I woke up at 10 p.m. again.
Didn't even reach for my phone this time.
My body was still heavy. My eyes were dry from sleeping too much again. For a minute, I just lay there… staring at the ceiling. It was silent, that kind of empty silence where you can hear your own heartbeat. I didn't like it.
I got up, went straight to the balcony.
The air hit different today.
Warm, but not suffocating. The kind of heat that makes your skin feel real. There was sunlight still — faint and orange, dying down behind the buildings. I stood there for maybe two or three minutes. Just letting it hit my face. Didn't think about anything. Just stood there like a dumb statue, letting the wind blow past me.
Then I walked back in.
"Today," I whispered, "I'll make my own breakfast."
It felt like something. A win. Small, maybe. But something.
I opened the fridge. There was a half-used tray of eggs, some leftover onion in cling wrap. I pulled five eggs out, put them in a bowl. Cracked them, one by one. Shell bits fell in — I had to pick them out with a spoon.
Added salt. Black pepper. Chopped the onion roughly, didn't even use the cutting board properly. Tossed it all in and mixed it with the same spoon.
I pulled out the non-stick pan, placed it on the stove. Let it heat for a bit. Tossed a fat slice of butter on top, watched it melt like gold spreading across black.
Then I poured the eggs in.
Left it on high flame. Dumb mistake.
Two minutes in and the smell was wrong. Burned. I panicked and shoved the edges, trying to save it. It tore. The underside was charcoal black. I flipped it anyway.
The other side was okay, kind of.
I turned the gas off, dropped the thing on a plate. Took four slices of bread and a cold glass of milk from the fridge. Sat down and ate.
Tasted bitter, but it was my bitter. I made it.
It was the first thing I'd cooked in months.
I felt… better. So I did what I always do when I feel good. I opened my phone.
Scrolled.
Opened Instagram. Reels.
First one — a guy said women take too long to get ready she said 5 minutes now it had already been 1 hour ahahahahahahah
I didn't even laughed
Second one — some girl dancing in a seductive way wearing nurse uniform
I watched it all
Third — cat video. Meow meow meow. The cat slapped a cucumber and jumped ten feet.
....
I am getting quite a lot of cat videos lately
...
Before I knew it, it was 12 a.m.
I'd spent two hours doing nothing.
Opened the game. Decided to try something new.
Rush mode. A small change
No camping.
Landed in the middle of the map. Got killed in three minutes. Rank: 89 out of 100. Silver again. Minus 76.
"Whatever," I mumbled.
I shut it off and went to sleep in my parents' room. It smelled better than mine. Felt cleaner. I just wanted something different.
I woke up again at 2 p.m. — sunlight pouring in through the window. The fan creaked a little. I was sweating. I felt refreshed,
"Let's study," I said, mostly to myself.
I sat at the desk. Dusted off my 12th grade Biology book. Opened a chapter at random.
Genetics.
Huh. Alright.
The page read: "Genetics is the branch of biology that studies how traits like eye colour and height are passed down from parents to offspring."
Ooh
"The basic unit of heredity is a gene, which is a segment of DNA."
Wait… DNA? Where does it come from again?
I pulled out my phone and typed: "Where is DNA in the body?"
Google answered fast: "Every living thing is made of cells. Inside each cell is a nucleus, and inside that nucleus is DNA — the instruction manual for the body."
A book of instructions, huh?
So I'm like this because of DNA?
I stared at the screen for a long time.
Ugly. Lazy. Unmotivated.
Was that also in my DNA?
I searched again: "Is intelligence genetic?"
Answer: "Yes. Intelligence is influenced by many genes — those related to memory, reasoning, attention, and learning."
So Blake's a genius because he got lucky?
I closed the book.
"Genetic loser," I whispered, then laughed.
Laughed hard, but there was no joy in it.
Checked the time. 2:30 p.m.
Only thirty minutes of study.
That's all I could take.
I did five push-ups.
Arms shaking. Couldn't even finish the fifth properly.
Then opened the game again. Lost three times back-to-back.
Watched more reels. This time the algorithm gave me cooking videos, girls dancing in their rooms, someone talking about investing in crypto. None of it stuck.
I ordered a burger online.
Big one. Extra cheese.
It came 40 minutes later, cold, but I ate every bite.
Then I sat back, satisfied. Thought I'd earned a reward.
Opened a browser window.
Porn site.
Hentai
Clicked. Browsed. Found something new.
Watched.
Fapped.
Shame came after. Same as always.
I cleaned up, turned the lights off, and laid back down.
Time: 2 a.m.
Eyes open. Mind blank.
"Tomorrow," I whispered again, "I'll be better."