I stood there for several minutes watching the cab getting smaller and smaller as it gained distance from me, I'm wondering if it is the car that's fading away or me. I walked back to my office and bought a pack of cigarettes on the way from a vendor at the streets then opened it, grabbed and smoked a stick as I walked. Just a few minutes' walk and I had reached the front of my office. Before I went it, I reached inside my pocket and grabbed my phone. I texted Alexis to have our session tomorrow instead of the next day, since our schedule is to meet every other day. That makes it three times a week, excluding the weekends which are my days off.
After I typed and sent the message, I turned my phone's screen off then put it back inside my pocket. I was about to step inside my office, but my mind reminded me of the event that happened an hour ago which made me stop for a moment and glanced at the place where Alexis was sitting outside my office for hours. I felt again beneath my skin the terror that had made a horrifying tingling sensation that was sent instantly at the back of my neck.
It was a silent evening twenty-five years ago when I went out my room to get a glass of water, the lights are all turned shut except for the one light near the kitchen that's left open on purpose so to at least make the inside of our house not pitch dark, my room was across the living room so I had to cross it going to the kitchen, when I was halfway across the living room, I saw someone crouching just at the edge of my sight. He was near the tv stand just adjacent to the window, which I saw was open. He was grinning wide that his teeth could be seen bright in the dark. I was frozen still that I could hardly move but in spite of it, I slowly turned my head toward my side to see who's there. "Shhh kid." He said in a very minimal voice so he would not wake anyone else in the house, but he was grinning at me. My knees began to shake, and I swallowed a large gulp even though my mouth had gone dry due to being too terrified. "Tell me where your parents hide their cash, so there won't be anything bad will happen, aigh't kid?" He grabbed the figurines and other items placed on the tv stand and put it inside what looked like a sack. I could not voice a word, but I pointed at the room beside mine— it was my parents'. "Good job kid." He stood up straight and walked stealthily closer to me, and his eyes was just so horribly scary. "But I'm not so good with childrens and I get really nasty when I'm mad, so back to your room quietly then I'm not gonna do anything to you." He grinned again, now looking down at me.
I walked toward the door and shook away the memory that haunted my mind. I breathed deeply and went inside then to my desk and put the pack of cigarettes inside the drawer. Just before I was to go to my room, I turned back toward the door and checked if I had locked it—it was already locked, and I went to my room and threw myself on the bed.
The sound of the alarm clock ringing woke me, and my arm instinctively reached to turn it off. I got up and sat on my bed and stared into space, my mind occupied blankly with nothing for a while. I'm still so sleepy and I yawned repeatedly, but I forced myself to stand up and move. I went to the bathroom and started to get ready, did my usual routine and dressed myself up with formal white button-up long sleeve polo and black slacks, paired with classic leather shoes. After all that, I went to my table and occupied myself with the papers and files of my clients I had to work on. First thing I did was to tear a stick-it paper note and wrote "Initial/Partial Diagnosis Stephen Walpol: Major Depressive Disorder, Single Episode, Severe, in partial remission with melancholic features, possible mood-congruent psychotic features, 296.25 (F32.4). Note! Probe further if suicidal thought or ideation is present.". I stuck it on a white envelope containing the blank files of Stephen I still need to get from him in the next session then placed it on the side.
I kept myself busy and waited for Alexis to arrive. I texted him last night that anytime he'd feel to come here would just be fine since it's Saturday which is supposed to be my day off but since I had circumstantially missed our session yesterday, I'll make an exception.
Alexis arrived at around one in the afternoon. He was hunched on his back when he walked in and just looking at me, I smiled at him. He is still wearing his dark green jacket, and his hoodie covering almost entirely his head making his facial features nearly indistinguishable. I immediately stopped working on the files and went over to him, greeted him and reached out my hand to handshake him. I guided him to the therapy corner where we sat facing each other. He reached for his hoodie and removed it from his head and reached inside his pocket, grabbed his phone and put on the usual music he always puts on in our every session—a Spanish nursery song, which has a jolly rhythm and music.
Estaba el señor Don Gato ♫ ♫♫
Sentadito en su tejado ♫ ♫
Marramiau miau, miau, miau ♫ ♫ ♫
Sentadito en su tejado ♫ ♫
He held his phone in his right hand in a sluggish manner that his wrist looked like hanging from his arm with the weight of the phone, he looked at me. "Have you decided Paul?" He brusquely asked.
"Hmm?"
"Have you decided to help me?"
"Yes, Alex, of course! I wil—"
"No, have you decided to help me about what I'm going to do." He clarified, interrupting my sentence.
This is our fifth session now and he still asks me for it, and I still haven't been able to solve this just yet. What he's asking me would mean that I will break my own morals, as well as my profession's ethical principles.
"My role as your psychologist is to help you resolve what hardships you're going through and help you cope with it. Alex, I am not to help you harm yourself." I reminded him, scrupulously observing him.
Ha recibido una carta ♫ ♫♫
Por si quiere ser casado, ♫ ♫
Marramiau, miau, miau, miau ♫ ♫
Por si quiere ser casado ♫ ♫♫
Alexis is forty-one years old, just two years older than me, his physique is plump and stout, weighing two hundred and forty pounds at five foot eleven. He was involved in a car accident which caused the death of his niece and blamed himself for it. He was hospitalized for a month and had gone several operations because of broken bones and deep wounds. He became so depressed and had wished he had not survived the accident. When he was discharged, he had tried to commit suicide by hanging himself, but the rope broke which saved him. It was a fortunate event that the rope broke but it had drastically caused a negative impact on him, and he developed a phobia. When the news spread about what he had done and happened, his neighbors mocked and laughed at him saying he was so fat that the rope could not hold his weight. It made him isolate himself, avoiding people and situations that would possibly make him feel he was being laughed at or mocked.
For the past sessions we had had, I have only addressed his depression and not his phobia just yet. I'm afraid if his phobia would be resolved first, he would commit suicide again. Right now, his phobia is the fine line that prevents him from harming or committing suicide again. I'm hoping that the phobia he has will be gone as well if his depression is treated.
"I'm begging you. Please." Clearly, we have not made good progress- yet.
I sighed. "Okay, how bout' we slow down a bit and start off with a short breathing meditation then we'll talk about it afterward. Sounds good?" I smiled and tilted my head slightly to persuade him.
"Okay."
________
With all rights reserved.
"Estaba el Señor Don Gato" – Traditional Spanish nursery rhyme. Public domain.