I said, "It's been a while, traitor." In our language and in the coldest and deepest—natural sounding, of course—voice I could. I took off my mask and she immediately said my name and started crying. She went straight for a hug but I just pulled out the blade. I wasn't there to suffer anymore.
*Member of the crowd: Which sword?*
The katana. Also, weird question to ask.
She said, " It's not what you think! What are you doing ? "
But I was super mad. I definitely wanted to slash her head off and make it roll on the floor. However, I was still in love.
I folded.
I said " It's okay, I'm not mad at you anymore. I actually am happy it all happened. I don't suffer anymore. But seeing you makes me sick. I still am not mad though."
She said, "I know how much I deceived you. I'm sorry " and she hugged me.
Then the landlady started banging at the door screaming" Hey Oh! What are you doing to my employee?! I will call the law enforcers on you! ".
Caryn opened the door and said " It's okay, I'm fine. It's just that he is an old friend of mine, and I was overwhelmed when seeing him " and she closed the door.
Then Forsaken said with a colder tone than mine " Is she the girl you've been talking about all this time? If yes, kill her. " ... That guy was between twelve and thirteen!
I told him " No, I won't."
She said " I must go outside to digest all of this. I'll come back later."
While we waited, she came back about an hour after and said " I'm back. Okayyy, I want to talk about what happened to you. " while Forsaken was glaring at her, by the way. I said " I have the same question to ask you." Then for some reasons, I took off my shirt.
Yeah, perfectly logical.
And she saw the scars and was shocked: " How did you get so many scars?? What happened to you ??" I explained everything to her. She then told me how she appeared in another kingdom of the Empire, naked too. She escaped slavery, she managed to get in the kingdom in which we were speaking, and she, since she liked baking and cooking, started working in an inn. And she also revealed that two years had passed. TWO FREAKING YEARS! What was I doing during all this time??
Solo suffering. ( Not quite solo, but it was for the wordplay, okay?)
Then, I arrived to the real question I had to ask her. No, actually there were two questions. The first one was " What happened to my body after my death? " And she said " He threw it in a big hole."
Hehehe... Why didn't she tell him the truth? Let me tell you. Just a little sneaky peek, because it's not the last time he will talk about that event.
Let's just say, that the guide was a good hunter, and that's not what a hunter does... Hehehehehaahahaha!
I then asked her the real question: "Would you try something with me? Now that we are not the same anymore? "
Despite changing worlds, I still was thinking of her all day. The spiral wasn't dead. I was always thinking to myself: " why would she choose someone who just popped out of nowhere instead of you ? You must be horrible. In the end, you'll never be loved ".
*member of the crowd: So you too feel insecure?? I would never have guessed!*
Don't ever pronounce the word " Insecure " in my presence again. That word gives me PTSD.
I was saying...I was loosing my mind. All I saw was her, her beautiful face ignoring my feelings, her sweet smile, her warmth. All the things I didn't get—I was hopeless.
Love, Love, Love. A sweet pain of all our regrets and unresolved deals. A piecing blow to the chest. A kick in the balls too, sometimes... You see, when you feel completely morally exhausted, please, talk to a professional, or at least someone of trust. Or you could hate a whole group of people and wish them a forty seven degree Celsius pillow temperature. You can pick whichever side you want.
When I said " Okay, now that I exposed my feelings to you. Would you want to try something with me ? Let's forget about what happened in that forest. I don't mind it anymore " However, to my absolute horror, she said " But I'm already dating someone right now...". I almost lost my mind a second time. I thought I misheard, so I asked " You're joking, right? " And she said " No, I'm currently dating the landlady's little brother... Sorry."
And I said " Even in another life, in another world. Everything is still impossible? After all I've suffered, you are about to tell me that it is still impossible? Again? "
And she said, "Stop it! I'm sick of it! Always " Caryn, I like you" "Caryn, I'm in love with you ". I'm tired of losing friends, again and again. My warmth is always misunderstood and I end up losing people I valued as friends. You know, I noticed how you became distant, but I still didn't know why. I thought I did something bad to you. But in the end it was the same stories with the others. I'm mad." I finally heard her perspective, but I still was angry.
It was really heated. I told her " Must be difficult to be you huh ? So perfect, so beautiful, so desirable. All of that for random people when I wanted to date you for all this time. How come you never noticed how I looked at you, how I wanted to get close to you ? All of it for nothing."
She added " I wasn't trying to hurt you. When you left me, you hurt me. All of the memories we had, when you helped me with my little sister, how we went to the cinema, how we had fun at the library. "
I told her " Then why didn't you date me ? Wasn't I good enough? Why does it always fail when it's me ? This is pissing me off. Not because you didn't see what I was going through, but because all of it wasn't your fault. "
She said " I don't want to talk about it anymore. You abandoned me because of your own selfishness. You could have told me about your feelings "
I responded "And get rejected? I already know the song "
" But this would have been partially avoided if you were honest! " She said.
Then, out of frustration, she left the room for a second time. I was alone with Forsaken who was playing with the katana.
So... This is quite difficult. Neither side is wrong nor right. It is really difficult to find a middle ground here. Let's say that we acknowledge their suffering, without anything more. Both side are hurt, and that's all. And it's fine. It happens. ( By the way, I didn't want to interrupt the moment but there were a ton of references to the secret book there. It almost made me smile)
So, yeah. Slept badly that day. No shame in telling you that I cried. Difficult. My mental health didn't get better...
*Member of the crowd: Pfff ahahaha ! Is he serious? You expected her to miraculously reciprocate your feelings just like that ? You are so entitled to everything, it's getting tiring! You weak men are so ridiculous! *
First of all...Have you seen what I've done to the people around you? Second of all, have you lost your damn mind? Do you want me to free myself and come to beat your ass up ? Shut up and listen. Nobody is interested in your bitching.
So, I was talking about my mental health.
It didn't get better during the night. Reminds me of he sleepless nights I used to spend back in my world. When I was still seeing the scammers.
*Member of the crowd: Scammers ?*
Yeah, psychologists. These bunch of money hungry freaks would tell you only what you want to hear and not what you need to hear. In the end, all it was to do was to come back again and again and again just to fill their pockets. I hate these stupid people.
It's getting too far now. And from what I have been seeing the the past centuries, psychologists haven't always been the most reliable help. It doesn't make them all bad. But it definitely strains their reputation. Please, if you are a professional helper, don't be the caricature Void pointed out. Thanks.
Now that I think about it, it's too sentimental here. We're losing the friends who were only there for the fantasy and fighting... Heh, don't care.