Disassembling the Justice Friends
"Justice Friends? What kind of lame name is that?" Brick sneered, visibly annoyed by the interlopers.
Meanwhile my brain was quickly trying to think of the implications of their appearance.
I knew there were other heroes other than the Powerpuff Girls, but from what little I could remember, the biggest group of them was an all-boys club. The Powerpuff Girls tried to join them, only to get rebuffed because of their gender. And then they prove them wrong by saving the day.
The end.
Yeah, it was another battle of the sexes episode.
Can't remember what their group name was, but given that there was a woman in their group...
I highly doubted these were the same ones shown in their show.
What worried me was that the Justice Friends were only a thing in Dexter's Laboratory. I'm pretty sure the four of us could beat most of these cheap knock-offs with our hands tied behind our backs… but there was one honorary member of their group I wasn't so sure about though.
Dexter's lab experiment that he accidentally turned into a superhero.
Monkey.
'Monkey doesn't seem to be in the group right now… but that doesn't mean he could show up here at any time.' Unaware of my thoughts, Brick continued speaking while cracking his knuckles. "...But if you're looking for a beating you came to the right place!"
"Heheh, this might be fun!" Butch looked extremely eager to attack them. Pounding his fists into his hands with excitement. Given how bored he had been the entire day, that wasn't too surprising.
"That's a big pussycat." Boomer as always seemed to be more focused on other things. Like the strange cat themed hero who was currently licking himself nonchalantly. The man's name escaped me, but I wasn't too worried about him. Boomer then turned towards me. "Whadda you think Blast?"
My eyes swept through the group of heroes present. There were 12 of them, but most of my attention was focused on these three.
'God they're even sillier to see in person.'
Standing boldly in front us without a single ounce of fear… stupid, but admirable if they actually knew what they were getting into. Sadly I highly doubt it was the case.
To the left was a large male that looked like the Hulk… if he jumped into a pool of grape juice and was presently stained by it. Both his skin and hair were purple, with his hair being a deep darker shade of it. The only thing not purple was his green trousers.
That must be Krunk. Man-child with an incredible amount of strength. I think his gimmick was that the more he laughs, the stronger he gets? What a weird power. Fitting for his setting though. Guess I'll just keep stoic so that I don't accidently strengthen him.
To the right was a tall, leanly muscled man that resembled a rockstar more than a superhero. The long flowing lock of blonde hair, paired with a ripped up black sleeveless shirt told me as much. He was even holding a guitar in his hands for Christ's sake!!
That is definitely Vallhellen. Honestly grabbing or breaking his stupid guitar is all I'm going to need to do to beat him. His power comes from it after all. And while doing a jam session with it sounds fun, I'm not going to fuck around in case big fishes like the Powerpuff Girls or Monkey showed up.
I already got my ass kicked in by a group of superheroes. Highly doubt it'd go any better for me. Even if my brothers are here backing me up this time. There's a lot of them after all…
And in the center was the most ridiculous one of them all. A tall large jawed man with an outfit that looked like a horrendous combo between Captain America and Superman.
Undoubtedly that was Major Glory.
He had the american flag as a cape. Wore a chest Covered his face with a golden eagle mask… Oh lord.
I just noticed it!
Is he actually wearing his underwear on the outside?
What a dork!
"Somebody call an ambulance for these guys. They're going to need it." My reply to Boomer was short and sweet.
"...Why would we call an ambulance for them when we're going to beat them up?" Unfortunately my nice, but extremely dense brother took my pre-ass kicking line literally. I didn't smack him, but I did give him a deadpan look that told him that he had embarrassed himself again.
"It's just an expression Boomer. We're not going to actually call an ambulance for them. I'm saying we're going to kick their ass so hard that they'll need one."
"Ooooh. That makes sense." Boomer's reply made the three of us roll our eyes.
Truly, my bone headed brother had a long way to go before he'd become an intimidating villain.
"Excuse me! Are you four done talking yet? I had a glorious and all American speech prepared!" Major Glory interjected, crossing his arms and sternly looking down at us like we were misbehaving children. Which he wasn't technically wrong.
Still annoying to be treated like a child… might as well act like one.
"Piss off!" Had to resist the urge to cackle at the offended gasps I heard from his buddies… and some of the goons my dad hired.
Fucking hilarious.
Smirking evilly with crossed arms, I casually continued. "Why should I listen to some loser who wears his underwear on the outside?"
"W-what!?" He looked alarmed and looked down at his own costume and gave a girlish scream. This time I couldn't resist, and I gave out a hearty laugh. Which my brothers joined in.
Though to Major Glory's credit, he quickly got over his embarrassment and glared at me.
"Since you're all just kids I intended on merely reprimanding you and arresting Mojo Jojo. But It seems that you four are in need of some good old fashioned American discipline!" Much to my surprise, the American themed superhero shot forward and attempted to grab Brick.
Before I could stop myself, I put myself in between them and caught Major Glory's wrist. The man growled and attempted to use his left hand to grab my hair, but I caught that too.
Feeling the strength in his arms, I realized that it didn't take me much effort to hold him back. In fact, I don't think I'm budging at all!
…Huh.
Were the Justice Friends always this wimpy?
Or maybe I'm just too strong for them?
Thinking about it, the Justice friends weren't particularly impressive compared to the Powerpuff Girls. Or Monkey. And my brothers beat the Powerpuff Girls and I held my own against three of them by myself. It's likely we'll swat them aside like flies.
One danger I'm not disregarding is that they could be a distraction.
A gnat that could distract us from dealing with the Powerpuff Girls or Monkey.
'Best not to take the chances.' There's been too many moments in a cartoon where the bad guy underestimates the goofballs only for it to backfire.
"Hey Blast, I could have handled that!" Brick shouted, scowling at me with irritation. Rolling my eyes at him, I turned my attention back to the struggling Major Glory.
"By the founding fathers! What sort of food is that diabolical chimp feeding you!?" Major Glory exclaimed, attempting to break free out of my grip. I didn't say anything, merely examining him with a frown. Wondering how I was going to deal with him and his dumb friends without killing them.
They were annoying, but killing them would put a bad taste in my mouth.
Deciding that I needed to test his durability, I reared my fist back, and hit him straight in the face. Not at full power, but enough to send him flying into an oak tree, which nearly split in half from the impact.
While I had intended to hit him hard enough to get him away from me, I was still a bit shocked to see how easy it was to just knock him out.
And even the other heroes seemed shocked at how I just laid their leader out.
After crying out of concern for their friend, Krunk and Vallhallen both turned their angry eyes towards me. The other heroes n the group tensed up for a fight, while the majority of the villains that gathered for Mojo Jojo's party made the wise decision of getting the fuck out.
"Little purple boy hurt Krunk's friend! Krunk smash!"
"Yo, I'm right behind thee Krunk my dude!"
My creator, having gotten over the initial shock over their appearance, growled ferally. Before pulling out a rather large laser rifle out from the stand.
'How the hell did he hide that?'
"You dare challenge the great Mojo Jojo!? Confront him on his day of triumph!? Defy his rule!? And most importantly, brazenly attack his children!? I'll show you what happens to foolish fool heroes who try to make a fool out of me!?" Mojo roared, pointing his weapon at them before firing. The blast hit Krunk, who to his credit managed to shrug it off.
Looking pretty mad, Krunk hopped towards the stadium and smacked Mojo through the floor.
My blood boiled at the sight of it. It wasn't long that I knew him, but I had gotten slightly attached to the ape. Evil or not, he was my creator. Someone who had given me a second lease on life with powers that I could only dream of having in my previous life. The fucked up part was that compared to my first old man, he was still a far better father then that bum.
Who preferred spending more time getting high on meth then actually spending time with me.
I highly doubted the Justice Friends could kill Mojo Jojo, even if they wanted to.
Still, I didn't like seeing him get hit like that.
Though before I could act on my anger and give the big goliath a proper beating, Butch smiled ferally at the giant purple manchild.
"Yes! Yes! Fighting time!" Butch laughed maniacally before flying straight towards Krunk at top speed. His fists slammed into the purple skinned manchild with full force and I couldn't help but wince at the sight of Krunk's eyes bulging out before the two of them took off into the distance… right into a nearby building.
Which promptly collapsed.
'Good thing that building was empty.' My eyes turned to the rest of my brothers who took that as their cue to start wreaking havoc. Brick had already knocked out a couple of members. A weirdo with a tiki torch, a strange beast man, and a samurai. Though right now he was currently just punching the crap out of some bullet themed man.
Really starting to wish I remembered more about the Justice Friends.
I don't even know who half these weirdos are!
Boomer had also pulled his weight as well. The archer based hero was knocked out cold along with the Rat themed hero. Currently he was busy having fun yanking on the ears of the cat themed hero. Who despite his desperate struggling and hissing, couldn't break free.
So 7 out of 12 had been dealt with already… albeit at the cost of some of the landscape. Given the laughing and angry screaming my ears were picking up, I think Butch is still dealing with Krunk.
So much for keeping the collateral damage low…
My momentary distraction gave enough time for Vallhallen to get a free shot in with his guitar. The instrument making a loud bang as it
I was pushed back a bit by the hit, but it was more surprising than painful.
Getting hit in the face with an electric guitar was not how I suspected my day would go!
Fortunately, all Vallhallen accomplished was reminding me that there were still heroes to deal with.
"Your hair looks stupid." I replied instinctively.
"Many of my bodacious fangirls would disagree little dude."To my irritation, he shrugged off my insults. Though to be fair, it wasn't my best trashtalk and I hadn't much time to think of anything witty to say to Vallhallen. Unlike Major Glory, there wasn't really anything I could think of from the top of my head to roast him over besides his stupid. The guy genuinely did look good.
It was pretty fucking annoying actually.
Damn pretty boy…
Unaware of my thoughts, Valhallen continued. "Why don't you surrender now before you get creamed by my mighty axe. Thee might be a villain, but I, Valhallen, would rather rock out with the youth than thrash them."
"Appreciate the sentiment, but I fully intend on crushing you Justice freaks." I retorted, deciding that he overstayed his welcome. I shot forward. Intending on ending this fight quickly so I could help my brothers deal with the other heroes.
And to hopefully keep them from accidentally killing them.
The blonde went for another swing, only for me to parry his guitar and deliver a swift kick to his gut. The Viking god of rock clutched his stomach with both of his hands. Seeing the opportunity, I grabbed his guitar and smacked him with it hard enough to send him flying into a nearby water fountain.
His body smacked into the statue, leaving a visible crack on the marble. The rocker groaned in pain, soaked to the brim, but was slowly starting to force himself up again…
Only to get up smacked down by me again. And again. And again.
"Keep getting back up, and I'm just going to keep smacking you again." I replied, holding his guitar over my head like it was a weapon. Which to be fair, it was. And I'm pretty sure the longer he isn't holding it, the more he'll lose his powers.
Until eventually he'll turn back into a regular normie.
A loud bone chilling laugh echoed throughout the park, very nearly making me jump out of my skin.
"Oh my… this is becoming quite a spectacle!" Of course HIM was quite jovial, and to my annoyance, the demon was even munching on some popcorn!
"...If you're just going to sit around and watch the show HIM, why don't you go back home and do it? You might get in the splash zone." My eyes never strayed from Vallhallen's coughing form. I wasn't going to force him to stay underwater, the last thing I needed was to accidentally kill him, but he wasn't going to get another shot at me.
Not if I could help it anyway.
"Your concern is quite touching my boy, but if I were you, I'd watch my blind spot!" As soon as he said this, a truck sized fist smashed into the side of my body.
Sending me flying away into a nearby building.
Not going to lie, that did actually hurt a little bit… still not as bad as the beating the Powerpuff Girls gave me. Nor as bad as the damage my brothers inflicted on me while roughhousing. It did spook the hell out of me though.
So I'll give that surprise attack a 7 out of 10 in the Jumpscare factor.
Unfortunately, pain wise, it's a 3 or 4 out of 10…
"They say that size doesn't matter, but no one took into account Capital G!" Shaking the dust and rubble off my head, I was a little taken aback by the sight of a skyscraper sized black man. With a red jumpsuit. Pretty sure I saw him earlier, but he was not a damn giant when I last looked at him!
'So this one must have some superpower related to growing like Ant-man… wonder if he could shrink down to microscopic size too?'
Flying up into the air, I gave the new challenger a look over. At least he looks respectable enough in the red jumpsuit.
And for a black superhero, he was being very modest with the amount of bling he was wearing.
The only gold he was wearing was a simple necklace.
It was nice to see someone in this group of weirdos avoiding stereotypes.
"Capital G? What does the G stand for? Gold?"
"It stands for giant actually." My eyes stared at the completely serious man with disbelief.
"You can't be serious!"
…
Seriously?
That's what his G stands for?
He's just as big of a dork as the rest of his friends!
"I'm starting to think you idiots came here with no damn idea of what you were getting into…" I scoffed under my breath. Ignoring his reprimands for my foul language. Which was funny since I could be far more unhinged and just drop a gamer word or two out of spite.
The only reason I didn't do that right now was because I really didn't want to explain to my brothers what the F-word was. Or even worse, what the N-word was.
Or explain to Mojo how I even knew about them!
I'd rather not waste my time on that.
Speaking of time wasters, I could see a woman with a pink dress and witch hat lifting Vallhallen out of the water.
Her stick was undoubtedly magic of some kind. And given what I've seen so far, it was probably just as lame as the rest of her friend's powers. Really wish I had a giant hammer or something to just smash all these dimwits so I could move on already!
…Wait.
I have an idea!
"Thanks G, you just gave me a wonderful idea!" I tossed the guitar aside and charged forward. Capital G held his fists up, but wasn't ready for the blast of laser vision that hit him directly in the face.
It wasn't intense enough to do any serious damage, but It was enough to make him flinch. Giving me more than enough time to get past his guard.
Diving down to the back of Capital G's ankles, my arms gripped the back of them and with not much effort I lifted him up. Then before Vallhallen and his witchy friend could react, I smashed them with their larger than life friend!
Was this excessive use of force? Yeah. I could have just beaten them with my own two fists, but I've got my priorities.
Like I said, I don't have any intention of dragging this fight out even further. As fun as it would be to knock them around and roast them, there were still the Powerpuff Girls to deal with. And Monkey too if I'm particularly unlucky.
And knowing the kind of slapstick the Justice friends found themselves dealing with, there was a good chance they'd not die…
Probably…
Really banking on their durability and cartoon logic protecting them from any lasting consequences.
Unfortunately it seems that Capital G released what I was doing and shrunk down.
'Shit, well there goes my improvised weapon. Oh well, I didn't plan on using him for long anyway.'
Fortunately for me, I had managed to knock the two of them out. And with my senses I could tell that they were still alive. They're hearts were still beating and I couldn't see anything really concerning with my X-ray vision. Seeing the unconscious bodies of both Vallhallen and the witch lady, I turned my attention to the last conscious Justice Friend. Who in one last act of defiance flew towards me, intending on fighting me to the end.
Brave but stupid.
Before he could think of a plan, I flew forward and sucker punched him straight into the side of a pick-up truck.
"You still feel like fighting G? Or do you feel like going for another round?" I asked him, and seeing that he was unconscious I nodded in satisfaction. I frowned and flew back to the stand, where I found that Mojo Jojo had recovered. Albeit with a visible crack in his helmet.
"You need some ibuprofen?" I asked him. He shook his head negatively, before telling me that he was going to get a new helmet. Mostly because he wanted to be presentable to the people of Townsville before we forced the mayor to sign the deed.
Honestly, it was a small miracle that Ms Bellum and the Mayor didn't get caught up in that fight.
Have to admit, seeing his incredibly large brain sticking out from his skull always grossed me out. Though my brothers found it to be cool. Speaking of, the three of them finally decided to return. Brick and Boomer looked no worse for wear, and while Butch wasn't incredibly injured, he did have a bruise on his cheek.
Also he looked… oddly happy.
"Hey Blast! What's your score?" Brick asked me, his arms crossed and feeling pretty confident with himself.
"Score? What do you mean by score?"
"How many heroes did you beat up, bonehead! Me, I'm up to four." He insisted
"...Four for me too. Guess we tied." I shrugged my shoulders. Ignoring Brick's angry muttering. I didn't really care about the winner of this contest as long as the heroes were taken care of. I did the numbers on my head real quickly. "Actually now that I think about it, weren't they twelve? Butch took the big guy down… and Boomer took care of three…"
"Yes! I took down more heroes than Butch! How do you like them oranges Butch!?" I have a pained sigh at his denseness. It was apples, Boomer.
It was apples.
Brick then smacked him upside the head. Though it didn't seem to spoil his smug mood.
"It's apples Boomer, not oranges!" Brick scowled before turning his gaze to Butch. Who surprisingly enough didn't react with violence like he usually would whenever Boomer trash talked him.
"I'm just happy that I got a proper fight."
He really is a battle maniac. I had a feeling that if Butch ever did die, and reincarnated somewhere else, he'd be in a world where there was a lot of fighting. Like Dragon ball. Or Warhammer.
Thinking about it, He'd fit right in with the Orks.
'Wonder if Warhammer is a thing in this world?'
Brick clicked his tongue in displeasure. "Lucky you! The rest of us only got a bunch of glass jawed chumps!"
"That reminds me, what are we going to do with these guys Brick? " Butch asked, pointing at the defeated heroes.
"Hmmm… Dunno."
I thought you had an answer for everything: fearless leader?" I snorted, my word causing Boomer and Butch to snicker. Brick crossed his arms while turning his head to the side with a grunt. I did see an opportunity to spare the Justice Friends a possibly fatal beating. My brothers haven't killed anyone yet, but there was a good chance that they could go a little too far with their bullying. "Though, if you don't mind it, I do have a couple of suggestions."
"...Go on."
I was about to answer when my entire body went stiff as I heard a very familiar and irritating voice.
"The Rowdyruff boys might have won over the Justice Friends, but the battle for Townsville isn't over just yet! "The jubilant voice of the Narrator declared. Which could only mean one thing… The Powerpuff Girls were finally here!
The world felt numb to me as a surge of adrenaline started to come over me. And I took a deep breath to steady myself. My fists gripped tight and I started to look up into the sky. Searching for anything that looked off in the sky.
My brothers, used to my calm and cool demeanor, immediately looked concerned when they saw my alarm.
"Blast! What's the matter with you!?"
Before I could reply, my eyes caught the sight of a bright white light heading straight towards me at a speed I could barely follow. Inside the bright light was a creature in black spandex. It had four limbs, with a prehensile tail. That being said, it was the giant golden M on top of the creature's head that finally made me realize who I was looking at.
It was a Monkey!
Fucking Monkey!
Why the hell couldn't this day have gone simple!?
My brothers finally noticed what I was looking at. All three of them looked at the approaching superhero with disbelief.
"Wow, he looks so cool!" Boomer, now was not the time to fanboy over the superhero that was coming over to kick our ass!
"Is that a -car honk-ing flying monkey!?" Butch cursed out loud, rubbing his eyes like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"You've got to be kidding me! Wasn't Mojo enough monkey to deal with!?" Brick spat out. I hated agreeing with him, but in this case I'll make an exception. The only simian I cared to deal with was my creator!
And as almost as if the cosmos was laughing at us, Mojo Jojo then picked now of all times to come back down from his mountain top.
"All right boys. We can get back to business. The business that is-" Whatever words Mojo Jojo was going to say died in his throat as he caught sight of Monkey flying straight toward us. Not wanting my creator to get caught up in the clash, I boldly flew forward curling my fists back. Hoping to match his strength with my own.
Monkey growled feral, screeching out something in his tongue that I was thankful I couldn't understand.
Then our fists clashed. A resounding shockwave echoing across the city. And much to my own shock and horror, I could feel my arms screaming out in pain at the blow. I clutched my right arm, wincing at the throbbing pain I was feeling.
Monkey, seeing an opportunity, gave me an uppercut to my jaw strong enough to send me flying up into the sky. The wind quickly turned cold and colder as I was sent further up into the atmosphere. By the time I managed to stop my momentum, I was far away from Townsville.
And in outer space.Last edited: Yesterday at 11:20 AM Like Quote ReplyReport Reactions:William Seymour, ShanLi, Wyndser and 552 others