- "Blergh… cough, cough… bleeeergh. Please, God. Make it stop, I'm begging you." My hands grip the edge of the toilet seat, as I duck my head, breathing raggedly and my throat burning like boiling water had been poured over it. The night passed peacefully despite Hana's sudden decision; I arrived home and my uncle helped me up to my apartment, while Mariko held my hand to keep me from tripping on the steps.
"Jinta, my boy. Don't think about what that girl told you anymore. You need to calm down so your treatment goes smoothly. Remember the doctor recommended you avoid any strong emotions so as not to upset your liver." My uncle's words barely reached my ears, as if something were hitting my eardrums. A slight buzzing sound had been ringing in my head ever since I saw Hana drive off in that car.
As she got into the backseat, in the distance I could see the silhouette of what appeared to be a man waiting for her. Who could it be? Was it a boss from work? She'd said that due to her schedule she might be late for the children's presentation at the orphanage, but she arrived an hour after the scheduled time. It wasn't the first time she'd attended an event like this; she knew the director kept her time punctually.
For a moment I thought she was just looking for an opportunity to cut our ties, otherwise why would she react that way when she knows there's nothing between Mariko and me.
My head was starting to hurt and the light from the lamp in the entrance of my apartment seemed so blinding that I could barely keep my eyes open.
"Jinta-kun. Are you feeling okay?" Tilting her head slightly, Mariko wore a worried expression as she saw me hunched over with my face bowed. I felt an intense pressure in the pit of my stomach, as if something was about to fly out at any moment. My tongue tightened and my neck stiffened as I hurried to insert the keys into the lock of my house.
I didn't even have time to make it to the bathroom; at the entrance to the apartment, I fell to my knees and vomited the entire contents of my stomach, unable to stop. The spasms in my stomach wouldn't stop, causing my esophagus to contract violently to the point where it felt like it was being ripped out.
- "Champ! Don't worry, we're here with you. Mariko-chan, please get the mop and a bucket of water. I'll take Jinta to the bathroom."
"Yes, Mr. Tanaka!" Mariko quickly went to the cleaning supplies room, while my uncle practically dragged me to the bathroom, where I continued to release almost all of my humanity with every retch. This lasted a few minutes before it stopped, to the point where the last thing I vomited was bile.
It was already past 9 p.m., and both Mariko and my uncle were still with me when I was already lying down on the futon.
- "Jinta-kun, do you no longer feel like vomiting?"
- "No, Mariko, I feel a little better now. I just feel dizzy and all kinds of spinning, but other than that, I'm fine." Placing her hand on my forehead, Mariko brought her other hand to her chest and closed her eyes as if she were beginning to chant a silent prayer with all her might.
- "Boy, don't come help me at the bakery tomorrow. You need to rest and recharge your batteries."
- "But man, we don't have enough stock for tomorrow's orders. How could I stay home when you have so much work?"
"Absolutely not! That's my final decision." With his arms crossed, my uncle's expression was filled with profound severity, like that of a father trying to reprimand an arrogant son, provoking a feeling in me I thought I'd long forgotten.
"Your uncle is right, Jinta. What you need most now is to get some proper rest so you can start your chemotherapy. I'll stay and help Mr. Tanaka. I've learned a lot from him, and I think I can be helpful."
- "But Mariko, what will your parents say about you staying in a house where there are only two men?"
"My parents went on a trip to Hokkaido a couple of days ago to visit some relatives. It's practically just Hana-chan and me. Besides, my sister doesn't usually pay any attention to me at all; you don't have to worry; there's no safer place for me than your house." Forcing a smile, Mariko's face was visibly filled with profound loneliness. Aside from her strained relationship with Hana, things hadn't been going well with her biological father and stepmother lately.
- "If things are like this, I don't see what the problem would be, kid. Mariko can stay in the staff break room after she's finished helping me bake the dough. I'll drop her off at her house first thing tomorrow morning, and that shouldn't be a problem." Looking at each other with a knowing smile, both Mariko and my uncle had beaten me in that duel of arguments. Making me laugh a little, relieving my stress.
When they left my room, a deep tiredness made my eyelids feel heavy, and I fell asleep until the next morning. But all it took was the sound of the alarm clock for my body's physiology to make me run straight to the bathroom to vomit once more.
"Jinta-kun, are you awake?" Knocking on the front door, Mariko held a tray with a bowl of rice porridge. Dark circles under her eyes were noticeable, as if she hadn't been able to sleep during the night.
- "Mariko, did you stay up all night helping my uncle?"
- "What? No, of course not! Mr. Tanaka and I finished the trays of bread just after midnight. The thing is, I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking about you, Jinta-kun."
- "Sorry?"
- "Not like that, silly! Oh my god, I was worried about how you looked before we left you, and I was so anxious I couldn't sleep. I even thought about coming over in the middle of the night to check on you, but I was afraid of waking your uncle." – Mariko's nervousness seemed charming to me. Watching her tremble with anger, her cheeks puffed out and slightly reddened, reminded me of a little squirrel being teased.
Seeing her like that made me want to keep playing with her, but a slight dizziness made me lean against the door frame, our faces level with each other. Our gazes met, gazing into those pearly brown eyes. My heart felt strange, making me take a step back as I asked her to come in.
"I'm going to put the tray on the table. Try to eat it all and go back to your bed so you can rest a little longer. I'll be leaving. I'll see you later, Jinta-kun." Watching her leave the hall, I quickly stood up and instinctively reached for her arm. As if I didn't want her to leave my side.
Both she and I were surprised, letting go of her wrist to bow slightly in apology.
- "Mariko-chan, I'm so sorry. I just wanted to ask if you have any plans for this afternoon."
- "This afternoon? Mmmmm, I'm meeting Akira-kun and Kaede-chan in the shopping district to buy some materials we're going to use for some costumes the acting club requested. Why Jinta-kun? Oooooh, you want me to stay with you longer! Heh, heh, heh." Hiding her lips with her fingertips and with overly playful, smiling eyes, Mariko was getting revenge on me for how I greeted her at the door.
- "If I told you it was like this, would you do it?" – Mariko's face turned as red as a tomato, she began to stutter, unable to say a single coherent sentence while waving her arms like a koala trying to hold on to a branch.
- "Is that a no?"
"Of course I'm coming, idiot." Mariko punched me lightly in the chest, trying to avoid looking at me. This innocent and pure reaction made me feel a little happy, and at the same time, it stirred a slight feeling of guilt.
I felt lonely. In my selfishness, I wanted someone by my side, and I felt like I was taking advantage of Mariko. But Hana-chan's words echoed in my subconscious. It was true. I'd lived a long time to please others. It shouldn't be wrong to be a little selfish from time to time. Besides, Mariko and I had drawn a clear line in our relationship, so it was just a couple of friends fooling around.
- "I'm leaving now, I'll see you in the afternoon!" – Hurrying to the stairs, Mariko bumped into my uncle apologizing for bumping into him, resuming her path again until my eyes could no longer see her.
- "Did you bother Mariko-chan again?" – Smiling at me as he took my shoulder, my uncle walked into the apartment with me and we sat at the table while I ate the breakfast Mariko had brought for me.
"She's a good cook, that Mariko. When I woke up, I found her standing at the stove cooking that dish for you, boy. If you had seen the expression on her face, you'd have said she was a newlywed cooking for her husband."
- "Stop it, man! Please!"
- "Ha, ha, ha, ha. Come on, man, I found it quite funny seeing her in the apron while humming a song from the radio. There's no doubt that girl is quite in love with you."
- "Dude, you know very well that I'm in a relationship with Hana-chan."
"Oh, yeah. The same Hana-chan who made a stupid jealous scene in front of everyone and then told you she needed time. That same Hana-chan?" My uncle tapped his fingertips rhythmically on the table, leaning his body closer to mine. His expression was overly serious, as if he was holding back his anger at the way Hana had behaved.
- "Aaaaaah, I really don't understand you, champion. It's true that Hana-chan is pretty, but that temperament doesn't match her looks. If she's behaving like that now, I don't even want to imagine when you're married. Look at me! I married deeply in love with your aunt Hitomi; during our courtship, she always seemed like the ideal woman with whom I could start a family, but as soon as we got married, she changed completely." Wiping the sweat from his face with his hand, my uncle shook his head as if lamenting the memory of his failed marriage.
- "Just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it's the same for me."
"True, you're right. Maybe everything will work out for you, that after you get married and make a home, she'll become the best version of herself as your wife. But what I mentioned could also happen. You never really get to know the person you fall in love with." Lifting his gaze to the ceiling, my uncle sighed deeply and lowered his face again to look at me.
- "By the way, Jinta. Your mother just called me a few minutes ago asking for you. Have you told her what the doctor told you?"
- "No, I haven't done it yet, Uncle. I don't feel capable of facing her and telling her that her son could die."
- "Die? Don't be silly, Jinta. You're undergoing treatment to get better; it's obvious you're struggling to hold on to this world. I don't think there's a god who would ignore a good boy's strong desire to live."
- "The treatment isn't 100 percent safe. The doctor said it was a possibility, but nothing concrete."
- "Tch, again with that pessimism. Look, kid, I know you're scared, but trust me; I've known you since you were a kid hunting cicadas and beetles in the forest. You'll survive, you can be sure of it." With a sincere smile, my uncle looked at me with the expression a father would give to his son. In my afflicted heart, that expression reminded me of my late father, causing a few tears to spring to my eyes.
- "Calm down, champ. Everything's going to be okay." Gently hugging me, I felt my uncle's firm arms surround me completely, transmitting his warmth to my aching body.
"You have me, kid. Besides Mariko, who's your best friend, and above all, your mother will support you as well. Even though you two don't see each other often, she's always been sending your allowance every month without fail. If she didn't care about you, she would have forgotten about you a long time ago."
- "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, uncle. I don't know what was going through my head. Mom must know what's going on. I can't keep hiding things from her." After saying goodbye to my uncle, who was about to leave to make deliveries, I went to the convenience store to buy some drinks and snacks to welcome my mother.
When I returned to the apartment, I began cleaning every corner as if I were doing a New Year's cleaning. Feeling fatigued at times, as if I were short of breath, I sat down occasionally to resume my work. When I finished tidying everything, I went down to the bakery and stood at the counter serving customers while my uncle returned from making deliveries.
It was just around 6 p.m. on my cell phone clock when a woman crossed the threshold. Her hair, cut short to her chin, had once been jet black, turning coppery brown. The wire-framed glasses she used to wear had been replaced by contact lenses, and the face that had once been familiar to me seemed so different that for a second I couldn't recognize her.
- "Mother?"
- "Hi, Jinta. Long time no see."
- "Yes, it's been a while. How have you been, Mom?" – The confidence I'd felt a couple of hours ago had completely collapsed in front of my mother. That appearance, so at odds with the vivid memories I had of her from my childhood, prevented me from fully concentrating, making it difficult for the words to leave my lips.
- "I see you're still displaying that same nervous demeanor. You're still very immature." The sharp words coming out of my mother's lips made me feel a little distressed, just like the day my father died, when Mom's temperament toward me seemed to have changed little.
- "Champ, I'm back. You won't believe what I found on my way there…! Oh, Kaori-san. Welcome back. Long time no see."
- "Hello Makoto-san. You're right, it's been a while, we can barely reach each other by phone. Is business going well?"
- "Yes, business couldn't be better. Jinta-kun is practically the face of the bakery; without him, I don't think this place would have any customers."
- "Mmmmm, now I see where Jinta gets his personality. It seemed so strange to me that he was so different from his father." With a mischievous tone in her voice, my mother smiled at my uncle, who maintained a serious appearance.
"Jinta, boy. Go with your mother to the second floor, I'll take care of the rest of the day at the counter. You two have a lot to talk about." Adjusting his cap while lowering his face, my uncle stepped aside as he made way for my mother.
"Psss. Kid, calm down." Muttering those few words of encouragement, my uncle took me by the shoulder and smiled discreetly before patting me lightly on the back. As if he knew every part of me, the man who raised me since I was a child knew how I felt at that moment.
"Wow, this place seems pretty decent. I also notice you keep it pretty clean; I thought all young people would have a mess in their room, but I see I was wrong about you. I don't notice much in the apartment, though. Do you like living so frugally?" Running her finger along the edges of the window like a maid checking on a housekeeper, Mom looked at every corner of the apartment without changing her expression.
"Mmmmm, I see you still have this." Holding a framed photograph, my mother smiled briefly at the image. In it, Dad was holding me when I was barely a year old, and beside him, Mom's face lit up as she hugged him. Seeing my mother smile gave me a brief moment of happiness; it had been years since I'd seen her smile, that same smile she'd given me when Dad was still alive.
But that moment became as brief as the glow of a shooting star that is extinguished in the firmament, returning to the same serious expression with which he once again directed his gaze towards me.
"As I was saying a moment ago, it's been a while since we've seen each other, Jinta. A lot has happened during this time, and I think I should at least be honest with you. Please sit down." As if it were a meeting with the school counselor, the atmosphere in the room felt so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Mom sat in front of me and, resting her arms on the table, looked me in the eyes with an authoritarian expression.
- "Your uncle told me you were hospitalized due to an accident during your last race. Is that true?"
- "Yes, that's right, Mom. In fact…" I was just trying to work up the courage to tell her the diagnosis I was facing when she interrupted me.
- "Aaaaaaah… Seriously, you only know how to do useless things. Instead of concentrating on that hobby, you should focus that energy on your studies." Those words were like a slap in the face; all this time I had strived to excel as an athlete, I had done it so that she would turn her attention to me and somehow make her feel proud. That my father's sacrifice hadn't been in vain and that thanks to it I was climbing to the top. But all I received from her in that instant were malicious words filled with resentment.
- "Mom, I…"
- "By the way, I got married again."
- "That?"
- "Just like you heard, I'm now a married woman again. Six years ago, some friends convinced me to go on a blind date with someone they knew. We dated for five months and decided to formalize our relationship. During this time, we've been living together, and just three years ago, we had a daughter."
"So I have a father and a sister?" Slamming her palms down on the table, my mother exhaled in disgust and looked up at me.
- "That's precisely why I came here today. Jinta, I've discussed this with my husband, and we don't think it's appropriate for us to continue maintaining our ties. That's why I've come to notify your uncle that I'm removing you from the family register." – I felt like everything was moving in slow motion, my body felt as if I were carrying a heavy stone slab, and my skin was turning cold from the shock.
My mother, the mother I'd longed for so long to forgive me for my father's death, stabbed my heart with that news, making me feel so miserable. I tried not to cry, I fought with all my might, clenching my hands under the table until my nails bled.
"Oh, really? You hate me that much, Mom? Aren't I your son?" Unable to contain myself any longer, I screamed at the top of my lungs, rising from my chair, trembling with helplessness. Meanwhile, she remained unmoved, confident at all times that she could handle the situation.
- "Honey, are you okay?" – On the other side of the door, a man's voice echoed off the walls of the apartment, struggling with the handle, forcing me to open it.
- "How dare you yell at my wife!" – Without even introducing himself or giving me time to speak, that man threw a punch at my face, making me fall to the floor until my back hit the table.
- "Matsuba-san, please stop!" – My mother, who until recently had been indifferent, got up from her seat and ran to the man instead of going to see how I was doing.
My mouth tasted like blood, and a tingling sensation pierced my lip like wasp stings. With a burly build, the menacing expression of that man never took his eyes off me.
- "So that's the man you married, isn't it, Mother?"
- "Mrs. Matsuba, this is your brat! I started a family with her and now we have a daughter, so I don't want a boy who has only brought pain to my wife to be near us." Slowly getting up from the ground, I brought my hand to my jaw, trying to rub my wound that was throbbing furiously in time with my heartbeat.
I wanted to hit that bastard. I wanted to knock him down on the floor and beat his face until his face was unrecognizable. But my weakness was making me stagger so much that I couldn't stand, and I fell back onto the chair, completely powerless.
- "So, that's all you've come for. I'd appreciate it if you'd leave my house before I call the police."
- "Police? What the hell are you talking about, brat!"
"Breaking and entering, assault and battery. Don't you think that sounds good, Mr. Matsuba? It would be interesting to see how you handle the fact that a middle-aged man punched a high school student who was talking to his mother… oh, that's right. Sorry, it's Mrs. Matsuba now." Spitting blood onto the tatami, I raised my furious gaze to the man who could barely control himself against the evidence being thrown in his face.
- "Bah. I don't need to get my hands dirty with an impertinent boy like you, honey, I'll wait for you in the car." – Forcefully removing my mother's hand from his chest, Matsuba stormed down the stairs, his footsteps audible.
- "What? Do you still have something to say, Mrs. Matsuba?"
"Jinta..." There was a slight hint of regret on her face as she watched my face bruised from the blow her husband had sent her toward me. When she approached me, for a brief moment, I felt a glimmer of hope that she would apologize for what had happened. But contrary to my expectations, she pulled a thick envelope from her purse and placed it on the table.
- "There are 2 million yen in this envelope. That's the last amount I can give you. Use it for your studies."
- "Ha, ha, ha, ha. Seriously? 2 million yen is how much you value your son's life?"
- "What are you talking about?"
- "Get out and don't come back. Take that damn money and get lost. I don't want to hear anything more about you. To me, my mother is dead. You died that night that drunk driver hit us." – Throwing the envelope of money at her feet, I brought my hands to my head while laughing maniacally, unable to control my emotions.
- "Jinta…"
"GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!" My scream echoed throughout the room, causing the neighbors to hear the commotion and look out their windows. My mother looked at me in fear, slowly picking up the envelope, then left the room and got into the car, which sped off.
- "My boy, what did they do to you?" – Entering through the door, my uncle ran towards me and examined my face, snorting in rage at how they had treated me.
- "How could your mother allow this!"
- "Dude, that woman isn't my mother anymore. She just told me she's going to remove me from the family registry."
- "What crazy thing are you talking about?" - Taking me by the shoulders, my uncle trembled with anger. He tried to contain himself, but the news and my bruised appearance did little to help him control himself.
Suddenly a thunderclap rumbled in the cloudy sky, releasing the first drops of rain that began to moisten the ground outside.
"Stay here, son. I'm going to the pharmacy to buy some painkillers to treat your wound." Left completely alone in the room, I grabbed my phone and tried to contact Hana to tell her what had happened. It was true that she'd asked me for time to think about our relationship, but damn, I was so broken inside that I wanted her to listen. I wanted her to come running, quit her job, see the wreck I was, and tell me everything would be okay and that I could count on her.
But every attempt to call her sent me to voicemail, until the operator suddenly mentioned that the device was unavailable.
"Pffff. Ha, ha, ha, ha… Damn it!" Furiously throwing my phone to the ground, I shot up from my chair, fueled by adrenaline, and walked outside. Dizzy from everything my mind was struggling to process, I trudged through the cold rain soaking my body. I was so numb that I couldn't feel the torrential rain on my skin. My mind was lost, my head reeling from reason as I wandered down the street, idly watching the crowd.
Minutes passed and an hour passed, an hour walking alone in the emptiness of my thoughts, hiding my tears with the raindrops that drowned out my moans with the thunder they made on the ground.
- "Jinta-kun?" – Accompanied by her club friends, Mariko held an umbrella with her eyes almost popping out of their sockets.
- "Mariko-chan, is that Jinta-kun, the ace of the track team? Why does he look beaten up?" – A boy on her right, with a slightly feminine appearance, grabbed her arm, causing me to turn my gaze in his direction while smiling at him. Causing a shiver to fall upon his face as he looked at the blank expression on my face.
- "Akira, Kaede, please. Grab your things and take them with you. We'll meet in the club room tomorrow."
- "Are you sure Mariko-chan?"
- "Kaede, listen to me!" – Mariko was completely upset, seeing me in that state, her composure was lost and she yelled at her friends, something she had never done before.
- "It's okay, Mariko-chan. If you need us, call us. Let's go, Kaede." Taking his companion's arm, the boy gave me a slight bow and they left, leaving us alone.
- "Jinta-kun. Come on, you're completely soaked and shivering from the cold. Please follow me." Taking my arm to lead her closer, Mariko carried my battered body along the street of the shopping district.