Mother-in-Law Palava
Chapter 10 – The Battle of Wits and Chalk
It had been a whole week since Mama Dorcas had started her "spiritual missions," and frankly, the house was starting to feel like a cross between a prayer camp and an episode of "Nigerian Ghost Stories". Every morning, I'd step into the living room to find another chalk circle, arrows pointing in random directions, and a Bible open to a random page. I started to wonder if Mama's "spiritual direction" came with a side of madness.
Today, however, was different. I had just stepped out of the shower, wrapped in my towel, when I heard Mama's voice coming from the living room. The tone was… unusual—urgent and serious.
"Temi! Come here now!" she called.
I groaned. "Mama, I'm fresh out the shower o! What now?"
She didn't care. She was like a prophetess on a mission.
I pulled on a robe and walked over. When I entered the living room, I nearly slipped on a fresh chalk line that stretched across the floor like a pathway to some unseen treasure.
"Mama, what is this now? Why are we marking the floor like we're searching for hidden gold?" I asked, trying to mask my sarcasm.
She didn't even blink. Instead, she raised a bright red candle from the table, holding it like a sacred relic. "The enemy is drawing near, Temi. We must prepare ourselves spiritually."
I squinted. "For what, Mama? A spiritual battle or a surprise visit from the devil?"
"Don't mock the spirit!" she warned, her voice rising. "The enemy is trying to confuse us! You've been in the way of divine blessings, my daughter!"
My eyes widened. "Wait, what?! Now I'm blocking blessings too? Mama, I've been here doing your laundry, not blocking blessings!"
"Exactly!" she shouted. "You think everything in your life is just happening? No! The enemy has targeted you, and I've been trying to protect you."
I blinked, then rubbed my forehead. "Wait, so you're saying I need protection from spiritual attacks because I haven't found a way to leave my husband's house? But that's your fault!"
She shot me a disapproving look. "Don't argue with the spirit. I'm just following instructions."
I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "Okay, Mama. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm just here to understand, so why do you need to draw these chalk lines all over the place?"
She looked at me like I had just asked her why the sky was blue. "It's simple. I'm creating a divine barrier around this house. These lines are symbols of protection. If they don't work, the enemy will continue causing confusion."
"Seriously?" I raised my eyebrows. "You know there's an app for protection now, right? It's called Google Maps."
Mama shook her head, ignoring my sarcasm. "This is serious! If you see the sign, you will understand. I'm protecting your marriage, your destiny, and your future."
As she went off into another one of her spiritual rants, I zoned out, picturing myself setting up a spiritual GPS system for my life. "In 100 meters, turn left at the chalk line to avoid confusion…"
---
Later that night, when the clock struck 11 PM, I noticed a distinct change in the house. Mama had just finished another round of prayers. The chalk was now forming shapes that resembled hearts, circles, and even a star. It was like she was trying to channel a cosmic force that no one had asked for.
I caught Femi in the kitchen, eyeing the fridge. He looked at me, his expression saying it all.
"I don't know about you, but I'm starting to think she's too deep into this stuff," he said, grabbing a bottle of water.
"You're telling me!" I groaned. "I'm thinking of sending her to spiritual rehab at this point. Maybe there's a place for people who talk to chalk."
Femi chuckled but looked concerned. "I think it's time we figure this out, Temi. I don't want us turning into some weird Nollywood family."
"I'm telling you, if she starts anointing our door handles next, I'm calling the police," I said, half-joking.
---
Around 2 AM, I was woken by the sound of whispering. At first, I thought it was just the house settling, but then I heard Mama's voice.
"The Spirit is here," she whispered loudly, as if she was talking to the air.
I grabbed my phone, pretending to be asleep but listening intently. The whispers got louder. Mama Dorcas was talking to the walls now.
I couldn't resist. I got up quietly and tiptoed to her room. The door was slightly ajar, and I peeked in.
There she was, sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding the Bible in one hand, chalk in the other, and murmuring, "The Spirit of confusion is leaving… the Spirit of peace is here… the Spirit of clarity has arrived."
I pinched myself. Was I in the middle of a spiritual awakening or just an overcooked family drama?
---
The next morning, the house was eerily silent. I came out of my room, only to find Mama Dorcas sitting in front of the TV, watching the news.
"Mama?" I said, cautiously.
"Ah, good morning, Temi," she said with a serene smile, as if she hadn't just spent the night speaking to invisible forces.
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to ask. "Mama, what's this really about? Are you trying to protect us from something? Or are we all just going mad here?"
She stared at me for a long moment, then finally said, "I'm trying to protect you from yourself, Temi."
I blinked. "What? My self?"
"Yes, you. You've been standing in the way of your own blessings, my daughter. Sometimes, the enemy doesn't come in the form of demons. Sometimes, it comes in the form of your own doubts."
I was speechless. I didn't know if I was feeling spiritually enlightened or just utterly lost.
---
But as the day wore on, the strange calm in the house grew unnerving. Was Mama really protecting us? Or had she created a battle that was more about her own sense of control than actual spiritual warfare?
I couldn't tell anymore.
One thing was clear, though: the battle lines had been drawn, and I had no idea how to cross them without getting tangled in Mama Dorcas' chalky webs.
To be continued…
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