"The People vs. Genie (a.k.a. The Cake Thief)"
đLocation: Rey's bathtubđTime: Now, but somehow also the 1800sđJudge: Her Honorable Majesty Beans, presiding in a powdered wig and tiny monocleđBailiff: A sock with a badge drawn on in crayonđAudience: 3 plush toys, a confused spider, and one glowing teacup
Opening Scene:The camera pans across the "courtroom" (which is just the bathroom with dramatic red lighting). Beans sits on a stack of law books on the toilet lid, her velvet robe flowing, crown sparkling under a ceiling light.
GENIE (standing in the tub):"Your Honor, I plead absolutely, undeniably, unapologeticallyâNOT GUILTY. That cake was emotionally unstable. I was doing it a favor."
BEANS:mrrrrrp (translated by closed captions as: "Proceed.")
âïž Prosecution vs. Defense
Prosecutor (also Genie, wearing fake glasses):"Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary furnitureâmy client, Genie, STOLE the last bite of emotional support cake. He did not ask permission. He did not offer nap rights in exchange. He simply⊠devoured."
Defense (also Genie, but with a mustache taped to his forehead):"Objection. I was hungry. Also the cake whispered my name. Also Beans said it was fine."
Beans:Meow(Translation: I said nothing. I was napping.)
Genie gasps. "Perjury!"
đ Key Evidence
Exhibit A: A blurry photo of Genie mid-bite.Exhibit B: An empty plate.Exhibit C: A paw print in frosting â "possibly Beans' signature," Genie argues.Exhibit D: The spoon is missing. "Suspicious," Genie mumbles. "Very spoon-icious."
Beans narrows her eyes. Slaps the gavel (a breadstick) twice.
đ„ Witness Testimony
WITNESS #1: The Teacup(Says nothing. It's a teacup.)
WITNESS #2: Sockington, the sock internSockington flops onto the bathtub rim. Genie whispers, "You're doing amazing, sweetie."
WITNESS #3: BeansShe licks her paw. Stares directly at the camera.The audience collectively gasps. One of the plush toys faints.
đ Closing Arguments
Genie (back in full blazer mode):"In conclusion, the cake was consumed not with malice, but with spiritual necessity. I was one with the frosting. I WAS the frosting."
Beans slowly lowers her sunglasses.
đ§ Verdict
Beans raises a single paw.The spider drops a glittery envelope from the ceiling.
Genie catches it. Reads aloud:
"We, the honorable court of Beans, find the defendant⊠GUILTY OF CAKE CRIMES."
Gasps. Thunder. A kazoo plays the law and order dun dun.
Sentence?One week of community service: Genie must clean every litter box within a 5-mile radius â with his toothbrush. Beans' orders.
Final Scene:Genie is in an apron that says "Laws and Paws" scrubbing a glittery mess.
Beans naps peacefully atop a throne made of sentencing documents.
Genie grumbles into the camera:"I'm appealing. To who? I don't know. The Council of Snacks?"
The camera fades out to a slow zoom on Beans' smug little face.
đ” [Outro music: dramatic meows + slow jazz + someone saying "Order in the cat!" repeatedly]