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Translator: Vine
Chapter Title: The Crocodile Man's Rage
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*Smack.*
"Ugh?" the Crocodile Man grunted as I slapped the back of his head.
"Aaaargh!!!!"
He reached back, swinging wildly at me, but of course, I had already teleported far away.
"You scoundrel!!!!! Don't run away like a mosquito!!!!! Fight like a man!!!!!!"
"Hey, wouldn't it be a bit unfair if you, a giant, and I fought bare-handed? Isn't that *less* manly?"
"Graaaahhhhhh!!!!"
Hmm, he's not listening anyway.
Seriously, what did I do to make him so hostile?
Don't villains usually have some kind of camaraderie? Like, they've never met before, but they band together against a common enemy, the heroes… that's the picture I wanted. Why is he suddenly charging so mindlessly?
Actually, I *was* planning to betray him if he came at me gently, so if he somehow realized that, maybe he's not so mindless?
But seeing him charge at me again like a bull, I decided that no matter how I thought about it, he was definitely mindless. No, seriously, does he have no learning ability?
I teleported away again, just before he could pounce on me. Haa, haa. To be honest, I was starting to reach my limit. I'd been teleporting back and forth from my home, and that's incredibly tiring. My stamina was already low, and moving around so quickly was making fatigue build up. Plus, I had a microphone in one hand and a bundle slung over my back like Santa Claus in the other.
But a true professional doesn't show their exhaustion. I grinned as if nothing was wrong and spoke to him.
"Friend, are you going to keep this up all day?"
"Graaaahhhhhh!!!! You cowardly!!!!! Sneak!!!!!"
*
[LOL, he called him cowardly hahaha]
[Crocodile dude is totally fuming lol]
[Fr, he's darting around like a mosquito, of course he'd be mad lol]
[Is Mangostick a mosquito? Is Mangostick a mosquito? Is Mangostick a mosquito? Is Mangostick a mosquito?]
[MosquitoStick hahahaha]
[But seriously, that guy is ridiculously strong. The cement floor caves in when he charges O.o]
[Strong but a bit lacking in the head lol]
[Seeing Crocodile Man like this so often... he might actually be cute?]
[Snap out of it, you guys, how many people died because of his terror attack?]
[Seriously, defending a villain is crossing the line.]
[Are these kids crazy? Defending a villain by calling him cute?]
[These guys who are so hostile to villains are simping for Egostick lol]
[Ah, but Egostick has 0 casualties hahahaha]
[Egostick a vil?lain]
[Mangostick is an Association-certified A-rank hero, and that's a fact recorded in the Watermelon Codex.]
[That guy, it's not the Watermelon Codex, it's the Mango Codex lol]
[But seriously, why did Egostick even go there?]
*
The chat window was still a mess.
Among them, one chat caught my eye.
Why did Egostick come here?
Right, I need to explain this well.
If I explain it wrong here, people will start slandering me again, saying I'm practically a hero or something.
I shouted at Crocodile Man, who was getting ready to charge again.
"Wait!!!!! Listen to me!!!!!"
As I grabbed the microphone again and shouted at maximum volume, the mindless assault of the Crocodile Man finally stopped.
He snorted loudly, then yelled back at me.
"Fine!!!! Speak!!!!!"
"Good!!! First, I'll ask this!!!!! Why did you suddenly attack me!!!!!!"
At my question, he snorted and replied.
"Isn't it obvious!!!!!! I've targeted Stardust!!!!!! And since you seem to have a lot of interest in Stardust too!!!!! You are my enemy!!!!!"
"..."
What kind of weird logic is this?
The chat's reaction was also heated.
*
[That idiot villain even knows Mangostick likes Stardust lol]
[Seriously, how does he know Egostick likes Stardust but not that he has teleportation powers hahahaha]
[Two men fighting over one woman, ooh la la]
[Fr, didn't Egostick actually come here for Stardust?]
[Stardust calls, and Egostick answers... they say spouses are one body, so maybe?]
[What's going on, what are they?]
[These toxic 'we got married' shippers are at it again lol]
[Fr fr, it's not 'we got married,' it's 'actually married' hahahaha]
[So seriously, why did he come??]
*
"...You bastard!!!!!"
I yelled into the microphone again.
It sounded like my voice coming through the speaker was damaging my ears, but that must be my imagination, right?
"You attacked me for such a ridiculous reason!!!!"
"No!!!! You were the one who first!!!!! Told me to surrender!!!!!!"
Did I?
I don't remember that.
Time to deny everything.
"When did I ever say that!!!!"
As I shouted that, his eyes twitched, and then the Crocodile Man suddenly started speaking fluently.
"What do you mean!!!! You clearly told me, '[Listen, you crocodile bastard. You are surrounded. Surrender immediately.]'!!!!! Didn't you say that!!!!!!"
Damn it, why is his brain working so well *now*?!
As my mouth twitched at the sudden attack, the chat window exploded again.
*
[Hahaha, he was hit in his weak spot, so he can't say anything hahaha]
[Crocodile dude, why is he suddenly speaking so well hahaha]
[Seriously, he started it, and it was all broadcast live, but he's brazenly denying it? What the heck hahaha]
[Brazen Mangostick is cute too!!!! Ack!]
*
Hmm, I can't lose my composure here.
You have to be brazen to succeed.
There was a saying in a self-help book I read as a child:
Life is like a teppanyaki stir-fry.
Stir-fried rice on a hot plate is delicious.
In fact, if you just put on a brave face (lit. 'lay down a hot plate') and stir-fry anything, it usually turns out fine.
Life is the same.
If you live with a thick skin (lit. 'lay down a hot plate'), things usually work out.
Recalling that maxim, I put on a brazen face and opened my mouth.
"So what!!!! I didn't ask!!!!!"
"...? Didn't you just ask when you said that!!!!"
"Enough of that!!!! You were the one who first blew up a building and asked Stardust if she was too busy making out with Egostick to show up!!!! What slander!!!! Apologize!!!! Apologize for the humiliation I felt!!!! If you apologize, I'll forgive you!!!"
At my words, the guy finally lost his temper.
"You crazy bastard!!!! I'm an idiot for listening to you!!!! Die!!!!!"
After saying that, the crocodile bastard suddenly started gathering something in his mouth.
Uh oh, isn't that *that* attack?
The moment something began to shoot out from his mouth, I instantly teleported to the side. You crazy bastard!
In my haste, I accidentally dropped the microphone as I teleported. Ah, I've barely used that thing, only sang a few songs at home with it. It's going to be totally destroyed.
Having barely teleported away by a hair's breadth, I saw a jet of water shoot exactly where I had been standing.
That was the Crocodile Man's secret technique, Extreme Water Spouting.
But he just named it himself in the original story; in reality, it's just a water cannon. An instant-death one if you get hit, though.
I don't know what connection a crocodile has to shooting water cannons, but anyway, in the original, Stardust was ambushed by it and was on the verge of death. I, knowing it already, barely managed to dodge.
"You rat!!!! To dodge that!!!!"
The guy wiped the water from his mouth, running his own.
That bastard used an instant-death attack on me?
That was a genuine surprise attack; if I hadn't dodged, I would have died instantly.
Thinking about it, anger flared.
How dare he pull something like this on *me*?
This won't do.
I was just going to scare him off and deal with him later.
But I'll just finish him today.
Tonight's dinner is crocodile meat.
I untied the bundle I had been carrying.
And then, I slowly began to activate my psychokinesis. I'd been charging it for a while, so I should be able to do this much.
My body began to float due to psychokinesis.
And at the same time, the items I had put in my bundle also began to float into the air, one by one.
Countless guns.
Around me, as I hovered in the air, the numerous guns I'd prepared began to rise.
"Hey, you crocodile bastard."
I began loading the guns with psychokinesis.
Okay, ready.
Seeing the countless guns floating in the air, aimed at him, the Crocodile Man's eyes twitched.
And just before I fired all the guns at once, I said one last thing to him.
"See you in hell, you son of a bitch."
And simultaneously, the guns fired.
*Dududududududu-*
As dozens of guns began to fire at once, a tremendous roar swept over the rooftop.
"Grrrghhh!!!"
Bowing his head and crossing his arms to cover his body, Crocodile Man took the full brunt of the bullets.
Perhaps it was because so many guns had fired, but the spot where he stood was now so filled with dust that his form was almost unrecognizable.
Returning to the ground, I casually threw out a line.
"Did I get him?"
*
[Oh no... if you say that...]
[He's screwed, 100% not dead.]
[But he took that many bullets and is still alive? No way.]
[Nah, no way he survived, right?]
[Curse of the 'No Way' = someone's gonna get it]
*
Soon, the thick dust cleared.
And where the dust had been, the Crocodile Man stood firm, without a single scratch.
"Hahahaha!!!! Did you really think such weak physical attacks could hurt me!!!!!"
The guy laughed loudly, then looked forward to see…
An empty rooftop.
And suddenly, a voice from above.
"I told you I'd see you in hell, little croc."
I had teleported above his head, and as I fell, I threw a glass bottle vertically onto his skull.
*CRASH!* The glass bottle shattered into pieces as it hit his head.
"Hmm?"
And from that glass bottle, an unidentified green mist emerged.
The guy sniffed his nose as if asking what it was, then suddenly began to scream in pain.
"Graaaahhhhhh!!!!"
Resistant to physical attacks, huh?
Then just use a special attack, right?
Taste my poison gas, you bastard.