Chapter 106: I'm Not a Good Guy, You Know
Beast Hank pushed the door open and reminded them, "Professor, the X-Men are ready."
Charles and Logan finished off the remaining potstickers and got up to head for the hangar where the jet was stored.
The recon squad had run into some trouble, and now they needed to deploy the entire X-Men team—this situation required their personal attention.
The report confirmed it was a mutant incident.
And not just any mutant—a very ancient one, someone who had been alive for thousands of years. That alone made it a top priority.
Charles's goal was to ideally recruit this individual into the X-Men.
As the roof parted, a jet cloaked in holographic invisibility lifted off into the sky.
The roar of its engines immediately drew the attention of the students, who instinctively knew the X-Men were heading out on a mission.
During their absence, school security was entrusted to Colossus and the trainee X-Men students.
Mutant powers came in all shapes and forms. When coordinated properly, they could become a formidable force.
In the woods, the four who had been dividing their loot simultaneously looked up at the sky.
"They didn't take you guys with them?"
Allen asked with a puzzled look, "Aren't you part of the X-Men?"
"Nightcrawler and I are only trainees," Pietro explained.
Official team members were selected from the upperclassmen and graduates, and trainee members didn't always make the cut.
That's why many mutants, after graduation, ended up joining the Hellfire Club or the Brotherhood of Mutants—it wasn't uncommon at all.
Once they graduated, Charles no longer had any authority over their decisions. That's also why clashes between mutant factions often stopped short of all-out war. No one wanted to go too far unless absolutely necessary.
"Forget about them. Let's finish dividing this up."
Allen split a pile of small bills into three parts. The first share was for the school—as compensation for borrowing ingredients and equipment. Pretending nothing happened would just be too much.
The second share was for restocking supplies and buying cooking tools.
The third share was the fruit of their hard work—finally their own cut.
Each of the four ended up with fifty bucks, which wasn't bad at all.
"A good start! I say we celebrate," Allen said, clutching his wad of bills, clearly tempted to blow it all in one go.
Wade was all fired up too. "I can't wait to spend mine—I've had my eye on a pink unicorn plushie."
No wonder he's always broke—dude spends money like water.
Pietro and Kurt quietly pocketed their money. Their first earnings didn't come easy, and they weren't about to waste them.
"No, I'm thinking iron pot stewed goose. Just imagining it makes my mouth water."
Allen had been eyeing the flock of gray swans by the lake for a while. He wasn't going to rest until he turned them into a feast.
Wade tapped his finger on his lip and asked curiously, "Is roast goose even good?"
"You bet it is, bro," Allen replied confidently.
Whoosh…
A sonic boom tore through the sky.
They looked up just in time to see a missile streaking across the heavens.
BOOM!
An explosion rocked the school.
The four of them stared in shock as a formation of helicopters came flying in from another direction.
"What the hell? Who's got the balls to attack mutants? Don't they know I've got their backs?" Allen took off running toward the school, yelling, "Touch my waifu, and I'll beat you so hard your hormones won't know left from right!"
By now, the school grounds were filled with thick, drifting smoke.
Within three seconds of inhaling it, people dropped unconscious.
Soldiers descended from the helicopters wearing hazmat suits, dragging along custom-designed stasis pods. One by one, they stuffed unconscious students into them like cargo.
Just then, Kurt teleported them back to the school.
But the moment they arrived, he accidentally inhaled the gas and collapsed.
"Don't breathe it in!" Wade shouted.
Too late. Pietro, also known as Quicksilver, fell limp beside Kurt. Only Allen, who was pinching his nose and scanning for Mystique, remained standing.
Wade, thanks to his insane healing factor, was completely unaffected—as if nothing had happened.
Bang bang bang…
Suddenly, the soldiers opened fire on Wade, unleashing a barrage of bullets.
Blood and flesh flew everywhere as he was torn to shreds.
Allen, seeing things going south, had already gone invisible to hide.
"Damn it!"
An enraged Colossus was just about to fight back when one of the helicopters deployed a large magnetic disk.
Clang!
Colossus was instantly sucked onto the magnet and lifted into the air, flailing and shouting as the chopper rose.
"One team, clear!"
"Second team, clear!"
"Third team, clear!"
…
A line of helicopters ascended into the sky, each carrying rows of stasis pods filled with captured students.
Allen swept through the school but didn't find Mystique or the others.
Only after the enemy had completely retreated did he reappear and walk over to what was left of Wade.
By now, the gas had dissipated.
"This was a setup," Wade muttered, still babbling even as his body regenerated. "We should start our own superhero team and rescue the students."
"How about a super dashing team? I'll be Dashing, you'll be Handsome," Allen replied.
"Lame. What about X-Force?"
"Oh please, don't make it so obviously ripped off from DC," Allen said with a straight face. "We'll be the Rational Emergency Cognitive Disorder Response Peacekeeping and Rescue Alliance—RECDRPRA for short. Or just 'The Moron League.'"
"Shouldn't we be focusing on how to rescue them instead of the team name?"
Wade finally got to the point—but even a full day and night of arguing might not get them any closer to a plan.
"How are we even supposed to save them if we don't know who took them?"
Allen sat down beside Wade's scattered limbs, analyzing the situation seriously. "The X-Men leave, and immediately the school is attacked. This was definitely an inside job, probably with government backing. This is going to be a headache."
There was no way it was just a coincidence.
Someone had deliberately lured the X-Men away to strike when the school was undefended.
And they'd done their homework—accounting for the mutants' abilities and preparing accordingly.
The moment the soldiers saw Deadpool, they opened fire like it was second nature. That kind of coordination doesn't come without training.
"So what now?" Wade asked anxiously. "If we wait for the Professor to come back, the students could all be dead by then."
"I'll just ask someone who knows," Allen said calmly.
"Ask who?"
Wade seriously doubted this guy had any normal friends.
"S.H.I.E.L.D."
As expected, the moment he said it, Wade looked at Allen like he'd lost his mind.
Right then, a space rift opened nearby, and Illyana stepped out, her face covered in blood.
"Little Secret!"
Allen ran up, fussing over her. "I was so worried about you—I thought you were blown to bits. I almost considered dying with you."
Illyana shot him a cold glance. She really had almost died.
The missile had hit her classroom directly. In the split second before the blast wave struck, she'd teleported back to Limbo. Thanks to Ellie's powers, the other students likely survived too.
She had been sitting by the window—making her the first one hit.
"You know where S.H.I.E.L.D. is?"
People tend to forget—Allen was technically a S.H.I.E.L.D. weapons expert. Time to make that title useful.
Whether it would actually help, well… that was another story.
"What are you planning?" Illyana asked warily.
Everyone knew S.H.I.E.L.D. saw mutants as a threat. As a mutant herself, she wasn't keen on interacting with them.
"I want to ask them who did this."
"…"
New York.
The S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters.
The U.S. government had designated a whole city block just for S.H.I.E.L.D.'s operations.
Underground was a massive weapons vault, and the place was constantly manned by agents ready to respond to large-scale crises.
Across the street, inside a café…
Allen, Wade, and Illyana watched the comings and goings at the S.H.I.E.L.D. building.
"Don't go in there. Don't do anything stupid," Illyana warned.
"You actually care about me? I'm touched," Allen said dreamily. "I wanna have your babies."
"…"
Illyana rubbed her forehead, regretting wasting her concern.
"Go ahead, lunatic," Wade sneered. "Walk in there and get yourself caught—we're not coming to bail you out."
"Watch, you nutjob," Allen said smugly. "I'll show you how I go in—and come right back out."
With an air of smugness, Allen strode across the street toward the S.H.I.E.L.D. building.
What neither Wade nor Illyana noticed was that everyone in the café—customers and staff alike—had pulled out weapons and aimed them straight at them.
This was S.H.I.E.L.D. territory. If you couldn't even secure your own front yard, you had no business running intelligence.
As the two of them turned back around, they quickly raised their hands in surrender.
Illyana tried to teleport out, only to realize her magic had been disabled.
She knew what that meant—there was anti-magic interference in place.
Which made sense. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Department 13 was specifically tasked with studying the arcane. Publicly, they went by the name "The Wand Division."
Inside the building…
The first floor had a front desk. A young woman in business attire was busy touching up her makeup.
When she saw Allen in his hospital gown, she tossed a form on the desk with a hint of disdain. "Fill this out."
Too bad Allen couldn't read English.
He ignored the form, leaned in close, and whispered, "Hail Hydra."
"What!?"
The receptionist blinked in disbelief, unsure if she'd heard right.
"Hail Hydra," Allen repeated, tugging at his collar. "I'm a Hydra captain."
AAAAHHH!!!
The receptionist screamed, throwing aside her eyeliner and mirror before running for her life.
Wearing heels, she scampered off like a crab.
Yikes. Say you're Hydra in S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters? She was convinced he was a lunatic—probably dangerous too.
"Jeez, what's her problem? I know I'm charming, but that's a bit much."
Allen sat on a lobby sofa, waiting patiently.
Soon, a bald man in a sharp suit entered the building, swiping his ID to access the elevator.
Just before the doors closed, a hand stopped them.
Allen slipped inside, casually hitting a random floor button.
The bald man glanced over warily. His expression screamed, Please don't be a crazy person from the psych ward.
Allen leaned in again and whispered, "Hail Hydra."
"…Huh?"
The man instantly tensed, then collapsed into the corner of the elevator, trembling.
Allen patted his shoulder and said reassuringly, "Don't worry—I'm not a good guy, you know."
Yup… that part was obvious.