THE GREAT SOCK HEIST
**Table of Contents**
*(Abridged & Highly Questionable)*
*"All socks depicted are fictional. Any resemblance to your missing argyles is purely coincidental (and probably Carl's fault)."*
- **Dedication**
*"To Mr. Whiskerstein, who ignored this entire ordeal to lick a wall."*
- **Author's Note**
*"No raccoons were harmed in the making of this book. The same cannot be said for my dignity."*
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#### **Main Content**
**Chapter 1: The Sockpocalypse Begins**
- *Subsection: "Laundry Day: Gateway to Despair"*
- *Subsection: "Gary's Helpful Theory: 'It's Ghosts. Definitely Ghosts.'"*
**Chapter 2: The Underground Sock Ring**
- *Subsection: "Meet Carl: Trash Panda or Fashion Icon?"*
- *Subsection: "Linda's Trauma: 'He Once Stole My Name Tag'"*
**Chapter 3: Sock Wars**
- *Subsection: "Dave's DIY Failures: A Timeline"*
- *Attempt 1: The Padlock Incident*
- *Attempt 4: The Decoy Sock Debacle*
- *Subsection: "Gary's Popcorn Addiction Reaches Critical Mass"*
**Chapter 4: The Final Showdown**
- *Subsection: "Negotiating with a Raccoon: A Crash Course"*
- *Subsection: "Carl's Business Card: A Study in Audacity"*
**Chapter 5: Epilogue – Life After Sockpocalypse**
- *Subsection: "Dave's New Side Hustle: Sock Fencing"*
- *Subsection: "Spoon King: The Ferret Who Started a Cutlery Cult"*
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#### **Back Matter**
- **Appendix A: Carl's Stolen Sock Inventory** *(Sample Entry: "1 polka-dotted knee sock – traded for half a donut")*
- **Appendix B: Gary's Unhelpful Advice** *("Just go barefoot, man.")*
- **Discussion Questions** *("If Carl stole one sock from every person on Earth, would society collapse?")*
- **Sneak Peek: Sequel Teaser**
*"COMING SOON: *The Spoon King Chronicles* – A ferret. A fork. A betrayal."*
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### **Bonus Easter Eggs for the PDF:**
1. **"Sock Thesaurus"** sidebar:
- *"Missing sock (n.): 1. A casualty of war. 2. Carl's currency."*
2. **Fake Footnotes:**
- *"See: Dave's nervous breakdown, pg. 42."*
3. **Illustration Credits:**
- *"All raccoon doodles approved by Carl (for a fee of 3 socks/hour)."*
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