Chapter 44: "The Villains Have Style, Unfortunately"
In which evil wears high heels, trench coats, and an alarming amount of lace.
While Naruto was at home transforming into his taller, buffer self and learning to shoot air bullets like a magical sniper, the forces of darkness were… brooding. Dramatically. In a mansion. Of course.
Far across town, nestled in the rich district where the lawns are perfectly trimmed and no one actually uses their fifteen-car garages, there was a mansion that definitely wasn't in the owner's possession anymore. A poor rich dude was currently doing Raynare's laundry and wondering why his mind kept screaming while his lips said, "Yes, ma'am."
Because hypnosis is a dark angel's favorite party trick.
Raynare, self-declared queen of betrayal and backstabbery, lounged in a crimson silk chair like she was auditioning for a villainous fashion catalog. She had the kind of beauty that made men do dumb things and the personality that made sure they regretted them immediately.
Her violet eyes flickered toward the crystal orb on the table. It displayed a shirtless Naruto casually eating ramen while reading a book on intermediate transformation runes.
"Tch," she muttered. "He's not supposed to study. That's cheating."
Mittelt, twintails bouncing like she was powered by anime energy, huffed from where she was perched upside down on the couch.
"This is so unfair! The guy was supposed to be a gullible perv we could slap around and dissect like a frog in science class. Now he's built like a fighter and apparently friends with Ki Terminators?"
Kalawarna didn't say a word. She just flipped a page in the book she'd been reading for three hours without blinking. Something about "silent resentment" really sold the mood.
Dohnaseek adjusted his gloves and spoke with all the emotional enthusiasm of a DMV clerk. "We should abort this mission. We have no guarantee of success and significant chances of dismemberment."
Raynare rolled her eyes. "You all lack vision."
"Vision won't stop Apachai from drop-kicking you into the ozone," Mittelt said, but Raynare ignored her.
See, technically, they were part of Grigori, the Fallen Angel organization with an actually decent PR team. Their leader, Azazel, was all about research, sacred gears, and not murdering humans for fun.
Raynare? She didn't get the memo. Or she did, and burned it while cackling.
In her perfect world, sacred gear users weren't invited to the cool club. They were dissected, harvested, and—if they had cool powers—repurposed into her new team of unholy Avengers.
Naruto, aka Issei 2.0, was supposed to be her first. A test subject. A sacrificial lamb in a nice hoodie.
Except now he was not a lamb. He was a Ki-enhanced, death cheetah who could probably sneeze and knock over a tank.
Not ideal.
Dohnaseek steepled his fingers. "We should target a less… protected specimen."
Raynare smirked. "And miss this opportunity? Never. He has Twice Critical, but something more is brewing. I felt it. That boy is special."
"You say that about every guy you try to murder," Mittelt muttered.
"Shut up, Mittelt."
Kalawarna stood and walked toward the crystal orb.
Her brown eyes narrowed.
"If we go after him, we go with a real plan. Seduction won't work. He's not an idiot. And now… he's dangerous."
Raynare smiled, teeth sharp as broken promises.
"Then it's time we adapt. If we can't trick him… we trap him. And once we take his gear, no one—not devils, not even the martial artists —will stop us."
The others weren't convinced.
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Raynare stood at the head of the long dining table, which she used mostly for scheming and definitely not for food. Kalawarna leaned against a wall like a disinterested supermodel. Dohnaseek adjusted his gloves for the 47th time. Mittelt twirled her pigtails and occasionally stabbed a voodoo doll of Naruto with a pencil (it wasn't effective, but it was cathartic).
"We need a clean hit," Raynare said, pacing slowly. "No devils, no martial artists, no dragons. Just him. Alone."
Dohnaseek raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You make that sound easy."
"It is," Raynare said with a smirk. "Because we have something he won't say no to."
Her crystal orb flared, showing the image of a quiet, innocent girl kneeling in prayer. She wore a white nun's habit, and a golden cross hung around her neck. Her soft blonde hair framed her angelic face, and her green eyes were full of kindness—and the heavy weight of being way too good for this show.
Asia Argento.
A girl with a sacred gear that could heal any wound. A rare miracle in a world of fireballs and flying punches.
Unfortunately for her, she had been found by Raynare instead of Grigori proper. And Raynare—predictably—had no interest in protecting her. Just stealing her powers and throwing her away like yesterday's sermon.
But for now? She was bait.
"He seems like the type who'd save a nun," Raynare said, eyes gleaming.
"You mean the new Issei?" Kalawarna asked, arms crossed. "He hasn't even looked at a girl wrong yet. Are we sure it's the same guy we were tracking?"
"Doesn't matter," Raynare replied. "We don't need the personality. We just need the sacred gear."
Mittelt rolled her eyes. "I still say we just chloroform him."
Raynare gave her a look. "Do I look like a Saturday morning cartoon villain?"
"Yes."
"Shut up, Mittelt."
Raynare turned her attention back to Asia's orb. "We send Asia to the park after school hours. Have her approach him timidly. Cry a little. Say she needs help at the church. Alone. No devils. No friends. She's desperate. Needs healing magic. Boom. Soft-hearted fool walks into our net."
"Where we'll have traps ready," Dohnaseek added, finally seeing some actual strategy.
"Yes," Raynare nodded. "Magic suppressors, sealing circles, maybe even a paralysis curse for good measure. Once he's locked down, we remove the sacred gear. If it turns out it's just some overclocked Twice Critical, fine. If it's something stronger? We keep it. Either way, we win."
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Morning came with the soft sound of birds chirping, the sun peeking out like a nosy neighbor, and Naruto doing backflips across rooftops for no reason except he could.
That's just how ninja cardio works.
After burning through his daily chakra/ki/magic/spirit/mysterious anime power reserve with his usual parkour jog, Naruto landed outside the Akatsuki HQ like the dramatic protagonist he was and strolled in, sweaty but satisfied.
He didn't even get past the lobby before Shogo, now fully suited in a matte black jacket with a red flame-like logo, gave him a thumbs up.
"You look like a street samurai," Shogo said.
Naruto grinned. "You look like a bouncer for a villain-themed nightclub. I'm proud of us."
Inside, it looked like someone had opened a tactical gear store and said "Take one of everything."
Loki, also known as Kyoichi when he wasn't being smug and rich, stood with a clipboard, sunglasses on indoors, flanked by several boxes stacked like a secret agent Christmas tree.
"I bring you: Akatsuki 2.0," he declared, gesturing like a game show host.
Naruto stared at the gear: bulletproof vests (sleek and fitted), steel-reinforced boots, carbon-fiber batons, daggers that probably cost more than a semester at a private school, custom kunai, smoke bombs in cool canisters, and—just casually—sports bikes. Black with red racing stripes.
"Oh-ho," Naruto whispered. "It's beautiful."
Loki smirked. "You wanted gear? I supplied gear. Tactical, stylish, and all branded. These jackets even have GPS locators and built-in comms. Voice-activated, waterproof, and made with Kevlar-thread."
"You even got me a reinforced baton," Naruto said, holding it with a reverence most people reserve for ancient swords or wedding rings.
"Military-grade. You're welcome."
The team assembled in the main hall. Kisara was trying to spin a dagger like a pro but nearly sliced Shogo's hoodie. Ikki was inspecting the steel boots like they were cursed objects. Ukita and Koga were already arguing about who looked cooler in their jackets. Honoka had put her helmet on backwards. Classic.
Naruto stood in front of them with his arms crossed, doing his best team leader expression.
"So here's the deal," he said. "All this gear is awesome. But it's pointless if you don't know how to use it. Lucky for you, I've been training with walking death machines."
Everyone nodded. Some with excitement. Some with fear.
Naruto continued, "This isn't just cosplay. This is the start of something big. We're not just a gang anymore—we're building a business. A security agency. Bodyguards. Elite agents. The kind that get hired to protect CEOs, priceless artifacts, and magical cat statues from cursed temples."
Loki raised a hand. "Already trademarking the name. I have four domain options. Dot com, dot net, and even dot ninja."
Kenichi blinked. "Dot ninja is a real thing?"
"Shut up, Kenichi," Shogo said fondly.
Naruto pointed to the training mat in the center. "Starting today, you learn how to move, fight, and win with all this gear. That means drills. That means combat scenarios. That means I throw smoke bombs at you when you least expect it."
Everyone looked a little alarmed.
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The sun was blazing like it was on a mission to fry teenage ambition.
Outside the Akatsuki HQ, a dozen targets stood in a neat row, each painted with a red circle and a smiley face. (Naruto insisted the targets had to have personality, otherwise it felt too serious.)
Naruto stood at the front, spinning a kunai between his fingers like some kind of circus act with an edge. Literally.
"Alright, listen up!" he called, his voice carrying across the makeshift training yard. "Lesson one: the art of kunai throwing. Step one: don't throw it at your teammates. Unless they deserve it. Kidding. Mostly."
He gestured to Kenichi and Honoka, who both stepped up holding kunai with impressive confidence.
"These two have been learning from me for a month. So today, they're your assistant teachers. Call them Sensei Lite."
Kenichi smiled awkwardly. Honoka posed like a ninja anime character and whispered, "Believe it," which made Naruto nearly drop his kunai in pride.
The group split into pairs.
Kisara, Shogo, Loki, Ikki, Ukita, and Koga picked it up fast. Kisara, with her martial arts background, had amazing aim. Shogo nailed the target with raw power. Loki hit bullseyes like he had math formulas calculating trajectory in his head. (He probably did.)
"Throw like you mean it!" Naruto encouraged. "Feel the weight, let it flow with your wrist. It's not about power. It's about control!"
Koga tried spinning his kunai for flair and hit a tree. "That tree looked at me funny," he muttered.
The newer members were struggling, but no one looked frustrated. They were laughing, comparing notes, even cheering each other on when someone finally hit the smiley face square in the forehead.
For once, no one was being mocked for trying.
Their fighting spirit wasn't something to be scolded. It was being refined.
Then came round two.
Smoke bombs.
Naruto clapped his hands. "Now, this is the fun part. Smoke bombs are great for dramatic exits, sneak attacks, and vanishing when you forgot to do your homework."
He demonstrated, pulling the pin and vanishing in a puff of smoke. When he reappeared behind them, upside down on a tree branch, several people screamed.
"Lesson one: Always know where you're going to land before you vanish," he said, dropping down with a grin.
Loki stepped up with a case of his own gear. "I brought tear bombs, flash bombs, and noise bombs. Great for disorientation and chaos. Also great for birthdays."
The group stared at him.
"…What kind of birthday parties do you have?" Kisara asked.
"Strategic ones," Loki said seriously.
Soon the whole yard was covered in trails of smoke and confused shouting.
Kenichi coughed his way through teaching the basic movement drills. Shogo ambushed Koga through a cloud. Ikki tackled Ukita mid-roll, and they both went down like tangled laundry.
Naruto weaved through the chaos, correcting grips, demonstrating knife-to-hand transitions, and occasionally throwing a smoke bomb like a surprise quiz.
"Adapt!" he shouted. "Enemies don't wait for your warm-up!"
Amidst the madness, something magical happened.
They were learning.
The gear stopped being "cool stuff" and started becoming tools. The kunai stopped being a prop and started becoming instinct. They understood the weight. The angles. The rhythm.
They weren't just a gang anymore.
They were a unit.
And Naruto couldn't stop smiling.
Because this—this insane smoke-filled chaos with metal clinks, laughter, and motivation in the air—this was the start of something legendary.
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It was 11:07 a.m., and all was peaceful in the abandoned-construction-site-turned-villain-lair that Akatsuki called home.
The morning training was a success. No major injuries (except Koga's pride when Honoka threw better than him), and they'd earned their break. Everyone was sprawled on crates, munching on convenience store snacks that Loki had brought in bulk—probably via drone. Naruto had an entire bag of shrimp chips balanced on his head while arguing with Shogo about whether a kunai or a baton would win in a one-on-one fight.
"I'm just saying, you can block a knife with a baton," Naruto said, tossing a chip into his mouth. "Physics."
"Yeah, but you can't catch a baton mid-swing like a kunai," Shogo shot back.
Kisara rolled her eyes. "You two fight all the time. Why not just test it?"
"Because we'd destroy the break snacks," Naruto said solemnly. "And that, Kisara, would be a crime."
They were still laughing when the perimeter alarms went off—aka, Loki's rigged soda cans and tripwires clinked and snapped all around the site.
Everyone went still.
"Either it's a cat," Loki said calmly, sipping tea, "or we're surrounded by angry ex-gang members."
A beat later, dozens of figures stepped into view around the warehouse—like something out of a street fighting video game.
On one side: tall, toned girls in armor-style uniforms, carrying batons, shields, and spears.
Freya's Valkyries.
On the other: shirtless muscle mountains with bandages on their knuckles and faces.
Thor's combat sumo squad.
All of them now wearing a new emblem on their arm: the unmistakable "R" symbol of Ragnarok.
Naruto stood up and dusted the crumbs off his pants.
"Well," he said. "Snack time's over."
The front rank of Valkyries parted like opening curtains, and the leader stepped forward.
He looked like he was heading to a board meeting in a high-rise, not an underground gang fight. White suit, light-yellow cravat, and silver glasses that gleamed with dramatic villain energy. His presence practically hummed with power.
Ryuto—aka Odin—smiled.
"Naruto," he said smoothly, "or should I say... leader of the last remaining gang in this city?"
Naruto gave him a lazy salute. "I prefer 'Founder and Executive Snack Master,' but sure."
Ryuto ignored that.
"You've done well keeping this group together. Impressive, really. Discipline, gear, coordination. I'm even hearing whispers about elite training under the masters of Ryozanpaku?"
That got some wide-eyed stares from his Valkyries.
Naruto folded his arms. "You've done your homework."
"I always do." Ryuto's grin widened. "Which is why I'm not here to waste time. Join me. You, Kisara, Loki, and Shogo will be sub-leaders. The others will fall in line. I've already made the same offer to Freya and Thor. They said no." He shrugged. "I made them say yes."
Shogo cracked his knuckles. "You trying to intimidate us?"
Ryuto gave him a pleasant smile. "Only if it works."
Kisara stepped forward, fists at her side. "We're not for sale."
Loki sighed but nodded. "We have better branding anyway."
"Wow," Naruto muttered, "I feel so warm and fuzzy right now."
They all looked at him.
"What?" he asked. "I was just thinking... it's really cool having a team that believes in me. Even if this guy could fold me like laundry."
"Excuse me?" Shogo asked.
"Nothing! Let's punch him!"
Ryuto chuckled softly and clapped his hands once.
"Well, I had a feeling you'd decline. I even made a bet with Kalawarna." He gestured, and one of the Valkyries smirked behind him.
"That said..." He raised his voice and pointed at the group.
His eyes locked on Kenichi.
"You," Ryuto said. "KENICHI. I hope you haven't forgotten our promise."
Everyone turned to Kenichi, who was looking nervous and trying to find his courage that he had built up last night.