Chapter 13: Scam Me Once, Shame on Me... Wait, Is That a Fox Girl?!
I pocketed Susan's letter like a proper RPG protagonist prepping for a boss fight. The kind where you don't get a tutorial. Or armor. Or the emotional stability to survive.
Because let's be honest—this wasn't going to be a "chat." It was going to be a political landmine wearing perfume and a power suit.
Or so I thought.
I checked my phone and followed the map pin Susan had dropped—right to the edge of town, past the salty breeze of the coastal road where the cobblestones gave up and wild grass staged a comeback. Trees loomed like they were planning to unionize. The Whispering Seagulls Guild sat at the edge of civilization like a forgotten loading screen asset.
Seriously, the place looked like it had been rage-quit by God.
"...Is this it?" I muttered, tasting disappointment like expired cereal.
The building was a rotting warehouse, halfway reclaimed by moss and neglect. A peeling sign above the door declared, with all the charisma of wet cardboard:
"Whispering Seagulls Adventurers Guild"
Complete with a painted seagull that looked mid-existential crisis.
No roaring hearths. No beer-chugging warriors. Not even a rusty sword nailed to the wall for aesthetics.
Just silence. Thick, eerie, "something-is-definitely-haunted" silence.
I pushed open the creaky door, already expecting tetanus.
"Uh… hello? Is the Acting Guild Master here?"
My voice echoed like it was trying to escape.
The air inside was dusty, stagnant, and smelled faintly of rust, old tears, and dashed hopes. Light from grimy windows painted everything in a depressing amber glow. The place felt… wrong. Like a funeral for a dream no one showed up to.
And then I heard it.
Sob. Hic. Sob.
...Oh no.
Behind the massive reception desk, a small figure hunched over—shaking. A low, muffled, soul-wrecking cry echoing through the dead air.
She had fox ears.
Soft, russet-colored, and currently drooping so hard they practically scraped the desk. A fluffy tail curled beside her like it had also given up on life.
I cleared my throat. "Uh, hi. Sorry to interrupt the emotional breakdown but—"
She wailed louder.
SOB UPGRADE UNLOCKED.
Alright. That was a lot.
I crept closer and gently tapped her shoulder like she was a bomb made of feelings.
She EXPLODED off the stool like she'd been zapped. "KYAA!!" she shrieked, spinning around in full panic anime girl mode.
"W-When did you get in?! Why are you touching me?! Are you—are you one of those creepy merchant pervs?!"
"WHAT—No!" I yelped, backing up as she flailed with the effectiveness of a wet noodle. "Lady, I'm just trying to deliver a letter!"
She threw out some chaotic air punches. I dodged all two of them by existing.
"This is the Whispering Seagulls Guild!" she shouted. "And I'll have you know—one scream from me, and four thousand battle-hardened adventurers will appear in under sixty seconds!!"
I glanced around.
Empty. Dusty. Sad.
"Right," I said. "And I'm the secret heir to the Dragon Throne of Netflix."
She puffed up. "Everyone's out! On important, definitely-real, synchronized quests!"
"Oh, of course. A very popular Tuesday for goblin hunting."
Her tail twitched. "You're mocking me."
I sighed, already emotionally aged by this conversation. "Ma'am, I am not here to mock, flirt, or get stabbed with a soup spoon. I politely said hello, you were deep in Sad Girl Mode, I tapped your shoulder, and now we're here. Can we move on?"
She blinked. Her fox ears perked halfway, then drooped again. "Oh… business?"
Her eyes scanned me like I was a weird snack she hadn't seen before.
"You're here to register, aren't you?" she said suddenly. "Human male. Newish clothes. Not noble. Adventurer vibes. Yes, yes, this makes sense."
"Actually—"
"Lucky you!" she cut in, eyes blazing with capitalism and caffeine.
She yanked out a crumpled flyer and yelled:
"SEAGULLS SPECIAL GUILD PROMO!!"
"For just FIVE PILAK, we'll skip the entrance exam and register you immediately!" she announced like a gacha commercial.
"AND—for just TEN MORE—you get instant Bronze Rank! No slime-slaying. No paperwork. Just vibes."
She shoved a metal spoon in my face.
A very dull, very sad-looking spoon.
"LIMITED EDITION GUILD SPOON!"
"...Why a spoon?"
"WHY NOT A SPOON?!" she roared. "YOU CAN'T KILL MONSTERS ON AN EMPTY STOMACH!!"
She lunged across the desk, gripping my shoulders with scary strength. Her eyes sparkled with the purest desperation I'd ever seen in a business pitch.
"Come on! Best deal in the entire kingdom! Fifteen Pilak! Bronze Rank! Spoon! Glory!!"
I gently peeled her off me like a mildly possessed koala.
"That was... passionate," I said. "But I'm not here to register. I'm here to speak with the Acting Guild Master."
She stopped. Blinking. Then wilted.
"Oh," she said. The word dropped like a dead fairy.
"I'm… I'm the Acting Guild Master."
She gestured weakly to herself. "Tina Moran. For now. Probably not for much longer."
System Error: Pepito.exe has stopped responding.
I just stared.
This crying, scammy, spoon-wielding fox girl… was Tina "Smiles-Like-a-Blade" Moran?!
The terrifying woman who once looked at me like she was measuring my soul for resale?!
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
The shout blasted out of me like a fireball spell miscast by a caffeinated bard.
It echoed through the empty room like the sound of dignity leaving my body.
Not one adventurer showed up.
Not even a spoon salesman.
The mighty Whispering Seagulls Guild...
Run by a sobbing, possibly feral, fox girl running discount promos and emotional damage.
Perfect.
This was fine.
Definitely not unraveling.
Definitely not screaming internally.
This was going to be an adventure.
And I hadn't even left town yet.