She buries her face against my chest, her body shaking against mine as her tears soak into my shirt. In any other situation, I would normally be pissed about ruining my shirt, but right now, I don't give a damn. She clings to me almost desperately, her arms circling my waist and holding onto me tightly, like she's scared I'm going to disappear any second.
She mumbles against my chest, her voice shaky.
"I wish... I didn't leave. I wish I didn't let you go..."
The words are like a knife in my heart. I pull her even closer, my arms tight around her body, cradling her against my chest. I press my lips against her hair, kissing her head gently, wanting to do anything, anything to comfort her. I manage to say, my voice ragged.
"Please… please stop crying, sweetheart. Please, it kills me to see you so goddamn upset."
She presses her face even more into my chest, the sound of her sobs so damn agonizing to my ears. I can feel her shaking in my arms, her body trembling as the tears keep pouring down her face. I can't help it. I press another kiss into her hair, my heart breaking at how shattered she seems.
I murmur, my words shaky. "Shhh, sweetheart… please, please don't cry so goddamn much. I can't take it when you cry."
She doesn't stop crying, no matter how much I try to soothe her, my words seeming to have no effect on her tears. The sight of her, broken and sobbing and looking so damn small and fragile in my arms, is breaking me. I murmur against her hair, my voice even rougher than before.
"Shhh, sweetheart. Baby, please… please, you gotta stop crying. I can't… I can't take it, seeing you so goddamn upset. I can't take it when you cry… Please, just, stop…"
Her body shudders against mine, and I can feel her tears soaking my shirt, my heart twisting at how damn broken she sounds. She mumbles something into my chest, her words so faint that I only catch a few of them. It sounds like… "I'm sorry."
It's like a knife straight to my heart, and I tighten my arms around her even more, tucking her body closer against me. I say, my voice shaky.
"Shhh, sweetheart. Don't… don't apologize. Don't say sorry."
She sobs against my chest, her body trembling as she continues to cry. I can hear her mumbling something, and when I strain my ears, I can just make out a few words. She's still talking about how sorry she is, and the sound of it is ripping through me. I kiss her head again, my voice rough and shaky.
"Stop apologizing, baby. Don't… goddamnit, please don't keep saying you're sorry. I hate hearing you say that. I hate hearing you talk like this. You shouldn't be the one saying you're sorry."
She presses herself even more into my chest, her hands grabbing onto my shirt like a lifeline, and it makes my heart ache like a motherfuck. She's clinging to me tight, like she's scared I'll disappear the moment she lets go, and it's breaking me apart. I nuzzle my head against her hair, my voice soft and shaky.
"Please… baby, stop apologizing. You… you need to stop saying you regret it. I hate… I hate hearing you talk like this. I hate how goddamn guilty and upset you are."
She lets out another ragged sob, her words getting more desperate, like she's desperate to apologize for something that she shouldn't be apologizing for. I pull her even closer against me, my arms holding her body so tightly to my own. I kiss her head again, trying to soothe her.
"I… I don't care. I don't care that you left, okay? You… you don't need to keep apologizing and hating yourself for it. I can't… I can't stand the way you talk to yourself, baby. I can't stand to see you so damn guilty. I'm also at fault too. I didn't know your situation but still got mad at you. I'm sorry."
She lets out another sob, clutching onto my shirt even more tightly than before, as if she's afraid that, if I let go, I'll never touch her again. She starts murmuring something more frantically now, the broken sound of her voice making my heart twist with pain.
She says through her tears, her words almost indistinct. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I was stupid, I'm so sorry, I was so stupid. I shouldn't have left, I'm sorry, I'm so goddamn sorry."
Her words cut through me like a damn knife, and I can't stand it, hearing her apologize over and over again. I hold her even closer to me, my body almost entirely enveloping her smaller frame. My voice is shaking when I speak, my words desperate.
"Shhh, shhh. Please… stop saying you're sorry, baby. Damn it, stop talking like that. I… You… you have to stop blaming yourself, okay? You have to stop hating yourself for it. Please. You… you're forgiven, okay? I forgive you."
She sobs harder at my words, her voice hoarse and broken as she mumbles through her tears. She grips my shirt so tightly that I can feel her nails digging into my skin, but I don't care, the only goddamn thing I care about right now is making her stop crying. I murmur, my words low and ragged.
"Shhh… baby, breathe. Goddamn, you need to breathe, sweetheart. Please… please, breathe for me, baby. You're… you're gonna make yourself sick with all the crying you're doing."
She gasps for breath, her tears still streaming down her face, but at least she's trying to do what I say. Her body is still shaking, her arms still trembling where they're clinging to my shirt, but her sobs start to subside into ragged breaths as she starts to calm down. I keep murmuring against her hair, my words soft and gentle.
"That's it, that's it, good, keep taking deep breaths for me. You're doing so good, sweetheart. You're doing a damn good job, just keep breathing for me, baby…"
She takes several deep, shuddering breaths, her body gradually starting to relax in my arms. Her breathing is shaky and ragged, but at least her sobs have stopped. She's starting to calm down, her hold on me less desperate now, but she still doesn't let go.
I keep my arms wrapped around her, holding her close against my body, my voice a soothing murmur against her hair. "Good… good. Keep breathing, baby. You're doing so good. You… you're calming down. I've got you, sweetheart. I'm right here."
Her breathing starts to slow, gradually becoming steadier and more even as she calms down. She's not crying anymore, her body no longer trembling the way it was before, and she finally lifts her head from my chest, looking up at me with her big eyes. I almost gasp aloud at the sight of her face, tear tracks on her cheeks and her eyes so damn red from crying.
I murmur quietly, my voice tender. "You okay, sweetheart? You've finally stopped crying."
She nods silently, a shaky breath leaving her lips as she wipes at her face, trying to clean off some of the remaining tears. She looks like a mess, her hair all mussed from being pressed against my chest, her face still shiny with tears, her eyes red and puffy. She says quietly, her voice still rough from crying.
"Y-yeah… yeah, I'm okay."
I brush away a few remaining tears from her cheek, my touch gentle. I take a moment to look at her, taking in her messy hair and flushed face. Despite the fact that she's still a goddamn mess, she's still the most damn beautiful girl in the world to me, and it takes every scrap of self-control I have not to take her face in my hands and kiss her all over.
I murmur softly, my words gruff and quiet. "You look like a goddamn wreck, sweetheart."
She huffs out a soft, shaky laugh, a small hint of a smile tugging at her lips. She gives me a weak smirk, one that makes my heart clench. She says quietly, her voice still raw from crying.
"Gee, thanks for that, you romantic bastard."
I can't help but let a smile tug at my own lips at her words, the way she's still so damn sassy and feisty even when she's cried herself sick. I reach out and ruffle her hair lightly between my fingers, trying to make it even more messy.
I reply huskily, my voice rough and low. "I'm just being honest, baby. You look good all broken and messy. It's sexy as hell."
Her cheeks flush at my words, a light pink staining her face as she huffs out another half-laugh. She tries, and fails, to smack my hand away from her hair, scowling at me in a way that's far too adorable.
"Yeah, I'm sure I look reeeal sexy with tear tracks all over my face and red as a tomato. Thank you for your glowing compliments, jackass."
I can't help but laugh at her words, her attempt at being annoyed at me, only making me want to tease her even more. I continued messing with her hair, ruffling it even more than it was before.
"You're welcome, baby. I'm a very generous jackass, I promise. And for your information, you are sexy, even with a tearstained face, and looking like you just cried for a goddamn hour."
She tries to glare at me, but it's hard for her when she's still blushing and looks more cute than intimidating. She swats weakly at my hand again, trying to shove me off, but her attempts are pathetic and half-hearted at best. She grumbles, her face still flushed.
"Ugh, shut up. I swear, you're annoying, you know that? You and your damn endless compliments."
I can't stop myself from laughing again at her attempt to act annoyed, my heart light at how goddamn adorable she looks when she's all pissed off. I reach out and pinch her cheek lightly, my fingers gently tugging on the skin. I say jokingly, trying to provoke her further.
"Oh, you love my compliments, you know you do. You're secretly eating it all up, sweetheart. Don't deny it."
She huffs again, her face turning even redder at my words. She swats at my hand again, but just like before, her hit is completely ineffectual, barely making a single dent on me. She says indignantly, her tone still trying for anger even as she looks like a flustered kitten.
"I do not, I swear! Your compliments are stupid and… and… annoying! And you're being insufferable right now, jerkface."
I can't help but smile at how goddamn cute she is, trying to act annoyed at me but failing miserably. I let out a low, husky chuckle, my voice still rough. I say teasingly, knowing full well that I'm being an absolute ass.
"You're a horrible liar, sweetheart. You secretly love every goddamn word that comes out of my mouth."
She huffs again, pouting and crossing her arms over her chest in a huff, looking like an adorable little angry kitten. She grumbles irritably, trying to look annoyed even though it's obvious from the red flushing her cheeks that she actually adores my compliments.
She mutters under her breath, her tone almost whiny.
"I don't, shut up. Your compliments are dumb and embarrassing, jerkass."
I can't help it. Seeing her all pouting and adorable like this, all grumpy and flushed, it's the goddamn cutest thing I've ever seen. I let out another low laugh, unable to resist teasing her even further. I reach out and gently tug on a lock of her messy hair again, my voice rough and low.
"Aww, now you're really pouting, baby. You're like a damn grumpy little cat, all flushed and adorable. You look so goddamn cute it's almost unfair."
She tries, and fails, to keep a pout on her face, her expression softening against her will. Her cheeks are flushed even redder at my words, and I can see her fighting against the urge to smile. She huffs again, trying to act annoyed again, but the effect is ruined by the damn adorable way she's blushing.
She mutters with a frown, her voice still trying to sound irritated. "Shut up, jackass. I'm not cute like a cat, don't call me that."
I laugh again, unable to stop the sound from rumbling out of me. I can't get over damn cute she is right now, all blushing and flustered, still trying to act annoyed. My voice is low and gruff when I respond, a smirk tugging at my lips.
"Oh, but baby, you are exactly like a cat. Pouting, flushed, and goddamn adorable. You're even hissing at me, just like a grumpy little pussy."
She huffs out an indignant breath, clearly struggling not to give into a smile at my words. She shakes her head stubbornly, her voice almost petulant.
"I'm not that cute, stop it. I'm trying to be pissed off, and you calling me a cute little cat is not helping me stay annoyed. You're too damn good at being a smooth bastard, you know that?"
I let out another low laugh at her words, my smirk widening as I watched her struggling against her own smile. I'm having the time of my life, seeing her trying so damn hard to stay pissed while her face is flushed and she's looking all adorable. I can't resist teasing her even more, knowing that I have the upper hand right now.
I reach out and tug on a lock of her messy hair again, my touch gentle and affectionate.
"What can I say, sweetheart? Being charming is a damn speciality of mine. Especially when I'm trying to get your adorable ass to smile."
She lets out a soft huff, her resolve to remain pissy slowly but surely crumbling at my words. I can practically see her trying to fight the way her lips are twitching, resisting the urge to smile at my teasing. She pouts again, trying to look annoyed, but it's getting harder by the second for her to keep up the facade.
She snaps petulantly, her voice still trying for anger but sounding more and more reluctant. "Ugh, stop being so damn sweet, you bastard. It's not fair."
I can't help it. Watching her trying so damn hard to pretend like she's pissed and annoyed at me, when the truth is that she's on the verge of melting at my words, it's driving me crazy. I reach out without thinking and cup her face in my hands, my voice low and rough.
"Come here, sweetheart."
Without waiting for a response, I pull her onto my lap, positioning her so she's straddling me.
She lets out a startled gasp as I pull her onto my lap, her body pressed close to me. She instinctively reaches out and places her hands against my chest to steady herself, her eyes widening as she suddenly finds herself straddling my hips, her thighs on either side of me. She gazes at me with her big, beautiful eyes, her blush deepening even further at our sudden closeness.
I let out a low hiss as she's in this new position, her body so damn close to me, her scent all around me…
Her breath catches at the sound of my hiss, and she can almost certainly feel my body's growing reaction to having her so damn close to me. My hands are on her hips, my fingers digging into the soft skin there, my mind already starting to grow fuzzy as she's straddling me like this. Damn, the sight of her in my lap is too much… I can't stand it anymore…
The next instant, I lean forward, crashing my mouth against hers in a gentle, passionate kiss.
She gasps into my mouth, clearly surprised at the suddenness of the kiss, but she quickly melts into it. Her hands instinctively grip the front of my shirt, holding onto me tightly as I tilt my head and deepen the kiss. My tongue pushes into her mouth, exploring every damn inch of it, tasting her, pouring all of my longing of six whole years without her into the kiss.