to buy soy sauce!
Sorry, I've gotta go. If I'm late, I'm in for another earful!"
Without waiting for a response, he turned and slipped away as fast as he could.
Watching Hiruzen's guilty retreat, a single tear slid from the corner of Danzō's eye.
Hiruzen Sarutobi... Reiji Sakuhō…
These two bastards are absolute disasters.