So this is what awaits us after death darkness and emptiness…
I don't feel my body or even my thoughts, just occasional flashes of awareness that immediately fade, like sparks in the dark. Sometimes it seemed that I had already vanished, dissolved into this darkness forever, and only a vague hope prevented me from giving up completely.
How long had passed I didn't know. Maybe an eternity, or maybe just a moment. I tried counting, recalling, thinking but everything slipped away like water through my fingers. It felt as though I was stuck somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, life and death, with no way out.
And just when I'd nearly accepted that it would always be this way, that I was simply part of this endless void, suddenly something changed. First a slight tingling, then heaviness, cold, dampness.
This darkness was different from the one I'd been in before I noticed the difference immediately. It was hard to breathe, and I could feel my hands and feet distinctly, along with the cold and damp.
"Ugh." The moment I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw… no, it wasn't a ceiling or clear blue sky with clouds, but mud. Just wet mud and the imprint of my face in it. Pressing my hands against the ground, I peeled my body from the muddy puddle with difficulty. I say 'body' because there wasn't a stitch of clothing on me.
What about that grand reincarnation into an infant with terrifying diapers?
"Oink-oink."
"Oink-oink to you too, my friend," I addressed the carefree pig in the neighboring puddle.
"Oink-oink."
"Yes, I understand. Sorry for occupying your mud."
"Oink-oink."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving already." Ugh, the sensations of a real body were something else entirely.
"Hey you! What are you doing in my pigsty?" A man in dirty clothes emerged from an old barn.
"Oh. My sincere apologies, I ended up here by accident and was just about to leave."
"Why are you naked? Ah, I get it! You damned pervert, maniac!"
"Damn it." I immediately turned around and ran. Sure, I could have stayed and calmly explained, perhaps even begged for some clothes and maybe a cup of tea, but find another idiot willing to pacify someone charging at them with a pitchfork. Utilizing all my near-zero parkour skills, I swiftly vanished from the pigsty, deftly jumping over the fence.
Running barefoot on sparse grass wasn't exactly enjoyable, but what could I do life was precious. Meanwhile, the farmer, or whoever he was, gave up chasing me after just twenty or thirty seconds.
"Now where to?" After quickly looking around, I immediately realized how to start this new life.
Silently praying no one would notice, I crept toward another farm with a large cultivated field, aiming for the wooden single-story house or rather, the clothesline stretched between two thin wooden poles.
The clothes were cotton, clearly work attire, and two sizes too big, but a thief shouldn't complain. A white cotton shirt with long sleeves and brown shorts made from the same material. Wearing them without underwear was uncomfortable, but at least I wasn't cold anymore, and I could approach people without embarrassment.
Confirming this proved easy. As soon as I stepped onto the road near the farm, I saw a caravan heading my way. Due to my filthy appearance, I was initially cursed at and told to clear the road. Even after greeting them politely, they remained hostile. But I was persistent, blocking the horses' path until the driver, named Paku, was forced to speak with me.
After extensive questioning, I first learned the nearest settlement, excluding this five-house farm, was a two-hour walk away the city of Tanzaku, an economic center of the Land of Fire and one of its three largest cities.
As Paku prepared to continue his journey, he said, "Ah… Life sure got better after the war." When asked which war, he replied, "The Third Great Shinobi War, boy. You're kinda strange."
I shudder to imagine how wide my eyes opened in shock at that moment. I didn't even notice how or when Paku disappeared from view. I urgently needed more information. Tanzaku it is, then.
Tanzaku the city of debauchery and gambling attracted many traders. I drew this conclusion from the looks I received strolling its streets, understanding exactly why. I must have looked pretty awful, despite the mud on my face and body drying and crumbling off over time. Unfortunately, I'd hoped to find a river, but instead, all I saw were fields and forests. [ Image ]

Right now, of course, I could find a place to wash up and finally look presentable. But I remembered that I had no money and was beginning to feel hungry. Given my experience and knowledge, I knew just one safe and legal way to earn money in such a city. Thank you, Gypsies, for your teachings.
Rummaging through a trash bin, I found an empty tin can and, spotting a lively street corner, sat down with the can in front of me. I positioned myself out of everyone's way, staring at my empty can with the saddest look I could muster. [ Image ]

The effect surpassed my expectations my filthy appearance surely contributed.
"Tanzaku's really gone downhill, look at all these beggars. Under the previous governor" I never learned what happened under the previous governor. Noise drowned out his conversation with a lady of questionable virtue. A moment later, however, I heard the clink of my first honestly-earned 100 ryo. No idea if it was much, but I thanked the ten-year-old boy who gave it to me under his mother's approving gaze.
Heh, I looked so pitiful that kids begged their parents to toss me some money. Parents gladly obliged, teaching their kids valuable lessons about life choices and obedience lectures I heard in abundance over two hours.
The following hour was less profitable, and I quickly understood why finding a bag in the same trash bin, I transferred all my earnings there, leaving just a couple of coins in the can. Money soon flowed again.
Most of the handouts I got were from men walking with women, or from the women themselves, soft-hearted and sympathetic.
"Oh, you poor thing, here, take this - it's not much, but it's all I can give." Words like that came from their lips. One woman even offered to let me spend the night at her place for money - I got the hint, and honestly, I would've said yes if she hadn't been so fat and ugly. So I kept warming the ground with my butt, contemplating the Dao.
By evening, the crowd had grown, and I could keep earning, but the hour wasn't far off when I'd end up with hemorrhoids - the ground was starting to feel way too cold, and my stomach was twisting, thirst gnawing at me too. The whole time I sat there, I kept peeling off the last bits of dirt stuck to me, so now I figured I looked decent enough to at least get into a pub. As for my clothes smelling a bit funky - well, that's on whoever dried them, clearly not a fan of laundry detergent.
"Hello." I greeted the classic bartender, forever wiping mugs with a rag. "I'd like something light to drink - don't want my empty stomach complaining - and a good, hearty meal."
"Good evening. Will you be able to pay?" I smiled and lifted my bag, giving it a little shake so the coins would jingle. "Alright, your order will be ready in ten minutes. You can sit anywhere you like."
Ah, the Japanese - polite even to people who look like bums. I guess that's a good thing. Though, if I'd tried to walk into a restaurant, I bet they'd have politely shown me the door, probably calling me something I wouldn't even understand. I guess folks like me aren't so rare in places like this.
"Waitress! Two more pitchers!" The loud female voice didn't surprise me - what surprised me was who it belonged to.
What the hell is she doing here? And how am I supposed to believe in coincidences like this? Who is it? Of course, it's Tsunade herself, in the flesh. Hm, what was her last name again? I think I forgot, oh well. I'll sit closer, get a better look - it's not every day you see Tsunade herself, the woman with the biggest… medical skills in all of Naruto.
I sat down at a round wooden table in the center of the bar. She was about two meters away, by the window on a couch, looking in a great mood judging by her face and the number of empty clay bottles on her table.
"Tsunade-sama, maybe that's enough? You've had more than usual."
"Shizune, you're at it again? Am I a medic-nin or… what was it… ah, whatever, don't kill the mood." Shizune - so that's her apprentice's name. Hm, and yeah, she really does look like a piglet in a vest. Ton-Ton, I think. Funny, I remembered the pig's name better than her owner's. Kishimoto really dropped the ball with that character.
For the next ten minutes, I sat there with the same expression as Tsunade, listening to her apprentice's boring lecture about the dangers of alcohol.
How does she put up with it? I'm sure this isn't the first time Shizune's given her this talk. Though, maybe the real question is how Shizune puts up with this side of her teacher.
"Here's your order, enjoy your meal."
"Thank you." I nodded slightly to the waitress, who gave me a bright smile. Ah, good people, these Japanese - at least in Naruto. Back in my city, waiters serve food like they're doing you a cosmic favor, but here, I wouldn't even mind leaving a tip.
Tonight's menu was stew - no surprise there - and a bowl of rice. There was also a plate of simple tomato and cucumber salad. All in all, I was satisfied, and the taste wasn't bad. I'd have added more spices to the stew and poured some sauce over the rice, but it was good enough.
Just as I thought, people in this world drink more than just sake. It'd be weird if, with access to yeast, no one had come up with beer. I refuse to believe that, out of millions of people, not a single idiot tried to drink fermented yeast.
"Ah, good beer!" I drained my mug. Glancing at the next table and seeing the state Tsunade was in, I realized it was time to act.
"Sis, how about we liven up the evening with a little fun?"
"Mmm? Who the hell are you, and what do you want?" she asked, frowning, while Shizune eyed me suspiciously, like she was about to pounce. [ Image ]

"I want to play cards. I know a couple of games no one in this city's ever heard of. Interested?"
"A new card game?" She blinked a couple of times, looked me over, and gave a slight smile. "Interesting. Alright, let's play a few rounds - show me what you've got."
"I'll be right back." I went to the bar and managed to talk the bartender into lending me a deck. I was just about to head back to the ladies when someone grabbed my sleeve.
"Kid, just be careful. That woman once broke my bar counter with a single finger."
"Ohh, thanks for the warning." Seriously, these people are sweethearts - I'll definitely leave a tip.
I returned to the table, and now, instead of empty bottles, there were two full ones. Shizune, looking a bit sour, had moved to sit next to Tsunade. Yeah, I probably didn't look my best.
"So… what's this game, kid?" she said with mild boredom, pouring herself another shot.
"Poker."
****
[Some time later]
"Alright, I get the rules. Let's play again."
"Great. Shizune-san, want to join us?"
"I'll pass," she said, stroking the piglet. Though, she was watching with interest.
"How about you, Ton-Ton?"
"Oink."
"Got it. Well, in that case, I suggest we spice things up a bit - make the game more fun."
"And how exactly?" I smiled and lifted my bag.
"Tsunade-sama, let's stop and go. You're almost out of money."
"Shizune, back off. I'm about to win it all back - I've got the hang of this game now."
Heh, yeah right. It's hard to keep losing at Durak once you know the rules, but even so, she was losing more than she was winning.
"But you're swaying in your seat - how are you going to play like this?" That was a problem too. There was another pile of pitchers on the table. Honestly, one was enough for me to be in a "very pleasantly tipsy" state.
"I'm telling you, I'll win it all back. Just lend me ten thousand ryo."
"No, Tsunade-sama, we're leaving. You've had enough for today!"
"Excuse me." I raised my hand. "You're heading to the inn now, right?"
Tsunade nodded, and Shizune gave me a wary squint.
"Then, if you don't mind, I'd like to join you. I've got nowhere to stay either, and I'd like to rent a room. Plus, I really enjoyed your company. I'd love to freshen up and keep the fun going. And… I've got a great game in mind - it's better with a big group, but three of us will do."
"Oh, I see… alright, come with us, Akir a-kun."
"But, Tsunade-sama…"
"Shush. I'm perfectly fine… *hic*."
"Great. Then, as the winner, I'll pay our bills - that's only fair."
Tsunade just waved her hand and, with Shizune on her arm, headed for the exit.
A one-man show. I knew perfectly well she could sober up in seconds if she wanted to. Maybe she was staying drunk on purpose - soul problems and all that.
🔥~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~🔥
Thank you so much for the power stones! I really appreciate the support!