"Renji, what do you want to eat tonight?"
"Didn't we have the leftover curry from yesterday...?"
"No can do! Tonight's your twelfth birthday. I can cook you something a bit more expensive."
"Mom's curry's still nice..."
"Come on, it's special day! don't hold back."
"Then... Hamburg steak…?"
"Okay, Hamburg steak it is, then…" She glanced at the clock that almost at 5 pm. "I'll go out to buy some stuff. As always, watch the house, right, Renji dear?"
"Yes mom, Be careful out there."
"I will." She's humming happily as she locked multiple padlocks in the front door, each echoing throughout the quiet house.
Renji just stood there, waiting for his mother footsteps completely fades away.
Then he walked upstairs, into his room. His fingers ran along the frame of the bolted window. And his other hand picked up the screwdriver he hides behind the book in the shelf. With a practiced motion, he pried at the rusted window lock until it popped free from its housing.
Why… didn't I tell mom that the lock broken...?
Renji stares from the gap for a bit, then he removes the nail from one of the loose wooden planks, and slide it below. Letting a gap wide enough for him to fit more than his head, he rested his head to the opening, and stare at the horizon while feeling the evening breeze.
"Is Tokyo that way... or… that way...?" He said while pointed at the imaginary direction.
I wonder... why didn't I say anything when the nails started coming loose...
"I want to see the world outside..."
It should be okay... Right...?
"I'll just sneak out for one night... And then, come back… Right after I see it."
Renji lifted his head from the window, and walked to the room across his—his mother's room. He gulped as he touched the doorknob.
"..." Cold sweat dripping on his back
I never get used to this feeling...
Yet he steeled himself.
"No… I want this... I've been planning for this... come on...me…"
In fact, the window lock had rusted because he's been dousing it with water and salt for months behind his mother eyes. The wooden planks too—he loosened the nails bit by bit, always during the brief times she left the house. Now, everything could be opened and closed again without raising suspicion at a glance.
"Come on..."
Renji finally stepped inside his mother's room, as if trespassing sacred ground, darting to one spot where he knows his mother put emergency cash.
He followed his memories, opening the corner most drawer, inside the clothes cabinet.
There, as expected, he found an envelope, considerably thick with cash.
"Should I take it all...?"
No… mom will find out...
He decided to took only five 10,000-yen bills among the stack, stuffing them into his pocket.
Then carefully, methodically, he slid the envelope back into place, closed the drawer, smoothed the fabric, and wiped away all trace that he had been there.
"Okay… okay... Now just wait for night..."
He could feel his heart drumming wild inside him, every beat pulsing with adrenaline.
This... what is this feeling...? Fear...? curiosity...?
"Anyway... Mom should be back soon."
Quickly, he returned everything. The plank slid back into place. The window shut. The rusted lock reinserted. As if nothing happened.
30 minutes later, just as his heart calmed down, he heard it. The locks downstairs, one by one, clicking open.
--------
On the sidewalk, she's smiling and humming a melody with each step, one big plastic bag swinging at her side—Meat, eggs, cheese, sauce, and some more stuff for making Hamburg steak that Renji asks for.
But her smile didn't last long when she sees a family walking together, complete. Husband, wife, and one child, hand in hand, smiling.
"Tch"
She walks faster, as if the sight was poison to her eyes. And after quite a distance, she slowed her pace.
Did I... go too far with Renji?
"..."
Almost six years now, hasn't it? I kept Renji inside the house all this time...
"But I'm still a responsible mother... I fed him, I teaches him, I buy him stuff to make him happy..."
Renji... is unexpectedly smart... and... even I notices that from time to time... he's worried about me...
"I'm a bad mother, huh..." She smiled, mocking at herself, eyes drift above, to the evening sky.
But I don't want to be alone... It's all that damn man fault for running away... Not mine…
As she neared home, she glanced up at the house. A standard and plain two-story building—the only anomaly that stood out form closer inspection was the windows were boarded with thick planks.
The neighborhood is nonexistent as this housing area had not been popular choice, back then they didn't have the money, didn't have the luxury of choice.
"But now I'm glad it's just me on this block... Imagine nosy neighbor asking about the wooden planks..."
Before entering the house, she circled around it, eyes scanned the house exterior like always.
Everything looked normal.
She sighed, tension leaking out of her shoulders.
"Renji wouldn't do that... he's a good boy... I'm too paranoid..."
She stepped up to the door, unlocking the padlocks one by one with each different key.
Inside, the dull white plastered walls greeted her. She hung up her coat, set her shoes neatly to the side.
"Renji I'm home!" After her voice died down, seconds later, footsteps from upstairs and Renji appears in front of her.
"Welcome back, mom." He said with nonchalant looks in his eyes.
With a smile, she lifts the plastic bag with a gentle sway.
"Hehe, we'll be having a nice dinner tonight."
--------
Night comes, after a hearty dinner, and simple candles on a slice of cake to celebrate his birthday, they went back to their own rooms—just like every other night.
Almost midnight…
Renji tiptoed silently and put his ear gently over his mother's bedroom door.
"...." He listened for three minutes, then four. Until he's sure that he hears no voice other than steady, faint breathing.
Okay… She's asleep…
His days and years scouting paid off. He noted the time she sleeps, how fast she sleeps, and what time she wakes up.
Renji sneak back to his room. Making his practiced escape path, pried open the rusted lock, and loosened planks until the cold air hit his face.
"...."
I can do it, I can do it, I can… do this...
His heart beating louder than this evening, his fingers trembles as he clenched his hand. Feeling his pocket, making sure he got the money with him.
"Just... one night... in and out... then I'll let it go..."
He was hoping it could sail smoothly like one of the moments of spy movie he watched.
Renji already wore the shoe he took downstairs; he snugs himself out of the gap between the planks, one step outside the window frame and the tiles greeted his foot with unfamiliar hardness.
Whoa it's high!!
His head spins a bit when he looks below. Then he carefully and quickly climbed down the pipe, he rehearsed all of this in his mind countless time over the past years.
I can do it, it's okay!
Renji repeated the words like a prayer.
Then the final climb out of the house is the wall, one grip, one climb, and one jump. And at once, Renji realizes his 2 feet landed on the street. In front of his house.
"...I'm outside..."
I'm really... outside...
As if the nerve inside him fired a signal, his walks, turns into full blown run. He ran to where he thought the direction of the city.
Ha.
He could feel the cold, night air hitting his face, rustling his hair and clothes.
Haha.
His feet tapping the ground with a freedom they'd never known.
And then—laughter. The one with pure, unfiltered joy.
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
With a smile broke open on his face—the kind of smile he forgot he could make.
And the feeling burning in his chest wasn't fear anymore.
It was fun.