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Chapter 57 – Ethan's POV
"Becoming What I Hated"
The night was quiet now, but inside me, everything was loud.
I stood on the balcony, staring out at the city lights, but I couldn't see anything clearly. Not the street below. Not the skyline. Not even myself.
Because the only thing I could think about was her—
Amara.
The way she looked at me when I dragged her out… like I was someone else.
Someone cruel. Someone cold.
Someone she couldn't believe she ever trusted.
And she was right.
I leaned both hands on the railing, gripping it like it could somehow hold me up while the weight of what I'd just done crashed down on me.
I messed up. Badly.
No — not just messed up. I crossed a line.
And what made it worse — what made it feel like my chest was caving in — was the memory of Arya's voice echoing in my head.
"I stayed with him even after he made me feel like nothing."
"He made decisions for me. Spoke for me. Controlled me, like I wasn't a person anymore — just something to own."
She told me that about Damon.
A year ago, in Westbrook, when Arya finally opened up to me, she shared the darkest parts of her past. She told me how Damon, the man she once loved, took that love and used it against her. How he made her feel invisible. Small. Caged.
I was furious when she told me. I remember how angry I felt. How disgusted I was.
I looked at Damon like he was the lowest kind of man — the kind who breaks a woman just because he's afraid of losing her.
And tonight, I became him.
I didn't even think. I just saw Amara laughing with Malik, and something in me snapped. I stormed in like I had a right to her. Like she belonged to me. Like dragging her out of that place wasn't a complete violation of everything I claimed to be.
I treated her the same way Damon treated Arya.
And I hate myself for it.
I let the cool wind sting my face, but it wasn't enough to numb the shame spreading through me. I thought I was better. Thought I was different.
But I wasn't.
I was exactly what I despised.
What kind of man storms into a woman's life and takes control the second he feels insecure? What kind of man uses his strength to make her feel powerless? What kind of man confuses obsession for love?
Damon.
And now… me.
I used to wonder why Arya didn't trust easily. Why she hesitated with people. Why she built walls so high.
Now I know.
Because even when you start to heal, it only takes one person — one careless moment — to rip those wounds wide open again.
That person was me tonight.
Not just for Arya, but for Amara.
And the sickest part?
I told myself I cared about her.
I still do.
But what I did tonight? That wasn't care. That wasn't love.
That was fear. Ego. Control. The same poison that once ran through Damon's veins now ran through mine, and I poured it onto the only girl who had given me a real moment of closeness in months.
Amara trusted me enough to let me in. That night three months ago, when we ended up in each other's arms, it wasn't just about sex. She let me see something vulnerable. Something raw. Something real.
And now… I crushed it.
I didn't just embarrass her in public. I reminded her that no matter how far she runs, the world still has men who'll treat her like she doesn't have a voice.
Like I did tonight.
I dropped into a chair on the balcony, rubbing my hands over my face, breathing hard. My heart pounded with a mix of rage and regret.
I thought Damon was the worst thing that ever happened to Arya.
Now, I wondered if I had become the same for Amara.
The thought of it made my stomach twist.
I thought of calling her. Texting her. Saying something — anything. But what could I possibly say?
"I'm sorry I turned into the one thing you were always trying to avoid."
"I'm sorry I acted like Damon — the man I promised Arya I'd never become."
She wouldn't want to hear that.
Not tonight.
Maybe not ever.
And the truth?
She shouldn't forgive me.
Not easily.
I had to face this — not as someone who made a mistake, but as someone who hurt someone else in the very way he swore never to.
I had to be better.
No more pretending. No more excuses.
If I didn't fix what was broken in me, I'd keep hurting every woman who ever got too close — just like Damon did.
And I'd die before I let myself become a permanent version of that man.
But tonight…
I already did.
And now I had to live with it.