It was often that he was made aware that he was an imperfect being. And that really frayed at his nerves. It was quite evident that it wasn't a healthy mentality by no stretch of the imagination, but if you were to really be put into that situation, then you'd be able to experience the sensations of his worn soul.
Frankly speaking, there was no doubt that the current Natsuki Subaru's frame of mind was in such a state.
Shaula:「――Master, master, where are we off to next?」
Subaru:「Ah, that's right...」
Shaula was walking right next to Subaru, humming as she went along, in high spirits. Looking up at hearing her question, Subaru pondered about it as he looked up ahead of the main road.
Ram:『For now I think we should head towards the west, right? Are you perhaps looking for civilisation? If you want to get away from civilisation then turn to the right and you can plunge right into the Great Waterfall, or so I'd hope.』
Subaru:「Don't make such a scary suggestion, Nee-sama….. That'll be the only feeling I'll end up getting from it you know.」
Her point wasn't just candid advice, but rather it was said in typical Ram-like fashion, the kind that was like she was exchanging poison. Whilst keeping that in his chest, Subaru decided to head westwards in accordance with her advice.
Subaru:「I am going to keep on heading to the west.... But, what will you do?」
Shaula:「Eh? Well, I'll be following Master without ever letting go, right? Since the time we were separated from each other was sooo long, it's gotten hard for me to be away from Master for even one second. Please take care of Shaula, who's always watching over you from good morning to good morning.」
Subaru:「From good morning to good morning, you say... How Scary! Wouldn't that be all throughout the day!」
Shaula:「Every day and night too.」
Shuddering at her rather grand stalkerish advance notice, Subaru cast his face down, a troubled expression adorning it. In all honesty, it felt strange that he had ended up walking along with Shaula.
There was Subaru who held shameful feelings of guilt and misery. And then there was Shaula who acted openly without any inhibitions. Though maybe with them as a combo, the balance of tension between plus and minus was kept at an equilibrium. But, in any case, even though Subaru certainly felt like he was helped out a lot by Shaula's behaviour, he couldn't think of what merits there lay from Shaula's perspective in accompanying him.
Shaula:「Master is Master; that's the number one thing for me, y'know」
Subaru:「...Honestly, I don't really get you. Are you seriously going to keep following me around?」
Shaula:「Of courssse! Haven't you heard of something called "Until Death does us Part"! I can't let the love that built up during the time we didn't meet go dry y'know~ . I won't leave Master's side anymore no matter what happens. I will even give birth to so many children, as many as in a baseball team!」
Subaru:「Don't you go throwing such horrifying fastballs around…..」
Stretching out her ample breasts, Shaula looked over at him with shimmering bright eyes. He covered his eyes with his palm. The depths of his heart were complex and hard to comprehend.
He wasn't really sure whether he should call Shaula's rather direct behaviour flirting, but in itself, as a man, Subaru wasn't necessarily unhappy. If he placed her eccentricity to the side, Shaula was a beautiful woman and quite attractive.
Subaru:「――――」
However, Natsuki Subaru's heart couldn't be shook by Shaula's temptations. Because such human-like emotions were things which could only be permitted in decent human beings. In brief, it was because they were absolutely unattainable capabilities for the current him.
Emilia:『I think it'd be better for Subaru to be a little more kind to Shaula. She keeps giving it her all like that, and even for all of that, isn't it pitiful?』
Suddenly, a chiming voice like a silver bell cut into Subaru's hesitation. Turning his gaze to his side, Emilia could be seen peering at Subaru's face. Subaru closed one of his eyes at her adorable pouting expression.
Subaru:「...Even though it's Emilia-tan saying that, don't you think that was really harsh? And here was me thinking that I knew how I thought about Emilia-tan.」
Emilia:『Uhm….. I guess. Maybe. Sorry. Of course, I'm lonely too; but I think it's pointless if you're always moping about it. After all…』
Subaru:「After all?」
Emilia:『After all, I'm already――』
As she narrowed her amethyst eyes, Emilia tried to continue her words from before. He'd want to immediately interrupt if there was something he didn't want to hear, but that was difficult. Not lending his ears to this Emilia's words was more difficult than cutting off the words of God.
However――,
Subaru:「Whoops」
Even if it was impossible to spontaneously interrupt her, he could still interrupt her due to external factors. Suddenly hearing a noise drawing closer from behind him, Subaru shifted his attention away from Emilia and made his way to the side of the main road. The sound of wheels drawing closer informed him that a dragon carriage was approaching.
At once, he pulled Shaula's arm and the two of them escaped from the path of the dragon carriage.
Shaula:「Yhaa, Master sure is aggressive….」
Subaru:「Get off」
Subaru boisterously avoided Shaula's hug who had been taking advantage of him having pulled her arm. Having been shook off, Shaula crashed against some trees along the main road, and she let out a shriek,「GYAAAA」
Giving a quick glance back at Shaula whose nose had turned red, still crashing against trees, Subaru waited for the dragon carriage to pass by and out of his sight, before going back onto the main road once again――
???:「Hmm?」
Ahead of him, the dragon carriage that had passed by Subaru and Shaula let out a sound and came to a halt. It didn't seem like it was due to any troubles with the carriage body. With that, he couldn't think of any reason for it coming to a stop other than because of Subaru and Shaula.
It was still the peak time of the day, but the road was deserted. Subaru increased his vigilance for a split second as if he'd come across bandits or the likes.
???:「――You wouldn't happen to be Natsuki Subaru-san by any chance?」
However, that vigilance quickly vanished too due to the call from the individual who had descended from the dragon carriage's driver seat. After calling out his name, the tall youth who should have been sat at the driver's seat of the dragon carriage walked over to Subaru, who had now let go of his vigilance.
It was an individual whose age was around about Subaru's, with grey hair that was tied up into a ponytail. Though his gentle features didn't give off any striking impressions, quite unexpectedly, his build was quite robust. He didn't give off the vibes that he performed manual labour, but it did look like his work involved some at least.
Regardless of such a first impression, what mattered the most for Subaru was that this youth recognised him, and that he had called out his name.
???:「Ahh, it's as I thought, it's Natsuki-san isn't it? It's been a long time.」
Subaru:「Aaah, well...」
He was a youth that greeted out to him with the familiarity of no doubt an acquaintance, even though there was a bit of a distance. As he hesitated on deciding how he would respond to him, Subaru looked around to his surroundings.
Receiving that look, Emilia, Beatrice and the others shook their heads. They had indicated that they had no clue who he was to Subaru. Emilia and the others, and Subaru as well, had thrown their hands up at that, but he hesitated in starting a conversation whilst pretending to know him.
That was Subaru's signature move, but he didn't want to do it right now due to various reasons. Seeing Subaru embroiled in confusion within his current mental state, the youth furrowed his well-shaped eyebrows and said,
???:「Oh, perhaps you've forgotten? It's me, Regin Suwen...My older brother, Otto Suwen, helps you out. We met once before at the village.」
Subaru:「Regin you say….. Ah, that Otto's!」
Regin:「When you say it like that Otto, it's almost like you're saying it like it's someone else's business, no?」
Showing a forced smile at that unnatural expression, Subaru clapped his hands together in comprehension in front of the youth―― Regin. Unfortunately, he couldn't remember Regin's figure, but he did know Otto's.
Now that it was mentioned, Regin and Otto's features did have many similarities with each other. There wasn't any doubts that they were brothers, and also acquaintances of Subaru.
Subaru:「It was my bad, it was my bad. Like you just caught me now at a time where various things are going on inside my head. That's why your name didn't come to me right away, or something like that.」
Regin:「Nono, I guess it couldn't be helped since you're in such a busy position. The royal selection has reached even my ears living in the remote countryside….. Nii-san isn't causing you any nuisances, right?」
Emilia:『Otto-kun causing you nuisances… what a preposterous thing to say, eh? Everyone of us has been helped out in various ways thanks to Otto-kun.』
Subaru:「Yeah. Otto's become a great help to all of us in the camp... something like that. If that guy wasn't there, it'd seem like things would be far more all over the place.」
Regin:「Is that… so? I guess that's good then...」
Though Regin expressed a vague sense of gratitude as he said that, it seemed that he was quite relieved to be told about the current state of his older brother. And after that, he flitted between looking at Subaru and Shaula who were standing a short distance away from each other.
Regin:「Even so, Natsuki-san, what are you doing in a place like this? I would think it'd be quite arduous walking on the main road without even riding on a dragon carriage….」
Subaru:「Aah, you're quite right there, or rather, how should I put it… I'd love to make use of a dragon carriage, or the likes if possible, but due a number of reasons doing that would be difficult. And, regarding what you said before about what I'm doing….」
Cutting his words off there, Subaru thought for a second. And then, he found the right words.
Subaru:「The current me is in the middle of reconsidering my own self…. you could say『A Journey of Self-Discovery』」
Regin:「A Journey of Self-Discovery…?」
Subaru「Mhhhm, that's right. A Journey of Self-Discovery... Gh-hahahaha!」
His own words were amusing; Subaru laughed involuntarily. Although "Self-Discovery" was a word which was common with young people, were there any other relevant words which fit this well with the current Subaru? If he thought about it, it wasn't so amusing.
Regin seemed to have vaguely felt that something was out of place at the state Subaru was in, and he said「Are you all right?」with a manner of concern for Subaru.
Regin:「Is something in your body not quite well? For a second, I was certain that this was the reason behind Natsuki-san recognising me so late, but since I've been mistaken for others often before…..」
Subaru:「My body isn't unwell, really. If you're talking about how I feel emotionally, then I'm on the confines of the worst I guess. But, it's thanks to you, Regin, that I'll hang in there. I was relieved to meet you here you know.」
Interrupting Regin's words, Subaru deeply bowed his head and expressed his gratitude. Seeing Subaru's attitude, Regin continued to get more and more bewildered. However, it seemed like he had furthered his conviction that Subaru's attitude before his eyes was quite abnormal. Regin made a resolute facial expression, and called out to Subaru with a「Natsuki-san」
Regin:「I don't really get the situation well, but for the time being, please come to the village with me. Let's talk about it in detail at my clinic. You need to rest.」
Subaru:「Are you speaking like a doctor?」
Regin:「Though my patients are earth dragons, livestock and the likes, I am a doctor. Have you forgotten that too?」
Subaru:「――Forgotten. Aaah, that's right. I've… forgotten?」
Regin:「Natsuki-san?」
If only he had forgotten, then for Natsuki Subaru, things likely would have ended up without him tasting the feelings of isolation that he had felt up until now. However, those feelings that tormented Natsuki Subaru were not easy things to forget.
Subaru:「Your village is further ahead, right? Have I ever stopped by?」
Regin:「Y-yeah, of course. In the past, when there was a bit of an issue, you, my older brother and that other guy came together...」
Subaru:「――I see. Thank you.」
He had been able to roughly hear what he wanted. He turned to face Regin, who had been daunted by Subaru's words, and continued.
Subaru:「The way you… and your older brother talk are very similar.」
Regin:「Huh?」
Subaru:「You are quite the good guy. Your brother seems to be a good guy too.」
That's why from hereafter, their『First Reunion』would also be terrible. By no means was it something that he'd derive pleasure from or look forward to.
Subaru:「――Shaula.」
Shaula:「Present; what's up Master?」
Subaru:「Don't hurt him.」
It was a short, nondescript call. But, by simply guessing his intentions, Shaula nodded with a「Arahorasassā」
(TL Note: this is a reference to Yatterman (A Japanese anime, which also got a film), where from some research the trio from the animated film says アラホラサッサー!in one of their songs. I'm going to leave this untranslated. But it's something like Hey, hey, hey.)
And――,
Subaru:「I'm sorry.」
Subaru apologised to Regin who was in front of him with a single phrase. The true meaning of his apology this time was far more clear than the vagueness of the one from some time before. However, Regin never understood the real meaning.
――That was because before Regin could understand, his head had been engulfed by light and had evaporated.
Subaru:「――――」
Regin's headless body collapsed onto the main road without him even letting out a cry of pain. An intense heat burned the wound, and even blood couldn't flow from the cross section of his neck.
Although it was ethically a mistake to praise how the murder had been carried out so skillfully, it was a blow that was so refined that he wanted to reflexively appraise it.
Subaru:「It's a thing of splendour no matter how many times I see it.」
Shaula:「It's the technique that I perfected sniping the Witch Beasts from the top of the tower that approached day in and day out, without having anything else to do for 400 years. Now that I think back on it, those are grey days unfitting for a maiden of age, right?」
Subaru:「You've lived for 400 years and you call yourself a maiden of age….?」
Without any emotion at the tragedy before his eyes, Subaru tilted his head at Shaula's words. And then, dragging Regin's headless corpse along, he approached his dragon carriage, that had lost its owner.
However, when the earth dragon noticed the approaching Subaru and the others, it immediately started to run away, trying to leave Subaru and others behind on the main road.
In an instant, a white light shot past Subaru's side and pierced through the dragon carriage's wagon. The attack penetrated into the earth dragon's flesh as it still pulled the dragon carriage along, burning its insides, piercing through its head and finally snatching away its life.
Though it was a rather skillful blow, it was an unwanted one.
Subaru:「...HEEEY」
Shaula:「Th-there weren't any hard feelings! It was legitimate self-defence! It's the result of having braced my legs trying to stop it in my own way! It's just that my killing machine habits don't go away so easily!」
Subaru:「I'm not angry. I'm not angry, but we may not be able to get ahold of a dragon carriage again now. When are we going to upgrade from travelling on foot.....」
He had no luck at all with earth dragons when he brought Shaula along like this. Thanks to her accompanying him, it'd already been determined that Subaru would be forced to keep walking on foot forevermore.
Shaula:「S―o, isn't it as I always say? Even if it's not an emergency, when it's Master, I will always carry you on my back~ And when I do, I won't even mind if you carelessly fondle anything strange! How's that!?」
Subaru:「It sounds like you're gonna ask for money after or something.」
Evading Shaula's temptation with his blunt words, Subaru pulled Regin's corpse into the forcibly stopped dragon carriage. The large body of the earth dragon had also fallen onto the main road having received the same fate as its owner, all the way to the point of having lost its head. Of course, the earth dragon couldn't be taken away with Subaru's strength. But.
Subaru:「For now, go drag the earth dragon along with the dragon carriage to the forest's vicinity. I will try go to the village that Regin spoke of. ――Do you get where I'll be?」
Shaula:「It's a piece of cake. I should try to make it so they aren't found, right?」
Subaru:「If they can't be found for a short while, that's fine. It's enough if they can be left hidden for 2 or 3 days.」
Getting off from the dragon carriage, he instructed Shaula to conceal the tragedy that had happened. Raising her hand in a salute of acceptance, Shaula grabbed ahold of the huge body of the earth dragon and easily lifted up its corpse in her slender arms. The dragon carriage also began to be pulled.
Whilst she went to hide the dragon carriage in the forest, Subaru turned to look towards where the village was.
Subaru:「Now then.」
Subaru started to walk, not without purpose, but with a set goal in mind. He walked straight towards the village Regin should have returned to.
How many people knew『Natsuki Subaru』 in that village?
Either too few or too many, whichever it was, it made him feel heavy in heart. But, although it was true that it was a matter of unpleasantness, were he to avoid it then he wouldn't be able to pick the right path.
It was a heartless choice, but it was one he had no choice but to do.
If. ――If I can at least get back『Natsuki Subaru』, everything will be alright.
Subaru:「Will getting him back even be effective?」
It's for that reason that Subaru made the choices『Natsuki Subaru』couldn't take.