I woke up face-first in mud.
Birds chirped above me. Leaves rustled. A squirrel stared at me like I owed it money.
"Where the hell…?"
> [Welcome to the Outer Edge of the Eastern Cultivation Continent.]
[Host is currently lying in: unidentified mud.]
[Status: Weak. Filthy. Slightly pathetic.]
I groaned and sat up. My robes were ragged. My face was probably a punchline.
The system? Still chirping like it thought it was funny.
> [Initial Quest Assigned!]
Mission: Collect 5 sticks.
Reward: One moldy biscuit.
Bonus Reward: If completed under 3 minutes… you get 2 moldy biscuits.
I squinted.
"Sticks? Biscuit? You woke me up from death for this?"
> [Host needs to survive. Use resources wisely.]
[Note: Biscuit has mild healing properties and a 62% chance of inducing diarrhea.]
"You're literally offering me a weaponized snack."
---
I stood up and looked around.
It was a beautiful forest — tall jade-green trees, sparkling rivers, the scent of spiritual herbs in the air.
Perfect setting for some cultivation genius with a destiny to awaken.
Too bad that wasn't me.
I found the first stick under a bush.
"Stick One. Great. I'm on my way to becoming Stick Sage."
The second one poked me in the eye.
"Stick Two. This one came with attitude."
The third? A bird pooped on it before I could grab it.
"You know what, I'm naming you Sh*tstick."
> [Progress: 3/5 sticks collected.]
[Time remaining: 56 seconds.]
[Reminder: bonus moldy biscuit still available.]
I ran.
Not because of the biscuit. Okay, yes — exactly because of the biscuit.
I was that hungry.
---
With five seconds left, I dove toward the last stick, skidded across the dirt, and grabbed it like it was a lost treasure.
> [Quest Complete!]
[You have received: Moldy Biscuit ×2]
[Bonus Acquired: Emotional Damage Resistance +0.0001%]
"…what?"
> [New Quest: Eat the biscuit.]
"I'm not eating this fungal grenade!"
> [Warning: Failure to consume will result in hunger debuff.]
I stared at the biscuit. It looked like a fossilized shoe sole with green moss.
I sighed.
"Fine. But if I die, I'm haunting that goddess."
---
I took a bite.
It crunched like old stone and tasted like betrayal.
But... I didn't die. Actually... I felt a slight warmth spread through my chest.
Then I heard growling.
A boar — no, a spiritual boar — was staring at me from the bushes.
> [Emergency Quest Triggered!]
Survive for 60 seconds.
Reward: A broken wooden dagger.
Bonus Reward: System might call you something other than meatbag for a full day.
The boar snorted, pawed the dirt, and charged.
I screamed.
And thus began my glorious adventure... running from pigs and chewing moldy biscuits like they were divine treasure.