The forest became a blur of green and brown, a chaotic canvas painted by our panic. Trees whipped past, branches snagged at our muddy clothes, and the troll's roars seemed to vibrate the very air we gasped for.
"Split up!" I yelled, more out of instinct than tactical genius. Not that it mattered; we were already scattering like startled quail.
Jeremy, orb clutched in her bosom, veered sharply left, cackling as a low-hanging branch nearly clotheslined her. Oliver, surprisingly agile for someone so perpetually annoyed, ducked under a fallen log. Theo, bless her terrified heart, was a blur of flailing limbs mostly heading in the same direction as Oliver, whimpering with each thundering footstep from our pursuer.
I skidded to a halt behind a particularly thick oak, panting, my bandaged shoulder screaming in protest. The troll, a monument to poor life choices and excessive body hair, bulldozed through a thicket of saplings, its beady eyes locked on me.
I didn't need to think.
I needed to run.
Again.
With a grunt, I burst from cover, launching myself at another tree, scrambling up its rough bark like a deranged squirrel. The troll swung its meaty fist at where I'd been seconds ago, sending a shower of splinters flying.
I fell down, immediately rolling into a running stance and taking off.
Jeremy, who had been running fast and hard, nearly lost her grip on the crystal when she saw me missing death's call by a narrow margin. Her eyes narrowed, pupils contracted, and she pivoted on her heels. "Oi, shithead!" She shouted. "You wanna play? Let's fucking play!" She spun, skidding slightly from the momentum, and nocked an arrow with a speed that defied her previous fumbling.
The troll was a mountain of charging flesh, its… appendage… flailing with the abandon of a runaway firehose. It was an impossible target. A ridiculous target.
"Jeremy, what are you—?!" Oliver shrieked, already scrambling behind a tree.
But Jeremy wasn't listening. Her eyes, usually dancing with mischief, were narrowed into pinpricks of impossible focus. The world seemed to slow for her. The flailing, obscene target. The whistling wind. Her own heartbeat.
She loosened the arrow.
It flew through the air, straight, precise. It might've as well been a toothpick compared to the troll, yet…
A sound. Not a roar of rage, but a high-pitched, gurgling shriek that was somehow worse. The troll bucked, its charge collapsing into a staggering, flailing mess. Its giant hands flew down to its groin, and it let out a howl that probably sterilized wildlife for miles.
The arrow, impossibly, had found its mark. Straight into the tender tip of its… well.
"HOLY MOTHER OF—" Jeremy herself looked stunned, bow dropping slightly. "Did… did I just…?"
I stood there, absolutely gobsmacked. My ass muscles unconsciously clenched and unclenched.
"YOU SHOT ITS DICK!" Oliver screamed, a bizarre mix of horror and awestruck disbelief in her voice. "YOU SHOT THE TROLL IN THE DICK!"
'Ah, there is no need to advertise it so loudly, Olly…'
Theo, peeking out from behind a tree, stared with wide, horrified eyes. "Why would you even aim there?"
"Fuck, you didn't see the thing! It was waving at me!" Jeremy tried to explain desperately, as if she had just committed the worst war crime against a mythical species.
The troll, still thrashing from its new, uniquely male agony, let out another roar, this one tinged with a distinct note of desperation. The creature doubled over, its enormous hands cupped over its wounded manhood.
This was our chance. A sliver.
My mind was buzzing. Something new was flowing through me—not just adrenaline, but a preternatural calm amidst the chaos. I saw openings, weaknesses. My body moved before I consciously decided, the short sword an extension of my will. 'Wait, this is a bad idea. Don't charge. Don't charge!'
Yet I charged.
"Seb! You damn idiot!"
Was that Oliver?
The troll was a mess. Enraged and in pain. I ducked under a wild swing, rolled, and jumped right up. Somehow, my dominant foot found itself slamming right where on the butt of Jeremy's arrow.
With a sickening squelch, it plunged even deeper into the creature's urethra. The troll let out another agonized scream, its voice cracking in a way I never wanted to hear again. In its blind agony, the beast stumbled, crashing into a tree.
The impact sent splinters flying and shook the ground beneath my feet.
I didn't hesitate.
Seizing the opening, I lunged, aiming for the troll's neck.
My eyes burned from all the peripheral strain I was putting on them. I felt like the amount of details I was processing was too much. Was this a gift? A curse? No time to ponder on that.
The blade hit true, but barely a scratch was left behind.
The troll, now noticing the puny human trying to take its life, turned towards me.
And I was fucked.
Oh, so so fucked.
The troll's previous attack had been a wild, pain-fueled swipe. Now, its gaze was laser-focused, promising a swift, brutal end. Its massive, hairy knuckles scraped the dirt as it gathered itself for a decisive blow.
My blade, a mere pinprick against its hide, felt laughably inadequate. Still, I couldn't bring myself to panic even if I wanted to.
Whether that'd be my end or not, my body knew what to do next.
I had to survive. That was the priority.
The world seemed to narrow to the span of heartbeats. Time dilated, each second stretching, elongating, becoming a yawning chasm of possibilities. I saw the troll's muscles bunch and coil, its tendons tightening like ship ropes under strain.
Its fist, a boulder of calloused skin and bone, arced towards me with the force of a battering ram.
I breathed out and moved.
I somehow managed to pirouette around the incoming fist, and, the moment it reached full momentum, I climbed on top of it. Like a bridge that led straight towards the motherfucker's face. With my sword raised above my head, I stabbed the blade deep into the creature's eye with both hands.
I felt momentarily sink in before the troll's other arm came swatting at me as if I were an annoying fly.
Unfortunately for me, I was swatted away just like one.
Jeremy seemingly predicted the path my body was going to be catapulted to, because the moment the troll's hand sent me flying, she was right there. She caught my flailing form with a grunt, the impact knocking the wind out of her. We tumbled together in a tangle of limbs, rolling to a stop in a patch of damp ferns.
The orb she was carrying slipped from her grasp, rolling a short distance away.
"Seb!" She climbed on top of me, holding me by the shoulders. "Are you okay, bro?"
I wheezed. I couldn't muster the air to form words, but I offered a weak, agonized smile.
Jeremy returned with her own radiant smile.
Oliver and Theo came running to check up on us. Jeremy slowly got off of me and helped me up. Thankfully, no one commented on the compromising position.
"You've got some serious balls." Oliver whispered, looking at me with a hint of respect. "An idiot, no doubt. But one motherfucking idiot with some serious balls."
Theo's eyes were still wide, shock written on her face. "That... was incredible."
"I was scared shitless." I said. "But we're alive. We're alive."
"Hell yeah." Jeremy pumped her fist. "Survival Tip Number Five: Aim for the dick!"
We looked towards the troll. It was still thrashing, but it seemed that it didn't have enough strength to pursue us any longer. It was honestly crazy how we went from barely surviving against goblins to this.
What the hell were we even thinking?
"Should we finish it off?" Oliver asked.
My whole body ached, yet I still nodded grimly. "We don't know how much of a grudge it can hold. Better to be safe than sorry."
Jeremy's gentle smile turned cold the moment she nocked yet another arrow. The bowstring was taut, her eyes focused.
The troll let out a defeated whimper.
Her fingers released the arrow, and it shot through the air with a hiss, embedding itself into the creature's uninjured eye. It screeched, its body flailing in agony, but it wasn't dead. "It's so damn tough!" Jeremy lamented as she kept firing arrow after arrow, filling each eye socket to the brim. And when she wasn't satisfied, she aimed for its urethra, the only other weak 'hole' exposed to the elements.
The creature began to weaken, but its chest still rose and fell. Stubborn bastard. To be honest, the pain was probably more debilitating than the injuries themselves.
I stopped Jeremy from nocking and potentially waste another arrow. "It's no use. We might as well finish it off ourselves."
"But how?" She asked, an eyebrow raised. "None of our weapons seem to be effective."
"Except for the eyes." Oliver pointed out.
Theo suddenly perked up. "We can go for its brain. Through the eye sockets. I think it's a big enough opening."
Jeremy grimaced. "Gross."
I shrugged. "We're doing it."
And so, we approached the wounded beast, its breathing labored, its body twitching sporadically. It let out a low, mournful moan, almost like a plea for mercy. I felt a pang of... pity? No, I couldn't afford to be sentimental. And if this monster posed a threat, then it had to die. I steeled myself, lifted my blade, and aimed for the gaping eye socket.
The sword pierced the soft tissue with a sickening squelch. Warm, thick blood spurted out, coating my arm and splattering across my face.
Jeremy, Oliver, and Theo each grabbed a rock to hammer down on the arrows embedded deep within the troll's nonfunctioning eyes, driving them deeper and deeper.
The troll's body convulsed violently, its limbs spasming in a macabre dance. I pushed deeper, twisting the blade, feeling the resistance of the creature's tough flesh give way to a mushier substance beneath.
It was a grisly, brutal affair. The troll thrashed and roared weakly, its pain palpable, its life force ebbing away with each merciless strike of our combined efforts.
After what seemed like an eternity, the troll's movements slowed, then stilled. A final, rattling breath escaped its grotesque maw, and then it was over.
We stood there, covered in its blood, our hands shaking, our hearts pounding.
"Holy fuck." Jeremy gasped, dropping her rock. "We did it."
"We did." I echoed, my voice hoarse.
Oliver let out a long, shuddering breath, her eyes wide. "I can't believe we just..."
I couldn't believe it either. Why did it feel easier than it should've been?
Theo was silent, her gaze fixed on the lifeless hulk before us.
"We fucking did it!" Jeremy hugged me tightly and quickly before releasing me.
And then we all exchanged high fives and silly choreographed fist bumps.
We climbed down. They all separated to gather the stuff we risked our lives for.
I looked at the carnage, at my friends. Mud-caked, blood-spattered, utterly exhausted, but undeniably alive. We were a mess. An absolute, glorious, troll-slaying mess.
And as the adrenaline finally began to recede, replaced by a bone-deep weariness and the throbbing chorus of a dozen bruises, one thought kept repeating itself in my mind:
What in the ever-loving hell were we becoming?