(Charlie POV)
As Vaggie and I entered the news station, we were greeted by two sinner demons.
"Greetings, Your Highness,"
they said, bowing respectfully.
"Hi! My name's Charlie, and this is Vaggie. We're here for the interview?"
"Yes, Prince Stygian informed us of your request. Katy and Tom have been notified of your arrival."
"Thank you!"
They nodded and began leading us toward the newsroom. Along the way, we passed several sets—one looked like a beach, another a kitchen, and... was that a sex dungeon?
I blushed and quickly looked away. Vaggie leaned in and whispered with a smirk:
"You know… we could get something like that for our hotel. Use it on Stygian."
"Vaggie! Not here! I won't be able to concentrate if I start imagining Stygy naked, bound in rope, and us... all over him…"
I caught myself drooling slightly and snapped back to reality when our guide spoke again.
"Here we are, Princess. This is the waiting room. We'll call you in shortly after the current program ends."
I nodded gratefully and sat down with Vaggie. I pulled out the note I'd written, explaining the mission of the hotel.
I showed it to her. "Do you think this is okay?"
"Well, not to be a downer, Char, but... are you sure singing is necessary?"
"Of course! I express my goals best through music!"
"I know, hun. Just… try not to overwhelm them with your cuteness, okay?"
"Okay!"
---
(Angel Dust POV)
I was relaxing in my room, eating a big bowl of carbonara with Fat Nuggets, Plagg, and Beth curled up asleep on my lap.
As I watched TV, I got a call from Cherry.
"Sup, bitch!"
"Hey Cherry, what's up?"
"Oh, y'know, the usual—blowin' stuff up, taking names, kicking ass. Also, was wondering if you wanted to help me beat up some snake-lookin' dude."
"Aww, that sounds like a blast! But I can't—kinda stuck right now."
"Ooh, what, bangin' some guy?"
"Not quite. Look."
I turned the camera around to show her the sleeping babies.
"Awww! Look at them. So cute and fluffy. Damn, I see why you're stuck—I'd probably just stay there too."
"I know, right? It's like some weird therapy session and... I don't even mind."
"Well, I gotta bounce—dude's waking up. Call me sometime, Angel. It's nice hearing you so happy again."
"Of course, Cher. Give 'im a punch for me, okay?"
"You got it. Later, Angel!"
I ended the call, leaned back, and kept eating while the news played in the background.
---
(Charlie POV)
After a few minutes of waiting and practicing, one of the demons waved me over.
Vaggie gave me a double thumbs-up as we walked through a hallway filled with camera crews and idling staff.
She headed to the audience seats and gave me one last "You got this" gesture.
I nodded and walked up to the anchor desk.
"Hi! I'm Charlie!" I smiled and extended a hand.
"Katy Killjoy. I'd say it's a pleasure, but that would be a lie. And no thanks—don't touch the gays."
"I have a boyfriend, actually."
"Oh, is that so? Then why're you here with some Mexican chick? Cheating already? Guess your boyfriend's a massive cuck!"
She started laughing. I clenched my fists, barely stopping myself from ripping her vocal cords out.
I forced a breath. "My boyfriend is dating both of us, actually."
She scoffed and walked to the desk.
"One minute to live!" shouted a demon nearby. "Places, everyone!"
I sat next to Katy—reluctantly—and the broadcast began.
---
(Live Broadcast)
Katy: "Welcome back to the show! So, Charlotte—"
Charlie: "It's Charlie."
Katy: "Whatever. So, what's this little 'passion project' your boyfriend's been nagging our station about?"
Charlie: "Well, we opened a hotel! A place where demons who seek redemption can come and get a second chance. Even if they fall, they can always try again."
Katy: "Really? Then why haven't we seen any sinners float off in a holy beam of light? Oh wait, maybe it's because the angels are the ones exterminating us!"
Charlie: "I still believe there's good in everyone. That things can change. Maybe I'm not getting through to you."
Vaggie (facepalming): "Oh no…"
---
(Musical Segment Begins)
🎵 Charlie (singing): "I have a dream, I'm here to tell!
About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel!"
She walks away from the piano, holding up a glittery drawing of the Happy Hotel.
🎵 Charlie:
"Yes, it's one-of-a-kind, right here in Hell!
Catering to a specific clientele!" (boops Dazzle's nose)
🎵 Razzle & Dazzle:
"Oooh~ Oooh~ Oooh~"
Katy and Trench look bewildered.
🎵 Charlie:
"Inside of every demon is a rainbow!
Inside every sinner is a shiny smile!
Inside each creepy, hatchet-wielding maniac—
Is a jolly, cupcake-loving child!"
(A masked demon receives a sparkly cupcake.)
🎵 Charlie:
"We can turn them 'round! They'll be Heaven-bound!
With just a little time, down at the Happy Hotel!"
(Vaggie is visibly cringing.)
🎵 Charlie:
"So all you junkies—" (pulls a syringe from a demon's head)
*"Freaks—" (poses with a caged Siamese demon)
*"And weirdos—" (fends off an eyeball blob demon)
"Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks and zeroes,
And down-fallen superheroes—Help is here!"
🎵 Charlie:
"All you cretins, sluts and losers,
Sexual deviants and boozers,
And prescription drug abusers—need not fear!
Forever again, we'll cure your sin!"
(A demon in a wheelchair is healed by Dazzle.)
🎵 Charlie:
"We'll make you well! You'll feel so swell!
Right here in Hell—at the Happy Hotel!"
🎵 Charlie:
"There'll be no more fire, no more screams—
Just puppy dog kisses and cotton candy dreams!"
(she hugs a dog and offers cotton candy)
🎵 Charlie:
"You're gonna be like 'Wow!' once you check in with me!"
(The clouds spell out "WOW!")
🎵 Charlie:
"All your cartoon porn addictions—" (confiscates hentai from a neckbeard demon)
"Vegan rants, psychic predictions,
Ancient Roman crucifixions—END right here!"
🎵 Charlie:
"All you monsters, thieves, and crazies,
Cannibals and crying babies,
Frothing mouths that's full of rabies—filled with cheer!"
(She smiles while hugging a rabid hellhound.)
🎵 Charlie:
"You'll be complete—it'll be so neat!
Our service can't be beat, you'll be on easy street!
Yes, life will be sweet at the Happy Hoteeeel—YEAH!!"
(She ends in a fire twirl as a candy wonderland appears behind her.)
---
(Back to Reality)
The music fades. Silence.
Top Hat Demon: "Wow… That was shit."
Everyone burst into laughter.
I shrank into my chair, mortified.
Katy: "What in the nine circles of Hell made you think any demon would buy that fairytale? What, did your slutty boytoy—"
SMACK!
I punched her square in the face.
"Take that back, bitch!"
A full-blown brawl broke out between me and Katy on live TV.
Vaggie just sat back down, sighing.
Up at the window, the six-eyed raven took off into the infernal sky.