Also known as: He Sneezed and Founded a School
After the failed assassination attempt, peace returned once more to Mount Chaos—(No one agreed on a name, but "Chaos" had the most votes from the goats.)
Wei Long was finally getting some rest.
He had moved his bed under a tree, claiming that "roof energy is too aggressive lately." In truth, he just liked the breeze.
But peace, as always, had a short lease.
A knock came at the bamboo gate.
It wasn't polite. It wasn't subtle. It sounded like someone was trying to argue with the door using fists.
Duan Fei peeked outside.
Three strangers stood there. One wore a scholar's robe, another a sword too big for his own shoulders, and the third—a little girl—was balancing a watermelon on her head.
"Are you lost?" Duan asked.
"No," said the scholar. "We are here to enroll."
"…Enroll?"
"In the Wei Long Academy of Enlightenment and Chaotic Insight."
"…The what?"
They were let in. Wei Long, half-asleep, was dragged to the courtyard.
The three knelt before him like pilgrims.
The sword boy bowed. "Master Wei Long, we have heard the tales."
The scholar nodded. "Your teachings have reshaped the continent."
The watermelon girl whispered, "Your silence echoes louder than thunder."
Wei Long scratched his head. "Did someone put mushrooms in the soup again?"
The scholar unrolled a scroll filled with wild tales:
"He turned poison into pancakes!"
"He single-handedly ended the Nightshade War!"
"He sneezed during meditation and three valleys realigned their feng shui!"
Wei Long stared at the scroll.
"…Where did you hear all this?"
"Everywhere," said the boy. "You are the greatest teacher in the land."
"I don't teach," Wei Long muttered.
"Exactly!" said the scholar. "Your refusal to teach is the teaching!"
Wei Long looked up at the sky. "Heavens, I'm begging you, please stop helping me."
But it was too late.
The three disciples stood proudly in the yard, announcing:
"We are the founding class of the Wei Long Academy!"
Wei Long groaned."…What does that even mean?"
Lin Qian walked by, holding a notebook. "Should I start drawing uniforms?"
"No."
Duan Fei whispered, "What color should the banners be?"
"None."
A goat baaed supportively. Wei Long sighed. "I'm going back to bed."
He turned around. The watermelon girl stood behind him, balancing a scroll on her head this time.
"Master," she asked softly. "Is this the right way to achieve equilibrium?"
Wei Long blinked. "I don't even know what that word means before tea."
The girl smiled. "Your honesty is so pure… it must be true enlightenment."
And so, by sunset, a sign was hung at the gate:
Wei Long Academy – Enrollment Open (if the wind says so)
People from nearby villages began arriving with children and gifts.
Wei Long sat on the roof, face in his hands.
"I didn't start a sect. I didn't start a school. I just wanted dumplings and naps."
Behind him, Lin Qian handed him a fresh bun.
"You got the bun at least," she said.
He took it. Bit in.
"…No filling."
The wind rustled the trees.
Somewhere far off, another sect elder shivered and whispered,
"He moves again…"
To be continued...