How could he call Cha In-ho? Carrying Beom-gyu all the way to the set was out of the question. But he doesn't have a phone, and neither does Beom-gyu, and the staff, the staff was…
He had memorised the number on the crumpled note still in his drawer. He hadn't meant to, but once he saw it, it stuck in his mind.
He needed to get to the staff waiting at a distance. If he could get to Cha In-ho by car, maybe things would work out somehow.
The question was whether Beom-gyu could hold on until then. He had already used a considerable amount of his power on the mission in a situation where guiding was insufficient. Moreover, the spot where he had been shot was in a very bad place.
Joo-hyun had been telling himself that he should have just killed the witness earlier. Should've just done what he usually did. Shouldn't have done anything unnecessary. Joo-hyun wiped away the wave of 'what ifs' flooding his mind. Regret wasn't what he needed now.
"Hyung, I, I went on a rampage, and it was really tough... but still..."
"I told you not to talk!"
Joo-hyun hastily opened his bag and took out some illegal guiding drugs. He couldn't expect much, but it was better than nothing.
"Meeting the hyungs and noonas... cough... that was a relief, I think."
Although he hadn't done anything for them, they had been greatly comforted by Beom-gyu's bright and cheerful personality. Joo-hyun wasn't particularly affectionate, but Beom-gyu was the only younger brother he had, so he cared in his own way.
"Yeah, they're good people. You're lucky."
As he pushed the syringe needle in, Beom-gyu smiled faintly. Despite being illegal, the drugs seemed somewhat effective, easing Beom-gyu's breathing a little.
If he could get to the car and meet the staff, they might survive. Just as Joo-hyun thought this and tried to help Beom-gyu up, Beom-gyu spoke again.
"I'm sorry for getting angry before."
"It's okay. You had a right to be angry."
"Mom, Mom said... cough, cough... everyone handles sadness differently."
"You're not angry; you're sad."
Suddenly, Joo-hyun remembered someone telling him that long ago. Of course, it wasn't helpful now. He quickly brushed the memory aside and helped Beom-gyu to his feet.
Beom-gyu's limp body was heavy, but not so much that he couldn't bear it. He draped Beom-gyu's arm over his shoulder, holding his side, and took a step forward.
The bullet lodged in his lung made Beom-gyu's breath rough and uneven. Each exhale came with a spurt of blood from his lips. It felt like every breath was taking a piece of Beom-gyu's soul with it. Though he knew it was an exaggeration, the thought kept crossing his mind as Beom-gyu's body grew colder.
Walking through the port, filled with the sound of waves, Joo-hyun felt an unusual hope rising within him.
He thought of contacting Cha In-ho with the staff's phone and hold out with the remaining guiding drugs, that's how Beom-gyu might survive.
But, as always, the world seemed determined to mess with someone. Today, it was Joo-hyun's turn.
"Joo-hyun hyung... live with a smile."
"What?"
"Even if I die... huff... don't cry for me..."
Beom-gyu coughed up a clump of blood. But Joo-hyun couldn't focus on that.
The body that had been hanging limply on him suddenly convulsed violently, and Beom-gyu let out a suppressed groan. Joo-hyun knew what it was. The way the once-calm waves now roiled told him instantly.
A runaway. Beom-gyu was rampaging again.
Whether it was due to excessively low guiding levels or just terrible timing, the rampage had started, and there was no stopping it.
Beom-gyu, who had been on the verge of death, staggered to his feet, clutching his head. A loud scream erupted from him, far from what someone with a hole in their lung should be able to produce.
Guiding was no longer the issue. Most esper rampages ended in death. Surviving once was a miracle.
Boom! Boom! Bang! Beom-gyu's power began to explode randomly around them. The sea water burst, and the solid concrete ground was pitted.
No one could stop an esper rampage alone unless there was an overwhelming difference in ability. If left unchecked, the damage would be catastrophic, and Block C would detect the anomaly and trigger the bomb soon.
Joo-hyun knew exactly what he needed to do in such a situation. Even though he hated it and knew he'd have nightmares for days, it had to be done.
He drew a gun from his pocket. Though his face was twisted with anguish, his hand didn't waver.
If left alone, Beom-gyu would be executed as a runaway esper. One push of a button from someone sitting at a desk would end his life. No one would care about a headless body.
Joo-hyun didn't mind dying like that himself, but Beom-gyu was loved by so many. There were no tears for a fallen comrade from Block C, but Beom-gyu's tears had more value.
In truth, Joo-hyun envied Hana. Someone to cry for her if she died. To mourn the life lost and grieve she death. Joo-hyun would never receive that. Part of him admired Beom-gyu for being able to cry so freely, while he felt ashamed of his own dried-up despair.
Beom-gyu, still staggering and causing explosions, finally fell to the ground. At that moment, Joo-hyun saw his blood-red eyes meet his.
Did Joo-hyun look like that too? Did he have that expression and those eyes when he rampaged? He didn't know. He couldn't remember a thing from that time.
Suddenly, Joo-hyun lowered the gun and ran towards Beom-gyu. As he hugged the violently trembling body, Beom-gyu struggled as if trying to escape, but Joo-hyun didn't let go. To Beom-gyu, it might feel like a restraint rather than an embrace, but at least he wouldn't die alone.
Beom-gyu was too warm, too young, too kind, and smiled too often to die. Even now, amidst the chaos of his rampage, his power didn't directly attack Joo-hyun.
As Beom-gyu's power narrowly missed him again, Joo-hyun gritted his teeth.
'I'll take responsibility. I'll carry the burden of your death.'
"Don't forgive me."
Another gunshot echoed through the port.
***
The mission to eliminate the illegal guiding drugs was a success. Of the two runaway espers involved, one died during the mission, but no one in the Association cared. It was a common occurrence.
The deceased esper's body was buried in an external cemetery at the strong request of the family, despite being a runaway. The gravestone bore his name clearly, and his body was whole before cremation.
Did Joo-hyun envy that? He wasn't sure.
Joo-hyun lit a cigarette with a match. The acrid smoke killing his lungs was always addictive.
Standing alone in a rarely visited room, Joo-hyun threw the lit match onto a pile of belongings. The fire burned more vigorously than expected, thanks to the oil he had secretly obtained.
These items all belonged to the dead. More precisely, he had taken them after they died, but they could still be called keepsakes. Shoes, shirts, books, pens. Various items from various people.
"What are you doing?"
The half-open door swung wide as Chae-kyung approached. Wearing his usual sunglasses, he stared at the blazing fire.
"What do you think?"
"I don't know. Playing with fire?"
"Then that's what it is."
Without another word, Chae-kyung turned and left the room. Joo-hyun didn't stop him. However, Chae-kyung returned shortly after, bringing others with him.
Seung-cheol, Bom-i, and Chae-kyung entered, tossing their own items onto the fire Joo-hyun had started. The flames hesitated briefly before consuming the new items and growing larger.
"I had a lot to get rid of too."
Seung-cheol threw in a small wooden statue, and Bom-i, though she didn't throw anything in, stood quietly, enjoying the warmth.
Much later, Se-hwa appeared. Her face oddly crumpled, she glanced at Bom-i before tossing a shirt into the flames. Though it was a women's shirt, it had been too large for the petite Se-hwa. Hana used to wear it often.
No one was unaware of the fire's meaning. This was a funeral. A funeral for the runaway espers, their comrades, who never received proper mourning.
It wasn't that sudden waves of sadness and regret overcame them, or that they had a change of heart. They just realised that there were other ways to handle grief, and that keeping it locked away and remembering alone wasn't the only method.
Watching the fire that contained the lives and deaths of many, Joo-hyun picked up a box he had set aside. Inside was a rough, thick rope. He had no idea where Han-gyeol had found it.
Han-gyeol had joined Block C three years after Joo-hyun's own runaway. He was five years older than Joo-hyun and had cared for him like a brother. Joo-hyun had been very fond of him.
However, as gentle as he was, Han-gyeol's fragile nature couldn't withstand the life of a runaway esper.
Do I really have to do this?"
Joo-hyun, not yet an adult, sat with his knees pulled to his chest, a sulky expression on his face. Han-gyeol, holding a razor blade and staring at his wrist, gave a bittersweet smile.
"Would you like to turn away?"
Joo-hyun knew that no matter how much he tried to stop Han-gyeol, he would still smile a bit more comfortably after doing such things. So, Joo-hyun would always turn away and wait for time to pass.
With his powerful ability to control water, his intellect that helped him escape dangerous situations, and the trust of his comrades, there was no mission that could kill Han-gyeol.
However, Han-gyeol couldn't win against himself.
He hanged himself in his room. Joo-hyun was the one who found him first. The blue feet swaying in the air still appeared vividly in his dreams. Since that day, the image of himself hanging from a rope had been added to Joo-hyun's thoughts about his own end.
It occurred to him that the last time he had cried over someone's death might have been that day.
After a brief hesitation, Joo-hyun threw the rope into the fire. Pouring oil over it, the flames grew larger.
Joo-hyun didn't know where to get such a sturdy rope. Therefore, he probably wouldn't die the same way Han-gyeol did. He had once thought he would like to die that way, since Han-gyeol, swaying from the rope, had looked like an angel flying in the sky.
Suddenly, Joo-hyun thought of Cha In-ho. Specifically, he remembered the happy smile on his face despite being slapped.
Cha In-ho was an inscrutable person. Joo-hyun could never be sure what his smile meant or whether it was genuine. Nevertheless, Cha In-ho's smile always shone brightly. Seeing someone smile like that for him made Joo-hyun feel less need to hasten his own death.
He felt sorry for Beom-gyu, who had asked him to promise to cry for him, but he still couldn't cry. His eyes stung, but it was surely because of the smoke.
As Se-hwa, who had been staring at the flames for a while, turned to leave, the sprinklers, which no one knew existed in the old Block C, activated, pouring water from the ceiling.
The strong spray soaked the entire room, leaving everyone drenched. From head to toe, their whole faces were soaked, as if they had burst into tears.
The burning flames quickly subsided. Despite not having burned for long, everything was reduced to ashes.
"You look like a drowned rat!"
"And what about you, Se-hwa?"
The runaway espers, who had been staring at each other with soaked faces, began to laugh one by one. They couldn't remember the last time they had laughed so hard. Though they had never played in the water before, this must be what it felt like.
"I didn't even know there was such a system here."
"Me neither. No matter how much I used my powers, the alarm never went off."
As Joo-hyun stared blankly at the remains of the burnt rope, he lifted his head to gaze at the crimson sky beyond the open window. The sunset, still split vertically by the bars, retained its radiant beauty.
* * *
"Joo-hyun, you don't know how good guiding is, do you?"
Han-gyeol, lying on the training ground floor, soaked with his own power, had said. Joo-hyun, breathing heavily beside him, frowned deeply.
"Why wouldn't I know? I get it every week."
"No. You don't know. Getting guided by someone who truly understands you is vastly different from the revolting guiding we get here."
Joo-hyun had no idea what that was like or what the difference was. After all, he had never received proper guiding before his runaway incident and his transfer to Block C. His world as an esper consisted entirely of the bleak, grey confines of Block C. How could he know what ordinary espers did or what kind of guides they met?
"...You said you had a matching guide, right?"
"Yeah."
"What are they like?"
Joo-hyun, who had turned to lie on his stomach and prop himself up on his elbows, asked. Although he had heard the story many times, he remembered every detail. However, Han-gyeol looked so happy when talking about his matching guide that Joo-hyun, who rarely saw such joyful smiles, would ask him again and again.
"I first met them at the centre..."
Even though the story always started at the same point, Joo-hyun listened with interest. Tales of a world he had never experienced and never would always intrigued him.
When Han-gyeol finished his story, he gave Joo-hyun a gentle smile. His eyes curved into half-moons, and dimples appeared, a beautiful smile that only emerged when he talked about his matching guide.
"I hope one day you'll find a guide like that too."
"That's not going to happen. Who would guide a runaway esper..."
Despite Joo-hyun's curt response, Han-gyeol's smile didn't fade. Joo-hyun glanced at Han-gyeol's wrist, marked with multiple lines, and then pretended to be sleepy and closed his eyes.
Recalling the past, Joo-hyun looked at the guide sitting before him. He nudged the shopping bag pushed towards him.
"What is this?"
"It's a hoodie. It looked good on you last time."
Joo-hyun's eyes narrowed at the tone suggesting it was obvious. Cha In-ho remained unfazed, even in the face of Joo-hyun's intimidating gaze.
Peeking into the shopping bag at the crisp white hoodie, Joo-hyun muttered that it wouldn't stain if it got bloody, surprised at himself for considering the gift in the first place. Rebelling against his own acceptance, he glared harder at Cha In-ho, who said softly,
"White suits you, Joo-hyun."
It seemed almost ridiculous to hear such words while wearing all black.
"Of course, black suits you too."
Sometimes, Cha In-ho seemed to see right through Joo-hyun's thoughts.
Consciously schooling his expression, Joo-hyun grasped the shopping bag by the fingertips. The rustling noise seemed disproportionately loud. The hoodie had indeed been comfortable. While he couldn't go out socially, he could at least wear it in his room.
"...I never asked for this."
"I just wanted to give it to you."
"Is there a special occasion?"
Cha In-ho briefly raised an eyebrow before smiling warmly, as if he knew something. The knowing smile irritated Joo-hyun.
"Let's call it a belated matching gift."
Joo-hyun fell silent. He had nothing to give in return. In every aspect—wealth, honour—he couldn't compare to Cha In-ho.
"This matching was entirely at my request, so it's only right that I give you something."
Again, Joo-hyun doubted whether Cha In-ho was a runaway esper who could read minds. In a hesitant voice, he asked,
"...Did you buy this specifically for me?"
Going out of his way to a shop he didn't need to visit, spending money, and carrying the clothes here—it seemed too much trouble for him to accept. He already received unexpected guiding through this matching and had his life saved.
"I just bought it on the way. No need to feel burdened."
Joo-hyun's scarred fingers crumpled the shopping bag. Yet Cha In-ho, seemingly unaffected, laughed, possibly having read his thoughts again.
Actually, Joo-hyun had burned most of his clothes during a recent ritual of sorts, leaving his wardrobe bare. Clothes had become precious. He decided to accept the hoodie. It wasn't as annoying as nicotine patches. If someone offered, there was no need to refuse.
"...Thank you."
Cha In-ho nodded, as if it were no big deal, but his acceptance made Joo-hyun feel a little more at ease.
Seeing the clothes wrapped in transparent plastic reminded Joo-hyun of Beom-gyu, who had worn a hoodie during a mission. Beom-gyu had said that one should smile when happy and cry when sad. Despite Joo-hyun's negligence, which led to Beom-gyu's death, Beom-gyu had told him to smile.
Hesitating, Joo-hyun forced a smile. It wasn't the usual sneer or a show of anger.
The awkward smile, as if he were smiling for the first time in his life, vanished quickly. Yet Cha In-ho seemed to have seen it. His eyes wide with surprise, he left earlier than usual that day. It must have been a terribly unattractive smile.
Feeling a bit upset, Joo-hyun found the new white hoodie incredibly soft and warm, like being wrapped in feathers or clouds.
Though not the fateful, heartfelt guide Han-gyeol had described, Joo-hyun found his temporary matching guide to be not so bad after all.
Chapter 4. Payphone
Recently, Joo-hyun wore the hoodie Cha In-ho had given him every day. It was much softer and more comfortable than the everyday clothes provided by the centre, and the hood gave him a cosy feeling when he pulled it over his head.
The narrow, hard mattress was the only place in the world where Joo-hyun felt at ease. The barred window, grey walls and ceiling, and overly plain furniture might have seemed like a prison to someone else, but to Joo-hyun, it was home.
Lying there for a long time, he raised his hand slightly. The sleeves were dirty with grime. Having never owned white clothes before, he had only just discovered this side effect. He thought about avoiding blood and gunpowder stains.
In fact, most of his clothes were black, so they might all be dirty without him realising it.
Just as he was about to drift into a late afternoon nap, a sharp electric shock from his choker jolted him awake. The approaching sleep fled instantly.
Joo-hyun sprang up, stripped off the hoodie, and donned his uniform. It took only two minutes to layer on the clothes and lace up his boots tightly. Even so, he might still be scolded for being late, depending on the mood of the person summoning him.
The electric shocks through the choker, used to summon espers, always made Joo-hyun shudder. It was a signal to report to the office for a mission. He was sick of this painful method, preferring they simply use the intercom, send an employee, or at least call via the communicator.
As Joo-hyun stepped into the office, Tae-seok, the deputy centre manager of Block C, swept his sharp gaze from Joo-hyun's head to toe. If one failed to pass here, swift reprimand would soon follow.
Internally, Joo-hyun braced himself, standing upright with an absolutely expressionless face.
"There's a mission. Leave this on the desk at Block A, 7th floor, Room H-12," said Tae-seok. His words sounded more like an assignment than a mere errand. Though the thought of using the post office crossed Joo-hyun's mind, he swallowed it down and accepted the envelope of documents.
"Make sure you don't get caught as a runaway esper from Block C," Tae-seok stated coolly, like a predator warning its prey, then gestured for Joo-hyun to leave.
It was evident that the documents inside the envelope were dubious and unpleasant, but it was none of Joo-hyun's concern. He only had to fulfil the task he was given. Any diversion of attention elsewhere could lead to his precarious foothold crumbling away unnoticed.
As he exited the office, a staff member waiting outside handed him a uniform.
It wasn't the black attire worn for assassination missions or the typical uniform for ordinary runaway espers handling gates. It was a mundane uniform without the red accents commonly worn by ordinary espers.
However, it had been slightly modified to cover the neck and lower face, though compared to the modifications other espers underwent, it wasn't particularly conspicuous. It wasn't the first time Joo-hyun had seen this uniform; he occasionally wore it when he needed to disguise himself as an ordinary esper.
Silently changing into the uniform, Joo-hyun placed black lenses over his eyes. Despite seeing his reflection, which he had seen all his life, in the mirror, it felt incredibly awkward.
Just because he concealed the red didn't mean he wasn't a monster, he thought, as he got into the car. He briefly traced his fingers over the reinforced glass before looking out of the window. The drab grey building surrounded by chain-link fences was receding into the distance.
* * *
The Esper-Guide Center in Block A boasted a vast expanse of land. The envelope containing detailed mission instructions also included a map of Block A, revealing even a swimming pool within the building.
Among the places Joo-hyun needed to go was the office of the Association official on the 7th floor of the main building. He didn't know what connection that person had with Tae-seok, but it couldn't be anything good. Otherwise, there would be no reason to send a runaway esper.
Joo-hyun had spent too long in Block C to be unaware of the subtle threat embedded in the mission.
Having finally tidied himself up, Joo-hyun got out of the car. His face was barely visible due to the fringe covering his eyes and the clothing that concealed even his nose. Gripping the documents tightly, hiding his trembling hands, he thought,
'I'd rather be rolling out of a gate with a Red-grade monster.'
Despite the physical strain, it was far more comforting emotionally.
The surroundings were teeming with people. Every time Joo-hyun saw people passing by nonchalantly, not knowing who he was, a shiver ran down his spine.
But as always, no matter how unpleasant or frightening, it had to be done. Joo-hyun's sole reason for being alive was to take on dirty and dangerous missions that others wouldn't dare to do.
With closed eyes, the resolute Joo-hyun, with firm steps, headed towards Block A.
Block A, being a place where the most dangerous people in the country congregated, was filled with espers. The entrance was divided into two: one for espers and one for ordinary people, naturally requiring different methods of entry.
While the entrance for ordinary people involved a painstaking verification process by the staff, espers could simply pass through by waiting with their IDs. However, that was only applicable if they had the necessary identification.
Every esper had an ID card containing their name, affiliation, and grade. Joo-hyun had one too, with the stamp of a runaway esper.
Bypassing the line at the entrance for ordinary people, Joo-hyun, fumbling for the map in his mind, headed straight for the entrance reserved for espers. Unlike the shabby and desolate entrance of Block C, he was met with a large and sleek door.
Approaching, he exhaled deeply in front of the door that opened automatically. Was this really the end? Glancing around in bewilderment, Joo-hyun quickly entered the building, avoiding the gaze of the employee who was looking at him with suspicion.
Naturally, Block A was filled with espers. They were customarily dressed, each according to their preferences, busily or leisurely wandering around, separated from spaces accessible to ordinary people.
Lowering his head as much as possible, Joo-hyun made every effort to avoid attracting attention as he walked down the seemingly endless corridor.
Finally finding the emergency staircase of the main building, Joo-hyun sat down at the corner and let out a sigh. Though he knew there was no need to be afraid, he couldn't help but entertain the thought.
Block A, where the most dangerous people in the country were abundant. If Joo-hyun were to rampage, he would undoubtedly be killed within 10 seconds. But... what if he killed someone within those 10 seconds?
But that wasn't the only problem. Even if Joo-hyun were fortunate enough not to kill anyone and be killed instead, the fact that he was a runaway esper would eventually be revealed.
In that case, the already unfavourable position of his colleagues in Block C would undoubtedly worsen.
Surveillance would become more stringent, and there would be no breathing room. Of course, there was no need to dwell on it alone. The best course of action was to finish the mission as quickly as possible and return.
With firm resolve once again, Joo-hyun stood up and began to climb the stairs towards the 7th floor. The building was so vast and high that it seemed elevators and escalators were preferred, as there was no one using the stairs.
As Joo-hyun climbed, he suddenly looked to his side. The transparent glass revealed the outside clearly.
The view from the sixth floor was beautiful. Many people were walking on the streets, surrounded by tall buildings. Their busy figures, heading somewhere in a hurry, were so different from the aimless runaway espers sitting blankly when they had no missions.
Once, perhaps, even his colleagues in Block C lived such a life. They spent each day meaningfully before their rampages, laughing and dreaming about the future.
Joo-hyun had never experienced social life. Though he had lost all the happiness he had barely grasped through his rampages, he could say he had lost less than others in terms of status or power.
What's worse, not having something from the start, or having it and then having it taken away? Which is more agonising? Which is more pathetic?
With fewer possessions than others, Joo-hyun looked away from the beautiful scenery. The sound of boots climbing the stairs echoed loudly.
* * *
No one was in the H-12 office. Joo-hyun, after a futile check from the bathroom's ventilation shaft, concluded that he had gone through unnecessary trouble and dashed into the room.
The office, spacious yet only furnished with necessary items, bore an aura of wealth even to Joo-hyun, who was not well-versed in the value of things.
Placing the envelope next to the nameplate reading 'Choi Yoon-geon' atop the black desk, Joo-hyun turned around and walked towards the office door.
The documents sent from Block C arrived unnoticed. The fact that a runaway esper was handling the Association's dirty tasks was no secret to the higher-ups. Just the fact that a runaway esper had covertly entered and exited his own office was enough to exert significant pressure.
Now, with the task about to be completed upon his return, Joo-hyun felt awkward even calling it a mission due to its simplicity. After tidying up once again, Joo-hyun effortlessly opened the door.
"You shouldn't just barge in like that."
The only reason Joo-hyun's shoulders didn't flinch was that he was overly tense.
Feigning nonchalance, Joo-hyun closed the office door completely and glanced to the side. A fellow esper with short hair, towering stature, and apparent muscles stared at him suspiciously.
Such sudden situations could arise in any mission. Joo-hyun, acting as if unaware, casually extended his identification card.
"Hyun Shin-joo. Oh, you have the ability to use voice?"
Hyun Shin-joo? It wasn't until Joo-hyun confirmed the name on the ID that he silently grumbled inwardly about how carelessly it was chosen.
"But why did you enter here?"
Anticipating this situation, Joo-hyun regretted not just leaving through the ventilation shaft and presented the prepared documents. It contained a brief introduction of a C-rank esper named Hyun Shin-joo.
"I was working at the local centre and came to Block A…"
"You came today? Then it's easy to get lost, huh? Ha-ha. Is it a bit too spacious here?"
Fortunately, the esper in front seemed to have dispelled his suspicions. Joo-hyun, if he had been anyone else, would have interrogated the person until they broke down in tears, refusing to believe such a piece of paper. But this wasn't Block C.
"I am Choi Kang-hoon. Let's get along as fellow espers. By the way, where were you headed? I can take you there."
Joo-hyun, having no reason to refuse unnecessary kindness, fumbled to pull out a map and pointed to the most secluded place. A spot where no one, at least no ordinary person, would be found.
Seeing Joo-hyun's finger, faintly scarred, pointing to the training ground, Kang-hoon beamed.
"I was heading there myself. Perfect!"
Joo-hyun, whose fingers had grown cold, clenched his fist and nodded in gratitude.
Kang-hoon, despite his appearance, was remarkably talkative. When he kept his mouth shut, his sharp eyes and large build made him seem stoic and charismatic. However, the impression vanished the moment he started talking incessantly.
Perhaps he knew that Joo-hyun found it difficult to speak easily and talked more to avoid awkwardness. Whatever the reason, Joo-hyun found it rather unwelcome.
"As an esper, you can use the dining hall for free anytime. Most of the other facilities are free too, so check them all out."
As they passed the dining hall, a delicious smell wafted through the air. In Block C, they always served cold lunch boxes, so Joo-hyun couldn't even remember the last time he had a warm meal.
Block A had various facilities for espers: a gym, bathhouse, sauna, and even a cinema where they could watch currently screening films for free.
Joo-hyun, lingering longer than he realised in front of the library, hurried to catch up with Kang-hoon, who had walked ahead.
"What was your previous centre like?"
The previous centre, to be precise, Block C where he would have to remain. After a moment of hesitation, Joo-hyun pulled down his collar and whispered with just his lips.
"It was a hellhole."
Kang-hoon, eyes wide with surprise, stayed silent as Joo-hyun clearly did not intend to say more. The silence was brief, though. As they reached the training ground, Kang-hoon spoke again.
"This is the training ground. You go to the area that suits your abilities. Where do you think you fit?"
Kang-hoon seemed seriously considering helping with the training, but Joo-hyun tugged at his sleeve, shaking his head vigorously.
"I just planned to check out the location today. Thank you for bringing me here."
Kang-hoon seemed to understand, even though Joo-hyun's lips moved soundlessly, and he laughed heartily.
"We'll see each other often enough, no need to thank me!"
Joo-hyun thought inwardly that he was in trouble. If Kang-hoon started questioning why there was no esper named Hyun Shin-joo, he might spread rumours.
Of course, there was a solution, and it wasn't too difficult. If the information that Hyun Shin-joo had transferred to another place or died on a mission was subtly leaked, everything would be resolved. There were countless espers in Block A, and it wasn't uncommon for them to die on missions, so Kang-hoon would soon forget Joo-hyun.
However, Joo-hyun dreaded the thought of getting beaten up by Tae-seok for failing to execute even such a simple task properly.
Still, the mission was finally over. Joo-hyun, with his head hung low, turned to leave.
"Shin Joo-hyun?"
His heart dropped to his stomach then bounced back up. The loud thumping made him feel nauseous.
Joo-hyun glanced sideways with clenched hands. White wings, golden hair tied in a ponytail. Yoon Ga-ram was standing there with a look of shock. Dressed in workout clothes, he stared at Joo-hyun suspiciously.
Of all places to run into Ga-ram, who disliked him. If Ga-ram mentioned why a runaway esper was here... The sensation of his nails digging into his palms was sharp.
Joo-hyun bit the inside of his lip, trying to say something when Kang-hoon stepped forward and spoke with a strangely angry tone.
"You must be mistaken, this guy's name is Hyun Shin-joo."
"Hyun Shin-joo? What kind of ridiculous name is that?"
"Hey! You shouldn't speak like that about someone's name!"
At Kang-hoon's scolding, Ga-ram's face twisted in disbelief. The name clearly sounded like a hastily made-up alias, yet he was being chastised for ridiculing someone else's name.
Although annoyed, Ga-ram didn't mention the alias, noting Joo-hyun's unusual demeanour. Unlike his usual self, his eyes were black, his shoulders rigid, his gaze fixed on the floor. He didn't seem like someone who wanted to be here.
Runaway espers were not allowed in Block A for safety reasons. They were to die outside if necessary.
Ga-ram didn't know what kind of mission runaway espers undertook, but he knew that if this fact was exposed, many would be reprimanded, including the runaway esper in front of him—Joo-hyun, who had once protected Ga-ram's guide.
Joo-hyun, fully aware of his predicament, had a face set like stone. His usually impudent eyes were now darting nervously.
"Is he like a hamster before a cat? Keeping his mouth shut in a situation like this?"
Ga-ram wanted to ignore him, but the sight of Joo-hyun's scarred fists trembling caught his eye. Clicking his tongue, Ga-ram spoke reluctantly.
"...I must have been mistaken. He just looks very similar to someone I know."
Joo-hyun, raising his head in surprise, seized the chance and nodded slightly before disappearing down the corridor. His pace was neither fast nor slow, just average enough to avoid suspicion.
Ga-ram glanced sideways, noticing Kang-hoon watching the corridor where Joo-hyun had disappeared with an unreadable expression.
Choi Kang-hoon. Though boisterous, he was a man whose thoughts were hard to decipher. Ga-ram, who hated getting involved in troublesome matters, entered the training room without a word.
* * *
Having fled far from the two, Joo-hyun slumped against the wall only after confirming he was alone. He realised he preferred assassination missions or gate tasks where only his life was at stake.
Unlike Block C, Block A was kept at a constant temperature, even in the corridors. The cool air helped Joo-hyun dry his sweat as he slowly stood up and began walking home.
Determined not to make the same mistake, Joo-hyun entered the bathroom and climbed into the ventilation duct. He smirked at how he found solace in such a place, comparing himself to a sewer rat.
Though the building housed many espers with various abilities, fortunately, no one seemed interested in the ventilation ducts. Crawling through the spacious ducts as quietly as possible, Joo-hyun overheard a conversation below.
"Handle that matter discreetly."
"Yes."
Joo-hyun couldn't hear the details, but it was clearly something he shouldn't know. He bit the tip of his tongue lightly, ready to move on when the esper receiving the order turned around. Despite viewing from above, Joo-hyun recognised the person immediately. That esper was...
"I subdued the runaway esper."
Dizziness and a racing heart made Joo-hyun realise he had been holding his breath. His chest ached, and his head throbbed. Joo-hyun pressed a cold hand over his mouth to stifle a scream.
Eleven years had changed the man's face. His hair, slicked back, had a few streaks of grey, and new scars had appeared.
Despite these changes, the sight of his face brought the past rushing back vividly. Bloody hands, sprawled corpses, the cold bodies of people who had laughed together just hours earlier, the collapsed building, blood, his teacher, broken fingernails, something slithering like a snake...
"Joo-hyun, I don't know what to do when you cry."
Suddenly, Joo-hyun froze. His hands, which had been clutching his head, stilled. His legs, which had been curled up, stopped moving.
Breathing slowly and shallowly as if time had stopped, Joo-hyun peeked through the small gap below. The man who had subdued him during his runaway episode was already gone.
The esper who had grabbed his arm and pinned him down with a knee to his back was no longer there. The cold eyes that had looked down on him had vanished.
"So, if I runaway now, who will stop me?"
The thought was extreme, but Joo-hyun, overwhelmed by the resurfaced past, could only feel an urgent instinct to reach a place where no one was around.
Clunk! The runaway esper jumped without hesitation from the nearest exit.
Though a person suddenly dropped from the fourth-floor wall, the citizens who glanced up quickly lost interest. Eccentric behaviour from espers was common, especially in Block A.
Joo-hyun ran, not knowing where he was heading. He avoided people but found them everywhere.
"Watch where you're going!"
Even when he bumped shoulders, he couldn't apologise. Raising his head would reveal his red eyes, the symbol of a demon, frightening the other person. Although his lenses currently hid them, Joo-hyun was too panicked to remember this.
What should I do? What must I do? Where can I go to keep people safe? What should I do to avoid involving anyone in my runaway state?
"..."
Joo-hyun knew the answer. He had always known. To defuse a time bomb, you cut the wires. Just like killing monsters emerging from gates before they kill people, Joo-hyun had to do the same.
His unnaturally black eyes stared into the void. He rubbed his hands on his clothes repeatedly, as if trying to clean something off, before heading somewhere with determination.
There had to be no one around. However, it could not be too secluded, as it would be easier to deal with the body before it decomposes.
"How about somewhere like a river or the sea where there's no need for disposal? Where's the sea around here? Come to think of it, Beom-gyu also died by the seaside."
Joo-hyun had killed him. Because of his incompetence, Beom-gyu had died, and the bullets were too small yet so powerful...
His head hurt. It felt as though his lungs were swelling and shrinking, every breath a painful ordeal, almost as if he were drowning. The more he thought about it, the more right his next steps seemed. Life shouldn't be this painful.
Someone once said that being alive should be something more beautiful.
After running for quite a while, Joo-hyun stopped abruptly. He was in an alley. He didn't know where, and frankly, he didn't care. If he got caught sneaking out of Block A, he might lose his head, but that was exactly what Joo-hyun wanted.
Gazing at his sweat and dust-covered hands, Joo-hyun leaned against the dirty wall as if collapsing. The clothes covering his nose felt suffocating, so he unzipped his jacket. The crude collar with the bomb was exposed, but he didn't care.
Standing there, rooted like a tree, just breathing, Joo-hyun began to slowly accept the situation.
He had seen the esper who subdued him when he went rogue and, in a near-panic, had fled. He wandered looking for a place to die, ending up in this filthy back alley.
It was a ridiculous story. Joo-hyun knew well that his mental state wasn't healthy. He hadn't expected to be this weak.
But why did the suicide plan he had just devised still seem like a good idea even after escaping the panic?
'Let's promise not to take our own lives.'
Nausea welled up. The eyes that had shone like falling meteors were still vivid in his mind. Joo-hyun touched his face with cold hands.
"Please..."
'I subdued the runaway esper.'
"Stop it!"
The sticky blood splattered everywhere in his mind wouldn't go away. It wasn't just blood but the blood of people he cared about. Joo-hyun shut his eyes tightly as if to collide with his memories.
"Has it really been 11 years? So vivid, like it was yesterday?"
Perhaps it was because he kept replaying it in his mind. Or maybe, as the saying goes, the first is always memorable. For the same reason, his first kill... No, that day wasn't the first.
"Of course not."
To shake off the incessant thoughts, Joo-hyun banged the back of his head against the wall. The sharp pain was momentary, but it cleared his mind.
Bang. Bang. Repeating the action a few more times, Joo-hyun focused solely on the sound of his heartbeat, struggling to stay alive.
At the same time, he was thankful that this was a dirty, dark alley where no one came, even in broad daylight. He had too much pride to show his weakened face to anyone.
In truth, Joo-hyun had been holding up well. He tried to live without dwelling too much on sorrow, but sometimes it didn't work. When he thought of someone who had died long ago, when the sins he committed felt especially painful, or when he just suddenly craved death.
Panting heavily, Joo-hyun rubbed his wet face with his sleeve. In the process, the lens crumpled and came off his eye. Joo-hyun removed it with his bare hand and threw it on the ground.
No one would treat a monster that escaped the gate as a human just because it wore clothes. A monster must live as a monster.
After standing still for a while, Joo-hyun realised the sky had turned a pale crimson. It wasn't a mission that would take hours, so someone might have already checked his location.
Would his head explode soon then? Despite the imminent threat of death, Joo-hyun wasn't afraid at all. Only those who are happy with life want to hold onto it.
Sniffling, staring at a discarded can, Joo-hyun heard a voice from the alley's entrance. It seemed his luck in solitude had run out.
Quickly walking the other way, Joo-hyun zipped his jacket all the way up and hung his head low. Tears that hadn't come out even when his comrades died were now falling just because he recalled the past. Hating himself a little more, Joo-hyun wiped away his tears and took a decisive step.
"Then, I said—oh!"
He lightly bumped into someone turning the corner and instinctively looked up.
The student in a school uniform, holding a phone, staggered but didn't fall because Joo-hyun grabbed his arm reflexively. Yes, he looked up and grabbed the student. That was Joo-hyun's mistake. He met the poorly lined young eyes head-on.
"Red..."
As soon as he heard the dazed whisper, Joo-hyun started running without looking back. But for some reason, the number of people increased. Joo-hyun didn't know, but it was the time when students left school and office workers finished work, flooding the streets with crowds.
Fearful of running out of control in such a place, Joo-hyun couldn't stop trembling but kept running until he saw a familiar face and stopped abruptly.
The sharp eyes, the firmly closed lips, so different from his usual look. Such a beautiful person was rare.
Joo-hyun approached Cha In-ho. Or rather, Cha In-ho's advertisement on a huge billboard, where he sat with an indifferent gaze.
Cha In-ho's guiding was exceptionally gentle and warm. It was only after meeting him that Joo-hyun realised there could be such a difference in guiding. Headaches, bleeding, bruises—all were immediately soothed as if erased by his touch.
That guide, who approached suddenly and then retreated just as suddenly, had given Joo-hyun a lighter and bought him clothes. A very soft and warm white hoodie.
At some point, Joo-hyun realised his breathing was no longer ragged. The people passing by didn't pay him any attention. Occasionally, someone glanced at him, thinking he was an esper, but no one looked directly into his eyes.
Feeling somewhat calmer but still anxiously beating, Joo-hyun squinted and searched for a place to hide.
He finally chose an old phone booth. Though transparent, closing the door made him feel a bit more secure.
Spending time biting his lip, Joo-hyun suddenly realised that to stay inside, he had to make a call. Standing in a phone booth without lifting the receiver would definitely look suspicious.
Fortunately, among the items provided before the mission, there was some cash. It was meant for smooth mission execution, but using a few coins wouldn't get him reprimanded.
With cold hands, Joo-hyun picked up the receiver. Of course, even so, there was no one to call. Unless he called Block C to turn himself in, there was no one he could contact personally. Except for Cha In-ho, who had given him his personal number on a note.
The eleven digits were still etched in his mind.
After some hesitation, Joo-hyun dialled the numbers slowly. It was a strange feeling to both hope the call wouldn't be answered and hope it would be.
As the ringing continued, Joo-hyun felt a strange sense of relief until...
"Hello?"
Cha In-ho's voice on the other end was slightly lower and less soft. Joo-hyun instinctively adjusted his grip on the receiver.
"Who is this?"
"It's me... Joo-hyun."
There was a brief silence from the other end. After a loud noise, Cha In-ho spoke.
"Joo-hyun, what's wrong?"
"Just, I thought of you."
He couldn't possibly admit that he had gone runaway during a mission, calmed down only after seeing his billboard.
Despite the flimsy excuse, Cha In-ho didn't sound displeased. There was even a hint of laughter in his voice, so vivid that Joo-hyun could picture his smile.
"You thought of me? That's an honour."
Joo-hyun pondered how to respond. If they were talking face-to-face, he would've scowled, but on the phone, only words could continue the conversation.
"Honour? That's a bit much. So this is really your number."
"Did you think I'd lie in that situation? How do you see me, Joo-hyun?"
"You're a celebrity. Do you give your number to just anyone?"
Speaking in his usual sharp tone, Joo-hyun inwardly regretted it. If In-ho decided to change his number, it would be Joo-hyun's loss. While it wouldn't be a disaster if he did, there might be a time when he urgently needed a guide, like with Beom-gyu.
Just as Joo-hyun was rambling to himself, In-ho's gentle voice cut in.
"You're not just anyone."
Even through the phone's low-quality audio, Cha In-ho's voice sounded pleasant. Joo-hyun's lips moved, but no words came out.
He wondered who was he to Cha In-ho then. If he asked, what would be an answer?
"Probably, 'matching esper'."
Even though they were only contracted for mutual benefit for a short time, if he was this kind to him, what would he do for an esper he truly connected with? Swallowing down a question he didn't want to ask, Joo-hyun heard a beep from his choker, followed by a staff member's voice.
"Why is the mission delayed?"
Usually, they didn't speak first, but contacting him meant they were tired of waiting.
The Mistress of the Agency hazards:
Replacement Guide:
20:29 2024-11-26 "Promise not commit suicide." was replaced with 'Let's promise not to take our own lives.' for consistency