Let's clear this up from the start:
I didn't die saving a child.
I didn't die fighting a demon.
I didn't even die doing something cool like skydiving with a sword in my teeth.
No.
I died because a goddess sneezed.
And apparently, her divine allergy caused a ripple in space-time that accidentally disintegrated me on a completely unrelated Earth… while I was microwaving noodles.
Yeah.
That's my luck.
---
✨ Heavenly Court of Divine Accidents ✨
I wake up surrounded by floating golden clouds and the soft scent of peach blossoms. In front of me?
A glowing woman in white robes, celestial hair flowing like it's permanently caught in a shampoo commercial.
She looks at me.
I look at her.
She looks embarrassed.
"…Oops," she says.
"…What the hell?" I say.
"You weren't supposed to die."
"Oh, cool. That helps."
"It was a sneeze! A divine sneeze! Spatial laws got temporarily scrambled and your soul got—well—yeeted."
"Yeeted. You're a goddess who says yeeted?"
She clears her throat. "I… will compensate you."
"Damn right you will."
"One wish. Anything. I'll even throw in reincarnation to another world."
I cross my arms. "Alright. Then I want a system. The best. The kind that lets me crush entire sects by blinking."
She hesitates.
She smiles.
But it's that 'I'm about to ruin your whole life politely' kind of smile.
"Done," she says.
---
⚡ Three Seconds Later – Cultivation World, Outer Sect Toilet Shack ⚡
> Ding!
[Welcome, Host, to the Sovereign Ascension System Deluxe Infinity Prime™!]
(Note: Name is purely decorative. This system has no customer support.)
> [System Perk: Rewards will be… "adjusted" due to licensing issues.]
[Original Reward: Heaven-Rank Weapon ➤ SOLD to another system. You get: 1x Moldy Biscuit.]
I blink at the floating screen in front of me.
I'm wearing shabby robes.
I'm holding a mop.
And the smell? Let's just say the "Spiritual Latrines" haven't been cleaned in decades.
> [First Mission: Clean the toilets.]
[Time Limit: 1 hour.]
[Refusal Penalty: You explode.]
...I want a refund.
But I can't go back.
The goddess sent me here out of petty revenge.
And this system?
It's not broken by accident.
It was made to torment me.
---
😈 But Here's the Thing…
They gave me trash.
They laughed.
They thought I'd suffer.
But I'm going to flip the script.
I'll scam this system. Trick it. Bribe it. Exploit it.
And if I ever find that goddess again?
I'll ask for an even worse system just to piss her off.
Because I'm Arin.
And I may be lazy, sarcastic, weak, and incredibly annoying…
But I'm also the last person you should have given a system to.
Especially this one.
---
[Welcome to "God Gave Me Trash System Because I Annoyed Her"]
A cultivation comedy where one sarcastic MC, one petty goddess, and one totally rigged system start a revolution neither Heaven nor Hell is ready for.