I walked into my room and a very pregnant Hannah was on her knees, making my stomach churn.
"Please punish me your grace, i overstepped.... I let myself emotions get the better of me" I walked towards her placing my hand on her shoulder, I felt dizzy but I shook it off.
"You saved me the trouble Hannah, so no punishment is needed..... I actually...." huh Hannah why are you making that face and why are you suddenly turning on your head.
I heard a loud thud as everything went black.
Theo stared lovingly at the ring with a green gem just like clarisa's eyes. After he found out clarisa had always known the truth it's felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He no longer felt guilty whenever he was happy by her side. He even picked up hobbies and has been spending less time at work and more time with his wife.
Just like she promised him she had shared his guilt and given him happiness in place of it. Now he could think of having a favorite meal, having likes and dislikes. He didn't just let anything happen to him as his body belonged to his wife now and she would be angry if anything happened to him.
"Your grace, i have compiled the report from the farmers."
"Give me your conclusion on the report, lady taylor." Lady Taylor was stunned silent, as was everyone else in the office.
Although his grace had many employees working under him to reduce his work load, he refused to let them take control. Instead of reading the conclusions of every report, he preferred to go on site himself and read through every line of the report no matter how long it was.
So it came as a shock to his ministers that he would not want to read the report himself and was only asking for a conclusion no less.
"Your grace..... I...em...." she struggled to find her words as she wasn't expecting to give him a verbal report.
"Was everything fine?"
"Yes your grace, there were no issues"
"Good job lady taylor" everyone had their mouths hanging as they never expected this day to come.
"Your grace does that mean you are going to let us do our jobs assisting you" sir shaw still couldn't believe that theo would be able to stay away from working long hours.
"Well I believe it's time i did, are you all not ready for it?"
"No your grace, we have been waiting for this day for years now" sir shaw smiled gently, he had noticed that since his grace got married he was living happier now but this moment it felt like he had just witnessed the 9 year old theo before the incident and it made him happy.
For theo working was the only way he could give back to the people. He was a monster and the only way to stay human was to prove his worth as a competent duke.
So he threw himself into his duties without rest, hoping to someday find some sort of comfort and come to terms with his guilt.
"Has the palace sent anymore letters lord astar ?"
"Yes your grace, the prince has sent 2 more in the last week. They have all been promptly disposed of, without her grace's knowledge"
"Heh! I knew the royal family were a stupid bunch, but who knew a prince would actively try to get close to my wife" Theo said it in such a joking tone but his face suggested that he wasn't joking.
The door swung open as a frantic Steven ran in. All eyes turned to him, as theo sprang to his feet.
"Your grace..... come quickly" he was out of breath, his eyes were shaking. Theo didn't ask questions as he sprints heading to his bedroom. He didn't need to ask why.... he had noticed something was wrong during lunch but she brushed him off saying she was fine.
"Your grace"
"Your grace" everyone had worried looks on their faces as the physician examined clarisa who was unconscious on bed.
"Its my fault your grace, I should have known" Hannah cried
"You couldn't have known, I'm sure she would have said she was fine even if you noticed.... don't beat your self over it" I sat beside her, she will be fine.... i am the duke, I need to reassure everyone.
"Her grace seems to be exhausted, she should come to in a few hours. I'll prescribe some health tonic for her" the physician picked his words carefully unsure how theo would react.
"Thank you dr Morgan, please have the maids prepare a dose for when the duchess is awake "
"Yes your grace" the physician walked out, but he couldn't shake the sadness off, although his grace spoke calmly, his hands were trembling and the look on his face... it was heart breaking.
Every one in the room had a somber expression as if blaming themselves for not recognizing that clarisa was overexerting herself.
"I heard clarisa had an appointment this afternoon, who was it with?" theos voice was icy, although none of them could see his face they could tell it would be stupid to anger him.
Maria explained to the duke what happened between the duchess and ivy
"Ivy again?..... I really should have dealt with her long ago.....who would have thought she would consider herself the future duchess.... and think it was wise to be rude to my wife" everyone shuddered at each word as they could feel the malice in each.
"I can forgive her for trying to murder me.... but making clarisa faint is something I'll never forgive.... I've been too lenient with them, I considered the bond we once shared and i wanted to save only the good times." the tension in the room could be cut with a knife, the maids felt like they would suffocate under the duke's pressure.
"Steven, have the knights drag her to the dungeons... I'll need to show her what happens when you mess with my wife "
"Yes your grace"
Everyone was dismissed from the room as theo just sat there staring at his unconscious wife, he blamed himself for not tying lose ends and having her listen to something so unsavory.
"I'm sorry my dear... but i think I'll have to be a monster once more"
I don't know how long everything remained dark for, but I suddenly saw a light. I leapt for it following it slowly reaching out and grabbing it.
"My dear, slowly don't rush it" my eyes opened slowly as I tried to adjust to the brightness.
"Th....Theo?" He supported me up helping me drink some water. My head felt like it was going to crack open as I winced in pain.
"Here my dear, drink this. The physician said you passed out due to exhaustion." He put a cup against my lips and a bitter liquid roll into my mouth.
"Drink it all dear, its a health tonic" my eyes were barely open but theo's calm voice was guiding me through this terrible headache.
I laid back down as theo placed a cold towel on my forehead. It felt nice
"How long was I out for?"
"6... hours" his voice just cracked
"You were unconscious for 2 hours. After that you came to and went back to sleep for 4 hours" oh! his voice is still calm, I must have imagined that, that hurts a bit. I don't want him to be in pain but I expected him to be a bit sad.
"Theo, my eyes feel heavy, come closer i want to feel your face" there was a silence before I felt his face in my stretched hand, I knew i wasn't imagining things.
"My love....." he had tears running down his face and I could feel how worried he was on his face.
"I was scared...I was so scared..."
"I'm sorry my love, i should have taken care of my health more. " i gestured for him to lay beside me and I felt his weight on the bed. I wanted to wrap him in my arms but I had to settle for holding his hand as the cold towel on my forehead was alleviating the pain.
"Next time I promise to let you know once I'm feeling unwell"
"I'm sorry I'm so unreliable dear..... I'll try my best to show you that you can lean on me when you need to"
"Its not your fault my love, i wanted to....." i winced again as my head kept throbing
"My dear, please don't strain yourself rest some more. We can always talk when you feel better" he began to pat me softly on my stomach like I was a kid. I chuckled gently before drifting to sleep.
After 2 days of rest and avoiding the conversation.
I decided it was time to talk with theo. Although he has been by my side these 2 days I could tell there was something wrong. The maids all made sure i wasn't doing any work whenever theo needed to step out, when i asked about what was happeningthey would just tell me everything was fine even when i knew somethingwas wrong.
At first I was scared to talk about it but I saw how much pain theo was in so I can't just ignore it any longer.
"My love come lay beside me. We need to talk" he had just finished feeding me some fruits after dinner. He laid beside me staring straight.
"I'm sorry my love, I should have spoken to you before things got this bad..... I just didn't know how you would react..." he looked so sad, i wanted to avoid it if possible but it has to be done.
"I'm sorry i couldn't gain your trust enough for you to confide in me my dear..... I'll do better" he smiled sadly.
"Its not your fault theo.....When mother and father left, I felt like their absence left a hole in my heart..... then each time I saw hannah, I always wondered what it would feel like to have children of my own"
"My dear....."
"I know what happened to you in the past my love, that's why I was being careful not to talk about it.... "
"I do want children my dear..... my childhood has nothing to do with it" when we had just started being intimate, theo had told me he wanted to take contraceptive potions till we were ready to start a family.
"You do? Really? Then..." I was so happy, i thought his childhood would make him have some sort of trauma to kids but it didn't.
"But not yet my dear, can we please wait a few years." he had a grim look on his face.
"But why wait my love?" He kept avoiding my eyes but i pressed him harder.
"I heard childbirth is hard even for older women, so i wanted us to wait just a few more years to be safe" he is always thinking of me first. He always puts my needs above his.
"My love, you know I'm not so young.... I've lived twice....."
"I know you have dear, that's why I want us to wait..... I don't want your health to suffer... you didn't tell me how you passed away in the 1st life.... i..... " i have never seen theo look so conflicted before, i knew he was saying this for me but it still made me slightly sad that he held onto all this without my knowledge.
"But you never asked my love..... I always thought you didn't care enough about me to want to know how my first life was."
"That's not true" he turned to me wrapping me in his arms.
"When you talked about your past life... you had that look on your face.... it's a look you have when something is very unpleasant..... I didn't want you to remember an unpleasant time nor did I want to remind you of your death... I'm sorry if it made my seem like I didn't care..... I just never want to hurt you" his body began to tremble as he hugged me, it made me sad. I feel like I've caused him more sadness than happiness.
"Clarisa my dear.... my light ..... please.... please.... don't get hurt.... trust me a little..... or am I so unreliable that you cannot lean on me?" He held me close trembling.
"What do you mean theo? I trust you, with everything....."
"But I want everything of you, your trust, your heart, everything. I want to be the first person you think of when you need help, i want to be the mountain you lean to for support. I know i'm being greedy..... i used to be fine just watching you from afar but now i want it all..... please dont hate me..... but i need you clarisa....."
"Theo what are you talking about? You already have all of me." I ran my hand through his hair, kissing him. He lifts his head staring into my eyes.
"I love you clarisa, I love you so much even I surprise myself..... I want you to rely on me, to need me, to desire me just as much as I desire you and it scares me to think this way..... i fear you will hate me when you see this side of me ..." i didn't want it to be like this, i knew he loved me but I never knew my feelings for him weren't showing in my actions. I thought I had been clear about my feelings for him, I'm such a fool.
"Theo...." i placed my head on his, I should have done this a long time ago, then he wouldn't have been so anxious.
"I love you... I've always loved you" he looked shocked before smiling and collapsing into my arms as I hugged him tight.
"I've always trusted you and I've always relied on you my love."
"Do you mean it my dear? You aren't just saying it to make me feel better?"
"My love, I would never lie to you. I love you"
"I love you too my dear, i lobe you so much." he cried kissing me as tears mixed in with pleasure, I could feel that the kiss was to affirm our love for each other. It didn't feel like before, it felt new, better, sweeter and hotter.