I opened my eyes.
"Well, how was your sleep?" Betania asked, looking at me.
"Um, it was good... ng? Uaaah!"
I was shocked to realize I had fallen asleep on her lap, and her face was very close. I quickly sat up in a panic—unfortunately, bumping my forehead against hers.
"Ouch!" I shouted, holding my forehead and falling back onto her lap.
That hurt, but I quickly rolled off and sat beside her.
"I'm sorry," I said, bowing my head.
"Well, it's okay. It didn't hurt much," she replied, gently patting her forehead.
"Really? My head hurts," I said, rubbing my forehead.
"Um, well, maybe a little," she pouted.
"Please forgive me," I said, bowing my head again.
"Okay, I forgive you," she said with a smile.
We laughed together.
"So how long did I sleep?" I asked curiously.
"About thirty minutes, I think," she answered, guessing.
"What?! That long?" I exclaimed.
"Yup."
"I'm sorry."
"Well, I slept a little too, so it's fine."
"But wasn't it uncomfortable for you?"
"No, quite the opposite. I'm happy right now."
"Ng, why?"
"No telling," she said with a smile.
"Fuuuh," I sighed.
"Hehehe."
"By the way, thanks, Betania," I said, a bit shyly.
She fell silent and looked at me with a hint of sadness. A few seconds later, she gave a small smile and responded.
"You're welcome. Um, by the way, Sahabi..."
"Yeah?"
"Who are you, really?" she asked seriously.
"Huh?"
She stared at me intently. I didn't know why, but it felt dangerous.
"What are you talking about? I'm Sahabi."
"Well, you look like Sahabi, but it feels like you're not the Sahabi I know."
"What?" I replied, panicking.
"You don't know our class, you cry over small things, you forgot our usual meeting spot... And when I talk to you, it's like you're a completely different person."
"Um, that's—"
"And you know what's the most important sign?"
"...?"
"You don't call me 'Nia' when we're alone," she said seriously.
Okay, I really messed up.
"You promised me. You always kept that promise... but now, you broke it," she said with a sad smile.
"..."
I didn't realize how close I was with Betania. This wasn't good. I didn't want her to know my situation, and it would be problematic if she found out.
"Sahabi?"
"Well, I'm sorry but, Be—um, Nia."
"Yeah, what is it, Hebi?" she asked, smiling.
"Um, Hebi?" I asked, confused.
"Yeah, that's the nickname you asked me to call you when it's just the two of us," she said cheerfully.
Ugh, this is embarrassing. I can't believe it.
"Did I promise that too?"
"Yes. We promised to call each other by our nicknames when we're alone."
"Ng... okay," I said, fidgeting.
"Hebi, stop being so embarrassing. You're making me embarrassed too," she said, her face blushing.
"Oh, sorry."
We both went quiet. I noticed she seemed calm, although she kept glancing away when our eyes met. She was probably trying not to look flustered, though her face was clearly red.
"So... what is it?" she asked.
"Nia, you said I'm not the Sahabi you know. That's true... but I am Sahabi," I said seriously.
"So, short version—you're the same person on the outside, but not on the inside?"
"Yeah, something like that. It's complicated, and honestly, I'd rather you didn't know."
"Why?"
"I can't tell you yet. But please, believe in me."
"..."
"I'll tell you when the time comes. I promise."
She looked sad.
"Ni—"
"Stop!" she suddenly shouted.
I froze.
"Just call me Betania," she said sadly.
"Huh?"
"Just call me Betania from now on, okay?" she said, more firmly.
I bit my lip. I understood. This wasn't easy for her. She lost someone close, and now she has no real explanation. I could explain my situation, but deep down—I didn't want to drag her into it.
"Okay. I understand," I said, trying to hide my concern and fear.
"..."
"This must be hard for you, and I'm sorry. You can hate me. But please remember: this isn't because I don't trust you."
"..."
"It's because you're precious to me, and I want to protect you."
She looked away.
"That's all you wanted to say?"
"Yeah."
She walked past me.
"Betania," I called.
She stopped.
"Thanks for calming me down... and I'm really glad to see you again."
She kept walking and left me behind.
I'm sorry, but this is for the best. I don't know how deep our relationship was... but I don't want you to do anything reckless again.
"Until the time comes, please stay safe."
After that, I went back to my dorm. When I was in my room, my chest hurt.
I don't want to lie again, especially to her.
I threw myself onto the bed and fell asleep.
I hope you understand.
The Next Day
Ding Dang Dong
"Yo!"
"Ah, oh—hello, Najam."
"Man, just call me Ijam. We're buddies, right?" he said, confused.
Damn. I better not mess this up again.
"Sorry, just kidding. So, Ijam—what's up?"
"Um, well, I just wanted to say—if you ever have a problem, you can tell me, you know? Especially if it's about girls. I'll gladly help, hehe," he said cheerfully.
"Oh, haha, thanks, Ijam. I'll definitely tell you if something comes up."
"But I'm serious, man. You know something's wrong, right?" he asked, trying to confirm.
"Something wrong?" I responded, confused.
He glanced at Betania and then looked back at me.
"Yeah. It's the first time I've seen you two not talk to each other the entire class," he said, concerned.
"Is that weird?" I asked, starting to panic a little.
"It's really weird. What happened?" he asked, curious.
"Um... I think I accidentally lied to her," I admitted, feeling guilty.
"Hm, that's not good."
"I know. But I didn't really have a choice. I'll tell her when the time is right," I said confidently.
He looked surprised.
"Ijam?"
"This sounds serious. Mind sharing it with me? I'd really like to help if I can," he offered, patting my shoulder.
"Um, well, I'm kind of surprised by your reaction," I said, amazed.
"Why?"
"It's like you know exactly what I'm talking about, even though I've barely explained anything."
"Well, I said we're buddies, right? How long do you think we've been friends? We've been partners since the very first class. I can tell when something's seriously bothering you," he said, reassuringly.
Once again—just how deep was my relationship with everyone?
...
Najam Firmansyah—he's...
...
It seems like he was my close friend before the tourney. And somehow, knowing that now made my chest feel heavy. If it's true, then it's painfully ironic. Two people closest to me ended up trying to kill each other back then.
Well, I'd better use this chance to learn more about my relationship with my classmates. My memory loss is a weak point—I need to understand where I stand with everyone.
"Hm, okay, you got me. I can't explain everything, but like you said, I'm dealing with something serious," I said firmly.
"I knew it! Now spill it," he said, excited.
"Before that... you understand the condition, right?" I asked to be sure.
"Yeah, I won't tell anyone. Just between the two of us, hehe," he said with a grin.
"..."
"What is it?"
"Thanks," I replied gratefully.
"Well then, tell me."
"Um, actually... I just lost my memories," I whispered.
"Huh?" he said in disbelief.
"..." I nodded.
He fell silent for a moment, thinking, then his eyes went wide.
"Seriously?!" he suddenly shouted.
Everyone turned to look at us.
"Idiot," I whispered.
"Crap—sorry!" he said, flustered.
Bahuwirya walked over to us.
"What happened? Why'd you suddenly shout like that?" Bahuwirya asked, curious.
"Um, well, s-sorry. My buddy here just told me something unbelievable," Najam stammered.
"Hey," I whispered.
"Relax, let me handle it. Just say yes when he asks you," Najam whispered back.
"So, what was it?" Bahuwirya asked.
"It's kind of embarrassing. I'll tell you, but please don't tell anyone else," Najam said nervously.
"Okay, deal," Bahuwirya replied.
Najam leaned in and whispered something to Bahuwirya, who then turned and looked at me.
"Is it true, Sahabi?" he asked, looking sympathetic.
"Um, yes," I answered hesitantly.
"That's definitely embarrassing—but it's okay. It's in the past now," he said, trying to comfort me.
"Well... okay," I replied, still confused.
He walked away.
"Phew, that was close," Najam said with relief.
"What did you tell him?" I asked, curious.
"Just one of your darkest secrets that I know."
"Don't tell me... the one from grade school?"
"Wow, bingo. Are you sure you lost your memories?" he asked suspiciously.
"Yeah, that was just a lucky guess. But nice save," I said, impressed.
"Told you—you can count on me," he said, giving me a thumbs-up.
It really did seem like he was my best friend.