"Did you know that Seo Bo-ra is also a guide, Joo-hyun?"
"Isn't she a B-class guide? I heard she regularly visits the centre for guiding without any matching, which is unusual for a celebrity."
Of course, Seung-cheol had told him all of this. Seung-cheol had recounted how he met Seo Bo-ra, and the details had stuck in Joo-hyun's mind.
"You know a lot. Bo-ra helped me a lot after my manifestation."
"Oh, I see."
"She's a really good guide, isn't she? She's kind but knows how to separate business and personal matters."
"Well..."
"Did you know that Seo Bo-ra is also a guide, Joo-hyun?"
"Isn't she a B-class guide? I heard she regularly visits the centre for guiding without any matching, which is unusual for a celebrity."
Of course, Seung-cheol had told him all of this. Seung-cheol had recounted how he met Seo Bo-ra, and the details had stuck in Joo-hyun's mind.
"You know a lot. Bo-ra helped me a lot after my manifestation."
"Oh, I see."
"She's a really good guide, isn't she? She's kind but knows how to separate business and personal matters."
"Well..."
I haven't even met her, so how would I know?
Joo-hyun swallowed the sarcastic retort he habitually used and awkwardly responded. The situation itself was uncomfortable, making his legs shake involuntarily.
There's no such thing as kindness without a price. More precisely, it's exceedingly rare. The fact that there was nothing he could offer to Cha In-ho made Joo-hyun tense.
"I never thought you'd make such a request, Joo-hyun. You seemed very prideful. Maybe I don't have a good eye for people."
Joo-hyun, who was considering offering to skip guiding for a week as compensation, looked up. Cha In-ho was smiling, but his eyes were sunken. He was never particularly friendly, but now he was unmistakably hostile.
As he said, Joo-hyun had lived his life relying solely on his pride. The runaway esper's red eyes flashed sharply.
"Is asking for an autograph that offensive?"
"I'm not offended."
"And you're not treating me like an idiot... Are you saying you're happy now?"
Even though he was in the position to just let it slide, it was difficult for Joo-hyun. His sharp reactions were already a habit, much like a frightened dog barking loudly.
"Not at all. How could anyone be happy in a place like this?"
Joo-hyun was rendered speechless by the soft voice that didn't rise in volume.
Block C looked gloomy and dismal from the outside, and even the path leading there was rough. Inside, it was filled with dangerous runaway espers, and everything—from the walls to the floor to the furniture—was worn out.
His already tattered pride was pierced by the sharp thorn of reality, and a sense of defeat spread from that point. Joo-hyun, pretending to be concerned about his fingernails, muttered softly as he traced a small scar on his thumb with his fingertip.
"If you don't want to be here, you can leave."
Joo-hyun had already been living in Block C for 11 years. They were undeniably miserable, painful years. But had there never been a moment of happiness? He couldn't quite remember.
"…Joo-hyun, I apologise for what I just said."
"It's okay. It's the truth, after all."
In a tone devoid of anger or sadness, Cha In-ho took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
Cha In-ho looked uncomfortable expression as if feeling guilty, but Joo-hyun was really fine. If anything, he couldn't even understand why the guide was so concerned.
Runaway espers were not people to get close to. No one knew when they would run wild. It was natural to find it difficult to feel happy amidst them.
Fresh mountain air blew in through the open window, ruffling Joo-hyun's hair gently. He closed his eyes and savoured the sensation of his hair gently tousling. Seung-cheol's disappointed expression was swayed with the thought that he had asked for a favour.
It was a moment when Joo-hyun, consumed by regret, habitually placed a cigarette between his lips and exhaled the hazy smoke. Cha In-ho folding his glasses and placing them on the table, quietly spoke awhile watching the leaves sway in the breeze.
"...Whenever I come here, it reminds me of old memories."
The hostility in Cha In-ho's eyes had vanished. He wore a faint smile, looking nostalgic and warm, as if reminiscing about an unreachable past.
"The house I grew up in was surrounded by trees like this place."
"...."
"When I came to Block C, I saw a squirrel for the first time in a long while."
Thanks to being in the deep mountains, many wild animals roamed around the large and dangerous building. Though there were 'No Entry' signs everywhere, they meant nothing to the animals, who saw them as strange, cold trees.
"Do you like squirrels?"
"Of course. They're cute, aren't they?"
"They are. One even climbed up to my window once…"
Unconsciously, Joo-hyun continued the conversation and stole a glance at Cha In-ho. The guide leaned forward, indicating he was interested and gestured for Joo-hyun to continue.
"When I put out some peanuts, it disappeared for a while and then came back with its cheeks full."
"Haha, that's adorable."
"But it kept coming back, storing the peanuts instead of eating them, so I ended up giving it a whole bag."
"A greedy little squirrel."
Nodding at the soft response, Joo-hyun felt good talking about a pleasant memory, knowing Cha In-ho was unaware that the squirrel had accidentally electrocuted itself on the barbed wire.
"Do they sell peanuts in Block C?"
"We have many other things besides that. Almonds, walnuts, cashews... only one type of cigarette, though."
The white stick burned slowly. Instead of rubbing it on his skin, Joo-hyun stubbed it out on the corner of the table. The guide smiled, but Joo-hyun couldn't tell if it was from relief or disappointment.
He knew this meaningless conversation was Cha In-ho's way of extending an olive branch. It felt strange and awkward to have his feelings considered in Block C, where guides had absolute power.
Yet, it wasn't a bad feeling. Whenever Joo-hyun had a problem with someone, he would lock himself in his room, brood, and let his dark emotions fester. He felt fortunate that it hadn't come to that this time.
Cha In-ho raised his arm to check his wristwatch, which looked expensive even to Joo-hyun's untrained eye
"It's already been an hour, do you need more guiding?"
"No. That's enough."
He picked up his glasses and put them in his inner pocket and shove the old chair on the table. Joo-hyun didn't move.
"I'll bring the signed photo next time. Should I write your name on it?"
"Is that possible?"
"It is."
It was an unexpected offer. Joo-hyun decided to swallow his pride one last time, thinking about getting two new shirts from Seung-cheol later, and said.
"Then could you have her write 'Yeon Seung-cheol'?"
Cha In-ho flinched. After a long pause, he looked at Joo-hyun with a strangely stiff movement, like a robot.
"Yeon Seung-cheol?"
"He's the one who asked. Yeon Seung-cheol."
"…Not Shin Joo-hyun?"
"Huh? Oh, no. I don't need it."
Anything had value only if someone appreciated it. To Joo-hyun, it was just a piece of paper he couldn't throw away.
Cha In-ho, frozen in place, slowly covered his face with his hands. His neck looked a bit red, though it could have been Joo-hyun's imagination.
The stingy centre director didn't provide good heating or cooling, so it was slightly warm. Though it wasn't hot enough to make one's skin flush, Joo-hyun had no idea about the guide's physiology.
He thought Cha In-ho must just be sensitive to heat. Then, as Cha In-ho lowered his hands, Joo-hyun almost mistook his red face for embarrassment
"I'll make sure to get Bo-ra's autograph. For Yeon Seung-cheol, right?"
"You don't really need to bother. Anyway, thanks. Even if the name is wrong, he'll be happy, so don't worry too much."
Joo-hyun struggled to keep up with Cha In-ho's suddenly brighter demeanour. He lightly tapped the floor with his toe while rubbing his neck.
"Is there anything you need, Joo-hyun?"
"Not really."
"Anything at all, just tell me."
When you average out people's lives, Joo-hyun was quite far down. He'd rarely had many choices in life, and hardly anyone had ever listened to his hopes. Sometimes the occasions when people showed kindness were out of pity, and otherwise, it was to stab him in the back.
There's nothing that Cha In-ho can get by deceiving Joo-hyun, so pity must be the reason. Even if it wasn't, Joo-hyun didn't know how to handle kindness and gritted his teeth. His bad habit kicked in.
"Why?"
Even to his own ears, his tone sounded sharp. He realised it too late, but it was too late to back down now.
"Why do you care about what I need?"
The smile vanished from Cha In-ho's face. Yet, he didn't seem angry. That was strange too. Usually, when Joo-hyun pushed people away, they would frown, feel pity, and leave in disgust.
"Just because I want to."
Joo-hyun's lips twitched, but no words came out. What could he say when there was no proper reason? He bowed his head and fiddled with the matchstick that had burnt out. There was black ash on his fingertips.
"Well then..."
* * *
Click. Click. Click.
"Can't you stop that?"
Se-hwa shouted, throwing aside a completed crossword puzzle newspaper. Beom-gyu nodded in agreement beside her.
Only then did Joo-hyun realise that everyone was looking at him. In his hand was a silver lighter, and the clicking sound of its lid opening had been bothering them.
"C'mon, guys! Just let it go. Why are you all being so harsh?"
"Look at that, falling head over heels just because you got an autograph from a celebrity."
"Falling head over heels? It's just that you lot lack compassion."
As Seung-cheol chuckled and teased, Se-hwa, with a disgusted expression, picked up a newspaper lying on the floor and threw it at him. The newspaper, dated four days ago, burned to ashes before Seung-cheol.
"I haven't read it yet!" Beom-gyu shouted, but no one paid any attention. Feeling wronged, he squatted down with the half-burned newspaper. Lying on the sofa, Chae-kyung said to him, "Ask Bom-i to fix it for you later."
"Bom-i noona won't do it for free."
"Nothing in this world is free. But did you even read newspapers?"
"I've been doing crosswords lately. It's fun."
Chae-kyung, knowing all the squares were already filled in, closed his mouth and smiled gently. His jet-black sunglasses reflected the light from the fluorescent lamp.
"If it's fun, keep doing it. I'll ask Bom-i to help when she comes."
"Really? Thanks!"
Se-hwa and Seung-cheol continued their pointless bickering, while Beom-gyu gathered the remaining pieces of the newspaper as best as he could. In the midst of this somewhat lively scene, Chae-kyung turned his head to look at Joo-hyun, who was sitting with a blank expression.
"Joo-hyun, you seem to like that."
Joo-hyun, who was fiddling with a lighter adorned with a beautiful engraved pattern, slowly looked up.
"No. It reeks of petrol when you light it."
"For something you don't like, you sure don't put it down."
The clicking sound of the lighter echoed again. Joo-hyun glanced at Se-hwa and licked his lips before answering, "Just. It's intriguing."
Chae-kyung extended his hand. Despite the careless toss, he caught the lighter with ease in one hand.
"Haven't seen an oil lighter in ages. This one's from an expensive brand."
"Really?"
Yeah. Be careful not to get caught. They'll snatch it away immediately."
Many prohibited items were in Block C, one being lighters. This was due to the fear of what could happen if a runaway esper had one. While a building could be set ablaze with matches, no one had done so yet, thus matches hadn't been banned.
Joo-hyun, having received the lighter back, lit a cigarette. A heavy scent of petrol wafted through the air and then disappeared.
"Did you check him?"
The question was whispered softly, only loud enough for Chae-kyung and Joo-hyun to hear. Joo-hyun nodded without looking at Chae-kyung.
No guide who comes to Block C is sane. They range from simply nasty to insidiously cruel. Last year, Se-hwa had the misfortune of encountering an insidiously cruel guide who tormented her severely.
A guide, who had lost their family to a runaway esper, came to Block C seeking revenge. The esper responsible had died after a rampage, leaving the guide's anger directed at the surviving runaway espers.
It seemed the guide didn't care whom he took his revenge on, as long as he could enact it. Unlike Block B, where the guides' opinions were maximised, Block C catered to the guide's wishes. When asked which esper he wanted, he said anyone would do.
Initially, the guiding went smoothly. Then, on the fifth visit, the guide gave Se-hwa a small radio.
Se-hwa returned to her room and turned on the radio, only to be met with a sharp ringing in her ears. Simultaneously, her survival instincts, which had saved her countless times, screamed at her to run.
Although her room was half-destroyed and her left arm was severed, she survived. If Jin Bom-i hadn't been working that day, Se-hwa would have permanently lost her arm.
Ironically, the guide faced no punishment. Instead, Se-hwa was confined to solitary for a week for receiving a prohibited item. Her screams of ripping off the guide's arms if she ever saw him again echoed down the corridors for a week.
At least, the guide was banned from entering Block C again. Every esper in Block C believed this was due to repair costs and additional expenses.
Since then, Se-hwa had developed a deep-seated hatred for guides, especially those pretending to be good people. Of course, all runaway espers were wary of guides, but Joo-hyun decided to observe Cha In-ho, given his official status.
Joo-hyun, lost in thought, glanced at his cracked watch and then stood up abruptly.
"It's fine to argue, but don't use force. We're short on guides as it is. Beom-gyu, Doo-shik has already finished the crossword. Stop teasing him, hyung."
"What? That jerk, Lim Doo-shik!"
Beom-gyu, shouting the centre manager's name, tearily threw the newspaper scraps into the bin. He then grabbed Chae-kyung by the collar and shook him, accusing him of tricking him into getting ripped off by Bom.
"Haha, busted. Oh, Joo-hyun, are you going on a mission? Take care."
"Joo-hyun-hyung, could you bring back a newspaper or magazine if you see one?"
The chances were slim, but Joo-hyun nodded, indicating he understood. In the end, Se-hwa, who had triumphed over Seung-cheol, bid Joo-hyun farewell with a smirk while picking his nose.
Leaving the room, Joo-hyun hesitated for a moment before tucking the lighter deep into his pocket. Its slightly hefty weight soon felt familiar. Unlike the smell of oil.
***
11years ago, when Joo-hyun first arrived at Block C, none of the espers he had met then were in there now. The longest-standing one passed away four years ago. He was a powerful esper who always came back alive from any mission, but he couldn't win against himself.
Joo-hyun occasionally thought he shouldn't be alive. Like everyone else, he felt he should have died by now, but for some reason, he was still here.
Perhaps it was because he constantly thought this way that death approaching didn't scare him. This was the reason he felt no fear even with death at his doorstep.
The target of this mission, an enemy of the Association, seemed to expect an attack, as there were heavily armed guards everywhere. Joo-hyun didn't want to kill them. The mission was to eliminate a single target, and the fewer people who ended up in coffins because of it, the better.
He wasn't arrogant or complacent. He merely fought while showing some mercy.
Of course, even with some leniency, the difference between an esper and a normal person was overwhelming. But that was the usual story of an esper with a guide waiting in the wings. A runaway esper, unsure of when they might receive guiding again, would not use their abilities recklessly.
Joo-hyun was no exception, and although he completed the mission, the cost was steep.
Returning to the waiting car, Joo-hyun was covered in blood. The only thing different from the usual was the fact that almost all of it came from his body.
Normally, the belt strapped to his arm was now tightly wrapped around his thigh. There were countless bullet wounds all over his body.
If guiding felt like soaking in warm water, the guiding drug felt like plunging into lava for a moment. His mind cleared and his body heated up in an instant, only to quickly cool down again. The sensation of his powers raging subsided, but it was never enough.
Lying in the back seat, Joo-hyun gasped and coughed, the taste of blood filling his mouth. Struggling to breathe, he turned his head to spit it out, hearing the employee click his tongue.
The car, its windows tinted so darkly that the interior was invisible, sped towards Block C. However, Joo-hyun knew there would be no lifeline waiting for him there.
He had been shot too many times for conventional medical techniques to save him. Even if Bom-i happened to be back from her mission, Joo-hyun had already been saved by her once before. Bom-i could heal anything, but only once. He had already used up his chance.
Besides, Cha In-ho wouldn't come. His filming schedule was tight, and he wouldn't be available until Friday.
Today was Tuesday, and Joo-hyun was going to die today.
He wasn't scared. He wasn't afraid. To be honest, he felt no regrets either. His life lacked meaning, and thus, his death felt insignificant. The only reason he hadn't died yet was a small promise he had made to never commit suicide.
"But this unavoidable death isn't suicide... right?"
Joo-hyun thought to himself, not sure whom he was addressing, and laughed at the pain from his wounds as the car jolted. It felt like riding the world's dullest amusement ride. Not that he'd ever been on one.
But even in such a meaningless life, if there was a slight regret, no, a disappointment...
"I should've asked Cha In-ho to guide to the point of feeling like I could burst with power."
Everyone said that being fully guided felt so powerful that you felt you could fly. The lack of that feeling made this place even more hellish, as someone long gone had once told him.
If he had known this would happen, he might have asked for it at least once.
But it was too late now. The car jolted again, and this time he didn't laugh. Hearing the employee talking to someone on the phone, Joo-hyun closed his eyes.
The first thing he noticed was the sound: the thin whisper of wind, the presence of someone nearby, his own breathing. Then, with the sharp scent of antiseptic, a familiar shampoo fragrance brushed past his nose.
Joo-hyun realised that he had survived. He couldn't distinguish whether the rising emotions were relief or disappointment. Perhaps it was both, or maybe neither. All he felt was a slight sense of weariness and the thought that he was tired of everything.
His eyelids felt so heavy that he thought he could sleep forever, but laziness and complacency often led to mission failure.
Joo-hyun opened his eyes. He immediately reached towards the presence he had sensed next to him. Whoever was lingering by an injured runaway esper couldn't be a normal person.
"You sure know how to startle someone," Cha In-ho said in a slow tone, who had been abruptly pulled closer by his wrist. He looked a bit tired, with unkempt hair and dark circles under his eyes, quite unlike the usually neat Cha In-ho.
"Why... why are you here?" Joo-hyun asked, his voice hoarse. When he released his grip, Cha In-ho rubbed his face and replied with a tired voice.
"I got a call. They said my matched esper was dying."
"I thought you were busy."
"Should I have let you die then?"
Cha In-ho glanced at Joo-hyun with narrowed eyes, almost staring. His expression suggested that the question was obvious.
Although other espers might have been different, Joo-hyun was a runaway esper, and anyone would welcome his death. He swallowed that thought instead of voicing it.
Despite being incredibly busy, which he rarely mentioned, Cha In-ho had come immediately when he heard Joo-hyun was dying. Joo-hyun didn't know what to make of this.
Still, it wasn't a bad feeling. It was like receiving an unexpected gift—surprising, bewildering, and cautiously welcomed.
Joo-hyun carefully touched his aching wounds as he sat up. The injuries beneath the bandages had partially healed but were not fully mended.
"I couldn't completely heal you because of the limits on physical contact," Cha In-ho said.
It was widely known that the more intimate the contact, the more effective the guiding. Up until now, Cha In-ho had only held hands to guide, and even after Joo-hyun lost consciousness, it seemed that hadn't changed.
"...What limits?" Joo-hyun asked as he adjusted the splint on his broken bone. It seemed to have healed enough to move slightly.
According to the contract, the level of contact required for guiding was entirely at Cha In-ho's discretion. Joo-hyun was curious about the boundaries Cha In-ho had set. It didn't seem possible that his injuries could be treated with mere hand-holding.
"How far are you willing to go for me?" Joo-hyun asked, his lips curving into a playful smile. His voice sounded almost teasing.
The guides who had helped Joo-nhyun in the past fell into two categories. There were those who pushed through from start to finish, and those who, trembling with fear, barely made contact with him. Where did Cha In-ho fit in? He didn't seem afraid, but the clear boundaries he set suggested he leaned more towards the latter.
"I'm not sure what misunderstanding you're under," Cha In-ho said, still looking tired and slightly irritated, rubbing his dry eyes. His fine brows furrowed, and his long eyelashes were a tangled mess. The wristwatch he wore was stained with dried blood, though whose blood it was remained unclear.
"You don't like when people touch you without permission," he added.
"...."
"Let me ask you instead. In situations as dangerous as today, how far can I go?"
Suddenly, Joo-hyun remembered the first day they met, when Cha In-ho had asked if it was alright to touch him for guiding. Was he the type to always seek permission for even minor touches, or was it just because it was Joo-hyun?
Having always been at the mercy of others, Joo-hyun rarely had the chance to make choices for himself. As he absentmindedly fiddled with his half-broken, blood-stained ring finger nail, he replied softly, "Do what you want."
Joo-hyun suddenly felt curious about who had cleaned his sweat, dust, and blood-soaked hair and skin. "After all, you hold the power in this contract."
It was the first time a guide had asked him such a question, and he wouldn't admit that he had no idea how to respond. He meant that In-ho could do whatever he wanted, but In-ho's expression darkened, looking even more displeased than before.
"Do you say that to anyone?"
"Huh?" Joo-hyun was taken aback.
"I asked if you tell any guide to do what they want?"
Cha In-ho asked, his expression stern. Despite his hardened face, he reached out and gently touched Joo-hyun's broken nail. The wound, which had been slowly oozing blood, healed instantly, and the pain vanished.
A guide used guiding to heal espers and calm their waves, but the process consumed a considerable amount of energy. Having revived Joo-hyun from the brink of death, Cha In-ho must have been quite exhausted, yet he showed no sign of letting go of Joo-hyun's fingers.
This was precisely why Cha In-ho was so difficult to figure out. He spoke and acted as if he were wary of Joo-hyun, yet he stayed by his side, holding his hand.
Not knowing his true intentions kept Joo-hyun on edge. Being next to someone so suspicious was stressful, but oddly, he didn't dislike In-ho.
Most espers were apt to become attached to their guides, who alleviated their pain and provided a sense of stability. However, every guide that came to Block C had such significant personality flaws that Joo-hyun despised them.
Then there was Cha In-ho. The gentle warmth of his hand covering Joo-hyun's, the way his eyes would soften when they met, the tired face that stayed by Joo-hyun's side...
Honestly, Joo-hyun was afraid of becoming attached to In-ho. At most, their contract would last a year, and then In-ho would leave. Joo-hyun didn't want to be left alone, feeling miserable and forlorn.
"Why do you care what I say to others? Besides, most guides don't even ask me things like that."
He half-expected Cha In-ho to get angry, but he didn't. Instead, Cha In-ho enveloped Joo-hyun's hand more fully and smiled faintly.
With his head bowed, In-ho smelled like the same shampoo Joo-hyun used. It was cheap shampoo provided byBlock C, yet for some reason, the scent seemed different on him.
"Do you act this obnoxiously to everyone? I was worried for no reason," In-ho said, his tone light.
Worried? Was that really worry? Was Cha In-ho worried that Joo-hyun might tell another guide t 'do what you want'? ...Why?
When Joo-hyun pulled slightly on his hand, Cha In-ho released his fingers without a word.
"Seems to me you've probably heard you're obnoxious far more than I have," Joo-hyun countered.
"Is that all you have to say to your life-saver?" In-ho replied, still calm.
If Cha In-ho hadn't come, Joo-hyun would undoubtedly be dead. The guiding drugs had their limits, and there were few guides willing to handle a runaway esper.
Despite his busy schedule, Cha In-ho had postponed his work to come to Block C for Joo-hyun. From a general perspective, it was a huge favour that a simple thank you wouldn't suffice. Besides, it wasn't as if Joo-hyun was a typical esper who could nonchalantly demand such things from his guide.
At times like these, it would have been best to just casually say something. Unfortunately, Joo-hyun could feel his cheeks growing embarrassingly warm.
"...Thank you," he mumbled.
"I can't hear a thing," In-ho responded.
"Thank you. Not that I needed it." Joo-hyun said more clearly.
"If I hadn't come, you would have died, wouldn't you?"
When Joo-hyun remained silent, Cha In-ho sighed as if exasperated. However, the sigh was so exaggerated that it wasn't hurtful.
"Honestly, you're so stubborn..."
Cha In-ho trailed off, glancing at his wristwatch stained with dried blood.
A quick glance showed the short hand pointing to one. Judging by the dark sky outside, it was undoubtedly one in the morning, meaning nearly six hours had passed since Joo-hyun lost consciousness.
"You must be busy, so you should go," Joo-hyun said.
It was the first time he had spent so much time with a guide. Honestly, he couldn't understand why In-ho had stayed even after he'd pulled through the worst of it. The more time they spent together, the more Joo-hyun didn't understand.
"Do you want me to leave?" In-ho's voice was calm. The question could have meant whether Joo-hyun needed more guiding as an esper or something else. He opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out.
Would In-ho stay if he said he wanted him to? Did Joo-hyun even want him to stay in the first place?
In the end, the esper remained silent, lowering his head. After a brief silence, a sound similar to a chuckle filled the room.
When Joo-hyun looked up, In-ho was smiling. It was a gentle smile, almost like that of someone looking fondly at a child. Even in the dimly lit room, his breathtakingly beautiful face didn't lose its radiance.
"For now, that's enough," In-ho said.
Before Joo-hyun could ask what that meant, Cha In-ho's hand gently pushed him back onto the bed. Normally, he wouldn't have let himself be laid down so easily, but he had no choice in his injured state.
"There's nothing to do at this hour anyway. Just lie down and receive the guiding."
Eventually, Cha In-ho's warm hand wrapped around the back of Joo-hyun's hand. It was then that Joo-hyun truly realised he had narrowly escaped death.
Joo-hyun sometimes felt that he was living incorrectly. Like everyone else, he thought he should die eventually, but he found it strange that he was still alive. Normally, this thought would end there, but today, an unnecessary whisper followed. If he was living strangely anyway, perhaps living a bit longer wouldn't be so odd.
The guide continued to hold Joo-hyun's hand, gently stroking the back of it, while the sound of night insects drifted in from the pitch-black outside.
Joo-hyun didn't know when he had fallen asleep.
When he opened his eyes the next day, Cha In-ho was no longer there. The broken bone had healed overnight, and for some reason, his lips were slightly swollen. It seemed like he had dreamt something, but he couldn't remember what.
A delicate finger brushed the cheek of the sleeping person. It was a cautious, almost awkward touch, like secretly touching a displayed artwork or wiping dust off a shelf.
"I thought I'd feel relieved if you died."
Despite having poured hours of guiding within limited physical contact and looking exhausted, Cha In-ho's still beautiful face glowed in the moonlight.
The fingertips, sliding across the skin, eventually touched the cracked and scabbed lips.
"...But I don't."
When he closed his eyes, vivid scenes emerged. Spreading blood, red, pain, fear, anger, despair. The one who had been rampaging uncontrollably in a small hell was shyly smiling just a few hours ago.
In-ho placed his hand on the neck where the choker was firmly fastened. He applied a bit of pressure, but the esper showed no resistance. It wasn't strange since the esper was nearly unconscious, more like passed out than asleep. Just a little more pressure, and the esper who had survived the gunfire would easily die.
"What expression would you make if you knew that the guide that just had saved you, were to strangle you? What would you think and say?"
Oblivious to what the person beside him was planning, Joo-hyun slept quietly. If not for the faint sound of his breathing and the slight rise and fall of his chest, one could believe he was already dead, given his pale face.
When he received the call, In-ho was just about to start filming.
The first person to be contacted when an esper is injured is, of course, their matching guide. For that reason alone, In-ho, who had received the call, answered immediately that he would come, completely forgetting about the people waiting for him at the filming site.
The moment he saw Joo-hyun lying there, soaked in blood and clearly dying, he felt a sensation beyond words.
Yet, he did not cry. He didn't even shout, tremble, or shrink in anxiety. He simply ignored the dust and runaway esper's blood soaking into his clothes as he embraced the cold body.
When he looked up, the sky was dotted with stars that made his eyes sting.
The guide's fingers moved from the neck down to the shoulder, continuing along the skin. The runaway esper's arm was covered in scars. Large and small marks extended to the back of his hand, and he couldn't let go of that unsightly hand.
"Ha..."
The sigh of anguish that slipped from his lips reached no one's ears and dissolved into the air. It was that kind of night.
* * *
The photoshoot, which started in the morning, finally ended after the sun had completely set.
People who left everything to the model were rare, but a photographer who coached every small movement was quite tiring. Especially today, the photographer was passionately determined to capture him, making the day particularly exhausting.
Come to think of it, In-ho's manager had mentioned that despite initially rejecting the offer, the photographer had repeatedly contacted them.
Cha In-ho looked up. In the empty bathroom, the man reflected in the mirror had a disturbingly expressionless face. Lifeless eyes, gaunt cheeks, tightly closed lips. Beauty is an extremely subjective emotion. At least, In-ho thought so.
His persistent gaze, like Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection and drowned, held no feelings as beautiful as love.
The man who had been touching his smooth cheek changed his expression instantly at the sound of someone entering the bathroom. The small smile he put on exuded confidence and softened the atmosphere, causing the person who entered to blush.
In-ho passed the man who tried to speak to him and stepped outside. The work wasn't finished yet.
"Hello, In-ho. It's a bit awkward to say this right after meeting, but you really are handsome. You shine much more in person than on screen."
"Haha, thank you."
"Do you hear that often?"
"Well, I wouldn't say I hear it less often."
His playful response made the interviewer laugh.
She was said to be the sister of his agency's executive's niece's boyfriend's younger sister. Basically, they were strangers, but connections are connections, and that's why In-ho found himself sitting there for a magazine interview.
The young interviewer, still relatively new to the job, conducted the interview clumsily and uninterestingly. However, she didn't ask any blatantly annoying or offensive questions.
'It's a magazine interview, so even if it progresses slowly, it shouldn't be a problem.'
It was at that moment.
"What do you think about your matching esper, In-ho?"
Despite having been asking about his motto just a moment ago, the sudden question came without hesitation. If the interviewer's actions were written down, it would say she asked the question "with shining eyes."
In-ho slowly mulled over the question. Matching esper. Joo-hyun. What did he think?
"...It's hard to pinpoint because there's so much to say."
"Then just tell me one thing. The most characteristic part."
It was clear she was determined to extract information about the runaway esper he was matched with.
The fact that In-ho had matched with a runaway esper was known to almost everyone. However, no information about the esper had been revealed. Whatever he said, it would make headlines.
In-ho, looking up at the ceiling, created a peculiar atmosphere just by doing so.
Joo-hyun. It was too big, heavy, and bitter a topic to discuss here. Swallowing his saliva with a dry mouth, In-ho lowered his head.
A few days ago, Cha In-ho had almost lost him. Though he was stubborn, he blushed easily, and his pride was sky-high. Thinking about his matching esper, In-ho chuckled. It wasn't his usual gentle, clear smile, but a slightly twisted, yet stunningly beautiful one.
The interviewer's eyes widened.
"His smile is cute."
"Excuse me?"
"You'd understand if you saw it yourself."
How could I see that? Even without saying it, the interviewer's face showed her thoughts. In-ho, picking up on this, lightly waved it off.
His matching esper had quite a sharp impression. Perhaps due to his upbringing, he knew how to intimidate others with just his gaze.
But his smile stood out as remarkably pretty. His sharp eyes curved into crescents, and his lips, forming dimples, made him look very young and endearing.
Even when he tried to intimidate In-ho by narrowing his eyes and baring his teeth, it had the same effect. At least, to In-ho, it did. Whether Joo-hyun knew this or not—probably not, but In-ho had no intention of telling him.
The interviewer blinked rapidly, trying to gauge if what she had heard was true.
In response, In-ho recalled the day he had rushed to Block C. Seeing Joo-hyun lying there, covered in blood, had probably shortened his lifespan by three months.
Even if it was revenge for that, it was fine. The beautiful man, with a hint of mischief, grinned.
"He smiles like a cat that's caught a mouse."
That part hasn't changed at all. In-ho, who had swallowed words he couldn't share with anyone, leisurely picked up a cold coffee cup. Droplets of water ran down the glass surface, soaking his palm.
* * *
The released magazine omitted any mention of his matching esper. It wasn't what people wanted to read about, and praising a runaway esper might be unacceptable.
Not expecting much, he wasn't disappointed. He only had a slight curiosity about what Joo-hyun would say or how he would react if he read their conversation in the magazine.
Would he frown and tell him not to spout nonsense? Or glare at him with blushing cheeks? Or ask why he thought of him that way?
Then what should In-ho say in return?
If Joo-hyun looked up at him with eyes as red as ripe cherries, lips closed, not uttering any of his usual hateful words, what would he do?..
"...It's pointless."
"Huh? What did you say?"
"Nothing. Just talking to myself."
"You're so bland."
The manager, who had been sitting in the waiting room looking at his phone, leaned back into his chair again.
When In-ho lifted his head, his face was reflected in the large mirror. A dreadfully lifeless expression stared back at him. In-ho consciously closed his eyes and tilted his head back.
"This is why I didn't want to meet."
"What?"
Ignoring the manager's question, he covered his eyes with the back of his hand.
The next guiding session was on Friday. Did that runaway esper even realise how much his schedule had to be adjusted and the losses incurred to maintain a regular interval for guidance?
Of course, there was no way he could know. Even if he did, Joo-hyun would probably just boldly suggest stopping the matching. Thinking of him made Cha In-ho chuckle.
There were only two days left until Friday. He couldn't distinguish if his feelings were of anger or anticipation. Not that it mattered.
Just like guides, espers were also classified by their abilities. The higher the grade, the rarer they were, while the lower grades were more common.
Joo-hyun's grade was 'Unknown.' All the espers in Block C were graded similarly because of the unique, unstable wavelengths of runaway espers. Their conditions fluctuated; sometimes they registered as S-grade, other times as B-grade, making it impossible to fix them to a single grade.
Joo-hyun had been unaware, but the unstable nature of runaway espers was apparently terrifying to others. It made them seem unable to control their powers to the extent that they couldn't even be graded. Bom-i had been the one to tell him this.
"When you get a really unpleasant mission, just say you're feeling unwell today. Well, they'll just call you back another day anyway."
Bom-i, who often had many missions due to the versatility of her powers, would sometimes hand Joo-hyun a small candy. Despite not being very young, perhaps seeing her for so long made her seem younger to him.
"I went on a really awful mission yesterday too. Why do they always give us such tasks?"
Even after the candy had melted, the sweetness lingered on his tongue, making it tingle.
"It's because we're criminals. They work us like dogs and use us to clean up all the dirty places."
Bom-i had said this while biting down on the small, remaining piece of candy. Her expression looked so sorrowful that he had considered what to say but ultimately kept silent.
As Bom-i had mentioned, the missions given to runaway espers, who were treated roughly and even fatally, were usually the most dangerous ones.
Joo-hyun sat in the car, divided from the front seat by bulletproof glass, staring blankly out the window. He thought about how often he was called into the public despite being labelled as a dangerous, untouchable time bomb.
Today's mission was to investigate a newly discovered gate with another esper. The task was the same as any other esper's: manage the gate spilling out monsters and protect civilians from harm.
Of course, since the gate was uncharted, the potential dangers were unknown, making it a perfect assignment for a runaway esper.
"..."
Joo-hyun swallowed a sigh.
Meeting espers from Block A was always unpleasant. While their attitudes were usually unpleasant, that wasn't the whole reason. He couldn't distinguish if his feelings were jealousy or inferiority. Not that it mattered. Who cared about his feelings anyway?
"In situations as dangerous as today, how far can I go"
Bang!
An esper's fist hit the window. The driver's shoulder twitched, but Joo-hyun didn't care. He didn't know why Cha In-ho's words suddenly came to mind. Not that he wanted to know.
Joo-hyun, wiping his face with a firm hand, looked up with glowing red eyes. It was time to focus on the mission.
* * *
"Who do we have here! Isn't it the runaway esper?"
Joo-hyun's expression twisted with annoyance at the loud voice. The guide beside the growling man flinched, but Joo-hyun was in no mood to laugh.
"Should something this dangerous be wandering the streets? Shouldn't it be reported?"
The smirking man was Yoon Ga-ram, an S class esper who was accompanying Joo-hyun on today's mission. Despite having worked together a few times, he consistently picked fights with Joo-hyun.
"Lost your tongue? Why so silent?"
"Shut up."
As Ga-ram moved, the wings on his back fluttered gracefully. With snow-white feathers and shoulder-length platinum blond hair, he looked like an angel descended from the heavens.
Most S class or SS class espers became famous to some extent, but Ga-ram was particularly renowned and popular. His skills, good looks, and especially the wings that constantly fluttered behind him made him appear holy.
However, Joo-hyun knew the truth. Yoon Ga-ram was more like a demon crawled out from underground than an angel descended from the heavens.
"Fake pigeon."
"Rotten maggot."
"Want me to roast you?"
"Want to get struck by lightning?"
As Joo-hyun rolled his eyes and waved his hand, Ga-ram's wings scattered and then reformed.
Ga-ram's ability wasn't actually wings. It was controlling electricity, using static to manipulate the feathers to look like wings. Joo-hyun thought it a waste of power, but he didn't need to worry about Ga-ram, an S class esper with three matching guides.
"Interfere, and you'll regret it. Are you listening, runaway esper."
Ga-ram, with a pretty face scrunched in irritation, surveyed Joo-hyun arrogantly. Joo-hyun briefly wondered why their relationship had soured.
"I'm Yoon Ga-ram, who will be working with you today. Nice to meet you."
When they first met, Ga-ram had seemed almost shy.
Even though he had heard rumours about runaway espers, Ga-ram's curiosity seemed to outweigh his fear. Perhaps his confidence came from being an S class esper, sure he wouldn't be harmed even if Joo-hyun rampaged.
When did you runaway?"
"A while ago."
"Why?"
"It just happened."
"What did it feel like? Have you felt like that again? How about now? Do you feel like running out of control?"
At that time, Joo-hyun had been suffering from a headache due to a lack of guiding, and the rookie's chatter was particularly annoying. So he had said sharply,
"Hey. Don't you find those wings embarrassing?"
In hindsight, that was probably when it started.
Ga-ram, always trying to irritate Joo-hyun, was sometimes amusing but mostly a nuisance. Half a head shorter than Joo-hyun, Ga-ram would glare up at him dramatically. As Joo-hyun noticed the bright blue coloured contact lenses, he sighed, thinking about Ga-ram's intense commitment to his image.
"I'm the one who should be sighing."
"Then do it."
"Wow, listen to you. Can you just leave? You're already a nuisance."
From what he'd heard, Ga-ram was two years younger than Joo-hyun. Despite knowing this, he spoke informally, making it hard to see him as an angel.
"And it's scary not knowing when you might runaway."
The sneering face was full of fierce mockery.
Ga-ram always tried to insult Joo-hyun by mentioning his status as a runaway esper. However, having lived as a runaway esper since before he could remember, Joo-hyun's heart remained unscathed.
"I guess it is scary for a kid like you. Should I handle this alone? I'll speak to the higher-ups for you."
The nonchalant tone made Ga-ram frown. While Ga-ram enjoyed attention, he also had a strong sense of pride and responsibility for his tasks. Despite his dislike for Joo-hyun, he'd never let personal feelings interfere with their missions.
Clicking his tongue loudly, Ga-ram turned sharply and walked towards his car. Joo-hyun, letting out a silent sigh, also got into the car where the driver was waiting.
* * *
"The gate we'll be inspecting is called ES-23. It's newly discovered, so stay alert as we don't know what dangers it might hold."
Ga-ram's sharp voice made Joo-hyun nod indifferently. Despite the distrustful glance, Joo-hyun remained unaffected.
Gates were categorised from A to G based on regions, and further divided within those areas. They were scattered all over the country. ES-23 indicated it was the 23rd gate in the southern part of region E.
Situated deep in a remote mountain, ES-23 appeared no different from other gates.
"The mission is to investigate the gate and deal with any monsters that emerge. By the way, I'm the team leader for this mission, so don't act on your own."
"What are the boundaries of acting on my own? Do I need permission to breathe?"
"Just stop saying nonsense."
Ga-ram shook his head, his white wings fluttering.
The terrain was rough and the risks unknown, so Ga-ram decided to leave the guide in the car with safety features and enter ES-23 alone with Joo-hyun. Though being far from a guide in a critical combat situation could be dangerous, this mission wasn't particularly demanding, making this arrangement possible.