Yesterday, I spent the whole day thinking about what dress to wear.
I ultimately landed on the choice that I'm going to have to design it myself out of some old dresses.
All I need it to do is not embarrass me.
I foraged through my closet and found a reasonably good dress that would only need minute adjustments.
I remember the Imperial Family buying it for me when they thought I was actually of some use. It made me so happy. I didn't even wear it once because I didn't want to ruin it. The night, the scholars gave up on me, the night Father beat me for the first time.
I cried on my huge bed which only reminded me of how lonely I was. I didn't accept what was happening to me. I thought time would heal everything, that maybe the affects of the orb would hit later. After months of waiting, I finally understood that this was it... Nothing's going to happen. Once I did, on my fifteenth birthday, I felt the power brimming in me, wanting to come out. Maybe I needed to hit rock bottom to finally feel my power, to finally feel my worth.
All I equal to is bringing the Imperial Family down. But I can't try now, i barely have any power or anything.
This dress is a symbol of what I've been through. What better to wear than this.
I'm thankful for the tutors that taught me how to sew and embroider.
The rest of the day I poured my blood, sweat and tears onto the dress. Only eating little snacks n between.
The end result was more than I could've imagined.
A black dress with gold butterflies made out of fabric littered around the bottom of it. The top sleeveless and with no straps. A dress that accentuated my body.
It seemed over the top but many noble ladies would have over the top dresses hat were worse than mine.
I need this to blend in.
To be a butterfly flittering around everyone's head that no one notices.
I'm so tired. My body feels weary as if it had just rode a horse for a full day.
I need my beauty sleep if I want to compete but blend in with the other noble ladies. All things considered, there won't only be noble ladies from this Empire but also from the Southern, Eastern and Western empires.
I can do this. I've done it many times before. I can do it again.