Cameras? Check
Microphones? Check
Background lighting? Check
Drawing Board? Check
Table to put all this shit on? Check
Ok, with all the prepartion done, it's finally time to spread the influence of 'Love Guru' to a wide spread media. And what would be better than our best social platform: 'UTube'
Yes, not 'Youtube' but 'UTube'. Turns out, copyright claim surpasses the boundary of one's own universe. Maybe I should the Love Guru name for myself too. Well that would come in later. Gotta lay some foundation first.
Channel: The Breakup Shaman
Bio: "Got dumped form the start. Then I dumped my expectations. This is my story of how I got into emotional capitalism."
1st video:
🧠 "How to Ghost Someone Without Guilt- A scientific breakdown"
Step 1: Send them a playlist of break-up songs.
Step 2: Vanish like Itachi on a windy morning, .
Step 3: Don't look back. Not even once.
'Tried and Trusted against the most vicious, now ex.
Straight to the point and simple.
What do you think happened with that video, it got viral for no one' surprise. What did surprise me, was how quickly it happened. In two days, it had 38k views, and 12k likes already. Some positive reviews and memes were also coming out of this.
But more than that, there was that one trending word in twitter, that really surprised me.
#WWKD, 23K posts
WWKD- What Would Kazuya Do, a term I used casually, had become like a quote now.
So, I decided what anyone with a brain would do. Post another video, because as they say, 'hit it, when she fit-', I meant 'strike the iron when it's hot'
So, I made another video, titled 'The Rules of Modern Love';
Giving my children some more wisdom, with my vast, otherworldly experience.
"If she ends texts with 'lmao,' she's probably laughing at you."
"Don't chase people who'd leave you on read mid-apocalypse."
"If they say 'I'm not looking for anything serious,' assume they're not looking for a partner, but 'an emotional baggage', meant to be discared, the moment it's not of use"
Some wisdom indeed.
Oh, a text, Hmm... who could it be...
Huh, I am kidding, we all know who it is by now.
#BlondeCrush_911: "Hey Handsome😘"
No way that isn't intentional, and what's with her message, does she think it's the 90s, even Kuri could come up with better flirty lines than this, and that is saying something.
#Kazuya: Oh, hey ghost. why you still haunting in my DM's, looking for approval, like I am your daddy.
She blocks him, five seconds after reading the reply, then unblocked just 5 minutes after.
LOL
Knock, Knock, Knock... Diddy? I opened the door to see The gremlin, or more accurately, this universe's jail route.
"Kazuya-kun you missed me"
"Not really, Ruka-chan, I was quite good by myself"
"YOU IDIOT, your supposed to stay, 'I didn't, because your always with me, occupying my mind and my heart' "
"First of all, that's obsession, second I don't lie to children, and third we are not going to be in a relationship"
OK, that was quite abrupt, wasn't it, well don't worry, cus we have the most reliable Flashback-chan.
Do your thing Flashback-chan
Flashback:
In a deep hidden village, there was the legendary swing... oh... OH
Sorry, sorry that was from my Naruto fanfic, where I was reincarnated into Pakkun destined to smell Kakashi's feet... ok, maybe I should not delve into it too deeply. Yeah, I really shouldn't do it.
Flashback-chan, the other one.
The actual Flashback:
I was in my favourite bakery to get some some beautiful marble cake, I could see it with my very own eyes, a fresh chocolate chipped marble cake, on the counter, waiting for me.
I went to it, paid for it, greeted it, and took it for my home, when suddenly
"I am sorry ma'am, but we're out of Chocolate Marble cake", I turned around to see a girl in school uniform, paired with a cute blue colored ribbon, that suited her, but the most notable thing about her right now, was her disheartened face.
It had so much disappointment, that it felt like, the cake was her lifeline. For someone else, I would have just shrugged it off, but she had a rare condition, which made it so that her favourite cake, might be one of the few things, she could openly enjoy.
So, I did the manly thing, "Hey, if you want you can take mine, I still have to pay for it"
Ruka looked up to me asking, "Are you sure? I mean you must have waited for a long time to buy it"
She was right, I had waited for a week, since it was only made on Mondays, and afterwards, it lost its softness. But I guess, I could deed for once, and give her the cake I waited for, it's not like I bought it with my money, plus I could still buy the last white chocolate doughnuts, with red, white and blue sprinkles, and bring down rain like hellfire.
Meanwhile, "I can have it next week, so you don't worry", I said to her while smiling and handing her the bag with the cake.
Flashback End:
In hindsight, I shouldn't have done that, not the giving her the cake part, the smiling down at her while giving her the cake part.
I had been foolish, and ignorant and now it's coming to bite me in my ass.
"Hey, don't call me a child, I am going to be 18 in a few months"
"I'll make sure to gift you something nice that day, but for the love of god, pls just let me be. And don't think its because of you, I just don't want to be in a relationship with anyone for now"
She just looked at me with determined eyes, and said, "Please, just give me one chance"
I sighed, she was going to be stubborn huh, "Alright, but before you start getting excited, we'll do it with my conditions."
"I don't care, I am willing to put up any condition"
The next day:
"Hey Guys, how's it going, this is your Love Guru, today we are going to research on how to deal with the hooligans and pathalogical liar, who say they are your girlfriends/boyfriends, with our co-host 'Ruka Sarashina' who will be here as 'my passionate and delusional non-girlfriend'"
As the saying goes, 'if life gives you lemons, make-'
"I TOLD YOU WE WERE DATING"
"And I told you, that this was only a social experiment"
The comments were loving the new additon, of fucking course, the moment a girl appears that this happens.
As expected, that video had the most views and like on it. Seriously guys, you truly broke my expectation and I was disappointed, but after I saw the comments, and not seeing any 'She's so cute' or 'What's your age' and stuff like that, I was like 'Perhaps I trated you too harshly, my child'
Of course I addressed this in the community tab, and praised that they were finally seeing the bigger picture, that even with a cute girl on there screen, they heard what I said, and that made me realised, that I was succeeding, and it felt fucking good.
Now, I could see that my viewership, consisted of three types of people:
1. Cunts like me, who like me were either dumped, rejected, or the worst of them, being cheated on.
2. Single girls who thought of me as a humorous guy, who was both entertaining and informative, making me there best source from both sides.
3. The one's who watched, because they wanted to try my content, as it was getting quite famous and widestream, no I ain't bragging... maybe I am, what you gonna do about it anyway.
Anyway, before you get upset about it, let me tell you, two new developments about the clips of me that were getting popular, to the point that people were making edits of me.
First one was your boy being his usual, "If love's a game, then I am here to play dirty" Heh, always work.
Second one was more deep, when one night I just recorded and posted the video without any thumbnail or title, "You know, why I started this, not to help any guys or girls, or for the sake of mocking anyone, but because I used to chase love like it was a reward. But in truth, love's just being crazy... just two people deciding to be insane together"
That heartfelt line from my soul, hit everyone, more than any flashy lights, or catchy lights. And that was the day, I become more than just a social influencer.
I became someone actually relatable to them, a guy just like them, who was emotionally vulnerable, but he refused to be anymore. And that gave them, motivation beyond anything
Which was my goal all along.