Con una gatita blanca ♫ ♫♫
Sobrina de un gato pardo ♫ ♫
Marrama, miau, miau, miau ♫ ♫♫
Sobrina de un gato pardo ♫ ♫
"Now, breath out slowly. 1, 2, 3-"
"This is pointless!" He exclaimed. I abruptly opened my eyes and saw Alexis enraged, intensely breathing. He is staring at me, now clenching his phone with added strength. I can see his eyes filled with agony, one that tells nothing but pain. "I don't want any of this! Please! Just help me get out of this pain." He cried.
I gaped into his eyes and did not respond. At this point, what would matter more is to let his anger out, rather than to reason him out. I remained composed and did my best to not let him see any reactions that would trigger him more. Just let it out Alex, it's okay. It's good to be angry, it lets you know you still have more emotions other than just being sad.
"Please! I want out of this misery! It should have been me who's gone, not her. Not Candace. It should have been me!"
He raised his free hand and banged his palm's heel on his head once, making him squint. "If I had only died instead of her." His face covered with tears as he sobbed harder.
El gato por ir a verla ♫ ♫
Se ha caído del tejado ♫ ♫♫
The office was filled with variegated emotions as the jolly vibe of the nursery song continued playing in Alexis's outburst. But we were not disturbed by the sound of it, it was as if it jived with the mood, creating an irony in what the situation looked like.
Marramiau, miau, miau, miau ♫ ♫
Se ha caído del tejado ♫ ♫♫
He turned slightly calmed and cast his head down, staring at the wooden tile that displayed a natural wood color. "Today, Candace should attend her ballet practice." Despondently, he sniffed and sighed.
"Wherever she is, I'm sure she's happy now." I said.
"No, Paul. She's happy if she's alive, dancing. Laughing, playing. And she should be Paul! She should be!" His chair slid backward, making a sharp scratching sound to the tile because of his sudden movement, leaning forward as he raised his voice at me.
"I'm sorry, Alex. I know it's been really tough for you with all this that happened." I gestured with my hand as I talked telling him to calm down. I slowly breathed out looking at him, enticing him to follow my breathing. "But we cannot turn back what already happened. It might be hard— I know it's hard. But you have to accept it. It happened— it was an accident. It's not your fault." I briefly assured him.
"No. You don't understand." He shook his head sideways, his voice quiet and subdued sounding like he was whispering but it eventually got louder and louder as he continued. "You did not go through what I had gone through!"
My eyes grew wide in apace, I held a tight grip on my chair, and my breath almost completely went out that I felt like my lungs instantaneously collapsed. It was like my heart poked with a needle when he exclaimed those words at me. I could just grit my teeth and take a deep breath in before letting all the air out in a quick blast.
Se ha roto seis costillas ♫ ♫
El espinazo y el rabo ♫ ♫♫
""I'm sorry, Alex." I paused, taking my time to breathe in and out. "But how would you think Candace would want to see you now?" I expressed, trying my hardest best not to break.
Marramiau, miau, miau, miau ♫♫
El espinazo y el rabo ♫ ♫
He avoided contact with my eyes and glanced the other way. I composed myself and steadied my demeanor, but he might have noticed the sudden change in my facial expressions a while ago.
"…" He contemplated.
Ya lo llevan a enterrar ♫ ♫♫
We were silent for a moment, and I reminded myself to be calm. He is already breaking down and he should not be talking to someone who's also on the verge of falling apart, now more than ever. So, I thought about our first session to boost my mood and affect— I was determined to treat him then, I should be now. He was dropped off by his sister in my office when he first came here for a therapy because his family was advised not to let Alexis drive a car after the accident. They are worried for Alexis's health, so they convinced him to see a psychologist which clearly took a lot of effort to do so. His family don't blame him for the death of Candace because the tragic accident did not just take Candace's but there were also three other persons that died. It just happened that day Alexis was the fortunate one who survived. After our third session, he started to show improvement which delighted his sister so much because Alexis refused to his sister driving him to my office and started to manage himself to go by a cab. I was not convinced of it because I know we had not made remarkable progress in our sessions, and he was just putting up with his family to make them believe he's getting better. But one thing I knew was certain was he's not and he knew what he wanted so he kept coming back to my office.
Por la calle del pescado ♫ ♫
I watched the tears roll down once again on Alexis' face, tilted downward— his tears dripping down the floor. He bit his lower lip, frowning, stopping himself from sobbing loudly. He did not respond but it was obvious he was drowning to find the words to express what he is feeling now. I leaned my body closer toward him. "What do you think of yourself, Alex?"
He raised his eyes darted to me, this time he knows the answer. "Dead." It sounded absolute, it's grimly dreadful.
I took a deep breath and leaned back a bit. "You wanna know what I think of you?" He did not respond but gazed at me waiting for me to answer my own question. "I think you are brave, not strong." He furrows a frown in his brows. "When you are strong but not brave, you will find yourself running away from any trials in life, or- or not come here and talk with me. But if you are brave even though you are weak, you will see yourself fighting—though you may have difficulties or you stumble, but you are not running away." I reached for the pack of tissue placed on the small table on my side and gave it to him. "What I'm saying is, many are fleeing from death, and they shiver just by the sound of it, but you… you seek for it. You are a brave person, Alex."
He hesitated at first, but he asked anyway. "Then, will you help me?"
I sighed dismayed. I should not be making my expressions obvious. "I'm saying that you are a brave person, and you can face these tribulations in your life, and you will be able to overcome it."
He pulled pieces of tissue and wiped his face.
"Tell me, will Candace be happy if you'd do that?"
Marramiau, miau, miau, miau ♫ ♫♫
"I don't know." He started sobbing again, but he is forcing himself not to. "I'm begging you, Paul. Please, I can't do it by myself anymore. Help me."
Por la calle del pescado ♫ ♫
I looked him in the eyes. This guy… what he's asking me has long been decided.
"Alex…" I called. I locked my eyes on him and paused. ""What do you think Candace would want you to do?" I briefly asked in my calmest tone.
The office was filled seemingly with long silence even with the jolly music playing in the background. Alexis timidly wiped his tears off his face, took a deep breath and looked outside, slowly back at me with still teary eyes, then looked down on his feet. Despite the continuous playing of the nursery song, the silence echoed much louder inside the office.
Al olor de las sardinas ♫ ♫
El gato ha resucitado ♫ ♫
Marramiau, miau, miau, miau ♫ ♫♫
El gato ha resucitado ♫♫
After approximately nine minutes of pure solemn contemplation. The galloping silence was broken when the sound of an opening door took over the melancholic atmosphere. Thereafter, two men came in with one of them holding a white folded paper on his hand. The other guy looked directly at me as he entered through the door, and he appeared like he was looking for someone and he finally found that guy—alas! that guy was me.
Por eso dice la gente ♫♫♫
"Siete vidas tiene un gato" ♫♫
I sensed there was an urgency as they entered, I had to excuse myself from Alex despite our ongoing session. His attention was also turned toward the guys who entered.
"Uhm… Alex, could you excuse me for a second?" I said and calmly stood up. He nodded.
Just as I was approaching them who entered my office, I took a deep breath, fixed my collar then greeted them.
"Good afternoon officers! How can I help you fine gentlemen?" I greeted them with a smile and reached for a handshake.
The guy holding the folded paper shook my hand as he grinned then handed me the paper he was holding. What he said right after handing it made me skip a heartbeat.
That confident smile on my face was instantly replaced with confusion and ire.
My eyes widened as I unfolded the paper handed to me by the police officer "An arrest warrant?" Exasperated, I asked. What the hell is going on!
Marramiau, miau, miau, miau ♫♫
"Siete vidas tiene un gato" ♫♫
"Mr. Paul Engañar, you are being arrested for the crime of murder." He stated as he walked closer towards me and cuffed my hands behind my back.
I resisted to be cuffed for a moment because of dire skepticism but I gradually decided to give up later on. What was happening was not making any sense.
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"
I was stunned by extreme confusion and disbelief that I was not able to respond any more words.
The police officers escorted me, both grabbing my arm as if I were a high-profile criminal.
Before we completely exited the office, I took a glance back at Alexis, who was as well shocked by the sudden occurrence of the events. But I was only able to stare at him and smiled a little bit to look like I was signaling him "I'm okay".
By the time I was taken outside my office, the bright shine of the afternoon sunlight dazzled, that compelled my eyes to squint.
"Who exactly did I murder?" I asked with an edge of utter disbelief in my tone of asking. I was asking this because I have no idea whom I have committed a crime against, nor have I even done any illegal activities.
The two officers just kept escorting me towards their patrol car and ignored my question. Even so, I kept on asking them until I began to find the situation ludicrous and started snickering.
I heard the other police officer said, "This guy got a few loose screws, no wonder he commits to such crime." as he opened the car's door and seated on the driver's seat. His partner opened the door at the back seat and assisted me to get in then he got in on the front seat.
The police officer started the car and for a while he looked at his partner before leaning back to look and answer what I had been asking them.
He glared at me with a very sharp look before saying, "Walpol." As he was about to drive, he cracked an annoying grin insinuating that I'm in hell of trouble.
I was left speechless.
Walpol… I know him!
He is my client!
__________
With all rights reserved.
"Estaba el Señor Don Gato" – Traditional Spanish nursery rhyme. Public domain.