đ§ [Intro music: a trap remix of a cat meow, a door creak, and someone whisper-screaming "COFFEE!"]
Genie:"WAZZZZZUP, you soggy cinnamon rolls! It's your boy, your legend, your holographic hype-man â GENIE! Broadcasting live from the kitchen-slash-magic-hub-slash-cat-kingdom of House Mysterio."
Camera pans: A countertop covered in glitter, toast crumbs, and three separate half-full mugs of tea.
"Today's episode: The Morning Routine of Beans and Yours Truly. You want motivation? Structure? Skin-care secrets? TOO BAD."
â Step 1: Wake Up (Optional)
The genie appears in midair, yawning dramatically, wearing fuzzy slippers that moo when he walks.
"Rise and vibe, baby. The sun is up, which means I must also be up. Tragic."
Cut to Beans curled up on a toaster. Wearing a sleeping mask. Tiny crown slightly askew.
The genie whispers:"Her Majesty is not to be disturbed before 10 a.m. Or before tuna."
Beans flings the toaster off the counter with one paw.
"Noted."
𧟠Step 2: Hygiene (Chaos Edition)
Genie slaps on under-eye glitter instead of concealer. Calls it "emotional armor."
He brushes his teeth with a lightsaber. It hums.
Beans? Licks her paw, wipes it across her ear, and knocks a vitamin bottle off the shelf.
Genie:"Self-care: nailed it."
đ˝ď¸ Step 3: Breakfast
The genie floats six eggs, an orange, and a block of cheese.
He yells: "BEANS! Today, we cook like royalty."
Beans swipes an egg out of the air. It hits the wall. She watches it fall. Then walks away.
"She's a food critic," Genie says, dodging the orange that rebounds off the fridge.
Somehow, toast catches fire.
Beans puts a cereal box in the oven.
Genie: "...We're gonna DoorDash."
đ§ Step 4: Mental Health Minute
Genie lays upside-down on the couch, wearing lavender eye patches and blasting whale sounds.
Beans meditates by staring unblinkingly at the corner of the room.
Genie whispers:"What does she see? A ghost? A dream? Her tax fraud investigator?"
Beans blinks.
đş Step 5: Daily Affirmations (Screamed at Full Volume)
Genie jumps onto the coffee table."Repeat after me, beautiful goblins!"
"I am majestic!""My trauma is valid but not the boss of me!""If I want shrimp, I deserve shrimp!"
Beans chirps.
A floating sock high-fives them both.
đ¤ [Outro music: a jazzy remix of Beans purring and the genie yelling "SLAYYYYYY"]
Genie signs off:"And that, fellow weirdos, is how you win your morning without knowing how time works! Join us next week when we try to organize the bookshelf by emotional damage levels."
Beans knocks over the bookshelf.
"TOO SOON, MAJESTY," Genie gasps, "too soon."