After countless hours of Googling and deep dives into sketchy forums, I discovered something unbelievable:
An actual organization that counters scammers.
> "Philippine Anti-Scammer Department."
No joke. That was the name.
Sounded like a superhero team—but with more Excel sheets and trauma.
So what did I do?
I wore my best hoodie, slapped on my cheap cologne that smelled like ambition and baby powder, then marched to their building like I owned the place.
> Boom. Chuckle.
Confidence level: Over 9,000.
---
🏢 Scene: Anti-Scammer Department — Main Hall
I stepped through the glass doors with my confident a$$.
> "Hi po!"
"Hello po!"
"Wow ang lamig dito... parang aircon ng mayaman."
I smiled at every employee I passed like I was running for mayor.
Most of them just gave me that look like:
> "Sino 'tong baliw na 'to?"
But then—I saw her.
The girl.
Long black hair.
ID badge swinging.
Eyes sharper than tuition fees.
Her entire aura glowed like a K-drama plot twist.
I froze mid-step.
Eyes wide.
Brain? Lagging.
> "She's... beautiful."
"Is this what love at first glitch feels like?"
She walked up to me.
Waved.
Then tilted her head and squinted like she was analyzing a virus.
> Rachel: "Oi. Baliw ka ba? Sinapian ka ba?"
I blinked.
> Me (scrambling): "H-ha? Sorry… By the way, I'm Ryan. Ryan Hawkins. Haha…" (internally screaming)
"Smooth like expired peanut butter."
> Rachel (still judging): "Rachel. Rachel Muta."
> Me (broken): "Wha—what? Are you a… HMM? Mutaa? AHAH... I mean, nice to meet you."
She just stared.
I waved goodbye awkwardly and muttered:
> "Weird name… but I like it."
---
🚪 Scene: Director's Office
The door opened automatically like some evil villain's lair.
Inside, a man was spinning slowly on a rotating chair—like a final boss in a comedy anime.
> Director (gruff voice): "Hmm. Good morning, kiddo. What are you doing here? Baka hinahanap ka na ng nanay mo?"
I stepped in confidently.
> Me: "Wala po si Mama. Nasa abroad siya… nagbibilang ng stars."
> Director (confused): "What?"
> Me (dead serious): "She's at a mental facility, sir." (smiles like it's normal)
Awkward silence.
> Director: "…Okay. So bakit ka nandito?"
> Me: "I want to join your agency."
> Director: "You sure? Do you even have a degree?"
I smirked.
> Me: "Yes sir. Sinukat ko temperature kagabi."
> Director: "…I meant college degree, not thermometer."
Another awkward pause.
> Director (sighing): "You need a degree, boy."
I stood there, frozen like a low-quality statue in Luneta.
> "So… that's how rejection feels."
---
📚 Scene: My Room, That Night
I sat on my bed, staring at my ceiling again.
> Me: "Okay. Time to study."
I opened a book titled:
"How to Not Be a Disappointment Vol. 1"
Chapter One: Don't flirt with girls named Rachel Muta like an idiot.
---
🩸 TO BE CONTINUED…
📌 Like this chapter? Comment your most awkward moment below!
💬 Follow for Chapter 4: The Application, The Exam, and The Extremely Hot Temp ID Photo!