Thinking back on the times we had, I see now that you never cared for me. You claimed we were friends, but you never really treated me as such. I mean you really only kept me around for your benefit, and even then you still complained like I was the problem. I only came around because you called me, and every time we fell off, I left you alone, just for you to come crying back to me. It was always the same story every time you came back, claiming how much you missed me, and how you finally understood everything I've been telling you. Unfortunately it was all just a tale to get back into my "good graces" so that we could start hanging out again, and just like a dumb-ass, I came back every time... I admit that during our friendship I was blinded by my feelings for you, so I may have done more for you than I should've, and for that I can apologize. I mean, I never should've gotten you use to these things if we were only just friends, but once I stopped acting on my feelings all of that changed. The moment I stopped acting on my feelings our friendship took a turn for the worse, because you wanted me to continue doing the things I'd done before, and I was constantly telling you that without my feelings, those things could no longer continue. For some reason you just couldn't accept that answer though, like you wanted me to continue "having feelings" without actually "having feelings," but that's just not who I am. I tried to tell you time and time again that because I was no longer blinded by my feelings, I couldn't tolerate your behavior any longer. I asked you to stop doing certain things to allow us to remain friends, but you refused saying, "I'm grown, I'll do what I want, and whoever doesn't like it can move around," so I did. I mean throughout our friendship any time you asked me to stop doing something, I complied, and for you to respond to me like that told me everything I needed to know. I finally started putting distance between us, but you didn't like that. You kept trying to convince me to come back around and be the friend I used to be for you, but unfortunately that was just no longer possible. I couldn't be the friend that sat around listening to you talk about other guys you wanted to be with, or to keep comforting you after every heartbreak you experienced. I needed to stop wasting my free time with you, so that I had more time to focus on myself and pursue somebody that actually wanted more with me. Don't get me wrong though, we could've definitely remained friends had you understood that things had to be different without me acting on my feelings, but you were just so stuck on getting back the "old me" that you refused to listen to reason. It amazed/amused me every time we spoke after I lost my feelings for you because somehow we always ended up arguing, but only when we texted each other (which I didn't understand). I mean we could talk on dating apps and social media just fine without issue, but for some reason as soon as we started texting again, we'd end up arguing, and the conversation would die shortly after it began. I always blamed you (but honestly it was your fault we kept arguing) and you always blamed me (but I was only explaining myself so I don't see how I could've been the issue), but no matter how many times we went through it, your tune never changed. I recall always saying "I understand what you're saying, but I need you to understand what I'm saying," but apparently that was asking to much of you, because you refused to see anything other than the bs that you created in your mind. You literally painted me out to be some sort of horrible person, yet you were always the one crawling back to me after we fell out, I never once came back to you saying "I miss you" or "I'm sorry things turned out this way," it was always you. I don't care how stubborn I am, I can always admit when I'm wrong, but in the situations dealing with you, I've only been wrong in the cases where I've acted on my feelings (which I've always apologized for). Once I stopped acting on my feelings, I wasn't wrong anymore because all I was doing then was explaining myself, and if you refused to accept it, that was just on you. One thing I couldn't do was lie to somebody about why I did this/that, but you just couldn't see the truth that was right in front of you. Now I do miss the friendship that we had (granted it only existed because of my feelings for you at the time), but we can never go back to those days because I just can't keep trying with you, and I know how stubborn you are when it comes to hearing you're wrong about something. See you kept speaking on me based off of past experiences with other guys, but unfortunately I don't move the same way those guys did, so that didn't work for me. Now all I could do was tell you what it was, and the rest was up to you, you just chose not to listen because you just "knew better." As a result of your unwillingness to listen to reason, we can no longer communicate with each other as we once did, and I'm still learning to be content with that. I mean I didn't want to lose the friendship so I can't say I'm happy about it, but with you not being willing to work with me, there weren't many options left for me to choose from. I chose my peace over trying to mend a friendship I didn't destroy, because I was tired of fighting for something that it seemed like you didn't really want anymore (because if you had wanted it you would've listened and we could've worked things out). Why must I fight to fix our friendship, while you seem to be actively trying to ruin it? If you wanted to repair our friendship, you would've gone about things differently, but instead you were very childish about the situation, and just blind to how things really were. I do wish you the best in whatever happens in your future, but I'm hoping this is the last time I write anything about you...
