I woke up to a splitting headache that threatened to erupt my head off my shoulders. Eighty-eight floors above the ground but not even the slightest sound could stop from irritating my now-sensitive ears. It was not the sound of insects or birds chirping from down below that could reach my ears nor was it the possibility of the sound of air planes flying above. It was actually the rustling of the pillowcase against my head that was the loudest.
My eyes squinted even more despite my eyelids being tightly shut. I massaged my temple with knuckles, hoping it would smooth the wrinkles lining my forehead but the pain did not ease. At this point, even the thoughts of opening my eyes frightened me.
But when my instinctive hand that roamed across the bed could not find her warmth, it was no longer an obstacle. I braved through the pain and exposed my eyes to the blinding brightness.
The bedroom was as dark as the cloudy night sky without any light pollution. All of the bedroom lights were off, the blackout curtain was drawn concealing the room from the outside world. Not even a single peep of light from the gaps of windows and the door could penetrate in.
Yet, the illumination I witnessed was as bright as the unnecessary high-beam headlights that had no source, causing me to spiral with the intense aching. It was as though my body wanted to do a payback revenge for ruining them the previous night.
Even so, my will was stronger as I made my way to the living room, searching for my dose of sunshine as I yearned for her touch. As soon as I spotted her, my blurry vision became clear.
There she sat by the dining table, looking as gorgeous in her oversized hooded cardigan as she always had been. A smile carved on my face but not for long as the bubble popped when she spoke.
"Oh, you're awake?" she whispered with caution.
I sighed, belatedly reminded that the woman in front of me was not the Maisie I knew, but Maisie who lost her memory. Another sigh came when I remembered why I was drinking more than usual the previous night. Oh, how I miss her terribly. It could have been such a different morning now if the wedding reception had gone according to plan.
"I hope you don't mind eggs on toast," she whispered even more softly, considerate of my agony. I could not help making a bittersweet smile because even when she had lost her memory, my sweet Maisie is still the same person; always thoughtful of others' pain. Unfortunately, it was just the memory of us that was gone.
Unlike before, she did not sit next to me with her worried face, fussing silently over the person who caused my torment. Even then, I was content when she pushed the glass of water closer to me as I took a seat. It showed how much she had changed compared to a month ago.
It was haunting having to witness again and again how she was slipping away, almost losing herself. Every single time she managed to scrape by and escape those dark periods, she fell deeper before I could notice. I hated myself for not being able to see the first sign of her struggle, particularly when I knew she would always keep everything to herself. But look at her now, she was faring better in her own lonesome battle - a battle only she could get out of and one where I could only assist. For that, I am very proud of her!
"I wanted to cook something for your hangover but there's not much ingredient here. Maybe we should go and buy some groceries later today," she suggested, waiting for me to have my first bite.
I did not have the heart to tell her that there was no need to buy ingredients since we have a chef who cooked for us. But the thought of spending time with her, doing something as mundane as buying groceries together felt nice.
"Thank you for the breakfast," I finally break through my silence after having a bite. I added, "It's delicious. Have you had yours?"
She nodded, only talking when she felt necessary before resuming reading the book. I continued eating in silence, contemplating telling her the truth about our meal plans and how much stock of food we actually had, all kept in the restaurant's kitchen.
I could imagine her face all puffed up, brewing a storm for not informing her and how cute she would have looked! I chuckled, unintentionally attracted her attention.
"Why? Is it my food?" Her eyes sparkled with genuine curiosity and laced with worry.
"No no. The food's fine. I just remembered something funny, that's all."
She did not question me further but nodded lightly and buried her nose behind the book. It was such a shame. I truly wanted to talk to her more but in the end, I hesitated because I was not sure whether she was engrossed in the book or she was being considerate of me.
"Umm…"
Just hearing her voice alone rekindled the extinguished ember of anticipation and I, without any shame, immediately responded to her with sheer eagerness, "Yes?"
"I kept on seeing this weird phrase in the book but there was no explanation for it."
The lovely creases that lined her forehead full of curiosity, the adorable tone she used when she meant to ask a question but had no idea how to bring it up and the way her enchanting eyes stayed focused on the book pretending to look nonchalant but actually not. Oh, my Maisie. Memory loss or not, you are still you. If a hug is enough to show how much you meant the world to me, I would never let you go.
"What phrase is it?" I asked with a satisfied smile on my face, cocking my head towards her to see what it was. I could not help but beamed at the current rate she was progressing. It was only a couple of weeks ago she could not stand being with me, let alone had the initiative to talk to me. Yet now, she was slowly opening up to me. Even if that was not a sign of trust, I am still one proud husband!