The marble floors of the Umbrella rooftop suite glistened, courtesy of my auto-cleaning aura, but the room still carried that faint, corporate stink. You know, the scent of old secrets, backdoor experiments, and morally questionable science. Umbrella's trademark.
Albert Wesker stood near the panoramic window, arms crossed, that permanent smirk plastered across his face. His sunglasses somehow managed to glint, even though it was nearly midnight. His brain? Already cooking up schemes darker than a black hole.
I leaned back in the bubble bath, one arm casually draped over the edge, swirling the champagne in my glass. "Wesker… I can practically hear those villainous thoughts spinning."
He turned his head, expression unreadable. "You can't possibly—"
"Ah, but I can," I interrupted, grinning like a cosmic devil. "Let me save you the embarrassment… whatever you're planning involving Alice? Yeah… it won't end well. She's smoking hot, I'll give you that, but poking that hornet's nest? Not smart."
The room went dead silent.
Everyone turned toward the glass elevator as the doors slid open with a polite chime.
Alice.
Long coat. Battle-scarred, flawless skin. Piercing eyes like she's already figured out the ending of every possible timeline. The embodiment of "I've seen some stuff, don't mess with me." Hair perfectly tousled, confidence radiating like a tactical nuke.
Jill whispered, "She's real…"
"Of course she's real," I said, stepping out of the tub, fully dry thanks to divine perks. I snapped my fingers, the suite transforming instantly.
Gone were the suspicious Umbrella tiles, the sticky biohazard grime. Now it looked like a luxury penthouse straight out of a billionaire's fever dream. Velvet couches. Neon-lit bar. Fresh orchids. Even a faint vanilla-citrus scent, because why not?
Leon gawked. "How…?"
"Auto-cleaning, baby," I winked. "Death 2.0 doesn't live in filth."
Alice's gaze locked onto me, cautious but curious. "You're not from around here."
I bowed slightly, conjuring a towel mid-air to dry my hair. "Daniel. Cosmic entity. Temporary manager of Death. You're Alice… the apocalypse's hottest wildcard."
Wesker, still fuming silently, clenched his jaw. I could practically hear his skull creaking under the pressure of unspoken evil plans.
I pointed at him without looking. "Wesker, I swear, you make one more inappropriate thought about kidnapping, cloning, or corrupting anyone here and poof — you're topping the Death 2.0 leaderboard."
His smirk faltered.
Alice arched an eyebrow. "You really can…?"
"Thought-triggered spontaneous combustion," I confirmed, flopping onto the now spotless velvet sofa. "Side effect of my new job."
Leon paced to the TV mounted on the wall. "We should check the news—"
"There's nothing on TV," he muttered, clicking the power button.
Static filled the screen… for a second.
Then, to everyone's shock, the static twisted, shifting into a high-definition broadcast.
The Umbrella logo flashed ominously, followed by the face of a nervous scientist tapping a stack of papers.
"Breaking News: Spontaneous Explosions, Zombies Popping Like Balloons, Citywide Confusion — Experts Baffled."
I sipped my champagne, smirking. "Admit it, Leon… I make reality interesting."
Chris frowned. "Did you… hack the signal?"
"I am the signal." I adjusted my sunglasses. "This whole world's on my divine data plan."
Alice crossed her arms, eyes narrowing as she studied me. "And your plan for this 'one month'?"
"Simple," I replied, swirling my glass. "I clean house. Zombies? Gone. Virus? Neutralized. World? Habitable again. You guys get your lives back. I get bubble baths and slightly improved mental discipline."
My HUD pinged:
Mental Discipline: 25/100 — Tiny progress. You didn't explode anyone… today.
Power Mastery: 15.00% — Baby cosmic steps.
Auto-Cleaning: Maximum. Umbrella grime? Evaporated.
Hostile Thought Trigger: Still active. Proceed with caution.
Wesker muttered under his breath, "You can't fix the world in a month…"
"Can't?" I tilted my head, dangerous amusement flashing across my face. "Wesker… buddy… I'm Death with cosmic Wi-Fi. Watch me."
Alice, still sizing me up, cracked the faintest smirk. "I'll help… but don't get in my way."
"Wouldn't dream of it," I replied, raising my glass. "Besides, watching you kick mutant ass? Highlight of this timeline."
Leon sighed, "We're all gonna die."
I pointed a finger at him. "Correction… everyone thinking about hurting me dies. You guys? Play nice, live longer."
The screen flickered again, now showing real-time satellite footage.
Massive undead hordes. Bio-weapon monstrosities. Umbrella facilities smoking like ruined fortresses. All marked with glowing red crosshairs.
"Phase one," I said, lounging back. "Total undead cleanup… with style."
Alice cocked her pistol. "Let's get started."