" I love you " those words rolled off my lips as I stared grinning at the sky
Oh how hard it was to say those words.
Those words that held so much meaning and stands meaningless all at once.
Those words that caused me so much pain in the past but as I said it, i felt a surge of emotions.
Positive yet negative
This time those words wasn't so hard to say but rolled off my lips easily. Strange how you can love something so invincible
But do you really?
My subconscious mocked.
Do I really ? I questioned myself. The smile on my face momentarily vanished replaced with a frown.
" I love him " i reassured myself ignoring the voice, the part of Mr doubting my love for him, doubting his existence.
" How can you love what you can't see ? Don't tell me you believe there's actually a God up there in heaven "
The voice.... My subconscious.... at least that's what it sounded like. It tugged.
" I can't see him but he sees me and he never fails to show me that he is here with me and he loves me "
" Oh don't give me that crap " it scowled " you know don't you ? It's all just been a coincidence and luck by your side and not some being upstairs "
" Stop " I half yelled trying to shut the voice in my head
" Stop ? You know it's true and all of it is a lie. God, Jesus , they are all make believe. a fairytale crafted to manipulate fragile, naive, poor souls like you into believing in a God that's not there, a God that doesn't exist "
" No! " I clutched my head in a desperate attempt to block out the voice now throwing out a cruel laughter " NO! he's real "
*. *. *.
" Worthy is your name Jesus ...
You deserve the praise...
Worthy is your name ... "
The loud voice of the choirs over the microphone echoed through the church as they swayed their body to the beat.
The sound was soothing yet sent a weird sensation down my veins. It made me uneasy and I felt my head spin dizzy and tired of it all.
It wasn't helping that the little boy beside me was out of control and crying admist the choir's sweet melody
I groaned in distaste rubbing my sweaty forehead and questioning myself and my decision to come to church today.
I winced and flinched again as the shrill cry of the baby once again assaulted my ears. Irritated I threw his mother a hard glare that would have sent her squirming in her sit and getting her kid in control if she was looking my way but she was too busy rocking to the song, her attention fixed on the pastor, her hands busy wresting with her other kid who tried to move away from her.
" Fuck " I silently cursed under my breath taking in a deep breath to calm my nerves
In a pathetic attempt to get away from the noise, I shifted away from her a little my shoulder colliding with the man sitting at my right.
He too had his gaze fixated on the pastor, his expression blank and unreadable.bHe had a cigar tucked neatly between his fingers and his left hand clutched his bible desperately. I watched as he tilted his head a little to the side before taking a long draw from his cigarette
Hypocrites
The voice in my head rang once again
" No they're not " I snapped
" You can't deny it Erin. " It scowled " look around you, you're surrounded by hypocrites. They all come here with the silly excuse of worshipping some God but as soon as they walk out that door Erin all those godliness and righteousness are thrown under the table and then what ? They go back to sinning " it taunted
" You're not an exception Erin and you are aware "
Third person's POV: ( initially I was going to write all this in Erin's POV but while writing this, it sort of slipped my mind and I switched.
I will probably edit it and have it fixed but that will be once I am done with the book. I'm sorry for the mistake )
" How many times do you sin in a day Erin ? Enlighten me why don't you ? "
Erin clenched her fist in anger and gritted her teeth. She knew what it was trying to do
" Maybe I sin everyday but he forgives me "
" And you don't find that strange " it let out a mocking laugh
" You tell a lie and he forgives you without even batting an eye right ? You go rob a bank, rape someone or even commit a murder and he forgives you. I wonder why the law doesn't forgive "
Erin was silent. It was trying to get into her head she knew it. She knew she had to resist him. She knew better than to let it's words get to her
" Forgiveness " it trailed " if only it was that easy. I'm sure you've forgiven your best friend for sleeping with the love of your life "
" I.... I have " Erin muttered between clenched teeths
" Oh but you haven't " it let out a cruel laughter
As much as she didn't want to admit it, it was right. She hasn't. She couldn't let it go no matter how hard she tried.
Screw whoever said forgiveness was fucking easy cause it wasn't
" You step into the church on Sundays, prayer Hill on Thursdays and fellowship on Tuesday with so much hatred "
" I'm only human.... "
" You're only human " it mocked " is that your excuse ? You're just as pathetic as they come. Bunch of hypocrites "
" It's been two years and you haven't let it go but some reason you believe he forgives you. Durling you know just how forgiveness is "
" STOP "
She sprang up from her seat immediately. Her breathing tagged, eyes shut in a desperate attempt to control her emotions and fists clenched in anger.
She couldn't deny thou.
She had let it all get to her.... All those words it said, she couldn't deny the truth in them but she had come this far to let this voice tell her otherwise.
He has done so much for her and she wasn't going to doubt him or her feelings for her.
She took in a deep breath steading her emotions once again,