Forty-eight times?
That's almost double what I did. How the hell does she even have the energy to stand?
That's when I really looked at her, really saw her. The heavy bags under her eyes, the quiet battle her body was fighting just to stay upright.
I rushed toward her and gently laid her down on the couch in my office. Her limbs felt like dead weight in my arms, her breath shallow, her skin warm with exhaustion.
I ran upstairs.
Yggdrasil's leaves were almost crumbling, pale, cracked at the edges. The glow was faint, like it could flicker out at any moment. I grabbed the water bottle, pouring it in until the soil sighed in relief. Some color returned to the leaves, not much, but enough to feel like I'd pulled it back from death's door.
I ran back down to check on her.
A little more light had returned to her eyes. A sigh of relief left my lungs before I even realized I'd been holding my breath.
She'd drifted to sleep again.
I sat down, slumped against the couch, and just watched her. Peaceful, but weak. I couldn't stop the thoughts crawling through my mind.
We have to stop using our powers like this. Resetting reality just to try and perfect something that's already amazing. It's like pulling at threads in a sweater that doesn't need fixing, eventually, it all unravels.
Still, I felt it creeping in again.
That little whisper in the back of my head.
One more reset. One more could fix everything.
But I couldn't. Not again. I've already fallen too deep into that temptation.
The weight of it all dragged at my eyelids. I fought to stay awake, just so I'd be there when she woke up.
And finally, she stirred.
Her soft, groggy groans were the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. She sat up slowly, eyes still half-lidded, breath still tired. I didn't wait, I just pulled her into my arms, holding her like she'd slip through my fingers if I let go.
"Please… just don't do anything like that again."
It was all I could say. And if she'd asked me to promise the same, I would've said yes in a heartbeat.
"I just wanted to make you happy…" she whispered, her voice cracking beneath the weight of her guilt.
I handed her a glass of water, hoping to give back something for everything she'd just put herself through.
She took a small sip, and slowly her voice returned, more like her, the woman I love. "Thank you," she said, looking down at the glass in her hands.
"Don't mention it," I murmured, my own voice hoarse from wear and worry.
We sat there in silence, just breathing next to each other, until Rocket stormed into the room like a bat out of hell. He leapt onto the couch and screamed like his tiny life depended on it.
Violet smiled for the first time since waking up. She scooped him up into her lap and pet him softly, responding to whatever telepathic monologue he was apparently giving her.
"Alright, alright," she said, rolling her eyes and hugging him close.
She paused. Then looked at me, serious again. "Do you think he's gotten… kinda big recently?"
Now that she mentioned it, I had noticed, but I figured it was just a growth spurt or something.
"Is that not normal?" I asked.
She gave me the look. A full eye-roll and everything. "He's about the size of a teenage puppy and he's barely a month old, Rose."
She held him out toward me, his limbs dangling like a ragdoll.
I squinted at him. Okay… yeah, she had a point. Definitely not normal. But also? Not stranger than bending time and reliving emotional breakdowns like a broken record.
Rocket meowed in my face like he agreed with the assessment.
I smiled and took him into my hands. And for once… he didn't lose his shit.
Night had settled in, and with it, Violet seemed to return to herself. The fog behind her eyes was gone, and I could admire her again the way I always do, softly, quietly, as if witnessing something divine.
I was able to write again too. My thoughts spilled onto the screen with a strange, uneasy grace, like the words weren't mine at all, like something else was guiding my hands. The more I thought about it, the more the sensation unsettled me.
So I closed my laptop.
I needed air.
I slipped through the kitchen's sliding door and sat on the bench in our backyard. The cool night air brushed against my skin, gentle but not soothing. There were a million things I could've let my mind wander into, memories, fears, thoughts about time or Rocket or love, but instead, my brain just… flattened.
My face blanked. My eyes sank low.
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Before I could follow the darker corners of my mind, Violet appeared. She stepped outside like she hadn't been looking for me, and from the look on her face, I was right.
"Oh? You're out here at this time of night?" she asked, a little surprised.
I hadn't noticed how high the moon had climbed, time really had slipped past me. I straightened up slightly, widened my eyes just enough to feign aliveness. "Didn't realize it was this late. Just needed some air."
She joined me on the bench, her movements relaxed, eyes a little glassy.
"High?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
She let out a soft chuckle. "Only a little bit… but you still notice, huh?"
She always liked getting high more than I did. For her, it was an escape, a soft rewind button for her brain. I wished it worked the same for me. But no matter how much I try, I can't seem to outrun my own thoughts.
She pulled out a small bag of edibles and offered it to me. "Want one?"
I gave her a gentle smile and pushed the bag back toward her. "I'm good."
Right now, I needed to feel everything. I needed to be fully inside my body, even if it hurt. Moments like this, quiet, vulnerable, reaI, don't want anything dulling them more than they already do.
Drifting into the endless void with questions unanswered,
So many things I would like to say.
But each one of those things could cause me pain.
So I keep it to myself as I wither away.