I hadn't expected the shift — how quickly comfort could sneak back in when you weren't looking. The way conversations picked up without effort, how our pauses started to feel like punctuation instead of tension. Things between me and Harper weren't exactly how they were before, but there was a softness returning. Familiar. Unspoken.
Like maybe I'd learned how to breathe around her again.
She slid into the breakroom seat across from me with her usual chaotic energy, tossing a protein bar onto the table like it had wronged her.
"I swear," she huffed, "this brand changed their recipe. It tastes like cardboard dipped in regret."
I laughed. "Did regret have a flavor?"
She grinned. "This one does. Want a bite?"
"Tempting," I said, wrinkling my nose. "But I had real food this weekend. Actual fun, too."
Harper perked up. "Wait, really? With who?"
And there it was — that tiny thrill that always bloomed when she asked. Like I mattered. Like I was someone she wanted to know.
"Dani dragged me out," I said, leaning back. "We met up with her friend Tasha. You'd like him. Total chaos, wears a nose ring, thinks cold brew is a personality."
Harper blinked. "Tasha's a guy?"
"Yep. I think he was trying to flirt, but I was too focused on not choking on my mozzarella sticks."
She laughed, full-bodied and bright. "That sounds amazing. I'm glad you went. You've been, like… different lately."
"Different good or different scary?"
"Different relaxed. Like you're letting people in."
I tilted my head, smiling. "Maybe I am."
But only to a point.
Only to where it's safe.
Later that day, Rae texted me.
Rae: hey Carly! Still down for the beach this weekend? Loe's bringing a cooler of the best drinks, I promise
Rae: (and by best I mean questionably legal)
Rae: don't bail or I'll judge you in group settings
Me: lol, no pressure or anything
Me: yeah, I'll come. Sounds fun :)
The truth? I still wasn't sure why I said yes. Maybe because Rae had been kind. Funny. Easy to talk to, even with all the history between her and Harper. Maybe because Loe — the boyfriend I'd imagined hating — turned out to be normal. Maybe even sweet. I wasn't thrilled to see him again, but pretending to be okay with it felt easier than avoiding it.
And besides… Rae had good energy. If Harper trusted her, maybe I could, too.
Work was quiet that afternoon, which meant Harper and I kept finding each other across desks and hallways, colliding in the little ways that made normal days feel like something more.
She caught up with me while I was refilling my water bottle.
"Okay," she said, suddenly serious, "can we talk about how you've been hanging out without me?"
I blinked. "Uh-oh."
"You and Dani and mystery Tasha," she said, raising a brow. "I'm not jealous, I'm just saying — next time you go on mozzarella stick adventures, I better be invited."
"I'll check with the committee," I teased. "Might be room in the itinerary."
Harper rolled her eyes but her smile lingered, and I felt that old tug again — the ache of wanting more than this, while knowing this was all I'd get.
Still, it was better than nothing.
And sometimes, it felt like everything.
That night, I sat on the floor of my apartment with a bowl of popcorn, trying to focus on my tarot deck instead of the memory of Harper's laugh. I laid three cards down — past, present, future.
The Lovers.
The Hanged Man.
The Moon.
I stared at them like they might spell out peace. But all they gave me was ambiguity. Pause. Illusion. Love I couldn't name.
I didn't need cards to know what I was feeling.
The next few days passed in a blur of office buzz and group chats. Rae kept sending voice notes about the beach plans, most of which made me laugh at inappropriate times. Harper would glance over like I had a secret, and I guess I did — but not the one she thought.
At lunch on Thursday, she sat beside me, her tray full of fries and a half-eaten apple.
"Okay, don't laugh," she said, "but I was thinking… it's been forever since we did a sleepover."
I blinked. "Like… an actual sleepover?"
"Yeah. You, me, snacks, bad movies. No spreadsheets allowed."
Something fluttered in my chest.
"I mean, unless you've got cooler plans," she added quickly.
"Nope," I said, trying not to sound too eager. "That actually sounds… perfect."
She beamed. "Great. Friday night?"
I nodded. "Friday it is."
And just like that, it was happening. Again.
We were threading ourselves back together.
And I was letting it happen.
Even though I knew better.
Even though every laugh pulled me deeper.
Even though she still belonged to someone else.