Mother-in-Law Palava
Chapter 9 – The Cross and the Chalk
Later that same evening, I was folding clothes in the room when I overheard Mama Dorcas arguing with her radio. Again.
"No! I told you I already drew it! The arrow is there, na! Spiritual direction is not beans!"
That triggered a flashback so sharp, I nearly folded my blouse into origami.
2 AM. Whispering. White chalk. Arrows.
I stepped out, cleared my throat. "Mama… that night I saw you drawing chalk in the parlour. What were you doing exactly?"
She paused, then sighed. "Ah. That night."
I nodded slowly, hoping for an answer that would at least make sense.
She looked me straight in the eye. "I was helping you."
"Helping me how?"
"Helping you find your way out of my son's life."
My mouth hung open like a bad Wi‑Fi signal. "So you really said that."
"Yes!" she clapped her hands. "But you misunderstood! It wasn't a curse. It was… ehm… divine navigation. I just drew a small arrow. Spirit told me you were blocking blessings, so I tried to redirect you to your father's house gently."
My brain froze.
"So you were sketching Exit signs like LASTMA at 2 AM?"
She nodded, proud. "Exactly. I even faced it toward the gate."
I stared at her in disbelief. "So, your plan was to send me to my father's house with some chalky signs, and you thought that was a good idea?"
She looked at me like I was the crazy one. "Temi, you need to understand! The Spirit works in mysterious ways! You think angels drop their messages in postcards? No! Sometimes, it's arrows and chalk lines."
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Mama, this isn't 'spiritual navigation.' This is highway robbery of my sanity."
Mama Dorcas smiled, like she had just delivered the world's greatest prophecy. "It's called spiritual protection, my daughter. The enemy was trying to confuse you, but I fixed it. I even gave the arrow a little curve for extra accuracy."
I just stood there, unsure whether to laugh or cry. "So the arrow… was for me to leave?"
"No! It was for the confusion to leave!" she exclaimed with even more confidence. "But if you're still here, I guess the Spirit's plan didn't go as planned."
I could feel the sarcasm bubbling in me. "So, basically, you drew a map to the exit and hoped I'd find my way out?"
"Exactly!" she said with a serious face. "But in a good way, of course."
I rubbed my temples. "Well, thank you, Mama. I feel so spiritually guided right now."
---
You see, sometimes life throws you into situations where you can't even tell if you're living in a family drama or a Nollywood horror movie.
It had been a few days since the shocking "spiritual arrest" of the necklace, and just when I thought I had seen enough to question my life choices, Lady Dorcas went full "prophetess" on me.
"Temi, come and see!" she called out from the living room.
I was in the kitchen, trying to salvage what was left of my peace. I glanced at the clock. It was nearly 11 PM, so I figured it was either a prayer meeting or one of her "revelations."
I sighed and walked over. There she was, kneeling on the floor, hands clasped in prayer, her Bible open in front of her. The only issue? The chalk circles were back.
"Err, Mama," I said, unsure if I was about to witness something holy or hideous. "What exactly are you doing?"
She didn't even blink. "I'm praying for the house, my daughter."
"Praying?" I raised an eyebrow, glancing at the chalk marks forming a suspiciously neat circle around her. "With… chalk?"
She gave me that smile again—the one that screamed "I know something you don't." "Yes, Temi. It's a method of consecration. You wouldn't understand."
I crossed my arms. "But you're a Christian, Mama! Why are you using chalk to 'consecrate' stuff? I thought we were using holy water, not—"
"Don't question the spirit of the Lord," she interjected. "There are many ways to fight the devil. And this house has been under attack."
"By who?" I asked, playing along. "The neighbour's cat?"
She narrowed her eyes at me, clearly not appreciating my sarcasm. "No. It's a spiritual battle. The enemy has tried to plant seeds of confusion and division in this home."
I tried to stifle my laughter. "Mama, if the enemy is wearing a necklace and hiding under the couch, I think we've got bigger issues."
She wasn't laughing. "It's not about the necklace. It's about the spirit behind the necklace. And you… you have a part to play in this, my daughter."
I stared at her. "Me? What part?"
"The part where you stop questioning the process and trust the Lord's work."
---
Hours later, after another one of her "sessions," I was left wondering if Lady Dorcas was casting out demons or simply out of her mind. She had a way of mixing religion with something… else, and it was getting harder to tell whether she was protecting us or plotting against us.
---
The next day, as if the universe was giving me a sign, Femi dropped a bombshell on me.
"Temi, I think Mama is taking things a bit too far. I saw her the other day—she was at the neighbour's house, speaking in tongues and walking in circles. She said something about an 'anointed broom.'"
I stared at him, speechless. "Anointed broom? I swear, if I hear any more 'spiritual' nonsense, I might just convert to atheism for peace of mind."
Femi chuckled. "I don't know, babe. Sometimes, I wonder if she's been watching too many of those midnight church programs on TV."
"Well, if she starts laying hands on the TV remote next, we're having a family meeting. Again."
---
That night, the tension in the house was palpable. Mama had gone to bed early, but the odd sounds from her room—murmurs, chants, and the occasional bang—kept me on edge.
It wasn't until around 2 AM that I had enough. I walked into her room with the stealth of a ninja, only to find her sitting upright, eyes wide open, with an empty plate of biscuits on the table.
"Mama?" I whispered. "What's going on?"
She didn't even flinch. "The Lord has spoken."
"Uh, okay," I said, rubbing my eyes. "The Lord has spoken about what?"
She pointed at the chalk marks she had drawn, looking at them like they held the answers to the universe. "The spirit of confusion is leaving the house. I've called on the angels of clarity to remove any negativity."
I raised an eyebrow. "Mama, if you're hearing from angels, why does this feel like an exorcism?"
She smiled serenely. "It's not an exorcism, Temi. It's deliverance."
"Well, Mama, I'm just here for the peace. So if the angels of clarity are done, I'm going back to bed."
As I walked away, I couldn't help but wonder: was Lady Dorcas just a spiritual warrior trying to protect us, or had she gone off the deep end? Either way, it was clear that I wasn't the only one battling demons in this house.
---
To be continued…
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