Nox's POV:
I recently heard a rumor that the playboy and my baby boy had a falling out. They say that bad egg Playus Boyus is going to kill my baby boy if I don't wave the white flag and hand myself over.
Too bad they don't know my policy against hostages. Why would I trust an enemy's words? In my experience, regardless of what I do or say, those bastards will almost always kill the hostage anyways. That is why I always work under the assumption the hostage is already dead. In other words, that asshole killed my son.
That was why I have been tracking them in secret, over the last week. I have deduced their travel route. Their next destination is past a snowy mountain, which is where I have set my trap. First, I'll use myself as bait to lure them in. That playboy has a bad habit of rushing at me the moment he sees me, which I'll use to my advantage. Then I'll use the original function of my gun to create a loud noise which will start an avalanche, which I'll hide with illusions, so they'll have less time to react. Finally, while they are trapped in the snow, I'll activate the enchantments I have hidden under the snow to blow the entire mountain and them to smithereens, and time permitted I'll save what's left of my Crybaby. That was what I had planned, but as usual my plans always go awry.
I had placed a delay on the mountains self-destruct button in case I had time to grab my boy, which turned out to be a mistake. While I was getting ready to flee, the playboy got out of the snow and rushed me. I decided to use the adamantite cage as a distraction, but the overpowered douche just went straight through it. I luckily managed to shift the spatial coordinates slightly after passing through since I didn't have enough time to close it before he entered. That way he would end up a fair distance away from my position which would buy me enough time to escape. Unfortunately, since I didn't have enough time to decide where the spatial distortion would send him, I failed to consider he would land right on top of my pet project.
It wasn't until I had teleported all over the place and set up countless decoys in case, he tried to follow me that I suddenly noticed it. The sudden energy waves leaking out of my secret base. I had spent days working on the concealment barrier to prevent anyone from detecting the crap load of energy that thing was giving off. If I could detect it from as far away as I was, it meant something must have gone wrong. By my calculations, I should have had at least 2 more days before it destabilized again.
By the time I got there, there was already a crowd of cultivators gathered to look at what was going on. Despite being partially destroyed, my barriers were still holding strong against the top cultivators in the area. Before I could sneak in through a hidden entrance, the barrier was suddenly destroyed by an indigo shockwave from inside the base. There, sitting at the center of my experimental, multi-elemental money printer, I spotted a certain playboy absorbing over a month's hard work along with my life's savings. He oozed with so much of my stolen energy that he was physically pushing everyone back.
I could spot my creation growing more and more unstable by the second. There was no saving it now. That's why I prioritized giving that asshole a smack in the core to send him back to square one. From what I could tell, the douche hadn't fully stabilized his core and just rushed from one stage to another, which means if I can disrupt him before he can do so, he will spit out all the energy he stole and possibly even cripple his cultivation. The downside is, that the energy release will also vaporize everyone her including me, but I'd rather destroy it all with my own two hands than let some smug asshole take it away from me. That is why I braved the energy storm he was farting out, and went to give him a beat down, but I was too slow.
"GET FUCKED!!"
*BOOM*
He suddenly released the biggest purple energy fart in history. The shockwave blasted everyone but me into the horizon. I only managed to stay because I got squished up against a fragment of my barrier, which absorbed some of the momentum.
By the time he stopped farting, I had literally been crushed flat, and by the time I had recovered he had already gotten up and spotted me.
"Oh! I see! This must have been an apology gift my little Noxy prepared for me in secret! How cute!"
"You smug asshole!" I spoke.
"Hehe! It has been so long, I almost forgot how dirty your mouth is! I'll have to wash it thoroughly later!" His gross expression and words sent chills down my newly reassembled spine.
Just as I was ready to cut my losses and run, the bastard moved at an inhuman speed. I was only able to register his movement due to my special sixth sense that instantly makes me aware of any movement in my surroundings down to a subatomic level. I could feel the bastard leisurely walk in my direction, closing the distance before my body even had the time to blink. The wind resistance was so strong I could see a trail of plasma forming behind him. If not for the protective aura he was using his clothes would have burst into flames the moment he moved. Before I could do anything, he had already grabbed me.
"You don't have to be scared! This patient lord is willing to wait until his woman is ready!" He whispered in my ear, setting a record for the creepiest guy I've met this year.
"The fuck are you smoking?" I said, as I wondered what kind of drugs this creep took before farting out all that energy.
"I am saying I am willing to wait until you're an adult to marry you! You little numbskull!" He said, making me wonder if I should change his name from 'playboy' to 'creep'.
Either way, since I'm not getting my money back, and I'm not able to escape then my only option is to go on the attack. So, I reinforced my body to the max using both aura and body enchantments, latched on to him with all four limbs and extended the enchanted arachnid threads I had instead of hair to restrain his arms and legs before burrowing underground. Then, after pinning us in place I did what any reasonable person would do in this situation. I opened the special dimensional storage space I had acquired. Brought out the floating island of Walpurgis. Then dropped the whole thing right on top of us. And with my most sincere words I screamed.
"FUCK YOUUUUUU!"
However…
"Ugh!"
Before we got crushed, the creep had broken the threads I had used to restrain his arms and lifted them into the air. He then released his qi to hold the entire island in place.
"For fucks sake!" I muttered in frustration as I watched this thieving creep lift an entire island on his own.
"Ugh! You really don't know restraint, do you? Ugh!" He said, as he seemed to be struggling to keep the giant ball of magic and dirt afloat.
Seeing he couldn't move from his position without dropping the island sized ball, I let him go as I got an idea.
"Ack! What are you doing Nox?!" The sweaty creep asked as I ripped off his shirt.
"I'm going to make you a star!" I said, as I pulled out the floating crystal golem I had made out of a recording crystal and started taking both pictures and video footage of what I was about to do.
"Hey! Hehe! Stop! Haha! That tickles! HA! NO! HAHA! STOP! HAHAHA! NOX!!"
I first began to tickle his helpless body, as he struggled not to lose focus on the island above.
"Hey! What are you doing down there?! Nox?"
I then started taking pictures of him I could sell for a high price to his countless fans as I started to strip him down.
"DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?! IF YOU DON'T STOP, I WILL DROP THIS THING! DO YOU HEAR ME?!" He yelled in his underwear.
Seeing I wasn't going to get much more smut from him that I could sell on the open market, I teleported to the top of the island.
*BOOM*
And I activated the island thrusters situated right above him, intending to blast him all the way to kingdom come, while I made my escape.
…
A few hours later.
A soot covered mad mage had finally tracked down the spatial coordinates to the former base of his master, where he found a bloodied and burned dark lord laying at the bottom of a massive crater.
"I told you this was a bad idea!" he said as he walked up to his superior still too tired to get up from the ground.
"Three!"
"What?"
"Three times have I tried to capture her, and three times has she gotten away!"
"So, that means you're going to give up now, right?"
"No! It means I am done playing around! I'm going to the 2nd continent to settle things there, and once I return, I will unite the continent! She can't keep running if there is no place left to run to!"